Living with Shadows (5 page)

Yes, Crow Man could certainly tell a tale. He loved to be the centre of attention and would have held forth the whole of the lesson given the chance.

Kate finally settled everyone down after they’d quizzed Tommy on the authenticity of his tale. One or two even claimed to know which judge he was talking about. There was only one person in the room who didn’t join in, and on the occasions Kate had looked up, he didn’t even seem to be listening. She went over to Michael and sat down next to him.

‘What’s this? You haven’t even opened your folder yet.’

‘Not much point with him yappin’ on,’ he told her sulkily.

‘Yes, all right, he does go on a bit but sometimes you need to have a laugh. It doesn’t do to be serious all the time.’ He made no reply, just sat staring out of the window. She thought he seemed tense and pre-occupied and wasn’t convinced it was altogether because of Crow Man. ‘Is anything wrong?’

He looked around the room and then said quietly, ‘I can’t do that work you gave me.’

‘Let me see.’ Kate opened his folder and found the last piece of work she’d given him on sentence structure. Perhaps it was a little too technical for a first attempt. She still hadn’t managed to gauge the level of ability yet with some of them and hated to give them something too difficult. It just undermined their confidence and made them feel foolish.

‘I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you write me a bit about yourself? You could perhaps start with what things were like before you got into trouble. It can be a class exercise as well so you don’t need to worry about spelling and punctuation at this point; I’ll check it for that later.’

Michael seemed taken with the idea. ‘Okay, I’ll give it a go. You’ll probably think it’s boring, though. I’ve never really written anything before.’ She pushed back her chair and was about to leave him when he looked at her. ‘I wouldn’t do it for anyone else.’

Kate felt a rush of self-consciousness in the flirtatious way he said it. She knew some men would say that sort of thing to embarrass a woman just for fun but with Michael it was different, more like something a schoolboy with a crush on his teacher might say.

It was the following week when she received the first piece of writing. There were pages of it. And, yes, some of it was boring, but what Michael had written made her realise what little wonder it was he should end up in prison.

25
th
March

After the summer of ‘82, that was my last time at school I had to start thinking about what I was going to do now. It was a choice of signing on the dole or join one of them YTS schemes. I chose the YTS scheme. I was really nervous at the time thinking I’m going to meet all these strangers. Well it turned out all right. Some people I knew from school were there so I felt OK it was at this point I started getting interested in girls. Before it was football and music, girls never entered my mind there was plenty of girls. There was this one girl every body was after except me. Anyway for some strange reason she started coming after me. To tell you the truth I was terrified but I ended up turning her down and it was more than once I’m glad I did. She went out with nearly every bloke on the course. She never did like it this girl Jane. I’m the only bloke to turn her down. I ended up going out with one of the other girls, Kath. She was OK. We went with each other for about 3 months which seemed a lifetime. In the end she got me sacked. She told the tutors who managed the place that I was drunk which I was. It was my first time of drinking. I got pissed right up so that was that I got sacked after 2 years of having a bit of fun on this course. It was good while it lasted. Now I had to sign on the dole. I was still only eighteen but there was only one thing I wanted and that was to leave Belfast for England.

As luck would have it after I turned nineteen my uncle came over from England so I asked him if I could go back to England with him. He gave me the answer I was waiting for. I told my Mum she was not really happy about me going but did not try and stop me because she thought I would be back after a few month’s. I remember walking with my uncle to the car. I looked over my shoulder and saw my Mum and brother and sisters standing at the back door. I never said goodbye or give any of them a hug or a kiss but nor did they. I dont think they knew what was really going on. I think they were all stuck in a trance. I dont think any of us thought we would ever see each other again, until years later when I ended up in prison.

Anyway I was glad I was leaving Belfast it was a personal nightmare for me because we lived in a mainly protestant area and my Mum married a catholic. It did not go down to well. I was to young to understand any of this why the nightmare started. The blokes came up to me and said what they do to people like me. I ended up getting beaten up, spat at, tormented. It got to the stage when ever I went out I got chased and the same thing would happen again. I dont know why but I never told anybody about this. I could not see the point. They could not do anything about it. It got worse when I started school. I’d bunk off school nearly every day. Even one of the teachers grabbed me by the throat and said what he’d like to do to me. Then there was this other teacher. He went one step further. He punched. I thought he blinded me because when I got up I could not see for a few seconds. I felt a total outcast from everywhere. I got so used to this happening that I expected something to happen every time I went out.

In the end I left for England with my uncle. I wont forget going to England because my uncle was a tight old git so instead of paying for a ticket for the boat to England I was told to hide down the back of the car so I did not have to pay. I offered to pay. If he could get away without paying for something he would. I felt like a fugitive on the run but it was good fun and Im surprised we got of the boat without paying.

When we arrived in England I was looking forward to seeing all my cousins and my Gran. She was a nice person. When I met them all my cousins they all made me feel welcome. My elder cousin took me out for a drink in a few pubs. I’d never been in a pub until then. My cousin Frank was getting all these drinks in and I was feeling pissed. After about 4 pints he went of to the bog so I put the drinks on another table and put the empty ones on our table. I couldnt drink any more. I dont like drinking that much I find it boring going to a pub just to get drunk. Well I lived with my Mums sister and husband and all their family which was 8 in all including me. It was a bit crowded. I left after about 4 months cause there was a lot of arguments about stupid things really. I managed to find somewhere else to live with my uncles mother in law. She was alright. I liked her daughter but she was engaged to some bloke. I thought he was OK but I did not know they were having a few problems. Anyway we got talking and we enjoyed each others company. When her boyfriend was at work I used to go around to her place to keep her company. Nothing happened that should not have happened we just got on well together. She, Tracy, had a little kid as well. He was a nice kid. When he was asleep after a month or two we got friendly and had a bit of a fling. It only happened because her boyfriend worked late at night and she thought he was at it. I hated going out with someone elses girlfriend but this was to happen a lot over the years, women leaving their boyfriends for me. Nothing to do with me, they just did it but who am I to complain. To me women are the superior of the human race. They are smarter. You can always have a good conversation with them and of course they are all sex goddesses. That’s the way I see it anyway. I cant wait for women to rule the world.

Anyway I lived with this girl Tracy. It lasted all of one week. When I got to her place I felt lost I preferred it when we were sneaking around.

Well I left Tracy’s flat and went back to her mother’s house her Mum was surprised to see me. She thought we had an argument. Well we never. Tracy’s Mum who I now was living with and her husband said they were leaving Watford and moving to Birmingham. It did not take me long to make my mind up. I knew Tracy would get back with her boyfriend. After all he was the father of her kid. The way I see it moving to Birmingham was a chance to make a new start and to meet new people. The place we moved to was Walsal, the other side of Birmingham I think anyway. Me and my landlady’s son were on a quest to seek out some girls. I think it took 2 weeks to score. Well I did anyway cause I was 21. I told what ever girl I went with I was seventeen. All the girls who lived around our area were about sixteen to twenty one. Well me saying I was seventeen really fucked me up. I went out with this one girl Sarah. She told me she was sixteen she looked older. Id been going out with her for about 3 weeks when I found out from some other girl she was only 14teen. I thought shit Im glad we only just kissed and had a laugh. Im glad nothing else happened. So I told her I did not want to go out with her any more. She went right mad at me. I thought I was doing the right thing so I told her how old I was. To think I used to walk to school with her. I wondered why all these girls were looking at me when I was with her. Im glad that was over we still stayed friends in the end.

The people who I lived with were alright depending on the weather. May my landlady she blew hot and cold. One day she was nice the next day she could be a horrible witch. She suffered from depression and it did not help knowing her dad was dying from cancer. You could be watching t.v. and she would start crying then she would have these fits of laughter but she was a nice person considering. Her son Brian was a right little wanker. He would tease and pester his Mum. No wonder she was like she was. I did not like him but I tolerated him for as long as I could. His stepfather who lived with us was a nice bloke. When his wife May had one of her mad fits he would get in the car and go for a drive. He was like me we liked the quiet life. I did not like it when people tried to stress one another out with their problems. As far as I was concerned I was still only a kid even at 21 and I was still learning about life. All these mad people this was all new to me. Don’t get me wrong if I could have helped I would have. I have always gotten on with people until they take advantage of my good nature which seemed to happen a lot and that’s why I find it hard to trust people. When I start trusting someone then as far as I am concerned they’ve got a friend for life. Well we lived in Walsal for about 4 months then we moved again to another part of Birmingham. It was a bit of a come down I mean in the street we had nosy neighbours. Parties I did not mind. I never really been to any. We got friendly with a couple across the road. I cant remember their names but one of them was in a wheel chair and her boyfriend was an ugly git and the son lived there my landlady’s son who was like a dog who keeps following you. Anyway we went over to their house for a couple of drinks. It was not bad. There was this one girl and the rest were blokes about 5 or 6. I tried my best to chat this one bird up. It was no good she was having none of it. I thought charming, she’d rather talk to some queer than go out with me. Well I downed a bottle of snakebite, a mixture of lager and cider, great stuff. I remember going home thinking I lost out to a queer. I took a look in the mirror, what a great sight. I thought this bird I tried to chat up she was the first bird in ages, like 3 weeks. This place where we moved to had a lack of women. I was thinking that bird I tried to chat up must of been a lesbian. I have to admit one of my fantasies is seeing two women getting it on having it off. So now we have been in the street for a month and not one babe until I saw this blonde girl Carol who lived next door to them people I mentioned. We had a few drinks and I thought wow, where’s she been hiding all this time. So to another conquest. I got friendly with this girl but she had a boyfriend but that never stopped me before. His name was Frankie. He was in his middle forties and Carol was only 23 two years older than me. Well he felt a bit threatened with me and Brian but he learned to live with it and anyway he was a pretty hard bastard so I was not going to fuck about this time, no way, not yet anyway. This Carol, she was so horny she was turning me on every time I went over to her house to see her Frankie was there. She would always talk dirty in front of me and Brian saying what she does with her boyfriend and how she was going to do it. I loved hearing her talk like this. A lot of women wont which is ashame. I see nothing wrong with it. So anyway this Carol had a friend coming down from Suffolk to stay a short while. The friend was another women Sheila and her boyfriend and she had this big herd of children, about five of them, all very young. They were nice kids. This Sheila’s boyfriend did the dirty. He left her and started seeing this Carol. Frankie found out but nothing much happened. Sheila and this Carol went out for some drinks while I, me of all people, baby sat all these kids who were hanging all over me. I got used to them. To tell you the truth I started to like the little brats. Carol and Sheila came back from their drinking binge. They weren’t pissed, just a bit merry. I heard them coming back. They were singing or trying to. They came in the house and that lazy bastard Sheila’s boyfriend came down stairs. He caught me kissing this Carol and he went mad like a pussy cat and threw something which missed. Anyway he stormed out but came back after ten minutes. Then everything was alright. Then this Sheila asked me and Brian who was the best kisser. So we put it to the test and I won. I kissed her. I was feeling hot so I touched one of her tits then she said not on the first date. I thought ok.