Living With Lies Trilogy (Books 1, 2, and 3 of The Dancing Moon Ranch Series) (48 page)

"Except with Sam Hansen," Jack said, with irony.

"Look, it just happened! Neither of us planned it. We were sitting on opposite sides of the pool and she had on shorts and a tee shirt, and I had on my swimsuit, and I'd been talking about Susan and how she didn't want me to touch her, and the next thing I knew, Jayne and I were kissing, and we both got carried away."

Jack eyed him dubiously, and said, "Yeah, I suppose I can understand you sitting in a pool with a woman who looks like that and getting carried away, but what's so special about what you have that she couldn't resist, other than she didn't have to worry about getting pregnant?"

"I don't know," Sam said, in all honesty. In fact, he had no idea what a woman as beautiful as Jayne saw in him that made her want to break an eleven-year hiatus of no sex. He tried to keep in shape, and thought he was for a man in his late thirties, and Jayne clearly appreciated what she saw, but he also knew she hadn't gotten out of the pool to have sex with him. It had been an impulsive move on both their parts, and he had to believe it was because they had feelings for each other that were more than infatuation.

"That's my point," Jack said, all wryness gone. "You're talking love, and you've only known the woman a week and a half."

"You married Grace in six weeks," Sam reminded him.

"That was different," Jack replied. "Grace was pregnant with Adam."

"What about Lauren?" Sam said. "You had sex with her the day you met and you married her a few months later." He saw the muscles in Jack's jaws bunch and knew he'd pushed one of Jack's hottest buttons, but Jack had a way of getting on his high horse, and sometimes he needed to be dumped off.

Jack looked at him, guardedly. "Are you thinking about marrying the woman?"

"I'm leaving my options open. And stop calling her
the woman
. Her name is Jayne," Sam said, feeling his temper mount with Jack's continued cross examination.

"No, her name is Rebecca," Jack said. "You might want to find out why she dropped that name. It might not be because she didn't like it."

"What are you implying?" Sam asked.

"That you're rushing into something you don't know a damn thing about," Jack said. "She told you she hadn't had sex in eleven years, which may or may not be the truth, and she claims she changed her name because she didn't like the one she had, which may or may not be the truth, and you say the two of you made love, which also may or may not be the truth, depending on from whose point of view you look at it. What else don't you know about her? Have you even run a background check yet?"

"Look, I've heard enough from you," Sam snapped. "She's doing her job and she's the first woman I've been interested in since Susan left, and I'm not going to let you mess things up for me, so just stay out of it."

Jack looked at him steadily, and when he said nothing, Sam knew the confrontation was over, but when Jack turned to leave, he stopped and stared. Sam looked in the direction of his gaze and saw Jayne standing at the head of the steps leading down to the cellar.

"Maybe this isn't a good time," Jayne said, her eyes shifting between the two of them.

"No, honey, it's fine. Jack was just leaving." Sam glared at Jack, daring him to stay.

"Yeah, well, you'd better check things out," Jack said to Sam, as he brushed past him. Saying nothing more, he nodded to Jayne and ascended the stairs.

"How long have you been standing there?" Sam asked, after Jack had left.

"Long enough," Jayne replied, while walking toward him. "But Jack's right. What happened at the spring shouldn't have happened. We're rushing into things and we need to step back."

Sam pulled her into his arms. "What happened at the spring wasn't wrong."

"It wasn't love either, and we both know it," Jayne said. "It was something special between us but we need to make sure it doesn't happen again." She moved out of his arms.

"We're consenting adults and I'm sterile," Sam said. "If it's what we both want, what's wrong with it?"

"Everything," Jayne replied. "You'd never be able to look Ricky in the eye and tell him sex outside of marriage is wrong, that he needs to wait for that one special woman to come along. Already he sees his mother living with a man who's not her husband and it bothers him. How do you think he'd feel if he knew you were having sex with a woman who's not your wife?"

"We could be discrete," Sam said, wanting to hold onto what they'd had at the spring, certain it was the beginning of a special love.

"Yes, we could be discrete," Jayne said. "I could creep away from the lodge and dash into your house when Ricky's wasn't there and hope no one sees me, or we could close the door to my office and have a session like at the spring. Is that what you want for us? To always be looking over our shoulders to make sure no one sees us sneaking off for our love fest?"

Sam sighed. "You're right, but that doesn't stop us from doing this." He pulled her into his arms and kissed her, and she responded by curving her arms around him and kissing him back. But when the kiss ended, he tucked a finger beneath her chin and lifted it up so she had to look at him, and said, "Can we keep other options open?"

"What kind of options?" Jayne asked, eyeing him cautiously.

"Maybe a honeymoon at the cabin someday." Sam felt her stiffen and knew if he started pressing things he'd drive her away. "Sorry. I'm doing what you don't want me to do. We'll take things easy and get to know each other. There's not much to know about me, but I want to know all about you so I can be the kind of man you want."

Jayne had such a grave look on her face he was tempted to ask her to tell him what happened that was so traumatic it turned her against relationships. "Honey?" he said, when the silence became prolonged, "You're not talking?"

Jayne shrugged indifferently. "It's just that there is a lot you don't know about me, and I'm not ready to talk about it yet, which is why we need to slow things down."

"We can slow things down," Sam said, "but I know enough to want to keep our options open. As for Jack, he'll come around if things between us develop into something serious."

"From the look on his face when he passed me on the stairs, I doubt if he will, and I'm not going to come between the two of you," Jayne replied.

"Jack's my twin, not my keeper," Sam said. "What goes on between you and me is our business, not his." Although Sam loved his twin, there had been times during the course of their lives when they'd turned their backs on each other. When Jack rushed into marriage with Lauren, and Sam told him what he thought of a woman who had sex with him the day they met and had nothing more going for her than her looks, Jack was so furious they almost came to blows. And when Lauren got out of prison after smothering the baby and showed up at the ranch at a time when Susan was depressed about her second pregnancy and wanted Lauren there, and he agreed to let her stay, Jack would have nothing to do with them. Back then, if forced to choose between Susan and Jack, he would have chosen Susan, just as he'd choose Jayne now, if it came to that.

Pulling Jayne to him, Sam kissed her lightly, and said, "Meanwhile, I asked you to come here so I could show you my world, so are you ready?"

"I'm kind of disturbed," Jayne said. "Maybe another time."

"A little wine will take the edge off," Sam said. He nudged her toward the stairs, and she didn't protest. As they were heading up, he said, "In a few years we'll be putting out four-thousand cases a year, all bottled by hand."

"What about bottles?" Jayne asked.

Sam curved his arm around her, and said, "Never mind, honey. We'll get your mind off things in a few minutes." He nudged her into a room that was acting as a tasting room until the new room was complete. There, he placed several bottles of wine on the bar top.

"I'll start you out with our white wines," he said, tipping a bottle toward a wine goblet. "This is our Riesling." He slid the goblet with its contents toward her. "It's a sweet white wine."

Jayne looked at a goblet with the words
Whispering Springs Winery
etched into the glass, while deliberating whether to drink it or not. She had a low tolerance for wine, but the wine had tiny bubbles gathered around the edge, like a glass of soda pop, and maybe it would take her mind off the scene Jack happened upon at the spring, and the look on his face as he passed her on the stairs a few minutes before would fade into some dark recess of her mind. Lifting the goblet she tipped it to her lips, and when she tasted its sweet fruity flavor she drained the contents. "That was actually good," she said, putting the goblet down for Sam to refill.

"Honey, you need a lesson in wine tasting," Sam said, while pouring another sample into a glass. "First, you check the wine for clarity—" he lifted the goblet and held it up and looked at it "—then you swirl it around, which releases the wine's aromas, then you hold the glass to your nose, and with your mouth open, sniff. The aromas will go straight up your nostrils."

Jayne took the glass from him and swirled it around a little too fast, sending wine swishing over the edge. She laughed and licked the rim where the wine ran down the outside, then drained the glass. Smiling, she said, "That was better than the last one. Maybe you could give me a wee bit more."

"In a minute." Tipping another bottle, Sam said, "This one's our Pinot Gris. And this time, after you swirl it around and hold it to your nose, sip very slowly."

Which Jayne did. At least she thought she did, but she was feeling a little giddy, and maybe she drank it down a little too fast. She was also feeling much more relaxed, and the incident in the hot spring and Jack's words to Sam seemed of less importance. She set the glass on the bar for the next sample. "I never liked wine much," she admitted, "but your wines are very good."

"I was hoping you'd like them," Sam replied. He swirled water around in her glass and dumped it, then shook it out and poured from a bottle of red wine. After telling her about it, he nudged the glass in front of her and said, "Take it a little slower, honey. In fact you'd better have a few of these first." He pushed a bowl of pretzels in front of her, but Jayne was so busy trying to follow everything Sam told her to do that she ignored the pretzels, concentrating instead on holding the glass to the light, while wondering what she was looking for. Then she swirled it around, not sure why she was doing that either, and forgetting the rest, swallowed the contents in one gulp. Wine trickled down her chin, which she mopped away with a couple of fingers.

"You are a very… very… good... winemaker," she said, trying to enunciate her words.

"Last one for you, honey," Sam replied. "I think it's going to your head."

"Oh no," Jayne said. "My head's fine. It's right here." When she thought about what she said, she realized how silly it was, and laughed.

Sam picked up a pretzel and poked it between her lips and she laughed and crunched down on it while Sam poured. "This is our Gamay Noir, a light bodied wine, and this time, roll it over your tongue and exhale through your nose before swallowing so your taste buds and sense of smell work together."

Jayne frowned while trying to follow what Sam was saying, but after trying to roll the wine around in her mouth and exhale through her nose, she gave up trying and gulped the rest down, which warmed her all over. Collecting her thoughts, she tipped the glass up, draining the remainder, and said, "This is really... umm... very good wine, I think." She gazed at Sam's big, masculine fingers curved around the bottle.

A little ripple of pleasure coursed through her with the memory of where those fingers had touched her, making those places tingle as she thought more about it. She set her glass down, perhaps a little harder than she intended, then went around the bar to where Sam stood and wrapped her hands around his neck and said, with a tongue that felt a decidedly sluggish, "I think you are perhaps the handsomestist...  handsomess... most handsome man... on the face of the whole... entire planet." She raised up on her tiptoes, wobbling as she did, and kissed Sam.

His arms came around to steady her, and he kissed her back.

"Umm..." a little moan vibrated in her throat. Sam's mouth tasted tangy and spicy as his tongue stroked and curled around hers, and when he nipped at her bottom lip she laughed, which had her kissing him again with even more enthusiasm... and tangling her fingers in his hair... and pressing her lips tighter to his... and moaning because everything he was doing made her want more... and she didn't want him to stop... ever...

"I hate you both!"
Ricky's strident voice was like a tidal wave washing over them, bringing them back to their senses. Sam broke the kiss immediately, but by the time he moved around the bar, Ricky had rushed out of the winery and was halfway to the lodge.

"Shit!" Sam exclaimed, and ran out after him.

Even in her lightheaded state Jayne knew there was nothing Sam could do to fix the damage their long, passionate kiss had caused, except for her to stay away from Sam. Completely.

CHAPTER 5

Jayne looked out the window of her office and saw Grace Hansen walking toward the lodge from the
stable, where she'd been talking at length to Jack. Seeing her coming, Jayne crossed the room and shut the door. She did
not
want to talk to Jack's wife. She couldn't imagine what the woman must think, having heard from Jack what went on at the hot spring. She still couldn't believe where things led. But after pondering it for two days, she realized it was the culmination of something that started the first time she held Sam's gaze. A metaphysical thing. Like souls meeting after many lives apart. And when she felt the length of his body against hers at the spring, nothing mattered except for the fact that she wanted Sam in every way a woman could want a man. She still did. He made her feel things she'd never felt before. But their lives were too complicated to bring romance into the mix, no matter how deep their feelings might be.

Backing away from the window as Grace walked past, Jayne returned to her computer and busied herself with the flyer she was preparing for the self-guided hike to the Indian mound, in which she wrote about Indian mounds in general and told the legend of Whispering Springs. But when she heard Grace enter the kitchen, her attention was drawn to what Grace and Flo were saying. She couldn't make it out, but she did know when Grace left the kitchen because she could hear footsteps in the hallway. They stopped outside the door.

Jayne sat stiff, not making a sound, hoping Grace would think she was gone and leave. Instead, Grace knocked lightly, and said, "Jayne, could I come in for a few minutes?"

Jayne was tempted to say nothing, but realizing Flo would probably have told Grace she was there, Jayne went to the door and opened it. From the serious look on Grace's face, Jayne knew Jack told her everything, and Grace was there to explain, in a tactful and diplomatic way, why she had no choice but to let her go.

"I'm kind of busy right now," Jayne said, trying to bide a little time before hearing Grace's ultimatum. "I'm putting together flyers about the Indian mound and Whispering Spring so they'll be ready when the guests arrive." 

But she could see, from the look on Grace's face, that she intended to say her peace.

This is a family run operation and we have certain standards we ask our staff to abide by...

It would start something like that, Jayne surmised, and it would be no less than she'd expect if the situation were reversed.

She opened the door wide for Grace to enter, and to her surprise, Grace touched her on the arm, and said, "I heard about what happened at the spring."

Jayne wasn't quite sure what to make of it. There was no accusation in Grace's tone, and the touch of her hand had been one more of assurance than anything else. "It's okay," Grace said. "Can we sit and talk for a few minutes?"

Jayne felt wary of what this was all about. She knew nothing about Grace Hansen, other than the bizarre circumstances under which she and Jack met, and that they now had a house full of kids, and they were devoted to each other and to their sons. Which also meant Grace would go along with whatever Jack felt was the right thing to do about the new guest ranch manager who was sleeping with his brother.

Before Grace said anything, Jayne launched into a lengthy accounting of things she'd had no intention of relaying to this woman she didn't even know, saying to her in one long-winded breath, "When Sam took me on horseback to show me the cabin in the mountains and the Indian mound and the hot spring and suggested we sit in the pool so I could hear the voices I never expected things to happen like they did. I was wearing shorts and a tee shirt to make sure nothing would and Sam had on his swimsuit but Sam started talking about his ex-wife and I felt so bad that she'd left him for another man and he'd felt inadequate as a husband that I gave him a little kiss to show him I cared and he kissed me back and things just got out of hand after that and—"

"I know," Grace cut in. "Sam told me all about it."

"Sam? Not Jack?" Jayne said, surprised.

"Well, Jack too," Grace replied, "but Sam wanted to make sure I understood how things really happened, and I do."

"You do?" Jayne said, thinking that possibly Grace was being empathetic, but not quite sure why. The only other time she'd met the woman was when she held her baby, then passed him back to her and rushed out of the room.

"I'm married to a Hansen man," Grace said. She gave a little shrug. "I understand what it's like to look at a man and feel like someone knocked the wind out of you. When I looked across the waiting room of the fertility clinic and saw Jack for the first time, then learned a few minutes later he was the father of my child, it was like something in the reasoning side of my brain clicked off. I went into premature labor and Jack took me to the hospital. I needed bed rest, Jack brought me here, and by the end of the week Jack dominated my mind. If I had not been almost eight months pregnant, and had suddenly found myself alone with him in a hot spring pool in a dark grotto, I might not have been responsible for my actions either. So I really do understand."

"I'm glad you do, because I don't," Jayne said. "Well, I do and I don't. I do understand about looking at Sam and feeling like someone knocked the wind out of me, but I don't understand what happened in the hot spring pool. I just don't do things like that. Sam is different. He makes me feel like I want to, well..."

"Crawl into bed with him and stay there forever," Grace finished the sentence for Jayne. "I know the feeling well. I have six children and Jack still dominates my mind, and I'll never get tired of wanting him in my bed. It's the best end to every day of my life."

"But how soon after you met him did you feel like that?" Jayne asked.

"Like wanting him in my bed? About a week. Like having him on my mind... he's been there almost from the moment I met him." She shrugged. "Like I said, it's Hansen men. They do that to a woman."

Jayne gave her a faltering smile, enjoying the camaraderie, yet wary of telling her too much. Still, she wanted to bring up the subject of Lauren Hansen, and learn if she ever came to the ranch. Trying an oblique approach, she said, "When Sam was talking about his ex-wife at the spring, I was jealous that the woman still had that hold on him. Did you ever feel jealous over Jack's ex-wife before you were married?"

"Ooohhh yes!" Grace said. "She was incredibly beautiful, and I was nearly nine months pregnant and feeling like a blimp, and when she showed up at the ranch one night, wanting Jack to take her back, I literally thought I was going to die."

"Does she still come here?" Jayne asked, trying to hold her voice steady.

Grace shook her head. "She has no reason to. Jack's all mine and she knows it, but she lives in the area, and she's good friends with Susan, so I suppose she could show up one day, maybe be with Susan when she brings Ricky back, but it's unlikely. She knows she's not welcome."

"I can't imagine a mother smothering her son, even if she did claim postpartum depression," Jayne said, trying to understand something that had bothered her for years.

Grace pursed her lips. "Postpartum depression might have been a factor, but Lauren refused to nurse the baby so she never had that bonding. I love nursing my babies, and Jack loves being a part of it, just sitting with us and hearing all the little contented sounds the babies make." She gave a sad little sigh. "Jackie would have been nine now."

"Then he must have been born about the same time Ricky was," Jayne said.

Grace nodded. "Jack was still depressed when we met, but he got so involved with my pregnancy and the prospect of having another son that he came around. He still misses his son, but he has six others to fill the void." Grace gave a little chuckle. "In about ten years, when I have six teenage boys and Jack, I'm going to be surrounded by a whole lot of testosterone. Hansen men aren't lacking in that area, as you know."

Jayne felt her face flush.

Grace squeezed her arm. "But back to you and Sam... What happened at the spring was not a casual sexual encounter. Sam has serious intentions, so I hope you understand that. We just don't want him getting hurt again. Susan really did a number on him, leaving him for a man whose salary Sam was paying, and Sam had been the perfect husband. Actually too perfect. Susan's a drama queen, and Sam catered to her every time she had one of her emotional outbursts."

"Well, it's not going to go that far with Sam and me," Jayne assured her. "Ricky's troubled enough over what his mother's doing, then finding Sam and me kissing at the winery... It started out innocent enough. I was sampling wines, and it went to my head, and Sam was smiling, and it came to me that he was the handsomest man I'd ever seen, and the next thing I knew I was kissing him like there was no tomorrow, and Ricky walked in."

"That's what I mean by the logic side of the brain clicking off."

"Another reason for me to stay away from Sam. I'm too unpredictable around him."

Grace looked at her long and thoughtfully, and said, "Sam also mentioned that you hadn't been in any relationships in over eleven years. He doesn't want to ask, but hopes you'll tell him why. He's worried it might have been some kind of tragedy."

Jayne was so shocked that Grace would bring it up that she didn't know how to respond, so she didn't. After a few moments, Grace, taking her silence as not wanting to talk about a tragedy, said, "After I lost my husband I never thought I'd want to be with another man, which was why I decided to have his child. I call it a touch of fate that I got Jack's sperm instead, and he turned out to be the love of my life. Maybe Sam's your touch of fate and it's destined to be."

Jayne gave Grace a faltering smile. "Or maybe what we have is just a very intense infatuation," she replied. "But whatever it is, we both intend to keep it in check."

Grace looked askance at her. "You may find that easier said than done."

"I know," Jayne said, "which is why we plan to not be alone together again."

But the idea of Sam not touching her, or kissing her, or holding her was more than troubling. It made her depressed in a way she hadn't felt in years. So the only means around that would be to keep busy with good hard work. And stay away from the source of her anxiety. Sam.

***

The incessant thumping of Ricky kicking the back panel of his desk as he swung his foot in agitated motions, accompanied by the erratic smack, smack, of a pencil striking his opened book, tested Sam's patience, but he was determined to ignore the kid. Ricky was angry with both his parents, and with good reason. They'd both let him down. But Ricky was also doing poorly in school, so Sam confined him to his study desk in the corner of the living room, where he'd stay until he finished his reading assignment. But Sam could see that Ricky wasn't making any progress. He sat with his head against his fist, and hadn't turned a page in over ten minutes.

Sam went back to paying bills, although his mind kept returning to thoughts of Jayne. He hadn't talked to her since she'd rushed out of the winery after Ricky caught them, three days before. She'd been busy getting ready for the first ranch guests, who'd be arriving the next day, and he'd forced himself to focus on what was going on at the winery, not concoct a reason to go to Jayne's office, close the door, and pick up where they left off when Ricky found them.

Although Jayne had been slightly tipsy from the effects of the wine, there had been no question that when she kissed him, she'd put everything into that kiss—her lips, her hands, her body—leaning into him and cuddling against him, as if she needed to be closer. At times, the feeling he got of wanting to wrap himself around her, yet not being able to, was almost overwhelming...

"Is she gonna move in with us?" Ricky's words shattered the image of Jayne with him in their bed. She wouldn't be there unless she was his wife, which she would be. He refused to believe anything except that it was destined to be.

He looked at an angry young face, and said, "Not unless we're married, and Jayne and I haven't known each other long enough to be thinking about that." And now the moment of truth. Looking Ricky in the eye and telling him it's wrong to have sex before marriage.

"She was kissing you like Mom kisses what's-his-face, all close and gross."

Sam had no idea how to respond. For Susan and her stud, close and gross seemed an accurate description, but with Jayne, it was like being given a little bit of heaven.

"When people care about each other they want to be close," he said, trying to sound sensible. But there was nothing sensible about what either of Ricky's parents were doing. Susan and her jock were teaching Ricky that it was okay to throw out all standards of decency, and he and Jayne were rushing headlong into... he had no idea what, but at least they'd be discrete about kissing and other shows of affection from now on. And the only way she'd be moving in with him would be as his wife.

"Are you and her gonna start doing what Mom and what's-his-face do in the bedroom?"

Good Lord! Ricky was only nine. Did he know what went on behind the closed door to his mother's bedroom? "I'm not sure what you mean, Rick."

Ricky glared at him. "Geez, Dad. I know what people do in there."

Still not sure if Ricky knew
exactly
what men and women did in bed, Sam said, "Well, just to set things straight, having a woman in my bedroom who's not my wife is wrong, so no, I won't be doing that with Jayne unless we're married."