Lost in Silence (The Lost Series Book 1) (9 page)

A single tear falls, if only he knew what he is really doing. I don’t know how but if they keep going, Erik will find out and it will lead him right to me. Whoever it is that protects him, always knows when someone is digging and they alert him of it. Those looking usually don’t do it for long because Erik has a way to make his problems disappear. He’s a dangerous man and because I’ve heard conversations with his informant, I’m a liability. This is only one of the reasons why he hunts for me. I know too much about him and the world he lives in. Not that I’d ever tell anyone about it.

I’m not just a plaything to Erik. I’m not just a wife. I’m not just the woman who gets passed around to his friends and business partners for the right price. I’m not just a punching bag to him. I’m not just a piece of property. I’m
everything
to him.

When I first met Erik, he was sweet and kind, nothing like the man I know him to be now. He said all the right things even though he didn’t always do the right things. He could talk me sweet again in minutes no matter how angry I was at him. I thought he was charming and he fed off of it. He made it impossible for me to think of a life without him and I fell head over heels for him. Not because he was the first man to come along in my life, no, I fell in love with him because he taught me how to
live
. He showed me it was all right to do what I wanted and to experience life, something I was denied my whole life.

Now, years later, I know the life he taught me to live wasn’t the life I wanted. In fact, it wasn’t living at all because I was still being controlled. This time it wasn’t my family controlling me, it was him and he did it under the illusion of freedom. He helped create a wedge between my parents and me, hiding behind a series of lies. It was a game to him, a precursor to the main event.

I wanted to marry Erik, just not as soon as we did it. My family and friends thought I was crazy for being with him, let alone wanting to marry him. They saw what game he was playing and didn’t understand how I was blind to it. I thought they were being unsupportive and trying to control me with their opinions and concerns. It was that exact thinking that allowed Erik to push the wedge further between us.

The night before we eloped, he finally agreed to attend a get together hosted by a friend of mine from school. It was a rare occasion for him to attend anything with me. I was over the moon and I truly believed my friends would be more supportive if they could get to know him better. I was wrong. Their treatment of him that night sealed our fate.

I knew no one was happy to see him as soon as we walked through the door but I didn’t let it bother me. They just needed to get to know him. As the night wore on, it got worse. I reached my breaking point after dinner, when Olivia, our hostess, made an off the wall comment about a rumor involving Erik. People were saying he liked to hit women and Olivia wouldn’t let it go. Not even for our friendship. I blew up on her and we walked out. I was done defending my life choices and the man I loved. If my friends and my family couldn’t support me then I didn’t need them. I didn’t need their poison. I walked away from them all.

The next morning we drove to a small wedding chapel as few towns over and got married. Little did I know at the time I was making the biggest mistake of my life. I did learn that night the rumor I defended him against was true.

“Alice, did you hear me?” Hudson’s voice pulls me away from my thoughts. I look up at him confused. I didn’t hear a single word coming from his mouth. “The shower is yours if you want to wash up before heading over to Missy’s for dinner.”

My stomach clenches because I forgot about our dinner plans. I contemplate making an excuse as my nerves settle once again in my stomach but sitting wrapped in his arms made it difficult. I pull away from him, needing the space to figure out what was going on in my head. I walk towards the bedroom, breathing in deeply, my mind in another trance.

Alice

The drive to Missy’s house is uncomfortably quiet. I don’t mind the quiet but Hudson seemed preoccupied and it made me nervous. Thankfully the ride is only two minutes. He wasn’t kidding when he said he lived down the street from her. I desperately need to put more space in between us after this afternoon. It wasn’t that I regretted letting him hold me but it wasn’t good for us. I can’t allow myself to get any closer to him, for both our sakes. So when he puts the truck in park, I quickly open my door and slide out before he can react.

Missy’s house is cute and quaint, nothing like Hudson’s. Her yard is beautifully made up with lots of bright flowers and dark green grass. It reminded me of home, when I was a child. Although it wasn’t my mother out tending the garden, planting the seasonal plants and flowers. No, we hired someone to do it for us. This garden, I had a feeling Missy took pride in and tended to it herself.

“Come on,” Hudson offers me his hand but I don’t take it. Instead, I stare down at the ground and wait for him to pass and lead the way. He hesitates, probably disappointed I wouldn’t touch him but I know I’m doing the right thing. He’ll understand eventually.

I follow him up the walkway and to the bright red door. He knocks, which I find odd because this is his sister’s place and she didn’t exactly wait for an invitation to let herself into his place this morning. I shrug it off. Maybe he’s just being polite.

Missy swings open the door. Her face is bright and flush. “Since when do you knock, brother? Get your ass in here,” she opens her arms wide, Hudson smiles at her and scoops her up into a big hug.

“I missed you too, sis.”

She pulls back and slaps him on the arm. “Took you long enough to admit it,” she laughs, a twinkle in her eye. She looks away from her brother and smiles at me. She grips his arm, I can tell it’s because she wants to greet me the same. She is an extremely affectionate person. “Alice, I’m so happy to see you. You look lovely.”

I nod and sign thank you in sign language.

“You sign?” she asks and her eyes light up.

I shake my head.
No
. It was one of the few signs I remember from a week long study as a child. I never used it before but I want her to know I’m grateful for her hospitality and the new clothing. She picked out some amazing things and it had been so long since I owned anything nice or new. I wasn’t allowed such extravagances with Erik. There wasn’t a need since I wasn’t allowed clothing.

“Well, I’m sure we’ll find a way to talk, get some girl time in,” she winks. I return her smile and quickly look down at my feet. Her finger hooks under my chin, pulling my face up to her. My instinct is to flinch and pull back but I fight it. “Don’t do that Alice. Never look down. I’m no better than you. We’re the same.”

My face pales.
How did she know?
My eyes fly to Hudson, he’s staring at me with understanding and warmth. I can read his thoughts. He knows why I look down, he doesn’t like it anymore than Missy but he’s more afraid of frightening me, which is why he hasn’t said anything about it. He’s right but only because I’m more afraid of him than Missy.

“Missy,” a voice calls from inside the voice. A male voice, one I don’t know. I pull away from her instantly and step back. “Is it them?”

“Just a second,” Missy watches me nervously. “I invited a few friends. I hope that’s all right.”

“Missy,” Hudson’s voice is low. His face darkens, making Missy fidget.

“I invited them before I knew you were bringing Alice home,” she shrugs, trying to keep her face masked. I canread between the lines, she didn’t know about my aversion to people.

“You should’ve called and canceled,” he whispers harshly, trying to keep his voice down. I wonder if he told her about me when she dropped my new clothing off.

“Hudson, I already ordered the cake and the food,” she explains, watching me instead of her brother. “I’m sorry Alice. I didn’t think it through. If you guys want to leave I’ll understand.”

I shake my head.
No, we will stay
.

I don’t know where the courage comes from but I step towards her. Yes, I’m scared out of my mind and I’m not sure what I was exactly it is I’m agreeing to but I had to trust they wouldn’t put me in a bad spot. I need to learn to trust them, so I decided to push away any fear I felt and trudge on. Missy looks at her brother with an apologetic smile but he glares down at her. I cringe. I don’t want him to be mad at her. She did the right thing. I’m the one with the problem.

He steps toward me but I put a hand up stopping him. He clasps my hand loosely, his eyes searching mine. “You don’t have to do this. They’ll understand.”

His words were all I needed to hear to know I could get through this. I knew these men would be good to me and it helped knowing I would have Hudson’s unconditional support if I decide it’s too much and need to bail. But I need to do this. I need to overcome my fears.

Stepping past him, I move into the house.

*****

Hudson

Missy was only thinking with her heart and for that, I can’t stay angry at her. She invited my brothers to dinner, the men who know me best. The men who I know will take one look at the woman by my side and protect her until their last breath. Even Kingston, although I know I’ll hear shit about the situation because she’s a distraction, one I can’t afford this late in my assignment. He’ll ride my ass because he’s my boss but also because it’s what he does.

When we walk into the house I expect to be bombarded with greetings. Instead, my brothers are standing on the other side of the room, plenty of distance between us and them. Concern etched into their faces and knowledge in their eyes. My sister told them about Alice.

“Alice,” I grab her hand and pull her close. She’s tense. Her eyes are on the large men in the room. A flash of fear crosses her face but it disappears quickly. She recognizes some of their faces from the photo. “This is my team, well some of them.”

She looks at me gives me a small smile. No trace of fear or discomfort showing on her face. Curiosity and respect shines through her eyes. It was the same look she had on her face when she first saw the group photo on my mantle. Alice steps towards the guys, eagerly now. I follow behind and begin introductions. They meet us halfway, careful to maintain a respectable distance. Even though we are missing a few faces for various reasons, I’m grateful to have them here with us and strangely proud to have her meet them.

“This guy here is Damien Reynolds but we call him Dizzy,” I introduce the closest to us. He takes a step forward and Alice sticks her hand out. Missy gasps. I watch dumbfounded. This is unexpected.

“Very nice to meet you Alice,” Dizzy takes her hand carefully, his smile big. He lets Alice control the contact. It was brief but only because she is onto the next. Sidestepping Dizzy, she moves closer to the guys.

“This is Austin Miller, we call him Marley,” she takes his hand too, an even bigger smile on her face now. For a moment, my gut clenches, as jealousy consumes me. The smile she gives Marley makes me want to punch him square in the jaw. Alice drops his hand just as quickly as she did with Dizzy and moves on, even more eager. I push aside the green monster boiling inside of me to keep up with her.

“This is Jerrod Rios or as we like to call him, Zero,” I glare at him. Fuck, Zero was the pretty boy of the group. His nickname represents the number of women who turn him down. Zero meets my eyes, reading the warning and quickly looks away. She shakes his hand tightly and I swear she would have yanked his arm out of the socket if he hadn’t been a rock of a man.

I look up to see Bear standing in front of us next. His eyes meet mine and I tense, nervous to see his reaction of her. Bear hasn’t been the same since our last mission. Hell, none of us have been but it was different for Bear. I know he isn’t a threat to anyone here but his cold demeanor can be off putting, especially to someone like Alice. She steps toward him, nothing cautious about her behavior. He sticks his hand out to greet her but his blank face makes her stops.

“Alice, this is Bear,” I say softly but she isn’t paying attention to me anymore. Her vibrant smile fades as she stares up at Bear. A few moments pass before she abruptly steps into him. Worried she might reach out and wrap her arms around him, I brace myself, ready to protect her if necessary. She doesn’t. She lifts her hand and gently places it on Bear’s face, she stills. Bear tenses under her touch but he makes no move to disconnect her. Their eyes rest on each other. Piercing one another.

The air in the room grows heavy with each passing second but their bodies are immune to it. Already in a position to protect her, I can do nothing but wait while the others stand wide eyed watching the pair. They’re in as much disbelief as I am. Bear drops his head and closes his eyes, leaning into her touch. He takes a deep shuddering breath, as she runs her thumb across his cheek.

A moment more before she drops her hand and steps back, a single tear falls down her face. Bear swiftly turns and walks out of the room. He exits the house through the kitchen and the sound of an engine roaring to life is all we hear before he drives away. Bear is gone.

Before any of us can react, Alice has wiped away her tear and is now standing in front of King with a new smile on her face. King returns her smile and thrusts his hand out to her.

“Kingston Cole,” he introduces himself before my brain and mouth connect. Leave it to King to recover faster than the rest of us. “The guys call me King.”

I release a nervous laugh, tucking her to my side once again. This night was a surprise for both of us and she handled it better than I imagined she would. She placed herself outside her comfort zone tonight. She stood in front of some of the toughest and most dangerous men I know, bringing the biggest one to a stillness I hadn’t see since before the accident and she did it all with a smile. Maybe she could come out the other side of what she’s gone through with only the scars to prove it happened after all. Tonight gave me hope for her.

“Thank you for meeting us,” King’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts and back into the moment. Alice was beaming and truthfully, so was I.

*****

Alice

When I first walked into the room and saw the group of huge men standing in wait I’m not going to lie, I wanted to run, to panic and to get the hell out of there as fast as I could. I would have too but Hudson reached over, grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him. I felt safe with him near, and really what did I have to fear of the men before me? I recognized the big brawny, intimidating lot standing across from me after a few moments. Even before he told me they were members of Hudson’s team. Their faces were older versions of the ones staring back at me earlier from the photo on his mantel.

I could tell Hudson was happy to see them but I also saw the caution in his eyes. The caution wasn’t for me, it was for them. He was warning them. My heart clenched, not used to being protected like this. I didn’t need him to worry about me. I wanted to be there. I wanted to meet these men. Yes, I was nervous but as they approached me, cautiously, something came over me and I embraced it.

Meeting them, one by one, helped whatever nerves I hadn’t been able to calm myself. And if I’m honest, I was in awe of each man as he stood before me. Their strength and honor shined bright and it helped they were easy on the eyes. It was like someone made a batch of hot guy cookies using a quarter cup of disturbingly sexy, a pinch of ‘is this real’ and a handful of ‘I need to change my panties’. Combined it all together and baked it at the hottest temperature possible. Still none of them affected me the way Hudson did.

The biggest of the group did something to me and not because he was devastatingly handsome, which he was. Looking at him, face to face, something about him felt kindred. I saw it in his eyes, an emotion he barely bothered to mask. It was something he carried everywhere with him. A punishment of sorts. Something I recognized easily because I too carried something like it with me. Bear, is what Hudson called him, didn’t feel worthy of this world and it broke my heart because I knew the self loathing he experienced.

I knew there were no words to comfort him and even if I could’ve given them to him, it wouldn’t have helped. Instead, I gave him what I could in the silence we shared. I let him see everything I’ve kept hidden, hoping he’ll see he wasn’t alone. I expected him to pull away from my touch but he didn’t. He let me in, he let me see the darkness swirling around him. It was strong and I knew it had something to do with his service and the men standing around him. They were all affected by it in some way, but Bear, his wound ran much deeper. And because of who I am, I took it and he walked away knowing he wasn’t alone anymore.

After I pulled away from him, I knew he had given too much of himself. He turned and walked away out of fear. He’s kept his distance from everyone for a long time, I’m pretty sure not even his brother’s standing beside him knows exactly what he’s going through. He left because the dam he built was cracking.

The urge to run after him was strong but there was nothing more I could do for him until he was ready to face it. Stepping towards the last man in the group, I smiled knowing he’s the one Hudson’s been the most worried about. The light in his eyes told me it was all for nothing.

Dinner was exceptional and the rest of the night went off without a hitch. Missy’s a fabulous cook and very loved by the men at her table. She mothered them all, except Kingston. I could tell something was different between the two of them. They barely glanced each other’s way and no one else seemed to notice.