Living with Shadows (32 page)

When Jim got home later that day, he felt physically and emotionally drained. Knowing he now faced a long conversation with Kate sent his spirits spiralling even further. For several hours he had held Helen close in his arms while she poured her heart out to him between bursts of pitiful weeping. After what she had been through there was no way he could finish it, not yet. Men who hit women were the lowest of the low in his eyes. What he could not understand was why she was so reluctant to report him to the police. Whatever feelings she might have had for her husband must surely be dead after this. He would never have believed that someone as competent as Helen could allow herself to be abused in this way. None of it made sense. Except that some men believed they were entitled to a free ride. Because of Helen’s recent success, which he had obviously read in the papers, he decided to come back for a share of it. He’d obviously gone through the money she’d given him when they separated and thought he was entitled to more. Jim was angry and he knew that if her estranged husband should ever turn up while he was there, he would give him a taste of his own medicine. To think that Helen was seriously considering paying him off again was a ludicrous idea. His sort would never be content as long as she gave in to his demands. Jim did no more work that day; he stayed with Helen trying to make her see sense. For now his plans to try and do the right thing would have to be put on hold. Helen needed his help.

‘You’re here at last.’ Kate came into the kitchen as he pulled off his work boots by the door. ‘Your dinner’s been in the oven for almost an hour.’

Jim was relieved to find Kate had no more than a resigned look about her rather than the surly homecoming he had expected. He took a deep breath before answering. ‘You won’t believe the day I’ve had. Nothing’s gone right.’

She gave him a sympathetic glance before taking their dinners from the oven. ‘Looks a bit dry,’ she observed.

Jim went over to her and slid his arms around her waist. ‘Why not give it the dog and we’ll go out for dinner he murmured into her ear.

Kate dropped the cheerless looking plates of food onto the worktop, turned to face him and gave him a brief peck on the mouth. ‘That sounds like a great idea. I’ll get changed.’

In the restaurant, Kate was first to broach the question of what they ought to do for Ben. ‘It isn’t a viable option his staying with Sam . . .’ He let her rattle on with distracted interest before presenting his own idea of trying to get him enrolled onto a programme for drug abuse, preferably residential. His solution was instantly questioned on several counts. Firstly, there would probably be a waiting list, secondly, private rehabilitation centres were costly and thirdly, Kate believed it was important to have his family close by to offer him support. Jim could feel irritation rising in him. Kate had learned nothing from her past experience in offering her ‘support’. Ben would run rings round her. Even telling her about Matt and the effect his drug addiction had on his family, Kate still didn’t see the need to keep Ben at a distance. At least his desire to get in touch with Sharon had been met with approval.

Once they had got these issues out of the way and a few more that Kate had been stewing over, they sat and drank their wine in convivial conversation until Kate asked if Mrs. Duncan had anything to say about his being late for work. The mention of her name sent a tingling through his veins. He assured her, with surprising ease, that she had been fine about it.

That night they made love for the first time in weeks.

It was a glorious morning. The bright sun was making its way round from the east and already its golden rays were shimmering over the dew soaked lawn. Birdsong rose from trees while bees flitted in and out of roses, their huge pink heads springing from the trellis where a jungle of vines snaked together in a mass of confusion.

By the time Kate set off for work, the temperature had risen and her car felt hot and stuffy inside. She wound down the window to let in some air. The thought of Michael troubled her and spoiled the effect the sunny morning had on her wellbeing. She wondered what she could do to discourage his letters altogether. She had stopped writing back to him and did not comment on anything he wrote of a sexual nature, all to no avail. He still wrote whatever he liked. Another thing she had noticed about his letters was that they had become more erratic. His thoughts seemed to leap from one thing to another and then there was this business of repeating a word over and over; the sort of thing a child would do. It was all very disturbing and Kate wondered about the state of his mind.

She entered the staff room to a bunch of smiling faces. There would be no education today as all classes had been ‘closed by the regime’. This happened sometimes—it might be something that had occurred on the wings, a gang fight or a clash with prison officers, or maybe just a sense that something was about to erupt. Today it was because of the heat. Hot weather was not conducive to being cooped up in prison and often the men became volatile or unpredictable. Heat did strange things to people and the regime did not like to take chances. Although she had never experienced any trouble in the classroom, apart from a few minor outbursts, Kate had heard of instances where the men had just ‘kicked off’ for no apparent reason, had even held the tutor hostage. It was a scenario she never dwelt on.

After a lengthier break than usual, the staff eventually dispersed into separate classrooms to catch up with their marking or prepare for future classes. Kate was glad of the opportunity to get a few lessons in front and maybe even find something for Michael to get to grips with instead of writing to her. It wasn’t to be. Whether it was because of the heat or not, the men did ‘kick off’ and the first they knew of it was the sound of alarms screaming through the prison. Next the head of education announced that everyone was to leave the building because of a disturbance on one of the wings. Somehow a number of prisoners had managed to escape up onto the roof where they proceeded to tear up anything they could get their hands on and hurl it down at the guards below. Officers were being brought in from neighbouring prisons to help deal with the situation.

All members of staff were taken down to the main gate and asked to leave the premises until further notice. As the incident was taking place on the other side of the prison it was impossible to see anything, but the last thing they gleaned before stepping out into the bright sunshine was that the men on the roof had all stripped naked and were enjoying taunting the officers many feet below them. Of course, it wouldn’t be for long. No one gets the better of the regime. One way or another they would be brought down and punished and whatever reasons or grievances they harboured for getting up there in the first place would count for nothing; they would have to pay the price for daring to go against the system.

On the drive back home Kate wondered how long the men would hold out before the prison officers brought them down, and also what they hoped to achieve by their actions. She was amused at the thought of them strutting about naked on the roof and knew for sure that Michael wouldn’t be one of them. She was reminded of the three plump bellied chicks brought down from the roof of her house by their cat, Minx, last summer. She had found their pink bodies laid out in a row on the flags in the morning sun. Attached to each scrawny neck was a tiny head with tightly shut swollen eyes and delicate yellow beaks. Because of Minx, those chicks never got the chance to stretch their wings and fly. This year’s brood would be safe, from Minx at any rate, since his fate had been sealed by a passing motorist some months later. It was in the nature of cats to kill. Since working in prison Kate had come to realise that, like cats, some men had no conscience when it came to killing yet they believed they should be treated with the same respect as any other human being, no matter how ugly their own nature.

The next day was considerably cooler when Kate set off to work. Having heard nothing to the contrary, she assumed that the roof-top incident had been reconciled. It hadn’t. Once again they were forced to spend the time they should have been teaching in alternative activities.

It was not until the early hours of the following morning before the skirmish was eventually settled. All the men had been brought down safely and the ringleaders ‘shipped out’ in the night. As Kate was about to go into class, Gordon informed her that another of her students had attempted suicide, a young man named Colin. There had been no suicide note and nobody had suspected he was unhappy. Some of these men were so used to covering up their emotions that it was difficult to know what they were feeling. Gordon told her he was OK and had been transferred to the hospital.

Although Colin had been in her class since day one, this news had little impact on her. He was pleasant enough but she hadn’t met anyone in that place who had the same impact on her as Michael, nor did she believe she ever would. For one thing she never wanted to get so involved with another prisoner. Taking too much interest in someone who has had no close contact with another human being for years can be so easily mistaken for something else. Suicide attempts came with the territory and she had to learn to deal with them without sentiment.

Kate walked into the classroom to find Michael the sole student. He was sitting in his usual seat by the window. The moment he saw her he looked up with a glint in his eyes and asked if she had enjoyed her ‘rest’ while the prisoners were on the rampage.

‘Did you know any of them?’ she asked him casually.

‘Naw, not really. They were off another wing. Couldn’t see the point of it myself.’

‘What was it about, do you know?’

‘Conditions in this place. Usual thing, service not good enough, poor pay, lousy food.’

Michael truly believed in the concept of retribution, Kate thought. ‘It does seem a bit pointless. After all, there’s nowhere for them to go only back down.’

‘Just shows how stupid they are. And you wonder why I don’t bother with anyone much in here. One thing’s for sure, you wouldn’t have seen me up there naked.’ He gave her a knowing look.

She passed him his folder, ignoring his remark. No other students had arrived yet so she took the opportunity have a quiet word. ‘Look, Michael, there’s something I need to say. It’s about that last letter you gave me. Well, it’s a bit over the top. I really can’t answer any personal questions about myself or my husband. Do you understand?’

He pulled his folder towards him and fumbled with the flap. His expression had changed; his smile less confident. ‘It was only meant to be a bit of fun. I said you didn’t have to read it.’

‘Oh yes, and you know what the chances of that would have been once I’d started.’ That brought the smile back to his face. She was wondering what to say next when she had an idea. ‘Have you ever considered writing to someone on the outside? It would be something to look forward to, receiving letters.’

He picked up his pen and doodled on his folder before answering. ‘I’ll think about it, but I don’t know who’d want to write to an evil bastard like me.’

‘You’re not evil. It was . . . everything that’s happened to you . . . you just lost control.’ She was struggling to find the right words.