Loaded (10 page)

She gripped his hands as her
body stiffened. “I’m so close. Hmmm… yes… right there. Oh please… don’t stop.”

He had no intention of
stopping. Forever seemed like just enough time to get his fill of her. His
world began and ended with her in that moment; the musky scent of her arousal
filled his nostrils, the sweet tang of her essence flooded his mouth, and the
soft cry of his name on her lips floated through the air, inciting his need to
claim her. This woman and her pleasure were the only things that mattered to
him.

She tried to push him away
when she reached the limit of her tolerance.

He wanted to force her to
ride it out, but he withdrew when he remembered this had to be her call. Giving
her what she needed, the safety of knowing that she was in control, that she
could stop him whenever she needed to, would go a long way toward healing her
emotional scars.

She watched him reach into
the nightstand to grab a condom. She was biting her lip, as though she wanted
to say something, but was afraid of his response.

He rolled the condom on
before positioning his body over hers. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” If she told
him she was having second thoughts about taking this all the way, he would
respect her decision, but it would be the hardest thing he’d ever done. This
woman had gotten under his skin in a way he never expected, and making love to
her was suddenly the only thing that mattered to him.  

“You’re an amazing lover,
Tucker. So gentle and attentive…”

He smiled. “Why do I feel a
‘but’ coming on?”

“Are you… I mean… do
you…sleep with a lot of women?”

He closed his eyes. How was
he supposed to answer that question? He wouldn’t lie to her, but he knew the
truth might color her opinion of him.

She flattened her palm
against his chest. “I’m so sorry.”

He opened his eyes when he
heard the panic rising in her voice.

“I shouldn’t have asked you
that question. It’s none of my business.”

He was stunned when he
realized she thought she’d angered him and was bracing herself for his
reaction. It would take Tucker a lifetime to un-do the damage that asshole had
done to her. He eased down, bracing his arms on either side of her head. “I
don’t mind, Rachel. You can ask me anything.” He sighed. “Have I had a lot of
lovers? More than some guys, less than others.” He smiled. “I know that’s kind
of vague, but I can’t give you a number. I don’t keep track.”

She nodded. “I understand.”

He stroked her cheek before
brushing her hair off her forehead. “Do you?” He didn’t know how to make her
understand when he didn’t understand how he was feeling himself. The women from
his past seemed so unimportant now. They were just nameless, faceless females,
barely more than a hazy memory.

“Of course.” She stroked his
shoulders as she followed her hands with her eyes.

He slipped a finger under her
chin to hold her head in place. “Hey, look at me. Tell me what you’re
thinking.”

“Men like you don’t fall for
girls like me, Tucker. It just doesn’t happen. Don’t get me wrong, I’m having
the time of my life, but…”

His gut clenched when he
realized she was trying to tell him not to get his hopes up. Too late. “What
are you saying?”

She shook her head as she
closed her eyes. “Nothing. Forget I said anything. Make love to me, please.”

There were no words to
express how he was feeling without sounding too intense and scaring her away,
so he decided to give her what she asked for and prayed it would be enough to
change her mind.

Chapter Six

Rachel watched Tucker’s face
as he took his time, inching inside of her so he wouldn’t cause her any pain.
His thoughtfulness opened a floodgate of emotion she thought she’d locked
firmly away.

The tears slipped mercilessly
down her cheeks, faster than she could brush them away. Sex had always been a
barrage of pain and fear for her. She had no way of knowing it could be like
this. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. She was mortified by her own reaction as he
stilled inside of her, waiting for her to come to terms with the emotions
overwhelming her. “I love the way you feel. I don’t want you to stop. Please.”

He leaned over her, his face
mere inches from hers as he continued to stroke her with his cock. “It’s okay,
baby. You don’t have to hide your feelings from me. I can’t begin to understand
what you’ve been through, but if there’s anything I can do to help you heal, I
want to.”

She ran her hands up the
length of his muscled back as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. Her
first impulse was to hide, from the intensity of the feelings he evoked, from
the lies, the pain, and the shame of a past that would never disappear. Tucker
was offering her a reprieve tonight, and more than anything, she wanted, no,
needed, to take it.

She kissed his neck, wishing
she could put into words how much she appreciated his kindness. It was like a
balm to her bleeding soul, and amazingly, it seemed to be closing the gaping
wounds she thought could never heal. She felt so much for this man… getting
carried away in a fantasy that could never be as she imagined what being
protected in his strong arms every night would feel like, knowing he had the
power and strength to protect her from the evil lurking just outside the door
and in the deep recesses of her memories.

He thrust his hands into her
hair as he held her head steady for his kiss. It was deep, passionate, and
mind-numbing.

There was no way a man could
kiss like that, with such intensity, and not feel some of what she was
experiencing. At least that’s what she told herself as she answered him stroke
for stroke. He was stealing her breath, swallowing her moans, and absorbing her
tears with a kiss that nearly stopped her heart. If a person could express love
without words, he was, and it almost allowed her to believe a guy like him
could fall in love with a girl as damaged as her, if not for the secrets she
knew would eventually tear them apart.

When he finally broke the
kiss, he stared down into her eyes as he continued a steady rhythm that drove
her closer to the edge with each thrust. “This is crazy,” he whispered. “I’ve
never felt like this… ever. Sex had always been just sex for me. This is more,
so much more than that. I need to know you feel it too, Rachel. Tell me…
please.”

She knew saying it would give
him hope, and that would be cruel, but denying it was pointless when she knew
it was written all over her face. They would have to have that conversation
eventually, the one where she told him this relationship had no hope of a
future, but maybe she could prolong this experience just a little longer before
she had to impart the bad news. “You make me feel like no one ever has. You
must know that.” No matter what happened, no matter how much she might hurt him
in the days ahead, that was the truth.

This sexual experience was
the one she should have had years ago, when she was young and innocent, not
when she was a mother, pushing thirty, with a lifetime of bad memories and
regret already behind her. “I wish you’d been my first lover,” she whispered as
her lips skimmed the stubble on his cheek.

He closed his eyes, as though
he was savoring her words almost as much as her body. “I would give anything,
anything, to have been your first. Jesus, I should have been your first. That
son of a bitch shouldn’t have been allowed to breathe the same air as you, much
less touch you.”

She smiled at his words.
Tucker was possessive, but he was nothing like her ex. His protective instincts
were born of a need to protect the people he cared about, not own them, and in
her mind, that was the mark of a real man. “You’re sweet to say that.” She
kissed his lips. “You’re going to make some lucky lady an amazing husband one
day, Tucker.”

He frowned, as though he
perceived the compliment as an insult.

“What’s wrong?” She stroked
his cheek. “You don’t want to get married someday?”

His eyes traced her face, as
though he was trying to memorize every detail in case this was his last
opportunity to commit it to memory. “No, I do.” He licked and nibbled her
bottom lip as she grinded into him. He groaned. “Even more than I thought.”

She’d lost the thread of the
conversation as he picked up momentum. Then she remembered her question. He’d
said he wanted to get married even more than he thought. What did that mean?
Before she had time to analyze his words, her body intervened, demanding her
attention. “Oh God, Tucker, I’m going to come.”

He kissed her neck, delving
into the sweet spot he’d discovered earlier as he brought her to the peak.

“Yes…” she cried, digging her
nails into his back. “Oh… that feels so amazing.” There were no other words to
describe it. It was like a rising crescendo as her blood pounded in her ears
and something deep inside of her clamored for release. Her body took over as
the thoughts racing through her mind were silenced for once. Nothing else
mattered, not that evil little voice that always reminded her of her mistakes, nor
the guardian angel who watched over her shoulder. In that moment, the fear and
anger and sadness that always plagued her receded. There was only bliss,
complete, absolute, and overwhelming. She wanted to say something, to thank him
for the gift he’d given her, but there were no words to thank someone who’d
given you happiness in a world of bleak, dark, sadness.

“Jesus,” he muttered.

Rachel felt his whole body
tense as his cock began to pulse and throb. She wished more than anything in
that moment he were exploding inside of her, that she could walk away knowing
that a part of him remained locked inside of her.

“Incredible,” she whispered,
pressing her lips to the salty tang of perspiration glistening on his powerful
shoulders.

He chuckled. “That doesn’t
even begin to describe it, baby.” He smirked as he looked down at her. “I’m not
sure I can move.”

There was no humor in her
voice when she said, “I’m not sure I want you to.” She didn’t want this night
to end, but she knew it had to. She would have to sneak out while he slept
because she knew there was no way she could explain her reason for leaving.

He would be angry, and the
next time they saw each other, he would undoubtedly demand answers she couldn’t
give. Eventually, he would accept the fact that she wasn’t the woman he’d
allowed himself to believe she was, and he would forget about her. It would be
over for them as quickly as it began, and the thought broke her heart. She
didn’t want it to be over. She would sacrifice almost anything for a chance
with this man. Anything except her daughter’s safety; that was non-negotiable.

He rolled off and pulled her
into his arms. He kissed her shoulder and she could feel his smile against her
skin. “Hey, why don’t we go to Lindsay for dinner tomorrow tonight? Ava was
telling me about this great little restaurant that a friend of hers owns. I’ve
been meaning to check it out.”

Dinners, movies, date nights,
candlelight, and flowers. Those were the little things that she had never,
would never experience with a man. “Um, I can’t, sorry.”

His arm around her waist
tightened and she could hear the tension in his voice when he asked, “Why not?
You have other plans?”

Telling him she had a date
would be easier. It would spare her from telling him the truth, but she knew it
would hurt him, and she couldn’t do that to him, not after the kindness he’d
shown her tonight.

He obviously assumed her
silence was an admission. “Who’re you going out with, that loser you were with
tonight?”

She smiled at his petty
jealousy. It was cute. Instead of Glen’s jealousy, which was nasty and hostile,
Tucker seemed more like a spoiled little boy who was laying claim to a toy he
wasn’t finished playing with. She kissed his forearm. “He’s a nice guy,
Tucker.”

He grunted. “Looked like a
loser to me.”

She slapped his arm as she
tried to suppress her laughter. “Why do you say that?”

“You were sitting across from
him for over an hour, wearing that ridiculously short skirt and that obscenely
low-cut top, and I never saw his eyes leave your face.”

She smirked. “You were
watching us?”

“Yeah, ‘cause if I did see
his eyes leave your face, I was planning on having his car towed.”

She laughed. “Sounds like an
abuse of power to me.”

“I never said I fight fair.”
He pulled her tighter against him. “You blew my mind tonight, Rachel.”

She closed her eyes, wishing
there were words to describe how he made her feel, but knowing even if she had
the words, she wouldn’t have the freedom to utter them.

“I feel like this is the
start of something, don’t you?”

She slowed her breathing as
she pretended to fall asleep. That was her only hope for escape now. She felt
him lean over her.

“Good night, gorgeous,” he
whispered. “Sweet dreams.”