Longing (6 page)

DeMetri was on one knee, and now, one by one, the others did the same thing. And there it was — a picture for the newspaper, the shot for
Sports Illustrated,
proof that long after tonight, this Lyle Buckaroos championship team would be remembered. Not for who they were.

But for whose they were.

Tears and shouts of praise filled the moment, and then the guys stood once more and circled DeMetri in a group huddle. Only after they celebrated the moment together did the guys jog back to the fifty-yard line, where a throng of media and fans awaited them. They had done it. His players had allowed God to change them, allowed Him to work miracles in their lives and through them. And now God in His strength and for His glory had given them this:

A place in history.

They had done it; they had beaten Whitinsville Christian for the state title. Cody exhaled, soaking in the moment. Memorizing it. Then just as quickly his thoughts shifted. And even as he began answering questions from reporters, he caught himself distracted, scanning the audience. Because with the game behind him, he could finally think of the reality: Bailey Flanigan here with her family.

And whether in the coming minutes they might finally see each other face-to-face.

B
AILEY WAS ON HER FEET LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN HER FAMILY,
everyone in the stands. He’d done it! He’d taken the winless Buckaroos and won state. They’d gone from last place in their league to state champions — something no one in Indiana had ever done before. She clasped her hands and brought them to her face. Her brothers jumped around, high-fiving and hugging their dad and each other.

But Bailey felt a quiet come over her. She watched Cody and him alone. Earlier she had seen Cheyenne, of course. And again Bailey was struck by her beauty, how she looked striking in a tailored pea coat, so different from the badly injured victim she’d been in the hospital bed the last time Bailey saw Cody. Cheyenne had come for him, no question. But in those early moments after the Flanigans had first arrived at the field, Bailey was aware of just one thing.

Cody’s presence. And it had been the same way for him, aware of only her.

No matter how strong her feelings for Brandon, the intensity of her emotions here tonight caught her off guard and took her by surprise. Every few seconds throughout the game she’d catch herself looking at him, watching him. Wondering at her feelings and remembering all they’d shared over the years. The journey they’d been through. For years she had longed for him, and now … now she wasn’t sure what she felt, but whatever her feelings, they were stronger than she’d expected. Being here, breathing the
same air, made her miss him like she hadn’t missed him in a year. In the quiet of her inner thoughts, and with the celebration swirling around her, Bailey tried to analyze all this, but she couldn’t put her emotions into words.

“Let’s go see him!” Ricky stayed worked up, celebrating the victory. “Come on, Dad.” He reached for their father. “Let’s go.”

“Hold on.” Jim laughed and folded his arms. “We need to wait. Let the reporters get what they want, let the crowd die down.”

Ricky thought that through, and he nodded fast. “Good idea. Then we get Cody to ourselves.”

Bailey heard the conversation, but she was still lost in the moment, watching Cody field requests from the media and smile for dozens of photos. He hadn’t really been a true friend to her, right? So why was she missing him so much, now? She narrowed her eyes, wishing she could see into his heart. Had he really moved on so easily?

“Hey.” Connor leaned close to her. “You look like you’re in a trance.”

“I feel like it.” She turned to him. “I mean … I don’t get it. Why Cody walked away.”

An alarmed look came over Connor’s expression. “Bailey … you have a
boyfriend.”

“I know.” She pictured how wonderful she’d felt last night, sitting next to Brandon near the fire. The way he’d surprised her, the way he’d treated her like a gentleman should. Brandon communicated like no guy she’d ever known and he was always aware of her feelings. “I love him.” She searched her brother’s eyes. “I do. He’s amazing.”

“Yeah.” Connor glanced at the field, where the crowd around Cody was finally thinning. “Remind yourself of that in a few minutes.”

“You like Brandon better than Cody?” Bailey was surprised.
Cody had coached Connor. He’d been part of their family for years, after all.

“It’s not that simple. I love Cody. We all do.” Connor raked his hands through his dark hair, confusion clouding his eyes as well. “It’s just … he walked away, Bailey. After how Brandon looked at you yesterday at dinner, what he said … I don’t know, I have a feeling he would never do that.”

She nodded slowly, thoughtfully. “I agree.”

The stadium emptied all around them and before Connor could respond or continue the conversation, their dad stood. “Okay, let’s head on down.”

Bailey’s heart pounded harder than it had at any point during the game. As they stood to leave, her mother hung back and walked beside her. “How’re you doing?”

She could never hide her heart from her mother. “I’m good.” She smiled, not wanting her deeper thoughts exposed for now. “I’m happy they won.”

“Bailey …” Jenny slowed and looked straight into her eyes. “I know you better than that.”

Bailey looked down, not sure what to say or how to say it. She stopped and faced her mom. “I couldn’t take my eyes off him.”

The rest of the family headed up a concrete flight of stairs toward a tunnel that would take them to the field.

“I know.” Her mom brushed her fingers briefly against Bailey’s cheek. “I watched you.” Sadness lined her face.

“But remember this.” Bailey felt the fight return to her. “Cody walked away. It was his decision.”

Her own words spoke strength to her soul, strength and resolution. Cody was no longer part of her life. He would only be a friend who had willingly walked out of her life. An old friend. The guy who held her yesterdays.

They reached the field, but as they headed toward Cody — now only fifteen feet away from them — Bailey saw something out
of the corner of her eye. As she turned she saw Cheyenne and a joyful looking pretty black woman headed straight for Cody. Bailey stopped short and put her hand on her mother’s shoulder. “Go ahead. Give me the keys and I’ll wait for you in the Suburban.”

“Bailey, maybe it’d be better if you met her.” Her mom wanted only the best for her, but the idea sounded crazy.

“I don’t want to see him with her.” Bailey felt panic rise up within her. She wanted to be gone before Cody spotted them, before he could look at her again, and take her breath the way he had earlier. “Please, Mom.”

Her mother sighed and reached into her purse. Once she had the keys she handed them over to Bailey. “We’ll be there in five minutes.”

“Take your time.” Bailey didn’t mind her family maintaining their friendship with Cody. But she couldn’t possibly stand with them and pretend to be happy about Cheyenne’s presence. Not when she had no closure over why he’d walked away and chosen someone else. Which was maybe why she had reacted so strongly to seeing him again tonight. No closure.

But before she could turn away, Cody looked over his shoulder. Almost as if he could sense her running. The same way he had run a year ago. Once again, their eyes met, like magnet and steel they found each other. Bailey broke contact first. Cody’s girlfriend waited a few feet away. And her boyfriend was at home waiting for her call. She had no business being here looking at him, let alone talking to him. Without waiting another moment she turned and headed up the tunnel.

She walked to the SUV, slid into the backseat, and stared at the black sky over Bloomington. Her family joined her ten minutes later, and Ricky squinted his eyes at her. “Why didn’t you stay? Cody wanted to see you.”

“He was busy.” She worked to sound lighthearted about the matter.

“What?” Ricky was completely baffled. The struggles between Cody and Bailey had gone unnoticed by Ricky — other than the obvious: the fact that Bailey dated Brandon now. Ricky took the spot beside her and made a confused face. “He kept looking back at the tunnel. Like he was waiting for you.” Ricky sounded upset. “You didn’t even tell him congratulations.” He shook his head. “That’s crazy.”

The boys climbed in, filling every empty seat. In the front, her parents took their places and after a few seconds her dad looked at her in the rearview mirror. “Ricky’s right.” His tone was kind, but he also seemed confused by Bailey’s actions. “People kept coming up and saying hello, telling him what a great game it was, but it was like he couldn’t focus.” He paused, his eyes on hers. “Clearly he wanted to talk to you, honey.”

Bailey shrugged one shoulder. “I didn’t want to be in the way.”

Her mom glanced back, as if she didn’t buy the argument.

On the way home, the conversation shifted when Ricky launched into a replay of the game. The chatter gave Bailey a chance to analyze her behavior. She probably should’ve walked up and talked to him like everyone else. That shouldn’t have been too tough, right? The fact that she couldn’t stay had to mean something.

Bailey just wasn’t sure what.

When they were home, her mom pulled her aside. “He might come over. I wanted you to know.”

“Who?”

“Cody.” Her mom’s look almost pleaded with her. “He talked to me before we left. Asked if it would be okay if he stopped by … if it would be crossing any lines.”

“Mom!” Bailey felt immediately frustrated. “It crosses every line.” She sighed out loud. “You should’ve told him no.”

“Honey …” Jenny looked over her shoulder. “The boys don’t
know. This is between you and Cody, but I really think you need to talk.”

“Why?” Like yesterday, she hated being short with her mom, but somehow it seemed like her mom would only be happy if she and Cody got back together. “Mom, we’re dating other people. I don’t see the point.”

“Even as a friend … if he wants to talk to you, I think you should hear him out.”

Bailey forced herself to relax. “You mean well.” She allowed a weak smile. “If he comes by, I’ll talk to him. But I really wish you would have discouraged it.”

“I’m sorry … I did what I thought was best.” Her mom smiled, her eyes deep. “Maybe this will be the closure you’re looking for.”

“Maybe.”

For a long while her mom looked at her, loving her, caring about the hurt in Bailey’s voice. Finally she gave Bailey a quick hug. “If he comes … I’ll be praying. For both of you.”

“Okay.” She smiled again. “I’m going out front now. So I can call Brandon.”

The boys were congregated in the TV room to catch the local news and the highlights from Cody’s title game. Bailey squeezed her mom’s hand and then headed for the porch. She dialed Brandon as soon as she was outside.

“Hey …” The joy in his voice made her heart dizzy. Brandon cared. He loved her like no one ever had. “How was the game?”

“Great.” Her answer was quick and a little too upbeat. “Cody’s team won by a touchdown.”

“Really? That’s awesome. He’s got to be one of the only coaches to take a high school team from winless to an undefeated state title.”

“Yeah. The only coach in Indiana history.”

“That’s fantastic.” Brandon’s confidence was attractive. He
simply trusted that her feelings were for him. Period. “Did you congratulate him?”

“No. He was busy.” She hesitated and squeezed her eyes shut. “But my mom told him he could stop by later. So, yeah … we’ll see.” There. She’d said it. Because she wouldn’t lie — not now or ever. Honesty was the glue in any relationship.

“You think he will?”

“Probably. We haven’t talked in forever.”

His silence lasted ten seconds. “Okay.”

“I think it’s good. The two of us never really had closure.”

Brandon could’ve said a lot of things in that moment. From the beginning he had teased Bailey that Cody didn’t exist. Cody who had never come around the set of
Unlocked,
never showed his face at the premiere, or at Bailey’s house the times Brandon was over. He could’ve said some quick remark about how the two of them hadn’t only missed out on closure — they’d missed out on the kind of relationship that might actually require it. But instead he kept his tone even, kept it rich with assurance and faith that she was telling the truth. “Then you go ahead and talk to him, Bailey.”

“It’s nothing.” Her heart hurt with the depth of Brandon’s kindness. “You believe me, right?”

Brandon chuckled. “If you’re asking me whether I’m crazy about the idea that my girlfriend is about to have a late-night talk with her old boyfriend, then
no.
I’m not crazy about it.” He waited, until the easy laughter faded from his voice. “But if you’re asking whether I trust you, the answer is
yes.
I absolutely trust you, Bailey.”

“Thanks.” Her voice sounded more somber than she meant it to. “That means a lot.” Guilt ran a quick course through her veins. She had no ulterior motive, no plans to do or say anything that would betray Brandon. But if he could’ve read her heart during the game—when she couldn’t take her eyes off Cody—she might have some explaining to do. Not only to him, but to herself.

“Well, then … I’ll let you go.”

No, she wanted to say. “I don’t want you to.” Her tone lightened and grew serious all at the same time. “Please don’t let me go.”

“I won’t, baby.” No doubts lived in his answer. None at all. “Go have your talk. Text me tomorrow when you wake up.”

“Okay.” She felt lost and unsure. If she were stronger she should’ve told her mother to call Cody and stop the visit. She wouldn’t talk to him, wouldn’t meet with him if she had a backbone. Not after how he’d walked away. Not when she had a boyfriend who deserved her undivided attention. She exhaled and her shoulders slumped forward a little, like someone was pressing down on them. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” His smile sounded in his tone. “Hey …”

She hated this, hated how she felt. “What?”

“I love you.”

Hearing him say the words … knowing he’d never said them to anyone but her made her even more conflicted. “I love you too.”

The call ended and Bailey sat in silence, staring at the long dark driveway in front of the house she grew up in.

What am I doing, God? Why am I allowing this talk?

No answer drifted across her heart except one. A Scripture she’d read that morning in her time with God. Romans 8:28:

I work all things to the good for those who love me.

Bailey thought about that.
All things.
That meant the conversation with Cody would somehow wind up being a good thing. Because there was nothing inherently wrong with it, and Brandon had even given his blessing. So she had nothing to feel guilty about. They would share a conversation, nothing more.

But if that were true then Bailey had no explanation for one thing.

The way her heart reacted when Cody’s truck came over the hill.