Live Today (Live Today #1) (18 page)

Suddenly, he pulls back a little. “I’ve been waiting to hear those words since the day we met. I love you so much Jenna.” He looks deeply into my eyes. “But, I want to do this the right way. I want everything to be perfect with us. There’s also something I need to tell you.” He whispers. My heart skips a beat. Why is he choosing now to tell me why he left home now?

Placing my finger on his lips, I quiet him. “Gabe, no better time can be more perfect between us than right now. You don’t have to tell me anything. I love you too. That’s all that matters.” Looking deep into his eyes, watching the contemplation on his face, he closes his eyes as he absorbs the words I just gave him. He takes a deep breath before opening them. “I love you.” He whispers again before bringing his lips down to mine again.

My trembling hands trace down his body resting on his pants. He sends trails of kisses down my body again before kneeling before me and undoing the button of my jeans and slowly pulls them down off my body. Sitting up, I fumble with his button with shaky fingers before finally releasing it. He cups my face again before laying me back down softly. He trails kisses down my neck, stopping again at my breasts as his hand makes its way down my body leaving me shaking with his touch. Usually, lust takes over whenever we get tied up in our sexual banter, but not this time. This is something totally different. This time, I feel cherished, truly loved by him.  I shiver as he makes his way past my belly button and continues its way down to where I need him the most. “Gabe, please.” I cry. He runs his fingers softly over my sensitive spot. A soft moan escapes his lips as he circles his fingertips over me and slowly slides them between my folds. My body convulses at his touch.

“Jesus.” He cries before running his tongue down my stomach, moving down further to my core. My fingers grasp his hair in anticipation. He runs his tongue down past my most needed area and trails it up along my inner thigh leaving me gasping for air. I cry again in both agony and pleasure. He finally makes his way between my legs and kisses me softly. I raise my hips to meet his lips again and he chuckles. “Slowly angel, I don’t want to miss a thing.” He says before running his tongue over my over sensitive spot. I do my best to try to calm my nervous body. My body convulses as he begins his pleasurable assault.

My nerves are shattered. I’ve never needed anyone more than I need Gabe at this moment. As scared as I am in this very moment, fear is pushed away when absolute love fills my body head to toe. “Gabe, please.” I beg again. I’ve never felt this way before, maybe now is the time to let him know that I’m a virgin. I’m sure he knows this by now since Brennan has never let me date for more than a few months. And usually those men I did date, I’ve never felt that type of attraction. It’s always been for Gabe.

Maybe, subconsciously, I was waiting for the perfect moment. Maybe I was waiting for Gabe all along. This truly is the perfect moment, a night I know I will never forget for the rest of my life. Nervousness courses throughout me with fear that I won’t be good enough for him. He is experienced after all. But this is what I want. This is what I’ve been waiting for. Gabe and I have been so close already, but something has always come between us. Not this time. This time is for real. My breath quickens and my moans grow louder as he continues his assault on me. “Gabe, I need you, now.” I cry, running my hands through his hair, pulling slightly when this sudden feeling begins to grow from within.

He finally stops and makes his way back up my body. I’m trying to hide my shakiness until I notice his body is quivering just as bad as mine is. Noticing my reaction to him, when he makes his way to my lips, he kisses me softly and whispers. “Are you sure about this Jenna?” I simply nod out of fear that my voice will betray my true feelings. “What about protection?” he asks. “I… I didn’t realize we would. I mean, I’ve never…” He stops speaking immediately with understanding that we may not go through with this. I slide my trembling hands up around his neck and pull him into me.

“I’m protected and clean, Gabe.” I whisper back and kiss him softly. “And I’m sure that I love you.” I have no clue where this confidence is coming from. Maybe it’s because I’m finally letting go of all the pent up fear I’ve been holding in when it comes to Gabe. I’ve always worried myself about being another one of his conquests, but even more than that, I’ve always worried that once he’s gotten what he wanted, he wouldn’t need me anymore. This though, this is different. The look he gives me right now show’s me that this is anything but a conquest. His touch is both arousing and sensual that the only thing I feel is love from him. “I don’t want anything to come between us.” Kissing him again, murmuring between kisses. “I’m sure about us… I’m sure about this.”

Gabe gently takes my hands and raises them above my head as he slowly groans and rests himself at my core. Before he begins to enter me, he whispers. “Let’s do this slowly Jems. I love you.” He slowly pushes into me, surging me with a sudden sting. I bite my lip trying to hide the pain, feeling a burning sensation as he pushes into me a little more. “Are you okay?” he asks lovingly, kissing me so softly I barely felt it. It hurts so badly, but feels so good at the same time. I’m afraid to back out now.

Nodding, I reply. “I’m great.” I squeeze his hands and kiss him. “I want this. I love you. Please Gabe, make love to me.” I beg almost wanting this over with. He finally gives into my reply and kisses me deeply as he lets his own breath and enters me fully. I gasp both in pain and pleasure of the fullness. He stills and stares into my eyes as we both get use to the sensation. Our shaking bodies hold each other in passion.  I see nothing but love and compassion from him. There was a time not too long ago let alone a few minutes ago; I thought I would be a notch on his belt. But with the look in his eyes and the love I feel from his entire being, I know that I’m different. This is different. My legs slowly move around his urging him to move.

“God I love you angel.” He says. He pulls out of me slowly and I cry and begin to shake again. “You’re shaking so much.” He says softly. “Don’t worry.” He begins to enter me again. “I just wanted to feel you.” He looks into my eyes as he begins to move inside me. I moan softly as with every move he makes, the pain that once was is now replaced with utter bliss. Our breaths quicken as we move together as one. My legs instinctively wrap around his body tighter as he releases our hands and cups my face kissing me softly with each movement. I wrap my arms around him, holding him tightly to me not wanting this to end.  My heart swells with love as he continues to make sweet slow love to me.

~~~

Staring at the stars, Gabe and I lay alongside each other on the blanket. Another one covers our bodies as the moonlight shines down on us. The water rocks the boat gently and the crickets and other wildlife fill the air. His fingers trail up and down my body. I shiver and feel the goose bumps rise behind his trail.

“Getting cold? Want to go in?” He asks softly kissing the top of my head.

Shaking my head, I hold onto him tighter. “I never want this to end. I’ve never been happier than when I am with you.”

“Jenna?” Gabe asks.

“What?”

“Don’t get mad please. But can I ask you a question?” He asks with worry in his voice.

My mind starts to wander as I reply. “You can ask me anything. I won’t ever lie to you. You know that.”

“Well, it’s kind of personal.”

“Gabe, after what we just did. Can life get any more personal?” I ask with a slight giggle.

“Guess you’re right.” He says and then continues. “I… I was just wondering how,” He takes a deep breath, “How many men you’ve had.” I don’t say anything for a few minutes then he continues. “It’s okay babe. You don’t need to answer that.”

“No, I will. You just took me by surprise is all.” I reply. “I figured you already knew, especially by now.” I shift onto my elbow and look down into his eyes. “Gabe, I’ve only had one partner in my life.” I rest my hand on his hand that he has lying across his chest. “And I’m lying next to him now.” I say blushing with embarrassment.

His eyes twinkle under the stars and a small smile forms across his face. “You know, I always had my suspicions with Brennan not letting any guy near you and all. But I wasn’t always one hundred percent positive.” He places his hand over mine. “If you only know how much it means to me that I’m your first.” He shifts to his elbow so we are face to face whispering to himself. “If you only knew.” Kissing me softly. “Have I mentioned how much I love you?”

Smiling at him, kissing him back. “Maybe once or twice.”

“Jenna Munson, you better get used to it because I plan on reminding you every hour of every day because that’s how much I love you.” He kisses me softly and sighs. “Unfortunately, we should get back. I don’t want the guys looking for us out here and seeing you like this.” Looking down at ourselves under the moonlight, then back at him, I nodded in agreement. I knew our nice and quiet night wouldn’t go on forever. We take our time to dress each other and he decides to row us slowly back to the dock. I let out a small sigh knowing this wonderful night is coming to an end.

Once to the dock, Gabe tie’s a rope securing the boat to the pole and helps get back on shore. We stroll hand and hand along the water and talk about the upcoming week. The air around us seems more crisp than it did when we first came out here. He holds me close to him warming me. I decide this is the perfect time to bring up a few things. Once we get onto the topic of Brennan and Ashley, he tenses.

“I’m really not happy about this Jenna.” He says sternly.

“Gabe, they are full grown adults.”

“Exactly, and so are we, but that didn’t stop Brennan from keeping us from being together.”

“So you’re saying that we should punish him for the same reasons he kept us apart?” I stop and look directly into his eyes that are shining from the moonlight. “Because Brennan, by nature, can’t help but be protective over me. You know this.”

Cupping my face, “I do know this, but that’s not the reason why angel. Ash means so much to me. I don’t want to see her twisted up with someone like me.”

“But it’s okay for someone like me to get twisted up?”

“No, no, hell no Jems. You are like me. We complete each other. Can’t you see that? You know how it is with us. Always on the road, the groupies trying to get anywhere near us.” My eyes narrow with the nice reminder of all the two bit groupies that do hang out. “And before you say anything, I’m not interested in any one of them, ever. Okay? I never really was.” I take a deep breath before nodding. He pulls me into his arms and holds me for a minute before making our way towards the house.

The lights are off and the house is quiet. I didn’t realize how long we actually had disappeared. I’m even more surprised that Brennan didn’t go looking for us or send Matt or Drew to search for us as well. But then again, Brennan has been occupied ever since the meeting. Matt and Drew are passed out on the sofa and blow up mattress. I make a mental note to look into a hotel room for us. Gabe takes my hand and walks me upstairs quietly. As we look into each of the girls’ room, we notice that Emily, either by her own will or it was forced upon her, was sleeping with Ashley. She had given her room to Brennan which I am grateful for. I whispered that I would take the loveseat next to Matt and he refused. Pulling me towards his room, he quietly closes the door. “There is no way you will sleep on the couch.” He whispers. I try to let him know that we need to show respect for his parents, but he still refused. Pointing to the bed, I turned to see our bags. Resting his head on my shoulder he continues. “That would be momma. She orchestrates everything, including sleeping arrangements.” He kisses my cheek. “Jenna, I would want nothing more than to finish the best day of my entire life, than to fall asleep with you in my arms. Please?” he asks. Turning in his arms, I kiss him softly and comply. After dressing appropriately in his parents’ house, we snuggled nicely in his bed. He kissed me softly and we stared into each other’s eyes holding one another until sleep took over.

It’s quiet this morning, too quiet. All I hear are the morning birds chirping from outside the window. There are no car noises, no airplanes or helicopters passing by overhead, nothing. It’s peaceful. As my head rests on an arm that’s appears to have been wrapped around me all night, I take a deep breath and stretch my body. I feel soreness in places I’ve never felt before. I smile at the memory as to why I’m so sore.

The other arm wraps around my waist and the back of my head is kissed gently. “Good morning angel.” Gabe speaks softly with a sleepy voice. I roll over in his arms so we are lying face to face. I open my eyes and follow the rays of sunlight that shines from the window to Gabe’s face. I softly run a finger over the features of his groggy face.

“Good morning to you.” I whisper as my finger makes it way over his soft lips. He kisses it gently before taking it into his mouth. “Did you sleep well?”

His eyes widen as he plays with my finger in his mouth and nods “mhmm”. A giggle escapes me. He smiles and releases my hand before answering. “I don’t think I’ve ever slept this well in my life.” Then his brow scrunches up a bit. “Well, there was this one time I had actually went to sleep, almost just like this with the woman I loved, but when I woke up, she was gone.” His lips begin to pout. I lean in and kiss his pouty lips causing them to go from a frown to a smile again. I remember that morning well. Unfortunately, I had woken up fully dressed in the previous night’s clothing, panicked and left.

“So much has happened since then hasn’t it?” I ask. He smiles down at me and nods. “Well, Mr. Gonzales, play your cards right and there may be more nights and mornings like this.” He groans at my words and rolls over me.

“Is that a promise?” His eyes are shining with content. I bite my bottom lip and smile. “Jenna, I will do my best to make sure that there will be no night with us apart.” He promises. Suddenly a slight knock rattles us from our position. He rolls back onto his back. 

“Come in.” he says. The door opens slowly and Ashley keeps her head down as she tries not to look over at us. “Ash, its ok, we’re fully dressed. We have been all night.” Gabe says chuckling.

She looks up to verify his statement then smiles. “Sorry, you just never know, you know?” I smile up at her as I rest my arm over his stomach, over the sheets of course. I thought to myself what her comment meant. No I actually didn’t know what she meant. I had never truly slept with anyone in that sense of the word and come to think about it, I don’t ever remember any of Gabe’s conquests staying the night either. He was always respectful in that matter and never brought any of them home. Not even one.

“Mhmm. So what’s up Ash?” Gabe asks as he kisses the top of my head holding me a bit tighter to him.

“Well, the guys’ are all awake, and well, Brennan’s face has been bitter since he realized Jenna wasn’t in our room this morning.” Her face seems deep in thought for a moment. She immediately snaps herself out of it. “Well, anyways. Momma say’s that breakfast will be ready shortly. Pops decided to stay home today so he could visit with you. And the boys wanted to go to the stage so you guys can do some practicing or rehearsing or whatever you guys call it.” She rambles just as much as Gabe does when he gets nervous. It’s obviously a family trait.

He chuckles and sits up and I follow. “Okay Ash, I get it. We’ll be down there in two minutes.” She smiles down at us realizing we are fully dressed. “Oh, and maybe you can reassure Bren that nothing happened last night.” He says. I look up at him and raise an eyebrow. “In bed at least.” He says softer looking at me pleased.

“Ugh, Gabe. You can keep the lovie-dovie shit to a minimum. Geez.” I begin to giggle at her reaction, her comment reminds me of Brennan’s last night. “Sorry sis, can’t help it. I’m in love.” He says to her. She starts to close the door then stops and pokes her head back in. “Don’t worry about Brennan. I’ll tell him something then send you a text with my excuse.”

Immediately I stop her. “No. Please don’t lie to him. Just tell him when you barged in this morning, we were fully dressed. He won’t get upset at that.” She reads my pleading face. She smiles and nods before leaving us alone once again. I tear my eyes from the back of the door over to Gabe. “I don’t want to deceive him Gabriel.” His face turns serious. “I just don’t. I’ve never lied to him, and I don’t want to start now.”

He pulls me into his arms. “Ah, angel, I wouldn’t think of it. I just wanted to ease the tension a little today. I haven’t had much of a chance to talk to him about us.” I wrap my arms around his waist and hold him tighter. “I want to do this the right way Jenna. You mean more to me than anyone in this world. You know that right?” I know I mean a lot to him. He’s been trying to get into my pants for years. I sigh and shake my head in response. He takes my face in his hands and forces me to look into his eyes. “Hey, look at me.” My eyes rise to meet his. “I’m serious. You do. I know what you’re thinking. There’s no one for me but you. Ever.” He kisses me softly easing my anxiety.

I return the kiss just as tenderly before pulling away. “I just…” I look down again before continuing. I want to be completely honest with him. “I want this to last Gabe. I know you’ve had many women.” His face drops immediately. “I just don’t want to be another notch on your belt.”

“No. No.” He holds me tighter. “That will never happen, Jenna. You hear me?” I squeeze my eyes shut, I want to believe him, but my insecurities tell me something different. He rocks me a bit and I swear I heard him whisper “If you only knew.” After we hold each other for a few minutes and he calms my nerves, he pulls me back. If I only knew what? “We better get downstairs; it sounds like we have a full day ahead.” Not wanting to say anything out of fear my voice will crack. I nod quickly and climb out of bed.

The next few days go quickly. We rehearse as much as possible. Brennan and Drew have chosen to play all the older songs that we’ve made. He wants to make the set perfect for our first debut since losing Will. When on stage, I chose to sit on a stool, squeeze my eyes shut and imagine we’re playing with Will on stage. This worries the guys. I told them I was just trying to make sure I was on pitch and keeping up with the beat, but I knew they weren’t buying it.

On the first full day here, after breakfast, Gabe and Brennan went for a walk by Gabe’s request as Ashley and Emily took me into town. They insisted on me going with them for a manicure and pedicure. Since I haven’t had one since Los Angeles, I figured no time like the present. When I asked Mrs. Gonzales if she wanted to join us, she smiled at me and kindly declined the offer.

When we returned to the house, the guys were all sitting at the kitchen table talking over the set. I walked in and made eye contact with Gabe first. My brows crunched in confusion wanting to know if all was okay. He noticed me enter and immediately opened his arms for me. I walked over to him and sat on his lap. I glanced over to Brennan and instead of seeing that bitter face I usually see when he’s upset at Gabe; he looked over to me and smiled reaching his hand out to me. Instinctively I placed my hand over his and smile in return. My heart swelled with joy knowing Brennan wasn’t going to fight us anymore. Of course, I wanted to respect him in every aspect of life since he’s not only been my big brother, but my guardian as well.

My eyes drifted over to Matt and Drew. Matt was too involved to notice the PDA going on at the kitchen table since he was nose deep in the set list order. But Drew was fully aware of what was going on. My smile grew when I made eye contact with him and he returned my smile and added a wink. These men have always been everything to me. All I needed was Will. A small sigh escaped my chest, which Brennan caught. He squeezed my hand, I suddenly turned my attention to him. He stands and pulls me off of Gabe and tells the guy’s that we would be right back.

~~~

I follow him outside to the patio off the kitchen and he sits me on a swing bench. “I wanted to talk to you.” He says. I stare at him with bewilderment. “Are you sure you can do this?” He asks. I look out to the field and watch the top of the wheat dance under the slight breeze. A knot forms in my throat with worry and sorrow. “Jems, it’s okay if you’re not. I get it. I miss him too.”

The tears begin to fall with his words. He pulls me into a hug and as the bench swings he comforts me and lets me cry it out. “Last night, when you were… well, when you were outside looking at the stars.” My breath quickens and my body stiffens. “Yeah, I came out here to find you. Don’t worry, you two were only watching the sunset still.” My body relaxes a bit at his confession. “But when I came back here and sat down right here, I wished he was sitting next to me.”

I try to say something but he wouldn’t let me. “Jems, I need him here too. I need him to help me let you go.”

“Brennan…”

“No. this is hard enough as it is, let me finish please.” He says. “I need to let go Jenna. And I wish I knew how. I don’t know what to do. I sat here and watched the sun set and I thought about how things use to be. Jenna, I use to be everything to you. But then Gabe came along, and as much as you denied it at first, I knew there was something there. I just don’t know Jems. I love Gabe, don’t get me wrong. And I knew all along that you two would be together. I just… I just didn’t realize it would feel like this.” He finishes in a whisper.

I don’t dare to look at him because I will begin with the water works all over again. “Brennan, there is no way Gabe will ever replace you.” I hold onto him tighter. “Do you not realize that my entire life still revolves around you? Everything I do, I always wonder what you’re thinking of, if it will make you happy or sad. Yes I may have finally let my heart take over, but why can’t there be enough room in my heart for both of you?” I ask. “Because as far as I’m concerned, you have always been my world and you always will be.”

He takes a deep breath. “When did you get so insightful?”  He asks.

“I was raised by the most generous, caring and loving man ever.”

He holds me tighter. “Anyways, while I was sitting here, Ashley came out and sat with me a while.” I turn to look at him in surprise. “I really like her Jems. I know we’ve only met, but I feel something strong for her. And as I was sitting here missing Will, she came out here and was talking to me. I swear Jenna, I swear it was like Will was sitting here talking to me all night long. She explained shit to me about Gabe that, in all honesty, I had no clue how he really is. Yeah, we’ve lived together forever, but Jems, he really truly deeply loves you. I kind of always knew that, it didn’t hit me until after the accident. He refused to leave your side. We couldn’t even get him to check on Will. He would follow you to x-ray, and follow you back. I thought he was nuts.” He chuckles causing me to smile. “Will told me long ago that Gabe asked about how to talk to me about you. But he was always too afraid to come to me, until this morning of course. Gotta hand it to him sis, he didn’t falter at any question I had for him. He was completely honest with me. I respect that.”

He goes silent for a minute then continues. “He even drilled me about Ashley, explained things to me about his feelings for her.” He kissed the top of my head. “At that moment, I saw myself in him. He loves his sister almost as much as I love mine. Almost.” He takes a deep breath then finishes. “So, with that, I will work on my emotions towards you and Gabe, and I give you both my blessing.”

My heart feels like it literally stopped. I turn and hug him tightly. Kissing his cheek, I let him know how much I love him. I also reassure him that no matter what, he will always be in my life. He kisses my head and tells me he is still worried about me performing on Saturday, but he will be by my side the entire time. We return to the kitchen and Gabe seems at ease and smiles at me before getting up and walking over to us. He shakes Brennan’s hand and pulls me into his arms at the same time.

Since then, we have rehearsed for a few hours each day, when we were done with rehearsals; Gabe would take me around town and show me his hometown. We got out when we were in the heart of town and walked around the square. We didn’t get very far with our walk since everywhere we went, he was stopped with greetings and smiles. I even met some of his old high school friends. Gabe was right, getting out was a good idea for him. It seemed like time stood still in this town. Not many actually traveled far from here. He showed me where not to go in town and where to go. I couldn’t help but laugh at this revelation. The bad part of town was subjected to a single street. Back home, we had to be cautious of our entire surrounding at all times.

We met up at the local pizza parlor later that day with Brennan and Ashley. Matt and Drew insisted on staying at the house and eating some of Mrs. Gonzales’ fine cooking. Gabe seemed to be a little on edge with the idea of a double date with his sister and Brennan. That was something I needed to talk to him about very soon.

The next few days flashed before us and in no time, we were heading out on a Friday night to a real small town barn dance. According to Gabe, this is the official kick off to the county fair. It’s a dance reserved for the immediate families of those that live in the town who have worked so hard to make it happen every year. Usually, the Gonzales family host’s it in their oversized building of a barn, but since Ashley is the head of fair committee this year, another family offered their barn for the festivities.

The guys got the biggest kick out of the fact that there was going to be a good old fashioned country hoedown. I couldn’t help but laugh at them all, Gabe included. When they went to the local town store to buy the most ridiculous country style clothes possible. I had refused to join in on the impromptu Halloween attire until Ashley and Emily both insisted on me buying a country style dress. My face felt flush immediately when Gabe swatted me on the ass as we walked past them towards the fitting rooms. After about twenty or so dresses half picked by the girls, and half picked by the guys, the one Gabe chose for me was the one that I liked the most and the one that actually fit my style. He knows me so well.