Live Today (Live Today #1) (23 page)

“How old?” I ask looking straight into Gabriel’s eyes insisting on answers.

“What?” he asks.

“How old is he?” I ask narrowing my eyes as I watch Gabe’s eyes gloss over. I do my best at keeping my tears at bay, for now. “How old is he Gabriel?” I order him to answer.

His expression drops into a frown and he answers the question with the slightest whisper. “He’s about six and a half.”

A single tear falls from my face. From the corner of my eye, I see a figure walking towards us. Carmen. Boy does she have the best timing. She walks up to the group with a smirk on her face. This is exactly what she wanted. Maria must have noticed the tension in the air when she decides to leave the boy and turn to face me.

“Jenna dear, just hear Gabriel out.” She says concerned. My eyes are locked onto Gabriel as the fight or flight emotions have flooded my senses.

Without taking my eyes off his, I answer his mother’s request. “With all due respect Mrs. Gonzales, I don’t think that there is anything Gabriel can say that will salvage what’s standing behind you right now.” With those words, a tear falls from his glossed over eyes.

Brennan rests his hands on my shoulders causing me to tense up. “Jenna, maybe now’s not the right time.” He motions to our surroundings. “Maybe we should go back to the house so he can explain better.”

Immediately I tense up and shrug out of his hold. “Now’s not the right time?” I say turning to glare at Brennan. “Are you kidding me? When Brennan?” I say pointing back to Gabe. “When is the right time to tell me that there is a child whom by the way shares the same name as he does, call his parents grandma and grandpa?”

Brennan’s sorry eyes trail over to Ashley. “I don’t know what to say Jems. But there’s got to be an explanation for all of this.” He looks over to Gabe. “If what you told me the other day is true, then there has to be an explanation, right?” he asks Gabe. Gabe doesn’t respond, but continues to keep eye contact with me.

I raise my arms in the air. “You know what? No. I don’t need an explanation Bren.” Turning to Gabe, my heart breaks as I look into his worrisome eyes. “Seven years Gabe. Seven years to tell us you had a kid. Good God Gabriel, you even saw Matty struggle with Willow and Dani. But you said nothing. Is this why you left all those years ago? Because of him?” His shaking body takes a step towards me.

“No, don’t you remember what I told you last night?” My mind drifts back to the events last night. He said she cheated on him. But that solves nothing for me.

“So? She cheated on you. That’s all you told me.” I take a step away from him. “Nothing like, Oh by the way she cheated on me but she was still carrying my kid.”

“Damn it Jenna. Please don’t do this.” He begs. “Please let me explain.”

“Don’t do this? No Gabe, I am not the one that has done anything wrong here, you have. You kept a viable piece of information from us. Do you honestly think that we would have kept you away from here this long if we knew? You know how important family is to us Gabriel, especially how important it is to have no parents in a child’s life.” And with that, I turn and walk away. From the voice behind me, Gabe begins to follow before Matt stops him to leave me be.

“Just let her chill man. If you follow her now, you’ll only push her away more.” He says. “What the hell were you thinking? You had us all fooled.”

I walk into town to the local grocery store and buy myself anything that will take the pain away. I settle on a few large bottles of vodka. But what I really need is something a little stronger. For once in my life, I wish I was back at home in California and had my hands on anything to numb me. I never realized this craving could be so strong like it is now. As I open the first bottle of vodka I turn the corner and stop. Gabe, Brennan, Matt and Drew are all walking around town looking for me.
Great
.

I turn the other way and take a gulp that burns my throat on the way down. Remembering where I am, I make my way towards the street that he said was a “bad area.” Leaning against the wall once I make my way halfway down the street, I spot some kids standing around.
Bingo
. I walk right up to them, they look a bit surprised when they see me approaching them.

“Hey you’re that singer right?”

              “Um, yeah.”

              “I saw you last night, you guys rocked it by the way.” I smile and thank them.

              “Uh, hey, I got a question for you. I need a… um, fix. Do you know where I can go to get something? I can pay well over price for it.” The boys look back and forth with each other before the taller one steps up and answers.

              “What you need?”

              “What do you have?” I ask and sniff hinting I need something stronger than weed. He pulls out a small baggy.
Perfect.
I reach in my bag and hand him a few bills letting him know it was worth his time. I thank him before walking away.

I decide to walk towards the Gonzales’ house. My car is there, and so are my things. I need to get as far away from him as possible. Taking another swig of vodka, I let the burning sensation begin to numb my senses as I make my way back towards the house. I figure I have at least a half hour before they give up looking for me in town. By that time, hopefully I will be long gone by the time they get home.

An hour later, I find myself in the boat that Gabe and I had spent our first night together in. My failsafe plan to leave before them didn’t go as planned. I didn’t plan on them locking every door and window in existence. So I gathered my bottles of alcohol and my baggy decide to drown my sorrows on this here rowboat. By the time the second bottle was half way gone, my mind was completely sloshy. I take the bag out of my purse as well as my iPad so I have a nice flat surface to make a line. With shaky fingers, I lean down and inhale the white substance in front of me. A tear escapes my eye as I continue with the second. I finish my second bottle until I couldn’t move my fingers anymore.

~~~~~

I must have passed out on the water somewhere during the third bottle because when I woke, I was laying in Gabe’s bed with the worst headache in existence. Sitting in a chair across from the bed, blocking the door to be exact was Drew. His arms were crossed and his face was stern. I closed my eyes and tried to pretend he wasn’t there, but painfully, when they opened again, he hadn’t moved. I groaned and attempted to get up.

“Do you have any fucking clue how worried you have made us all?” he says coldly. I roll my eyes at him, sitting up and holding my head in the process, I look for my unfinished bottle. He reaches down and holds it up. “Looking for this?” He asks before reaching in his pocket and pulling out the baggy.
Shit
. I was supposed to throw it over the side of the boat. “Or maybe you were looking for this?” I plop my body back down on the bed pretending to forget this day.

“As a matter of fact I am.” I try to get up to get it, but my body defies me.
Fuck
. All I can move is my head.

“I don’t fucking think so Jenna.” He puts the bottle back down and I scowl at him. “I am going to ask you one question, and you better fucking answer me.” I plop my head back onto the pillow out of anger. I know he isn’t going to let me go. I know he’s pissed at me simply because out of all of us, Drew never cusses.

“What Drew?” I yell at him. “Did I use? Is that what you’re going to ask?”

“To be honest, yes.” He says matter-of-factly. “Did you?”

“Does it look like I did?” I say sarcastically.

He yells at me causing me to jump. “I don’t fucking know Jenna. All I know was that you did what you do best when something bad happens. You bolt. We couldn’t find you for hours, and when we do, you’re passed out on a boat surrounded by alcohol and a bag of speed. And I have no clue how much was in this baggy when you bought it.” He’s standing over me at this point. “I am your God damned sponsor and you are supposed to come to me when you have a craving.” He’s yelling now. I immediately hear voices downstairs and my eyes make their way to the door.

“Brennan, Matt and Tony have forced Gabe to stay out of here. Per my request.” He crosses his arms again. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself. You are abusing alcohol as a substitute for drugs, but no more.” His voice is loud and clear.

“This is the first time I’ve used alcohol to cover the pain Drew. God! You act like I do it daily.” I yell back. Tears stream down my face as I sit up and decide to take my aggressions out on him. “What do you want from me Drew? What? Do you want me to admit that I want to use? Fine. I do! I want to take anything I can to numb myself. And I did! That’s what you want to hear isn’t it? You want me to come to you for what? Support? To tell me it’s all going to be okay? But did I Drew? NO! I didn’t. Instead I went for what would work the fastest.”

I attempt to stand and get face to face with him but my drunken body decided to lean against the bed for stability instead. As I stand, my body begins to shake uncontrollably. “Were you not there earlier when my world shifted?” I point towards the door referring to the now silent house. Great, I hope they are enjoying the show. “I gave him everything Drew. Everything! Now I have nothing to give anyone else. And what did he do? He kept a kid from us all!” I say crying. He holds his ground letting me get it all out. I know what he’s doing now, its part of our training. I deflate. I’m not sure if it’s from the alcohol or the drugs or if I’m just so exhausted from everything all together. I sit on the bed shaking and slide myself down to the floor into a ball. Suddenly I feel sick, but I try to fight it.

My voice shakes as my heart breaks again and again. “I gave him my virginity Drew. I can’t take that back.” He squats down in front of me and holds me tightly as my anger dissolves into sadness. “He lied to me Drew. He lied to all of us.” He remains quiet and holds me still until the alcohol takes control of my body once again and I pass out in his arms.

“Shit.”

There’s nothing like a shock to your system than being tossed into an ice cold shower. My body comes alive immediately. “What the hell?” I scream trying to get away from the water. Drew’s hold forces me back into the freezing water. I look down and realize I must have gotten sick in the transition between Gabe’s bedroom and the tub. My body comes alive and I bend over and get sick towards the drain. Shaking vigorously, I continue to fight Drew and try to get up.

“You can fight me all you want Jenna. But you’re staying here until you sober up and get this shit out of your system.” He scolds me as I squirm in his arms. I don’t let up, we continue to fight each other until he gives in and holds me from behind and gets in the tub with me. I lay on top of his, both of us soaking up the frigid water. I’ve given up the struggle with him when I realize I’m not going anywhere. Instead, all the emotions come to surface and all I can do is cry. “It’s okay Jenna. Let it out. Let it all out.” He must have known this was coming. Our therapist had told him that my emotions would surface at any given time. This was the trigger. I sob uncontrollably. Tears from feeling betrayed by Gabe, tears from the accident, tears from losing Will, it all comes crashing down. But most of all, I feel the ache inside with tears from losing my mom.

“I don’t remember who she is.” I cry. His tight hold shifts into a loving hug. He wraps his arms around me and kisses my head as I let go. “I don’t even remember what she looks like. I don’t remember her holding me. She wasn’t there for me when I needed her. I need her now Drew. I need her so much and she’s gone.” My body finally let’s go and I cry in Drew’s arms until we both begin to shake from the cold water. He uses his foot to push the nozzle in and shut the flowing water off. We sit there in silence for what seems like an extremely long time, neither one of us moving except our shivers from the coldness.

“This is what we’re gonna do.” He says in my ear. “First, I’m fucking freezing, so we are going to get out of these clothes.” He chuckles. I nod in agreement. “Then, we are going to go downstairs and let Gabe explain why he’s lied to us all.” Immediately I sit up and shake my head at him.

“No.” My body shakes vigorously, “No Drew. I can’t see him right now. I’m so angry with him right now. I can’t even stomach looking at him.”

“Jenna.”

“I said no.” I say forcefully.

“So then what?” He asks as we climb out of the tub, he begins to strip out of his clothes and I do the same. Once standing in only our underwear, he tosses me a towel.

“I need to get out of here Drew. I don’t know. I just can’t deal with him. And no, I’m not running. I just need time to cool down before dealing with him.” I shiver. “He has a fucking kid. That’s not something to take lightly.” He takes a deep breath before agreeing with me.

“Okay. Well, let’s change quickly, and then let’s decide what we’re going to do. But we do this together okay?” he asks as he takes the baggy out of his pocket and tosses it in the toilet and flushes it.

“Yeah, okay.” I reply, as I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him tightly. “Thank you.” He mumbles no problem and I continue. “And sorry for getting you soaked.” He chuckles as he holds me just as tightly and tells me he’d do it over again in a heartbeat.

He opens the door and peeks down the hallway before we make our way to our bedrooms. He instructs me to stay in mine until he comes and gets me. After in my room, I dress quickly and sit on the bed and wait for Drew. I decide to check my phone while I wait. That should have been mistake number one. Thirty texts from Gabe: