Life's Next Chapter (7 page)

Kate looks so torn. I don’t know if she is mad, hurt, embarrassed, or what. “I’m so sorry to throw this out at you. I completely understand if you want me to leave and just continue on a strictly professional level.”

She raises her head, looks at me with her amazing smile, and places her hand on my cheek. “Why are you sorry? I’m the one that feels like an ass, thinking your daughter was your girlfriend.”

“Were you jealous thinking I had a young girlfriend, or were you jealous thinking I had a girlfriend at all?” I tease, my freed hand playfully squeezing the place at the top of her knee on a hunch that she’s ticklish there.

“NO!” She cries in indignation, but I don’t believe her, so I pulse my fingers, tickling her more.

“Say it…I know you were. I can see it in those beautiful eyes of yours.” I pulse my fingers faster as I tease her, all while she’s desperately trying to escape my grasp.

“Fine! Fine, I give up! Yes, I was jealous. I thought you had a young girlfriend, which meant I didn’t have a chance with you.” She mumbles the last words, but I heard her clear enough.

“You want…a…with me?” I stumble over the words in my shock and as I force myself to ignore the insane desire I have to grab her up and spin her around. I tenuously touch her chin with my finger, lifting her eyes to mine; wanting to see the truth in them. When her smile appears, my heart launches into outer space.

“Maybe” is all she says, in that infuriating way women do, and I feel my heart crash and burn as she gets up and walks to the kitchen island. So much for that ego boost.

“Did you marry Danielle?” she asks, as she begins putting away the groceries.

“No, I didn’t marry Danielle; I’ve never been married.” She looks stunned.

“What happened? I mean, only if you want to tell me, but I would like to know.” Kate comes back to the table and sits, her eyes hopeful to hear my story.

“Danielle and I talked about marriage after graduation. But, I just didn’t feel comfortable marrying her. We had only been dating a few months when she got pregnant, and I liked her, but I wasn’t in love with her. August came, and I told her I was enlisting. Our baby would get good medical care, and she knew it would be hard in the beginning, but after my four years, things would get better for us. I enlisted, and was sent to Fort Benning in Georgia for boot camp. There I entered the Infantry, and was stationed at Fort Bragg in North Carolina. I spent four years at Bragg with three of those years spent in the field, training for a war that never came.

“Danielle had the baby
a week before Christmas and I was able to be home to witness my daughter’s birth. I was home ‘til the New Year then went back to Fort Bragg. I was in love with Danika from the beginning. It broke my heart to leave her. I didn’t think I could love someone that deeply, and I didn’t think it would be so hard to say goodbye. I felt bad for leaving Danielle with such a huge responsibility, but I thought, in my teenage mind, I was doing right by trying to become a man. I wanted to be better for Danika than I was for myself. When Danika was four months old, I received a letter from Danielle saying she couldn’t handle being a mom. That it was too damn hard. Danielle was looking into putting Danika up for adoption. Her parents wanted nothing to do with the baby, hell her mom tried to drag her to an abortion clinic so, I knew how hard this was on her. I called my parents that day, explaining everything to them. They contacted Danielle and said they would take Danika and raise her, since it’s very hard to be a single parent in the Army.

“I contacted a lawyer, told him what was happening. He drafted up papers for termination of Danielle’s parental rights, and had them sent to her. She signed, delivered the papers to my lawyer, and dropped everything of Danika’s off with my parents. That was the last time I ever had any contact with Danielle. Danika doesn’t remember her mother; she was just an infant. She has one picture of the three of us from the day she was born. She doesn’t ask about her, but I know there are times she needs her mom. The last I heard, Danielle moved to San Francisco for some type of schooling. Years later, Danielle’s father died and her mother moved out west. Danika has no contact from her mother’s side.

“So, I put in my four years, wrote tons of letters home, called as much as I could, and came home whenever I had leave. Once my four years were over, I went home and raised my baby girl. I took her to school, taught her to ride a bike, played dolls, and had tea parties. I was there for her first day of kindergarten, and even first grade. I was working for a construction company, and we were doing great. Then September eleventh happened, and our perfect little world fell apart. Most people don’t realize that when you sign up with Uncle Sam, you’re on the hook for eight years, four active and four as ‘inactive ready reserve.’ It had been so long since the IRRs were activated, I never thought anything about it when I was finished my standard four years. But, the towers fell and I was immediately activated, sent back to Fort Stewart, Georgia, and from there I was deployed to Iraq.

“Before I left, I had to move us out of our apartment and transferred Danika to a school zoned for my parent’s place. My parents had to help me raise my daughter, again. This time, though, it scared the hell out of me because I knew this was real war. I didn’t know if I would be coming back, or not. I was there for a year. I came home for a while then I was sent back to the ‘sandbox’. I was there for another year. Then our Humvee was hit and I was injured. I spent a couple days in Germany before I was transported to the states, where I recovered from my injuries. Finally, after many months away from my daughter, I was home. I finish my story and look up to find Kate just looking at me, mouth open, with a stunned expression on her face. I want to know, so badly, what is going through that mind of hers. “Please, say something,” I beg, as I walk towards her.

“What can I say after that? I can’t believe you’re a dad, especially to a teenage daughter. No wonder you were a natural with my girls,” she quietly says with a smirk. “Can I ask what the visit from her was about today? Y’all seemed very happy.” I place my hand on her knee and smile as I talk proudly about my daughter.

“Danika is a very smart girl. She graduated a year early with honors. She just started her first semester of college, and she couldn’t wait to tell me she got into the sorority she wanted. She and I live in a townhouse across town, but she came to tell me she was moving out.”

“You must be so proud of her. That’s pretty amazing.”

“I am proud. It’s a bittersweet moment, though. I can’t believe she is moving out and becoming an adult. It’s hard to think she is the same age I was when I was about to become a father. I want her to enjoy these years, and not have to rush into being a grown up.”

Kate gazes at me with such sincerity and joy in her face. I think she’s the first woman to not run the other way, knowing I have a teenage daughter. Many women, and even close friends, have run the other way. I know Danika is a handful, but she was dealt a tough childhood. I know it was hard for her to be raised by grandparents, not knowing if your father would come home or not.

Kate gets up from her chair. I grab her wrist before she’s out of reach. “You’re not freaked out, are you?”

“About what?” She looks at me, confused. “About Danika?”

Looking down at me, she puts her hand on my shoulder. “Hello, you do know I have twins, right? I’m not freaked out about you being a father. We can’t change the past. Plus, the past has brought you here, which is all that really matters.” She pauses, hesitant to continue, but eventually she says, “I’d like to meet her one day.”

“I’d like that, too.” I follow her into the living room to find the girls have passed out on the couch watching TV. She grabs a throw from the rocking chair and lays it over them. Looking around her living room, I take in all the pictures she has displayed. Over the mantle she has a huge portrait of her with the girls. It looks like it was taken somewhere on her property. She’s on a quilt, lying on her side with her head resting on her left palm. One girl is tucked in by her chest and the other is snuggled against her sister. Her right arm is gently resting on her daughters. The girls and Kate are in white dresses. Kate is smiling over at them. It has got to be the most beautiful pose I’ve ever seen. She’s simply glowing in the picture, and instantly, feelings I’ve never felt before stir in my gut, and they scare the shit out of me.

I look at the other photos of the girls. One is a black and white from when they were newborns, swaddled together in a blanket with flower headbands on their tiny heads. Everything is black and white except the pink blanket and pink headbands. She has many pictures of the girls in a variety of scenes. Kate comes next to me when she sees me staring at her photos. “These are beautiful.” I quietly say to her.

“Thanks. I took all of them except that one.” She says, pointing to the large portrait hanging above the fireplace.

“You look amazing in that picture.” I turn to look at her, pushing a few strands of hair behind her ear.

“Thanks, I wasn’t planning to be in the picture, but Nicole wouldn’t stop fussing. I lied down to quickly nurse her, and once she was content and full, I just turned her around on her side. Keith snapped the picture when I wasn’t looking. I was just happy to see Julia never woke up while Nicole was fussing. This is what came out of it.”

She stares at it, and I can see something is brewing in that head of hers. Drawing in a deep breath she confesses, “This photo means so much to me. The first time I saw it on my computer, I just thought it was cute. But no matter what I did, I always came back to this picture; it reminds me that I can do this mom thing. Luke, I never wanted to be a mom. I was very happy taking care of animals. Then life handed me these two. How messed up is that: for someone who doesn’t want any to get two at one time. I had a hard pregnancy, especially since half the time I was in denial, even though my belly kept getting bigger. Finally, once they were born and placed on my chest…it’s like everything around me became crystal clear. I found true love in my girls. I love them more than my own life. It was hard adjusting, their dad and I were still adjusting to being married, and then two babies in less than a year. I didn’t think I could handle it. Then one day I grabbed my camera, took them out in the yard and started to take pictures of them, and something just clicked. This is the only picture I kept of that day, and it reminds me every day that I’m blessed and have love in my life.”

Awed, I just stand there and look at her. My hands find their way to her shoulders and I manage to say, “You’re an amazing woman and an even better mom. Just look at those two girls, and what you have accomplished. Don’t ever doubt yourself.”

It’s all I can to not to draw this beautiful woman to my body and kiss the hell out of her. My body craves her; only she can quench my thirst. We’re still a few feet apart, but I can already feel her soft skin against mine. My dick has a mind of its own, becoming rock hard. I walk away from her before I embarrass the shit out of myself.

“Kate, I’ve got to head back and finish before it gets too late. I’ll see you later.” Without looking back, I walk out of her house and towards the clinic. I need to bash a few more walls down to relieve some of my sexual frustration.

MY ALARM IS going off again, and I really want to hit the snooze button for the third time. October is here, and I’m so relieved the clinic is almost finished. I can’t get over how beautiful and modernized it looks. Luke and his crew have done an incredible job. I’m getting up at the butt crack of dawn on a Saturday because I have to transfer the horses to my friend’s ranch. Luke’s crew is starting on the stable next week.

Dragging myself out of bed, I fumble around getting dressed then make my way to the kitchen to make coffee. While I’m filling the pot with water, I glance out the window and see the clinic lights on. Who the hell is working at this time of day? I start the coffee and pull my boots on as it brews. Full mug in hand, I lock up the house and walk to the clinic to see what’s going on.