Longing (3 page)

“I don’t know.” Brandon pretended to be suddenly nervous. “You people are serious.”

“Yes.” Bailey’s mom grinned. “Would you expect anything less than a competition from a coach?”

Bailey watched the exchange. Brandon shouldn’t have worried about fitting in. He came across fun and affable and kind, and his new faith was deeper than before. He couldn’t quite yet take Cody’s place among her brothers, but he definitely fit in.

Her dad chose Justin to go first, and Bailey watched her brother sit up a little straighter. “Okay.” He grinned, taking his time and enjoying having the floor for a moment. “I’m thankful Connor decided to play football for Clear Creek. I love having my older brother as quarterback.” Justin sat back in his chair, satisfied. “How was that?”

Around the table Bailey and her family held up their fingers showing a score for Justin’s answer. Everyone had both hands up: perfect tens — even from Brandon, who was picking up on the rules as they went along. “Great answer, son.” Their dad looked at Connor. “It’s been good for all of us, watching Connor play. Next year, who knows? Maybe he’ll try out for
American Idol
and make it to Hollywood.”

Connor had planned to try out last summer, but football hadn’t allowed him enough time. This was his last year of high school, so their dad was right. Connor was headed for Liberty University to study music, but there was no telling what God had planned for him.

Ricky went next. “I’m thankful Mom still takes time to write notes for my lunch box.” He gave her a lopsided smile. “I know I’m getting old, but I still love opening my bag and seeing your note inside.”

“Notes?” Brandon’s tone softened. “What do they say?”

“She writes them on Scripture cards.” Ricky clearly appreciated their mom’s practice. “Verses like, ‘I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength,’ from Philippians. And then on the back she says stuff like, ‘I’m proud of you,’ or ‘Keep trying because God is working in your life.’ Things like that.”

“She did those for all of us until we reached high school.” Connor smiled at their mom. “Now we eat hot lunch.”

“But she still leaves us notes.” Shawn looked at Brandon. “On our pillows.”

“Or in our gear bag before football.” BJ’s expression showed that he, too, was thankful for the way their mom made them feel special.

“Okay, so we’ll just assume that’s a perfect ten for Ricky’s answer.” Their dad kissed their mom on the cheek. “I’m thankful too. For the way you love our kids.”

“Hey, not fair.” Justin jumped to his feet. “That’s a repeat.”

Their dad laughed. “That’s not my answer. Just the truth.”

They worked their way around the table and when it came to Bailey, her answer was easy. “I’m thankful for the lessons God has taught me in New York.” She looked straight at Brandon. “And I’m thankful Brandon could be with us today.” She wanted to say she was thankful for his love, but her brothers didn’t know how serious things had gotten between them. Yesterday Ricky even asked if Cody might stop by for dessert after Thanksgiving dinner. Bailey needed more time before her family could know how thoroughly her heart had moved on.

Their mom was thankful Bailey lived with an older couple who loved God, and that she’d made a smooth transition to her life in New York City, and her dad was thankful the Indianapolis Colts were winning on the efforts of Matt Keagan, the quarterback whose faith was legendary in the NFL.

“Didn’t you use that one last year?” BJ squinted teasing eyes at their dad.

“Nope. No I did not.” He shook his head, trying to look serious. “Last year I was thankful for twenty-five years of marriage to your most wonderful mother.” He nodded in her direction. “Isn’t that right?”

“Definitely.” She tilted her head, enjoying the moment. “I can vouch for that.”

“Okay, then.” Their dad tossed his hands in the air and smirked in BJ’s direction. “Can I get a round of tens on that answer?”

BJ still didn’t look convinced, but he gave their dad a ten for his answer, and everyone else followed suit.

It was Brandon’s turn to share, and he took a deep breath. “Wow … so many things I could say.” He hesitated and Bailey quickly realized he wasn’t at a loss for words. Rather he was caught up in the scene, moved by his many emotions. Seeing the confident Brandon Paul this vulnerable — the way she’d seen him only a few times — always made Bailey care for him twice as much. He found control before the moment could feel awkward. “All right.” He was still struggling, but his focus was back. “I could say so much. But here you go. I’m thankful to be part of your family this Thanksgiving, and,” he raised his brow at Bailey’s mom, “I’m thankful for the best turkey I’ve ever eaten.”

A ripple of laughter came from around the table. “Brandon, come on.” Ricky leaned around Bailey and met Brandon’s eyes. “That sounded like a movie script. You’re making the rest of us look bad.”

“Just being real …” Brandon chuckled and the sound relieved the emotion from a moment earlier. “You guys make it easy.”

Ricky thought about that for a long moment. “You have a point.” He sat back and lifted one shoulder. “Go ahead then, I guess.”

Bailey and her family laughed. “No one does the grateful game crazier than us.” Bailey turned to Brandon. “Are you done?”

His emotions were fully in control now, and Brandon waited for his own laughter to subside. “Just one more thing.” He looked at Bailey. “I’m thankful for Bailey, that God has used her to show me what real love is.”

Bailey’s heart melted, and she held her breath. From around the table she caught the looks from her brothers and even her dad. Only her mom didn’t seem surprised by the intensity of Brandon’s answer. If her dad and brothers hadn’t known how serious things were between her and Brandon, they knew now.

Her mom seemed to sense the mixed feelings in the room. “Brandon … we’re very happy for you and Bailey.” She reached across the table and covered Brandon’s hand with her own. “And we’re glad you could be with us today.”

“Thanks.” If Brandon knew the ambivalence Bailey’s brothers probably felt, he didn’t let on. “Your kindness … it isn’t something I take for granted.”

Ricky grinned at Brandon. “I think I speak for everyone when I say officially that answer was a ten.” He pointed at the others.

“Yes?”

“Absolutely!” Connor took the lead. “Brandon loves our sister. That’s at least a ten!”

“At least!” Justin clinked his glass against Connor’s, and as he did a small wave of lemon water sloshed onto his plate.

Everyone laughed once more as the mood lightened, and the others flashed tens in Brandon’s direction. If they felt a sadness in Brandon’s declaration, if they missed Cody Coleman, they were nice enough to hide their feelings. They liked Brandon, after all. None of them would’ve wanted him to feel anything but accepted.

Shawn was last. He stuck his chest out and grinned. “I can handle going last this year, because I have the
perfect
answer.”

“This better be good.” Their dad crossed his arms, his eyes twinkling.

“I’m thankful Cody is coaching Lyle in the state playoffs, and that the game is tomorrow right here in Bloomington!”

Bailey tried not to react. Cody’s championship game was tomorrow? Here in their hometown? She shot a look at her mom, and the glance they shared told Bailey her mom figured she knew about the game. Suddenly Bailey remembered hearing something about it in the last few weeks. But she mustn’t have given it much thought because she never planned to stay past Friday morning after Thanksgiving.

“The game’s tomorrow?” Brandon looked at Bailey. He seemed unfazed, relaxed as much as before Shawn’s statement. A smile warmed his eyes. “I guess I didn’t know.”

Bailey wanted to pause the moment and explain that she hadn’t thought to tell him because she didn’t know she’d be here for the game. Her
Hairspray
director had given her the weekend off only at the last minute. But there was no way to explain that. Not right now.

“You’re going too, right?” Shawn turned his attention to Brandon. “Everyone’s going.”

“Actually, no.” Again Brandon’s eyes didn’t give anything away. “I’m flying out after midnight tonight. Meetings in LA tomorrow morning.”

Bailey was sure Shawn had come to the table planning to be thankful for Cody’s game. Her brother meant no harm to Brandon.

But still, the laughter around the table faded into an awkward silence.

“Shoot. We wanted you to come.” Even Ricky seemed to sense that things were suddenly uncomfortable.

“Me, too.” Brandon smiled at him, his mood unchanged. “I’m sure it’ll be a great game.”

“Definitely.” Justin looked at Bailey. “But you’re coming, right? You have to.”

Bailey uttered an uncomfortable laugh. “Um … I guess so.” She glanced at Brandon. “I have the weekend off, so sure … probably.”

A long pause followed, and finally her dad clapped his hands a single time and nodded in Shawn’s direction. “Perfect answer. You’re right, son. We’re all thankful Cody’s doing so well. And what a great way to end the Thank You game for another year.”

A chorus of agreement and flashes of ten scores came from the others around the table, and Bailey’s mom stood. “Let’s clear the table.” She sounded almost too happy, but she was doing her best — trying to move past the moment and onto anything other than tomorrow’s football game. “Hot apple pie coming!”

Her pronouncement set everyone in motion — even Brandon. Without looking at Bailey, he collected his plate and silverware and walked alongside Ricky to the kitchen. For the next few minutes Bailey’s youngest brother regaled Brandon with highlights from previous years of the Thank You game. Bailey was glad for the time. She needed to talk to Brandon, needed to explain the situation so he wouldn’t think she’d hidden this from him.

But that didn’t come until after dessert, when her family had cleared their plates once again and this time migrated to the family room to play Pictionary. Until that moment, Brandon had come across happy and unmoved by news of the game. But after dessert they were the last to get up from the table, and as they headed for the kitchen she caught up to him and gently touched his elbow. “Hey …”

“Hey.” He kept walking, but at least their eyes held longer than a few seconds. He rinsed his plate and set it in the open dishwasher and she did the same. He dried his hands on his dark jeans and smiled at her. “I love your family … if I haven’t already said so.”

“Brandon …” His pleasant tone and expression didn’t hide
the questions in his eyes. She knew him too well. “Can we talk? Outside?”

“Sure.” Again he was pleasant, but now she knew for sure that he was being guarded. He took hold of her hand. “Out back?”

“Perfect.” Bailey had spent far too many nights talking to Cody on the front porch. The few times Brandon was here they usually stayed in the backyard. This time was no different. “Let’s light a fire.”

“Okay.” Bailey followed him out past their family swimming pool to the fire pit. She sensed Brandon wasn’t in a major hurry, though he had a car picking him up in an hour or so for the ride to the airport and his private flight back to LA. He got the fire going and then turned to face her. For a long moment he slid his hands in the pockets of his jeans and stared at her, his kind eyes searching hers. Finally he drew in a full breath. “I’m listening.”

“Brandon.” Bailey patted the spot beside her on the double rocking chair. “Sit by me. Please …”

He wasn’t angry, she could tell that much. Just confused, maybe. Which made sense. Again he took his time, grabbing a nearby stick and poking the fire, stirring up the flame before setting the stick down and finally taking the place next to her. He turned so he could see her and the light from the fire reflected in his eyes. He waited, giving her time to say what was on her mind.

“I didn’t know about the game.” She didn’t rush her words. There was no need to defend herself. The relationship she shared with Brandon had been rooted in honesty from the beginning. “I didn’t think I’d be here past Friday. I guess I just … I forgot about it.”

Brandon lifted his hand to her cheek, his fingers soft against her skin. “You’re going … right?”

Her silence was answer enough for both of them. The breeze danced icy cold above them and Bailey was glad for the fire. She slid closer to him. “Yes. I’ll go with my family.” She shivered a
little, doubting herself and her motives and every feeling she’d been so sure of just an hour ago. “You want me to stay home?”

“No.” His answer was as quick as it was kind. He still had his hand alongside her face. “Your family’s going. You should go too. It would mean a lot to him.”

But wouldn’t it mean something to Brandon … if Bailey found anything else to do tomorrow besides going to see Cody Coleman? Bailey couldn’t look into his eyes another moment. She let her head fall slowly against his and for a long minute neither of them said anything.

“Don’t feel bad.” Brandon drew back first. “It’s okay, Bailey. Maybe … maybe if you see him you’ll have answers.” His voice was a whisper, a caress against her soul. “I’d rather have you know.”

Bailey looked at him, studying him. Brandon clearly understood that this was about more than a football game. Brandon wanted her to go to Cody once and for all, to prove to herself that her feelings were for Brandon. His eyes told her all of that.

“I’m not afraid.” He smiled and the love in his eyes was so real, so pure it almost hurt to look at him. “I love you.” He leaned in and gently touched his lips to hers. The kiss grew and Bailey brought her hands to his shoulders.

After a few seconds she eased back, trembling. “I love you, too.”

He searched her eyes, her heart. “I trust you. What we share … it’s something neither of us has ever felt. I believe that.”

“I know.” She slid closer still and leaned her head on his chest. “It’s just a football game.”

“Right.” Brandon chuckled quietly and wrapped his arms around her. “Let’s believe that.” He kissed the top of her head, his breath warm in her hair. “And we’ll be back together in New York on Tuesday.”

They stayed by the fire, talking about his Friday meetings in LA and refusing to revisit the issue of tomorrow’s football game
or the fact that Bailey was bound to see Cody for the first time in months. Bailey was grateful for Brandon’s confidence, but long after his ride picked him up for the airport, Bailey couldn’t deny the obvious: She wasn’t only thinking about Brandon and the way her heart connected with his. She wasn’t only consumed with his gentle touch and his deep belief in her and the love they shared. If she was completely honest with herself she was thinking of something else too.