Lighting the Flames (26 page)

“
Well, we don
’
t have many other options.
”
Not options she
could say out loud. After Scott
’
s warning, she
wasn
’
t even sure there were options. They were adults, for
crying out loud. But rules were rules, and she knew them as well as
Jeremy did.

“
Why
are we whispering?
”
Jeremy asked aloud, his deep voice filling the
room, reaching into the corners.

“
Good question.
”
She started to laugh.
“
We
’
re the only ones here.
”

She turned onto her
side and looked at him, and the unspoken tension turned into
laughter that she couldn
’
t stop.

Then a log collapsed in the fireplace, raising a
burst of sparks, a few of which flew through the screen. They
jumped up and slapped the sparks against the ground with their
hands tucked into their sleeves. Once they were out, Jeremy swept
the bits of ash back into the hearth, and they moved their
mattresses and blankets away from the fire.

“
Maybe this wasn
’
t such a good
idea,
”
Jeremy muttered.

“
I
think we
’
ll be okay.
”
She wasn
’
t entirely convinced,
though.

“
I
’
m moving us back a bit more.
”
Even though it meant
she
’
d probably be colder than she wanted to be, she had to
agree with him.

With their mattresses farther away from the
fireplace, they climbed back into their respective sleeping bags,
head to head, still facing the warmth. Their mattresses overlapped
slightly, though, and when Genevieve pulled her sleeping bag over
her shoulders and slid her arms across her pillow, she hit Jeremy
on the head. That seemed as good a signal as any that things were
not happening that night.

“
Sorry.
”

“
No
worries. You can hit on me anytime.
”

“
You
’
re a prince among men, Jeremy.
”

“
I
know.
”

He pulled his long-sleeved shirt off, revealing a
worn camp T-shirt beneath. She looked away and closed her eyes. It
was time to go to sleep and stop thinking about alternative ways to
warm up in the cold.

“
Good night, Jer.
”
Gen leaned forward to kiss his cheek
just as he turned his head. And then she was kissing him, almost on
the mouth. It was like they
’
d bumped into each
other, only with half their lips instead of arms or shoulders, a
completely motionless almost kiss, awkward and terrible, each
waiting a beat for the other to move, neither willing to be
first.

And then it changed.

Jeremy reached across her pillow and touched her
face, curving his fingers around the back of her head, weaving
gently through her hair to hold her still.

“
Please don
’
t move.
”
His lips were a breath apart from
hers.

“
Wasn
’
t planning on it.
”

When he kissed her
again, she breathed in the scent of him, a smell of the cloves from
the spice box and wood smoke from the bonfire mixing with the hot
temptation of his mouth. There wasn
’
t any wine in her
bloodstream, but the heat she
’
d felt every time
they kissed raced through her again, knocking aside any flimsy
boundaries that might have remained between them.

“
Gen?
”
His voice was a whisper again.

“
Yeah?
”

“
I
…
would you
…
come over here? Join me in my nonspliffy sleeping
bag?
”

She smiled at him and moved her hand to unzip her
own when he reached out to stop her movement.

“
I
want you. You know that, right?
”
She frowned, but nodded. He looked
nervous.

“
Okay, good. Because we are not having sex
tonight.
”

She gaped at him.

“
I
mean, I don
’
t know if you thought
…
and I
didn
’
t want to hurt you or make you feel unwanted
but
—
no. I can
’
t.
”

“
You
can
’
t
?
”
This was more awkward than bump-kissing him. Gen
didn
’
t know what to say.
Please visit my sleeping bag but I
’
m not sleeping
with you
was not what
she
’
d expected, and she had no idea how to
respond.

He shook his head, his
eyes focused on her, so intent she couldn
’
t move or look
away.

“
You
don
’
t get it. I have been dreaming of
…
you, thinking about
this for so long, and there is no way we
’
re doing it on the
floor in subzero weather in too-small sleeping
bags.
”

“
Okay.
”
She spoke slowly, elongating the word, still very
confused.

Jeremy moved his hand so that it covered her
fingers, which were gripping the edge of her pillow.

“
I
told you last night, you have no idea
—”

“
So
why are you saying no?
”

“
I
’
m not saying not ever.
”
He laughed, but it sounded more like
nervousness than humor.
“
I
’
d never say that. But
I am saying not here. Not when we
’
re cold and I worry
we might fall through the floor.
”

“
You
seriously think we
’
d fall through the floor?
”

He shrugged.

“
But
…
another time?
”
Gen was still baffled by the
boundaries he was setting.

“
I
hope so.
”

“
But
you
’
re not coming back next summer.
”

He looked at her
strangely.
“
We do exist outside of camp, Gen.
”

She blinked.
“
We do? I
mean, I know we do but
…”

“
Wait, did you think this was like a camp hookup for
me?
”
Now he looked angry, his eyebrows down, his cheeks turning
red.

“
No,
not at all. But
…
oh, hang on a minute. Stay there.
”
With cold fingers,
she yanked open the zipper on her sleeping bag and crawled toward
Jeremy. He opened the side of his bag and welcomed her by folding
her into his arms, then covering her with the fabric and zipping it
partway up behind her.

She was surrounded,
warm and
…
hot, actually. But she wanted to finish what
she
’
d been saying before she kissed him again.

“
You
were saying?
”
He was looking at the fire behind her. She reached up
and tugged on his beard gently to get his
attention.

“
Hey! Mind the man beard.
”

“
That
’
s a man beard? There are different types? Like, what,
a lumberjack beard?
”

“
Ooh, lumberjack beard. I should grow one. My dad would
flip.
”

Gen smiled, but then
propped her head on one hand to look at him.
“
I never thought I was
a hookup for you.
”

“
Good.
”
Jeremy moved his head back a little.

“
But
I also thought you might be coming back next
summer.
”

“
There
’
s no way. You saw how many messages I had. A whole
summer? There
’
s no way.
”

“
So
this really is it.
”
She spoke more to herself than to him, but he
heard her.

He looked down, a
frown on his face.
“
No, it
’
s not. I
don
’
t understand why you think that. Do you disappear when you
leave camp? Shoveled sidewalks and consistent heat and the magic of
food delivery cause you to dissolve?
”

“
No,
but
…
Jeremy. We never see each other at home.
”

“
I
was at school. Then you were in Iceland. We
’
re both home
now.
”

“
Yes, that
’
s true, but
…”
She blew out a breath, looked down,
and then focused on him again.
“
Okay, what are you
doing tomorrow?
”

“
Going home.
”

“
After that?
”

“
Going to work?
”

“
Exactly. I don
’
t know when
I
’
d
see you.
”

“
We
can work this out very easily. I work weird hours, yes, but I do
not work all the time. I can
—
get
this
—
drive a car to come see you. I can even bring
pizza.
”

Gen lowered her head to his pillow and looked up at
him while he spoke. Her arms were tucked against his chest, and she
allowed herself to slowly explore the hard curves of his shoulders,
the strength of his arms.

“
Stop that. I can
’
t think if you do
that.
”
He pulled her tighter against him so she
couldn
’
t move her arms so easily.
“
Genevieve,
it
’
s
never going to be as easy as it is here, but
…
it
’
s not
impossible.
”

“
Okay,
”
she said, nodding. She knew, though she
didn
’
t say so, that it wouldn
’
t be as simple as he
said, that real life was going to get in the way. But at that
moment, it was simple. He was right there, and she wanted to
explore him. And they could figure out what happened next some
other time.

“
Are
you sure?
”

She nodded
again.
“
Can I please move my hands now?
”

“
Are
you going back to your bag?
”

“
In
a minute,
”
she said with a smile.

“
Okay,
”
he said, his own smile matching hers until he leaned
closer and kissed her.

Everywhere he put his hands, she felt warm. His lips
moved over hers with so much variety of contact, she wanted to
start making a list of the different types of kisses. But she was
distracted by his touch before she could catalog more than two.

He slid his palm down the curve of her hip, and she
wondered if her skin glowed in the wake of his touch, an
incandescent acknowledgment of her wanting more. She could be a
night-light, she thought. The more he touched her the greater the
illumination.