Lost in Silence (The Lost Series Book 1) (22 page)

“What kind of man does that, says those beautiful words and then doesn’t call?” my frustrations of the last week finally bubbles over. “I need to know he’s all right.”

“I’m sure he is just fine darlin’,” Bobbi reaches over and squeezes my hand.

“I know but it’s frustrating,” my killer buzz is fading fast and I’m starting to feel the knot return into the middle of my chest. “I told him I loved him.”

“You did?” Missy squeals excitedly. “What did he say?”

“Nothing, which is fine, I didn’t expect him to say it back but he seemed alright with it,” I explain, staring down at my fingers. They aren’t flying wildly with movement, another thing that’s changed with me. “At least I thought he was but maybe he wasn’t. I mean, why else would he cut me out like this?”

“Alice, honey, it’s always like this when he goes on a job” Missy explains, sitting down next to me. She looks at me with a sad smile.

“It’s easier for him, for all of them actually, to concentrate on the job,” Annabelle, whom I’ve come to adore since meeting this evening, cuts in. She’s the only woman whose eyes aren’t filled with pity. “It’s hard for them if they have to worry about what’s going on at home. I’m not surprised you haven’t heard from him honestly, it means he trusts his brothers to do their job so he can do his.”

I stare at her for a moment, taking in her calm and collected self. She may be the oldest of our group but I could see her heart was young. I appreciated her honesty and I was surprised to find how much it helped.

“I’m a mess, aren’t I?” I ask Annabelle, needing her honesty.

“I wouldn’t say that, given this is probably all new for you. Now you have a better understanding of things and the way of it,” she nods, placing her hands on her hips and smiles. “The alcohol hasn’t helped your emotions tonight but don’t feel bad.”

“I feel better talking to you all,” I giggle, wiping my nose on a napkin. “Probably doesn’t help I’ve never had a drink before tonight.”

“Nope, but with all said and done, we need to get you another drink and Missy needs to break out that damn karaoke machine,” she laughs, lifting her glass. “I’m in the mood for a little Elvis tonight.”

I laugh, noting how the demeanor of the room has changed back to the lighthearted mood it once was. I felt better, closer to these women. I just couldn’t help worrying what saying goodbye to them would be like, if Hudson returned and didn’t want me after all.

Hudson

Later that night…

 I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Every waking moment that wasn’t filled with family business, was filled with Alice and those three words she said before we fell asleep. At first, I didn’t think I’d heard her right but I had. There was no mistaking those three words.

 Yes, I panicked. I let my fears consume me, causing me to make up some stupid plan to ignore her for the duration of my trip. I convinced myself we needed this time to sort things out. It was one the stupidest ideas I’ve had in a long time. All I learned was how much of an idiot I was thinking it up. I’m completely in love with her and could give two shits if I’m not the right man for her. I’d spend the rest of my life trying to become that man for her and when I fall short, I’ll find a way to make it up to her. If she gives me the opportunity after what I’ve put her through.

I wanted to call her but everything has been so fucked up since I arrived, I haven’t had the time. Devlin was right. The family was questioning my commitment to them and whether or not Erik’s information was right. I managed to convince them he was wrong so far, but it hasn’t been easy. My hands are covered in blood for them and the only thing keeping me sane was knowing the blood I spilt was far from innocent.

I was on my way back from yet another test, quietly sitting in my provided vehicle, while my driver watched for any reason to doubt my allegiance. The stench of blood soaked into my clothes and skin, its coppery scent chokes me. The urge to puke rolls through my body and I struggle to resist it and keep my jaw tense, my breathing even. My life depended on it.

 The familiar street tells me I’m nearly home. Home being the shithole motel they dropped me off at six days ago. It wasn’t a big deal, usually, but I had a hard time stomaching this place. Screams echo down the breezeway at all hours, men and women of all ages coming and going to various rooms, even the smell bothered me. Something was off about this place and I couldn’t put my finger on it.

 The black Mercedes slows, stopping just shy of the drive way.

“You’ll be contacted,” my driver says, unlocking the doors.

I give him a quick nod and climb out of the car. I refuse to look back as I  jog all the way to my motel room. I fish the key out of my pocket, let myself in and lock the door behind me. I cross to the bathroom, barely making it over the toilet before losing the contents of my stomach. A few moments later, I stand in the scalding hot water, the olive green bath tub looks like a Christmas explosion as the blood washes off my body.

 After an hour of scrubbing my skin, I fall into bed desperate for sleep. I need my brain to shut done but it isn’t going to happen. I roll off the bed and onto my feet. Unable to hold back anymore, I pull back the loose board in the wall and to get my burner phone. Every night this week, I stared at it for hours, desperate to hear her voice. Tonight is no different.

I open my email application to do my routine check in with King but I can’t bring myself to type the memorized phrase, telling him I was alright and breathing.
No, I need to hear how Alice is and instead of calling her, I dial King’s number. He answers immediately.

“Everything alright?” his gruff voice comes onto the line.

“Is she doing okay?” I ask barely holding my emotions back.

“She’s fine,” he doesn’t hesitate with his answer, which means one of two things. Either she really is fine or he’s practiced the words more than once.

“King,” I warn.

“She’s fine,” he repeats. “She got drunk.”

“Margarita Monday,” I sigh exhaustedly, rubbing my eyes, remembering what day of the week it is. “How drunk?”

“By the time I got there, she could barely stand,” Kingston chuckles. “Did you know the girl never had a drop of liquor before tonight?”

“She was only nineteen when she married the stalker, too young to drink.”

“That never stopped us growing up,” he has a point but then again he doesn’t know Alice’s history the way I do.

“She was very sheltered.”

“Damn,” he breathed. “She misses you brother.”

“I miss her too,” I admit, knowing King would only take a jab when I was face to face. Right now, he’d try to remain supportive. I had a job to do and he needed my focus here.

“Are you doing alright?”

“I’m fine,” I lie. He knows the truth though. This job isn’t easy and missing her isn’t helping.

“They still got you running?”

“Yeah, hopefully tonight was the end of it.”

“Was it a big one?”

“Huge,” my voice has gone monotone thinking about the job I was assigned tonight. It was bloody and it was tiresome. “When do you think we’re going to be able to roll on this?”

“Soon,” he answers. “They’re prepping. It shouldn’t take more than two or three days more.”   

“Good,” I breathe a small breath of relief. It’s taken too long to nab this one. We took this job weary how intricate it would be, but the payout was too good to pass up. I could live comfortable on the payout for the next year or two, without picking up any more jobs.

“She’s safe Hudson, we’ve got your back,” his voice dips at the end and he pauses. I yawn, feeling lighter than I had before talking with King. “Hang in there.”

“I will,” I close the phone, ending the call. After powering down the burner, I stuff it back into the wall and replacing the loose panel.

I sit back onto the bed, rubbing my head. It was easier hearing she was protected and safe but it still hurts. I should be the one protecting her. A few more days and I will hopefully right this wrong. I will make it up to the both of us. I will tell her how I feel and never let her go.

Alice

Another week passes…

It’s been two weeks since Hudson left and still he hasn’t called me, or anyone for that matter. Beyond his scheduled email check-ins, no one knew anything more. I couldn’t breathe most days, those being the days he was supposed to check-in. Like clockwork, the emails come and I’m the first on King’s list of people to call, a position I battled out with Missy. Tonight, though, I felt lighter and calmer.

Missy called me this morning and instead of our usual movie night, she told me about the Sunday dinner she was planning. Of course, I would go with whatever one of the guys was assigned to me but this meal was going to more like the meal I first shared at her place. A couple of the guys were in town and it was tradition to get together for a meal at Missy’s house. Sort of like a welcome home dinner. I found myself looking forward to it and meeting more of the team.

 
Since I wasn’t allowed to help prep or cook, I sat on a stool in the kitchen visiting with Missy. I didn’t mind it but I would have rather done something a little more productive. The day dragged on and dinner couldn’t get here soon enough but the feeling didn’t last long when the guys arrived one by one. Apparently they congregated while she cooked and did exactly what I spent most of the day doing, watching her. It wasn’t until we were sitting at the dinner table did I suddenly miss him.

“He’d want you to enjoy yourself,” Charlie, a member of the team met only tonight, tells me. His dark eyes were curious and watching. I nod forcefully and my fork clatters to the table.

“You all right Alice?” Dizzy asks. His looks at me with concern. I needed to get out of here before I did or said something I’d regret later. Pushing back my chair, I excused myself to the bathroom, throwing a look over my shoulder asking for privacy. No one moved.

I walked down the hall towards the bathroom, closing the door softly behind me. Turning the water on, I splash some on my face, trying to fight back the tears welling in my eyes. My stomach clenches in agony, I was tired of crying, especially over Hudson. This ache in my chest was becoming too much to carry. Turning the water off, I step back and stare at the woman in the mirror. She’s exhausted and ready to burst at the seams. I know they mean well, every one of the men out there but I was tired of their reassurances. I wanted to go home, pull the blankets over my head and sleep until he comes home.

My stomach growls, reminding me of the dinner I just walked out on and I hang my head, feeling ashamed of my behavior and disrespect. The guys didn’t deserve it, they’d done so much for me.

Shit.

I make straighten myself up and take a few deep calming breaths. Opening to the door to the hallway, I step out and close it softly behind me. The sound of a baritone voice stops me mid-step and my ears strain listening closer.

“I told you, she’s alright. She’s tougher than you think,” the voice laughs quietly. There’s a slight pause before he speaks again.

Is that King?

“She hated not being able to help out today, but you know your sister, there can only be one chief inside her kitchen,” he chuckles again.

Who is he talking to?

“Brother, you need to get your ass home, the boys are getting tired of playing babysitter,” another pause. “Yeah, well, that was before she went and turned all bitchy.”

Is he’s talking about me? Wait, who—Hudson!

He was talking to Hudson about me.

“I told you the other day—”

Hold up!
My mind screams, the glittering bitch I’ve never met rears from the back of my mind. Did he say what I think he said? I step towards the door of the room he currently occupies and cautiously open it. King’s back is to me, so I push the door open further and step inside. I know he’s heard me but he doesn’t react. I walk up behind him, and take the phone out of his hand.

He spins and his eyes pin me. We stand face to face before I realize this was a set up. He wanted me to hear him on the phone. He knew I was in the bathroom and had chosen this exact room next door on purpose.

“King? Hello?”
I can hear Hudson’s voice over the line. My heart swells instantly but I refuse to go soft, not until I’ve said my peace. King nods and takes a step back.

“You selfish son of a bitch,” I hiss into the phone.

“Alice,” Hudson’s deep voice sounds shocked. I don’t care and I don’t want to hear what he has to say.

“How dare you think you have the right to ask about me? You’ve been gone for two weeks and I haven’t heard a single word from you or about you,” I say keeping my voice controlled. Everything I’ve been feeling the last few weeks begins pouring out of me. “I’m out of mind with worry and grief. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I’ve been sick with fear. Maybe he doesn’t have cell phone reception where he is and he’s afraid to use a phone booth because a sniper might attack. Maybe he is trapped in a deep hole in somebody’s basement while the stranger and his yappy dog lowers a bucket full of lotion, all the while yelling at him to put the lotion on.  Maybe he’s...dead, swimming with the fishes. But then if you’re dead, surely we’d have been contacted by some form of law enforcement. That is if there is a body to identify.”

“You’ve been watching too many movies,” he chuckles.

“This isn’t funny Hudson,” I say louder. I’m shaking now as it continues to gush out of me. “I know how crazy I sound, how unattractive this is and maybe that’s why you haven’t called. Truthfully, I know I did something wrong Hudson and you should know I can barely stand to look myself in the mirror right now because as crazy as I feel on the inside, trying to figure it out, I don’t want to see what I look like on the outside.”

“You aren’t crazy, though you might sound a little crazy quoting movie plots to me,” I can still hear the amusement in his voice. He wasn’t taking this serious enough, he needed to.

“Maybe you’ve finally realized what I’ve been telling you all along and you’ve decided I’m not worth it,” I hear the sharp intake of breath but I can’t stop. Years of pent of frustration and heartache push me to keep going. “You promised me. You said you’d never do anything to hurt me. You said you’d never make me cry. You’d never make me feel small and insignificant. You lied.”

“Precious,” he says softly but I won’t have any of it.

“Don’t call me precious,” I bark.

“You’re right.”

“Damn straight I’m right,” I huff and the adrenaline rushes through my body fueling me.
Wait, what?

“I hurt you,” he admits softly, making my breath catch in my chest. I can hear the strain in his voice. “It was wrong of me not to keep in contact with you. That being said, I didn’t do it because I don’t care about you or because you aren’t worth it. You are baby. I didn’t call because...I’m scared and you make me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time, if ever.”

Shit, did he just say what I think he said? How can I stay mad at him after that?

“I miss you,” I whisper, tears burning my eyes. With the anger and fear now purged from my body, I can feel the words as he says them.

“I miss you too,” he replies and I believe him.

“When are you coming home?”

“I was just talking to King about that,” he chuckles. “My flight leaves tomorrow afternoon.”

“Is it over?”

“Until the trial, yes it’s over,” his words send a shiver of elation through me.
He’s coming home tomorrow!
“I told King, I’m putting in for some vacation time.”

“You are?” I ask. My face hurts from the large goofy grin I have plastered to my face. “What are you going to do with all your free time?”

“I can think of a few things,” his voice is now lower, sending shivers throughout my body. I could think of a few things too. “Are you staying with Missy tonight?”

“Yes, it’s movie night,” I say excitedly, bouncing on the balls of my feet. I’ve grown to love movie nights with Missy.

“Oh man, not good,” he jokes and we both laugh.

“Don’t worry, we’re watching a chick flick classic tonight,” I giggle.

“Let me guess,
Pretty Woman
?”

“How did you know?”

“Do you forget who my sister is? She used to make us watch it with her growing up,” I laugh out loud, thinking about him as a young kid being forced to watch one of the world’s greatest romantic comedies of all times. “I’m not a Julia Roberts fan because of it.”

“Oh, darling, I don’t know if I can commit to someone who isn’t a Julia Roberts fan,” I tease him. It’s a lie of course. I don’t think there is anything in the world that would keep me from committing to him.

“Now you really sound like my sister,” he jokes and then I hear him yawn. “Precious, I hate to do this but I’m exhausted.”

“Of course, I understand,” my smile slowly fades. I do understand but it has been so long since I heard his voice, I don’t want to end the call. I missed the sound of him almost as much as I’ve craved him. I can’t wait to have myself wrapped around him again. “What time does your flight get in?”

Forgiving him for the last two weeks was easy because my heart beats only for him. I didn’t want to wallow in misery because he would be home tomorrow, in my arms and the world would be right again.

I felt like I was floating.