Living With Regret (24 page)

I see Don as I make my way inside my apartment building. I’m about to greet him with a smile when I spot my father sitting in the same chair I used the day I waited forever on Jordan.

“What are you doing here?” I question as my nerves fray. My father has always been firm and demanding, which in turn means everything is his way or else.

“I thought you would come to your senses by now, but I guess your head is more screwed up than I thought.” My breathing picks up as his comment consumes my good mood from earlier.

“How dare you,” I say. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Don’s eyes go wide with shock.

“How dare I? You have a lot of nerve, kid. After everything I’ve done for you, you just up and fucking quit? You don’t even wait to see how next year might play out?” he growls, trying but failing to keep his voice quiet.

I shake my head in disgust. I can’t believe it took me twenty-nine years to see my father for what he truly is. On some level, I’ve always known he was working his own agenda, but I never thought he’d continue to push if my health was at risk.

“You don’t seem to understand this, but this is my career. This is my life, and I’m the one that has to live with the consequences.” My voice was soft but firm.

“Just like that? You can walk away from the only thing that matters?”

I narrow my eyes and growl, “No, not just like that. Finally, I’m able to
walk towards
the only thing that matters.”

My dad looks at me with pure disappointment. A few months ago, it would have bothered me, but not anymore.

“What kid in their right mind doesn’t dream of being a professional player? But at some point in my life, it stopped being my dream and became yours. You’ve spent years trying to convince everyone—including me—that this is what I wanted but that was crap. I wanted Jordan and you wouldn’t listen to me, but I’m done with that. I let her walk out of my life to please you and I’ve spent the last ten years miserable.” He flinches slightly but otherwise remains quiet. “I could be married, still happily playing ball, and probably would have a few kids by now if I hadn’t listened to you. I still want that life. One that includes people I love and family that will have my back no matter what, but unfortunately, right now, that doesn’t include you.”

His irritation is clear as day. “You’ll regret this. One day you’ll regret giving up your career for a girl.” My eyes drift painfully shut. When I open them, I draw in a deep breath.

“Instead of fighting for Ma, you’re here fighting for my career—something I’ve already given up. Maybe if you had given Ma even an ounce of the effort you’ve put towards my career you’d have a good marriage. Instead, yours is heading towards a divorce.”

His eyes flash with anger. “That’s none of your business,” he says, barely above a whisper.

“None of my business? You’re my parents, of course this is my business.” I lean in closer. “My life in the NFL was none of your business, but how you treat my mother sure as fuck is.”

He scowls, baffled as to how to handle me. I’ve never stood up to him before and I can’t for the life of me understand why I waited until now to finally say what I feel. “I don’t think there’s anything you can do to fix your relationship with Ma, and at this point, I’m not sure if there’s anything you can do to fix things between us, either.” To my surprise, a look of pain and maybe even sorrow crosses his face. “Go home, wherever that is, and live your damn life for a change. Maybe one day I’ll forgive you, but that isn’t going to be today—or anytime soon, for that matter.”

My dad swallows and slowly shakes his head as I spot Jordan standing next to the main entrance. I have no idea how long she’s been there or how much she’s overheard, but I smile and hold my hand out for her, which she gladly walks over and takes.

“Mr. Adams,” she mumbles as she stands next to me. My father’s eyes latch on to our connected hands before looking me in the face and sighing. I’m not naïve. I know my father isn’t going to magically change his opinion about my relationship with Jordan, but I think he might be admitting defeat.

“It’s nice to see you again,” Jordan says, trying her best to be polite. Instead of answering her, he stands in front of us for a few seconds before turning and walking out of our building.

I knew at some point I would have to face my father, but I wasn’t expecting it to happen today.

Jordan squeezes my hand. “Are you okay?” she questions with concern.

I shrug. “I don’t know.” Still holding her hand, I turn us towards the elevator and push the button.

After the doors open and we step inside, Jordan steps in front of me and wraps her arms around my waist. “I’m sorry.” She breathes into my chest.

“Me, too,” I say as I wrap my arms around her. “I wish he’d see how great life could have been with my mother if he even tried for a second to focus on his own life instead of mine.” Everything good in my life has happened thanks to my father, but the same can be said for everything bad that’s happened.

Jordan pulls back and studies my features for a moment. “I think deep down your father’s motives came from a good place. He’s just not capable of seeing past what he thinks is right.” My father has never been nice to Jordan, and I didn’t stand up for her when I should have. Instead of hating both of us, she shows me compassion, something I’m positive I don’t deserve.

“Thank you.”

Her eyebrows scrunch. “For what?”

“For being you and for allowing me a place in your life.”

Jordan gives me a beautiful, almost shy smile as the elevator doors open. “You hungry?”

Normally, anytime I have had to listen to my father rip into me, all I want to do is be left alone, but tonight I want to be with Jordan. “Starving,” I add with a smirk, causing her to laugh.

“Good, because I have dinner all planned out,” she tells me as I follow her inside her apartment, feeling happier than I have in a very long time.

Chase has lived in New York for close to three weeks now and two of those weeks he’s been my neighbor. Every night when I get home from work, he finds a reason to wander over. We usually end up spending an hour or two catching up on the last ten years. When our conversations wind down, he heads back to his apartment. The thing that surprises me the most is he hasn’t once tried to make a move on me. Not even a kiss. Our hug in the elevator the day his father showed up was the last time we shared a real moment—a moment I thought was a step closer to starting a relationship. A part of me is disappointed that nothing has happened since, and the other part of me is relieved because I don’t want to mess up this unique friendship we’ve formed.

Not that long ago, Chase told me he could never be just my friend, but maybe that’s changed. Either way, I’m in a dilemma. I need a date—or it’s highly suggested that I go with a date—to an annual Christmas gala in which Natural Cosmetics is a major contributor, and as the CEO, I’m expected to attend. Last year I went with Derek Brooks, the same man that tends to call me anytime he wants a date without a hassle—the same man that keeps sending me flowers—but I haven’t actually spoken to Derek in months, and I’m not sure I want to open that door again.

Asking Caleb would be wrong. He texted and called me off and on for a few days after the morning he showed up at my place, but I told him nothing was going to happen between us. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since before Thanksgiving and the last thing I want to do is lead him on by asking him out.

This leaves me wondering if I should ask Chase. Asking him seems like the practical thing to do, but what if it ruins the friendship we’re building? I’ve seen Chase looking at me—in ways that aren’t always friendly—but he’s never acted in a way that’s anything but friendly.

I continue to stew over my own thoughts as I hear the nightly knock on my door. However, tonight when I open it, Chase looks like he’s ready to head out on the town, and I quickly find out that’s because he is.

“Hey.” I close my mouth so he won’t see me drooling over how tempting he looks. Chase has on black pants paired with a dark blue shirt, no tie, and has the collar unbuttoned, looking professional but relaxed at the same time.

His dark wavy hair is brushed back in a way that’s totally Chase. He hasn’t shaved in almost two weeks and the beard that he’s growing only adds to his impeccable look. Everything in my body goes haywire when he licks his lips.

“Hey, yourself. I have to go out tonight with a group of people I’ll be working with. We’re going over my retirement announcement and exactly what and when things will be released, but I wanted to stop by and tell you personally that I wouldn’t be home.”

After the way he’s been acting, I was under the impression he was going to do everything in his power to win me back, but right now I’m not sure what to think. If he were only casually meeting his new work friends—on a Friday night, no less—I’d expect him to ask me to go with him. Unless he’s meeting a woman and this is more of a date than a business dinner. Oh God ...my stomach turns and I become light headed at the thought.

No matter what his real plans are, he’s heading out into the city looking like sex on a stick on a Friday night. I, of course, didn’t make plans because I was banking on him coming over and the two of us talking all evening.

“Oh, okay. Well, have fun,” I mumble as I start to close my door, but Chase puts his hand up, stopping me from closing it.

“Is everything okay?” His eyes narrow as he watches me closely.

I’m being emotional for no real reason. I asked for slow and that’s exactly what he’s delivered. I can’t punish him for doing what I asked.

“Yep. Everything is fine. Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow?” I add in a tone I hope sounds chipper.

“Maybe?” he questions, sounding confused. I know he can tell something is bothering me, but luckily for me my cell starts ringing loud enough that Chase is able to hear it from the hallway.

“I better get that. See you later.” This time I put on a huge smile, and thanks to either my smile or the fact that he needs to leave, he drops his hand and steps back.

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.” After another baffled look, he turns and walks towards the elevator. I grab my phone and see that it’s Lace, someone I’ve really neglected lately.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“I’m at Zen, hurry your ass up and get down here! Fucking hot guys everywhere!” Before Chase knocked on my door, Zen was the last place I wanted to go, but knowing he’s out on the town, I don’t want to sit at home like some loser, especially on a Friday night.

“Give me an hour.”

Club Zen is packed like normal. When I arrived, I couldn’t find Lacey anywhere but when I finally spot her I stop dead in my tracks. That’s because Caleb is sitting at her table. He isn’t the only person in the group she’s with, but still a little heads up would have been nice.

“Jordan!” Everyone standing within ten feet of her turns and looks at me. “Holy shit! You out did yourself, bitch.” My entire body goes tense at her extremely loud comment.

When I was picking out something to wear, all I could picture in my head was Chase and some model like Carrie having drinks then going back to her place, which had me choosing a very sexy, very low cut black dress. Paired, of course, with five-inch heels that make my legs look amazing. And if the way Caleb is staring at me is any indication, then I must look good.

“Thanks, and not that you care, but you’re not talking you’re screaming,” I tell her.

Lacey completely ignores my remark. “Our firm won a huge case today. I didn’t work on it, but Caleb did and he invited me to tag along. Since arriving here, I’ve enjoyed several adult drinks.” The music changes and Lacey lets out a scream before taking off towards the dance floor.

“She’s right, you know. You look fantastic.” I take a deep breath and turn towards Caleb, who is standing behind me, talking softly into my ear.

“Thank you and congratulations on the win,” I add with a smile.

“Thanks. I can’t take too much credit. I was the fourth chair, which was more of a glorified errand boy.” This must have been the case he was working on when he was too busy to go out with me but not too busy to go out with that other woman. Geez, apparently I’m still a little bitter because thinking about that still pisses me off. “Can I buy you a drink?”