Life on the Level (24 page)

I could die from the torture of keeping the scream at bay. He doesn’t pull out, but pushes further in, reaching parts of me that have never been touched before. I wrap my legs around him and move my hips against his hard muscles.

He inhales and digs his face into my neck. I can feel the tension in his body, the scream trapped in his chest. He releases some of it by biting my shoulder. It’s incredibly unfair to ask me to be quiet during all of this.

Slowly, torturously, he pulls out halfway before thrusting back inside me. He holds my face in both his hands. Despite the chill in the air, our bodies are hot. Sweat drips from the tip of his nose, and I bend up and lick it. I see the pearly whiteness of his teeth, and press my lips to his, squeezing my thighs and rubbing our bodies together until I come all over him. My breath hitches once, and he silences me with his open mouth. He holds me tighter, harder, still, as his body shakes to a finish. My name is a whisper in the night. After he collapses, he wastes no time in pulling me against his chest.

I fall asleep with his hands threaded in my hair, a tangle of limbs and lies, not ready for the sun to rise.

“I think I’m going to add camping to the list of things I never thought I could do,” I tell Jillian. We’re filling up the water bottles. I’m amazed at how pure the water is, even without the purifiers. “Did you know that in New York they tell you the tap water is fine, but that’s just because the pipe systems are so old it can’t be measured by any kind of new standard?”

“That can’t be true,” Jillian says. She looks dewy and sweet in her long ponytail. There’s definite color to her tanned cheeks. “Is it?”

“I think so. I heard it somewhere.”

She decides I must be joking. We walk around the perimeter of our island, holding onto long branches for balance along the water’s edge.

“Can I ask you,” she says, “how long have you and Hutch… you know.”

I give her my most discerning look. Jillian is quiet and sweet. She never really contributes to conversations, I think because she’s afraid to say something wrong in her Spanish accent. I bet she’s the kind of girl that likes to tell stories about boys. Even though I haven’t known her for very long, I think I can trust her. The horses certainly do, and I like animals a lot more than I like people.

“Since before HCRC.”

She gasps, and giggles a little bit. “Did he ask you to, how do you say, get committed?”

I let out a bark of laughter. “I think you mean ‘to check in.’ And no. I saw him at a bar and I just knew. I had to have him.”

“You’re very bold. I’ve worked with Simmons for a year, and only a few weeks ago worked up the courage to ask him for coffee.”

“I think it’s cute. At least your being together is just
frowned
upon instead of totally against the rules. I understand why it is against the rules, don’t get me wrong. I just never thought I’d fall for someone like Hutch. Sometimes I think I should put an end to it to protect him. He loves his job and he loves helping people. I’m a train wreck. I mess up everything in my path and I don’t want to hurt him.”

Whoa, where did that come from? I’ve been here too long. The fresh air is making me voluntarily honest.

“Chris is a very smart man. He’s kind, and generous with his time. He’s patient and honest. I think this is the first time he is doing this kind of thing. The other staff members like to call him Mr. Nice Guy.”

“I think this whole thing is crazy. I’ve never been in a long-term relationship. I don’t even think I can call this a relationship. What will happen at the end of November? Do I come visit him and pretend like it was never going on under Helen’s nose?” I shake my head and adjust the backpack full of water bottles.

“I like to think it will all work out. Love is not easy to find. I traveled all the way across the world to feel this way. How do you say, it is written in the sky.”

“Stars,” I tell her. “It’s written in the stars.”

• • •

That night we do a little stargazing after dinner. It was much warmer in the afternoon, so the cool night is a nice reprieve. We lie on a pebbly shore on the other side of the island. I rest my hands behind my head.

“What’s on your mind right now?” Hutch asks beside me. He’s at a safe distance, but I’ve decided that there is no distance safe enough.

“I’m thinking that I can’t believe this is the same sky I look at back home. Light pollution is terrible. For the first time in my life, I think I’m actually speechless.”

“Isn’t that something,” Jermania tells me.

I giggle and turn my head toward Hutch. He’s drumming his free hand on his chest. “What about you?”

A wicked smile spreads across his moonlit face. “Things.”

“I’m thinking we should go skinny dipping,” Randy says, sitting up.

Hutch pulls his hand away and points a finger at Randy. His bruise has changed colors like a mood ring. “Please, keep your pants on, man.”

“What? You afraid to compare?”

Another head down the line pops up. Pete. “I don’t think this is appropriate.”

The others giggle. Some people actually stand and flank Randy, who’s already lost his shirt.

“River, babycakes, you’re not the only one who gets to see the glory that is Randall Rider.”

Hutch grumbles.

“I can tell you all that water is 10,000 degrees below zero. Has frat bro life taught you nothing of shrinkage?”

That gets some booming laughs. Randy is making chicken noises in my direction.

“I hope the Flathead Lake monster eats you up!” I shout.

“Simmons! Help me out here, man!” Hutch says.

Simmons is too busy staring into Jillian’s dreamy brown eyes to care that this might get back to Helen.

“I think Simmons is off duty,” Jermania tells him. “Live a little. This is, hopefully, a one-time deal for some of us. If it makes you feel better, you can close your eyes, or go back to camp.”

She’s naked in a flash, and Hutch is turning his face away.

“Come on, River!” Randy shouts, putting on a terrible New York accent. “I triple dawg dare ya.”

“It is incredibly hard to resist that level of dare.”

Hutch tries to grab hold of my hand. I walk to the water’s edge where their shrieks pierce the midnight air. Randy’s wading into the freezing water, and the others follow him as if he’s some pied piper. Hutch stands directly behind me. It’s hard to see from the shore. Their dark heads bob in the still water, illuminated by silver moonlight. I stick my foot in the water, and shout, “Nope!”

I’m starting to turn around when I see Hutch, naked down to his toes. It’s a startling sight to see him like this in the moonlight, like something out of a Greek myth. His grin is bold, and that dark stare I love so much is on me. I feel the air get knocked out of my lungs. A thrilled scream goes up all around me.

“Come on, River Thomas,” he whispers as he walks past me. “You can float on my back.”

Then he runs and dives into the water. I look at the stragglers who won’t go, either because it’s too cold or they don’t want to be naked. When I see Julie, with her eyes wide and her jaw on the ground like she’s witnessed a miracle, I get the terrible feeling that we didn’t think this through. It’s funny, because I’ve always been the person who is down for anything.

“You in, Julie?”

She shakes her head and stares at the water.

“I think she might be in shock,” Pete says. “I’ll take her back to camp. You guys are going to need a roaring fire to get warm tonight.”

I search for Jillian and Simmons, but all I see is a pile of clothes where they used to be. I’m out of my sweats and top in a second, and then I jump into the water. This time, even though it’s darker, I’m not afraid. I’m ready for the way the cold knocks the wind out of me. I break the surface and scream.

“Holy
fuck
that’s cold.”

Jermania floats past me, and all I can think is that I wish my boobs were that big. There’s a wonderful smile on her face, like this is the happiest she’s ever been. Despite the freezing cold and the fact that I’ve seen more of some campers than I wish I had, I feel that too. Someone splashes me, and suddenly I feel warmer. Either that or my whole body is frostbitten.

“Where’s that glory?” a girl whose name I’m not sure of shouts at Randy.

He swims towards her, and that’s my cue to turn away.

I see Hutch staring at me. His face is in shadow, but I know he’s searching for me. My blonde head is hard to miss, though it would be a nasty surprise if he mistook Randy’s blond head for mine. I throw my head back and allow myself to relax. Tiny fish swim around me, tickling my skin. There’s an infinite silence that comes with looking at the night sky this way. When I can’t feel my ears anymore, I get out.

“You’re on your own!” I shout at everyone.

I grab my clothes and get into them as quickly as possible. I know, without a doubt, that Hutch is a few paces behind me. He doesn’t alert them with a goodbye; he just follows me. It’s a silent language we’ve created by sneaking around in the dark. I don’t know where I’m going, but I know I need to get warm and I need to be with him.

“Hey,” he says in a low voice. Here, we can’t hear the campers around the fire, and we’re far enough away from the water that I only catch stray hollers.

I shiver, and he drops the clothes in his hands and comes to me. I pull my hoodie over my head and step out of my pants. The pit of my belly tugs as he clamps his hand between my legs, spreading warmth across my cold skin. He picks me up and presses me against a tree. There he keeps my weight up with his body, and uses his hands to brush my wet hair back.

“River—”

“Hutch?” I feel his pause, his need to say something that could change everything.

“I’ve never seen anyone as beautiful as you are right now.”

“Well, I am in the dark.”

“Now. Hours ago. Always. Every part of you makes me want to be a better man.”

“You’re already the best man.”

He presses his forehead to mine. I feel the familiar pull toward him. He wastes no time kissing my cold skin, warming me up with long strokes of his tongue. He says my name, over and over, fingering me in the dark. When he pulls his finger out, I feel empty. The feel of his dick between my legs is torture. He hesitates at my opening.

“It’s okay,” I whisper.

That’s all it takes. The head of his cock slides into me and I whimper. Feeling him like this is delicious. He shifts my weight against his pelvis, and that pushes him in deeper.

This time, I don’t have to stay as quiet. I moan in his ear, pushing myself tightly against his chest.

“Don’t let go of me,” I whisper.

“Never,” he says, thrusting harder into me. He holds my weight with his hands around my ass. My skin is on fire. I can feel it spread from the pit of my stomach to the tips of my ears. If we keep going this way we’re going to set the woods aflame, but I really don’t care. Nothing feels as right and as perfect as when he’s filling the parts of me I thought were empty. I shudder against him, squeezing my legs around him so he can really feel it.

His heart thunders though his chest, right against mine. He chuckles deeply against my skin. “That’s another first for me.”

He kisses me, hard and sweet.

“Me too.”

“We should head back.”

“But I’m not finished.” I wrap a fist around his dick, unsurprised that he’s ready to go again. I get down on my knees and wrap my mouth around his wet head. I can taste myself on him.

Then there’s a snap. I freeze and jump away from him.

“Wait here,” Hutch says, stalking off in the direction of the noise.

No, no, no, no. I get back into my damp clothes and hide behind a tree. It’s so dark, there’s no way someone could have actually seen us properly. I hear faint noises coming from the lake, but nothing that would suggest we’ve been caught.

The seconds without Hutch feel like hours. When he comes back, I see the shadowy shake of his head. He whispers, “I didn’t see anyone. It could’ve been an animal.”

“Do you really think so?”

“Yeah.” With the night cloaking his face, I can’t see his features, so I don’t know if he’s telling the truth or not.

“You go back to camp. I’ll be there in a bit.” But I don’t go back to camp. Instead I go back to the skinny dippers to show my face. They’re wading out of the water, shivering from head to toe.

“Where’d you go, River?” Jermania asks. “You missed me knocking Randy on his lily-white ass.”

“I like to think of my ass as porcelain white,” Randy says. He walks without shame, gathering his clothes and racing back to camp. The sound of his chattering teeth leads the way.

“Can’t a girl pee in peace?” I ask.

“You could’ve just gone in the water,” Randy shouts.

“Remind me never to get in a pool with you.”

• • •

Back at camp, Julie, Pete, and Hutch have a roaring fire going. I try my best to avoid looking in Hutch’s direction. As much fun as sneaking around is, I’m scared we were seen.

Julie’s prodding the fire with a long stick. Pete looks at Randy and makes a face. The skinny dippers giggle and share a good laugh at Randy’s expense. I decide he’s not so bad after all, even if we would never be friends outside of this place. I turn in before everyone else, and after the lights have all gone out, Hutch climbs into my sleeping bag. He wraps those big, muscular arms around me, and suddenly I feel like I’ve been thrown into the water and he’s my lifeline back. His touch is so tender, so soft, and I can’t remember being without it. That alone is a scary thought. It’s the safest I’ve ever felt. Maybe coming here was the best decision I’ve made in a long, long time.

• • •

I sleep better when Hutch is holding me, which presents a problem for the rest of my stay at the facility. Being out in the woods for five days has been an exercise in first times. It’s my first time fishing, and I manage to catch five trout. I pull my weight carrying firewood, and when we go back out kayaking, it’s smooth sailing. Simmons claps me on the back for being such a good sport, despite being the biggest city slicker who ever slicked.

No one is more surprised than I am that I love this life. I look forward to waking up in a tangle of limbs with Hutch, the soreness in my arms that comes with hard work, and the delicious ache that lingers when Hutch makes love to me.