Living Again (33 page)

“Cooper,” she said, reaching him. “Good to see you.”

“Kayley! Look at you! Just as beautiful as ever. And who is this? Little Alex?” Cooper took off his shades to see Alexis better. She studied his face.

“This is Alexis, our daughter,” Kayley said, settling Alexis in her high chair and sitting down. Giving her a cup of juice and her doll, Alexis stuck her thumb in her mouth and watched, not ready to talk yet.

“She looks like you, Kay. And a little like Alex. But she’s beautiful like her mom,” Cooper complimented. His green eyes searched hers. “So, tell me, where is that rugged little bugger? Working at some big shot hospital or facility? Running his own practice? Do you work with him? Can’t meet his old buddy today? Oh, and while I’m here, remind me to get his phone number from you.”

“Where is your daddy?” Cooper asked Alexis. This perked Alexis up, thinking she was going to see her daddy. She started looking around, then looked at Cooper.

“Daddy wok,” she said, proud to know where her daddy was.

“That’s what I figured,” Cooper continued, not letting Kayley answer.

“Cooper,” Kayley stopped him, putting her hand on his arm. “We need to talk.”

He shifted his eyes to hers, seeing the serious look on her face. “What’s wrong?” He finally seemed to figure out that something was going on.

The waitress came for their drink order, and they went ahead and ordered sandwiches, needing her to leave so they could talk.

Kayley took a deep breath. This was the hardest thing she had had to say in almost two years. It was like flashing her back to having to tell all of their friends right after it happened. This was something she just didn’t want to think about anymore. She had come so far since then, going through this again was like losing him again. “Cooper,” she began. “I’m so sorry that no one contacted you. I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to think of everyone and-”

“What are you talking about?” Cooper looked alarmed now, his eyes searching hers for answers.

“Alex- he,” Kayley blew out a breath. “He passed away almost two years ago.” The waitress dropped off the drinks, moving away silently at Kayley’s pained smile.

Kayley gave Alexis a few Cheerios while waiting for her lunch, allowing Cooper a moment to process her words.

“How?” Cooper’s voice shook, and he cleared his throat. “I feel like an ass, Kayley. I’m so sorry. I’ve been in and out of the country most of the last four years and haven’t really kept in contact with anyone. Now I’m going to be stateside for a while so I figured I would catch up with my old friends.”

“Car accident,” Kayley answered, smiling at the waitress again as she set down their sandwiches. She broke off pieces and set them on a plate in front of Alexis, who picked them up and ate them without a word. She must’ve felt the tension, because she was very rarely silent. “I was pregnant with Alexis-”

“He never met his daughter?” Cooper interrupted, his sandwich halted in mid-air. Kayley shook her head. “Shit. I mean- shoot,” he said, looking at Alexis. “That’s awful.”

“I was about a month away from delivering her,” Kayley continued. “He was coming home and was hit going very fast. He really never stood a chance,” she paused, giving Alexis a few more bites. “He was in the hospital for less than eight hours before he passed away. He never woke up. I never got to say goodbye.” Tears threatened, and she stopped talking to collect herself. She didn’t really want to go into all the sordid details again; all it did was rip the scab off an old wound.

Cooper took a bite of his sandwich, staring at her quietly. Uneasy silence covered them like a wet blanket. Her phone vibrated and she looked at the screen. It was a text from Ben asking if she wanted to come have lunch with him. She pressed the screen and then shoved the phone back in her purse.

“She- she said her Daddy was at work,” Cooper remembered, his voice shaky. “Who was she talking about?”

Kayley looked at Alexis, who was now looking at Cooper since he talked about her daddy. “My Daddy.” She nodded her little head, her curls bouncing.

“My boyfriend,” she answered, feeling funny saying that to the man that she had just told her husband died. “She calls him Daddy.” For some reason she felt the need to defend what she was doing to Cooper. “It took me a long time to allow myself to think I could be happy again. I was destroyed over losing Alex. I thought I would be okay being a single mom, just the two of us. But- Ben changed that.”

Cooper smiled. “I’m sure that’s exactly what Alex would’ve wanted, Kay. He loved you so much, even before he ever admitted it. He would talk about you incessantly. We were all finally like, dude, please go tell her you love her and have 100 babies and shut up already.”

Kayley laughed, remembering Alex and all his crazy fraternity brothers.

“He would’ve never wanted Alexis to grow up without a dad. The fact that you found someone that loves her as much as he would’ve is fantastic. God, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe, all this time I had no idea that you were here, suffering through the loss of Alex. I would’ve helped you, anything you needed.” Cooper put his hand on top of hers, caressing her thumb with his. Her eyes shifted to their hands, and while she was grateful for his friendship, the touch felt inappropriate. She slowly withdrew her hand, giving him a smile as she tucked it in her lap.

“Thanks, Coop. I know you would’ve. I’m sorry too, that I never thought to contact you. We hadn’t seen you since graduation, and in the haste of trying to contact people, I wouldn’t have had any idea how to find you. Alex’s life was cut way too short. It’s sad that he never got to see the baby that he loved more than life. He didn’t even know whether she was a boy or a girl. But you know what? I’m finally okay. I’m in love again, which when he died I would’ve said no way. So I’m okay. Would I rather this never happened? Of course. But, as they say, everything happens for a reason, and Ben is an amazing man.”

She put her napkin on her plate, finished with her lunch and finished with talking about this. It took her back to a place she didn’t want to go anymore. She turned her attention to Alexis, who was being so quiet it was almost worrying her.

“You okay, Lex?” She ran her hand along her forehead, making sure she wasn’t feverish. Alexis smiled, shoving another piece of sandwich in her mouth.

“We go pay, Mommy? Go pawk? Swide wif me?” Kayley grinned at her baby daughter.

“Yes, baby, we can go to the park. Just a minute, okay?”

Cooper looked at Alexis, his eyes still sad. “She’s so adorable,” he commented, and Kayley smiled in response. Signaling for the waitress for the bill, she started packing up Alexis’ toys and cup.

“Can I see you again? I’ll be in town for a while,” Cooper asked. “I would love to catch up.”

Kayley cleared her throat, her thoughts racing. How exactly did she put him off? While it was great to see him again, he was a part of her past she was ready to forget. Plus, he was making her uncomfortable.

“I’m not sure, Coop,” Kayley said honestly. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea. My boyfriend…”

“Oh, the jealous type, huh?” Cooper interrupted, one eyebrow raising.

A surge of anger hit Kayley without warning. “No, he’s not a jealous boyfriend. I just don’t see how it’s a good idea for us to hang out. I’ve worked really hard to put what has happened with Alex behind me and move on, and having you around, it will only mean we’ll talk about Alex and the past. I just can’t do that anymore.” She stood up, looking for the waitress.

“I got lunch,” Cooper said, standing with her. “I’m sorry. I crossed the line. I just- this was very shocking for me. I thought I was coming here to meet with my old buddy Alex and his beautiful wife. I had no idea what I was in for today. So I apologize for my rudeness. I understand what you’re saying. I would like to keep in touch with you, but I also get it. I can’t understand what you’ve been through because I’ve never been there, hell I have never been married and probably won’t be, not with my crazy life, but I know the love you and Alex had was real. It had to be the lowest point in your life to lose him like that, and I know you also don’t want to go back to that ever again. Thank you for meeting with me today, Kay. It was fabulous to see you. You’re more beautiful than I ever even remember. I did try to ask you out once.”

She looked up at him in disbelief. “You did?”

He nodded, his eyes serious. “Alex wouldn’t have any part of it. He told me to stay the hell away from you or he’d kick my ass. You see, I was pretty much a player.”

“I know,” Kayley said, her stomach clenching at the mention of Alex’s name, defending her, knowing he loved her. She picked up Alexis and turned to grab her bag. She was more than ready to get away from this uncomfortable conversation.

“Wait,” Cooper said, putting his hand on her arm. She turned slowly, her eyes on his hand. She wanted him to stop touching her. Before she knew it, he had leaned in and touched his lips to hers. Gasping, she pushed his chest back, turning her face away from him.

“
DADDY!
” Alexis screamed, kicking her legs. “
MY DADDY! MY DADDY!
” Kayley turned, feeling like her stomach had fallen out of place and hit her toes. Ben stood, rooted to place, next to his car, his eyes trained on her.
Ohmigod. Ohmigod. He just saw Cooper kiss me. I didn’t answer his text. Ohmigod.
He looked at Cooper, then at her, then Alexis. She could see the pain in his eyes from here. He turned to get back in his car.

“
BEN!
” Kayley screamed, grabbing her stuff and running out of the patio, not even bothering to say anything to Cooper. “Ben, wait!”

“Daddy!” Ben glanced back at Alexis, but didn’t stop. He revved the engine and peeled out of the restaurant, never looking back. Kayley stood, frozen in place, watching his car speed down the road. She had no idea what to do right now. Ben just saw Cooper kiss her. Ben. Saw. Cooper. Kiss. Her. She was shaking from head to toe and felt like she could throw up her lunch at any second. Her breathing was erratic and her heart was pounding so loud she was sure that anyone who passed could hear it. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Alexis was watching the road where Ben’s car had disappeared, silent.

Kayley walked briskly to her car, buckling Alexis in and trying not to lose it completely in the parking lot or in front of her daughter. She threw her purse in and sat down, trying to calm her brain long enough to think about what she needed to do.
Why did you do that? Why? You should’ve just told him where you were going. Now he thinks…
She grabbed her phone, dialing his number. It went straight to voicemail. She hung up and tried again. Voicemail.

“Ben!” she shrieked. “It’s-it’s not what you think, babe. Please. Call me back, Ben. Please. I love you!” She collapsed against her steering wheel, sobbing. She gasped for breath, her tears coming so hard and fast she couldn’t breathe. What had she
done?
Her thoughts jumped back to the night all those months ago when Ben told her about Zoey, about what happened. She knew that his thoughts immediately had gone there when he saw her. She had to find him. She dialed his office number. Voicemail. She left the same message on his work mail, then hung up. He wouldn’t be there right now anyway, he just pulled out of the restaurant a few minutes ago.

She called the hospital number. The operator that answered the phone paged for him, then came back and said he wasn’t in the hospital right now. Throwing her phone on the seat next to her, she wracked her brain for where he could be.

“Mommy?” Alexis’ small voice came from the backseat. She sounded scared.

“It’s okay, baby. Daddy had to hurry back to work. We’ll see him later, honey, okay?”

“We go pawk and pway?”

Kayley closed her eyes, knowing she promised Alexis that but knowing that there was no way she could do that now. She had to find Ben. “We’ll go later, okay Lex? The park is closed right now.”

“Cwosed?” Alexis repeated.

“They have to fix the slide,” Kayley lied, feeling guilty but knowing that this lie was worth it for her to find Ben and fix what happened here.

Her phone rang and she practically dove across the seat to get it. She didn’t even look at who it was. “Ben?”

“Kayley?” Emily’s voice came over the line. “Are you okay?”

“Ohmigod, Emily, I need you. Aren’t you still at work?”

“Half day today,” Emily answered. “What happened? You sound upset?”

“Can I bring you Alexis for a bit? I have to find Ben. I’ll explain later.”

“Of course, Kay. I’m at home. Is everything okay though?”

Kayley put the car in reverse, seeing Cooper walking towards her car but unable to care that she needed to say goodbye. She gunned it out of the parking lot and swung her car in the direction of Emily’s house. “No, it’s not,” she willed her voice to come out even, but it shook anyway. “I’m so stupid, Em. I’m so stupid.”

“Whatever you did, I’m sure it will be okay, hon. He would die for you. Take a deep breath. It’s okay.”

Kayley sobbed. “It’s
not
okay! I totally screwed up! I can’t find him- I don’t know where he is, he-he…”

“Breathe, Kay. Calm down. Just get here so you can go find him. You’re only getting more upset.”

Moments later, Emily met Kayley in the driveway of her house. Unbuckling Alexis, she kissed her head and handed her to Emily. “She needs a nap. Please. I’ll be back when I can. Thank you.”

Emily grabbed her arm, stopping her from walking away. “Look at me.”

She looked her in the eyes, feeling her body shaking uncontrollably. Tears spilled down her cheeks at the caring look on her friend’s face. “I-I have to g-go.”

“Whatever it’s, it’s going to be okay,” Emily hugged her, feeling her body shaking. “Go figure it out. I’ll keep Lex as long as you need me to.” They walked inside, Alexis following Emily into the house without a backward glance.

Kayley put her head in her hands, rocking back and forth in the drivers’ seat of her car. Where did he go? He had to work this afternoon, and he wouldn’t not go to work. Would he? She picked up her phone again and pressed his cell number. Voicemail. Groaning in frustration, she threw the phone back on the seat. She pulled her car out of the driveway, heading for the hospital. He had to be there. She had to make it right before he had any longer to jump to conclusions.