Life Is Not a Reality Show (21 page)

What all this means, then, is that if you’re serious about tracking down the most flattering styles for you, you’re going to have to pass up a lot of trends in the process. You may get lucky and a trend will work perfectly for you—boyfriend jeans may look totally hot on you—but as a general rule, chasing trends will distract you from your mission.

I’m not big on buying trends, anyway, for the simple reason that trends don’t last. And if you do follow trends, then you end up with, oh, say, seven pairs of parachute pants in your closet that you won’t be able to
give
away! I like to buy classics that won’t look dated in six months. That’s especially true if I’m going to spend a lot of money on something. I want to know I’ll be able to wear it for years to come.

I want to talk a little about diet and exercise—but just a little. Ha! I thought this would be a good place to do it, since I have been going on a bit about my flaws, my muffin top, my life as a drummette. One reason I can do that so openly—and laugh about it!—is that I just don’t think it’s such a big deal. We are human beings, not mannequins.

Go back to the old-time movie stars, when movies were still in black and white. And even after that. When you look at those actresses, none of them was really skinny—and they were all gorgeous. Maybe they didn’t need Botox and fillers back then, because they weren’t starving themselves! Their faces were a little fuller because their bodies were a little fuller. And both their faces and bodies were beautiful!

When I was younger, I was always hyper-focused on my body and whether it was the right size or looked the right way. I still am focused on my body, but I’m much more relaxed about it. Frankly, after four kids, I never want to see a bathing suit again. I can be really cocky in a dress, but a bathing suit—no way! If I’m invited to a pool party I always say, “Oh darn, I forgot to bring my suit!” Then if the hostess offers to lend me one I’m like, “No, thanks. I don’t like to borrow bathing suits. Cooties, you know.” Ha! And if I do have a bathing suit on, once I’m settled, I’m not getting up. One time I was at the beach with my family and someone said there was a tsunami warning. So I told Farrah’s boyfriend, Taylor, “If there’s a tsunami, you’re in charge of grabbing Sophia and Portia, because I’m not moving!”

Thankfully, my daughters aren’t obsessed with things like that. They are accepting of themselves and happy with who they are. I am so grateful that my kids have never said, “Oh, I want to go on a diet.” When I see a really thin girl in a magazine or on a TV show, I make a point of saying, “That girl is too thin; that’s not attractive at all.” And it truly doesn’t appeal to me in the least. That is not how God meant for our bodies to be.

I like for my kids to eat right and exercise, of course. It’s important for their health. But society puts way too much pressure on girls and women to be skinny. I’m not buying into it.

I do watch my weight. But I don’t weigh myself. My closet gives me a reality check. It’s a drag when you walk in there and find out something you love doesn’t fit anymore. That’s when I know I’ve gotten carried away and need to pull in the reins a bit. If I can fit into my clothes from years ago, great. And, if I don’t look exactly the same as I used to? I can accept that too.

I like to eat healthy things like grilled salmon and vegetables. If I’m trying to lose a few pounds and I’m out to eat, I’ll ask the restaurant to hold the potatoes and bring only veggies. I say it begrudgingly. And then waiting for my salad and broccoli I look at the basket of bread, and want to cry my eyes out.

My whole family loves going out for sushi. At some point I started switching out the white rice for brown rice. I had heard for so long that eating white stuff like bread and potatoes was tantamount to putting glue in your stomach, so I finally said okay, okay! After I’ve really plumped up over the holidays you might even see me ordering sashimi instead of sushi, to avoid the rice altogether.

But other than cutting back a bit on refined carbs, nothing too extreme. I’m not the type to have a salad for dinner with lemon, hold the oil. Forget it. If I’m having a salad I’m having it with good dressing! Besides, when you pick up a magazine and find out that some celebrity lost twelve pounds in a week by doing something along those lines, you have to know, come on, it’s not as simple as that. Who wants to live on a permanent diet anyway?

Sometimes I give in to my cravings for things like cheeseburgers and fries from Fatburger. Yum. And my favorite treat is a hot chocolate-chip cookie with cold milk. Oh my God, my daughter is standing next to me right now smiling! Because she knows that’s our favorite. Pizza and root beer—that’s a good combo. I’m not much of a dessert person, but cupcakes do call my name. I do drink wine, but the sulfites in it bother me. When I go out and have something to drink, it’s usually a margarita, no salt.

I keep healthy snacks in the house like string cheese and apples and raw, unsalted trail mix. And in the afternoon, I often satisfy my sweet tooth with a skinny caramel macchiato from Starbucks. And let’s face it—you gotta have chocolate. Don’t most women have to have chocolate in their lives? I keep frozen dark chocolate in my freezer at all times—a whole bunch of it, because there have been times where I would have betrayed my country for just one piece of chocolate. Ha! I’ll dig through drawers trying to find old scraps of candy from Halloween or Easter. So I need to have a supply on hand. And I’m pretty good about breaking off a little piece and eating it and stopping there.

But it’s hard when you have kids. When I’m being bad I eat all of their leftovers. I cut off the crusts of their sandwiches and eat them! Anything they leave, it goes into my mouth. Sometimes I do it without even thinking. One day I was getting things out of the car and I found a french fry on the floorboard and I just popped it into my mouth. I thought,
What is wrong with me?
Ha-ha! I love tweeting things like that, to see people’s reactions. Half the people responded saying, “Ew, that’s disgusting!” The other half are like, been there, done that! Phew, I wasn’t the only weirdo out there!

My attitude toward exercise is very similar to my attitude toward food. I used to go to a boot camp type of place three times a week and take yoga twice a week. My body was in the best shape ever, but that was before I had Portia, when the kids were in school all day—and before
Real Housewives
. I got off track, then I hired a trainer who helped me get back, but he hasn’t seen me for about a year! Since the show I’m just always on the go.

On the go–right, that reminds me of those women who say that they stay fit just by running around chasing after their kids. They are so full of it! I run around and take my kids everywhere, but after Portia was born, it took me two years to lose the weight! A small child is not a workout. (Then again, who knows what I would be like if I
wasn’t
running around!)

We set up a little gym in our new house, so I try to get up in the morning to get on the treadmill or the bike. But if it’s a choice between an extra hour of sleep or working out, usually the sleep wins. I really love to go outdoors and walk or hike. That’s when I feel the best. And for some reason, that’s what my body responds best to. Maybe it’s because that’s the activity I enjoy the most.

I love trees, I love birds, and I live in the hills, so I can easily go out into the sunshine and move my body. It puts me in a great mood. Sometimes I go with a girlfriend and we walk together and talk. The other day I went with my husband and another couple we’re close to. It was a Saturday morning and the kids were all sleeping and we walked for about an hour. It was so fun. It was just the best way to start the day.

That’s more than exercise; it’s a way to enjoy life and enjoy your world.

And by the way, as I’m telling you all this I’m popping Cheez-Its into my mouth. Ha-ha!

When you view it from that perspective, you can justify spending some hard-earned money for certain items. Timeless, high-quality pieces can actually be investments. I have a beautiful pink Chanel blouse that my sister Kathy gave me at least ten years ago. And the other night I wore a Gucci jacket that belonged to my mom. I remember when she bought it—it was in 1979 when we were in New York with my sisters shopping. Chanel and Gucci are obviously very high-end and I don’t even know what they originally cost, but look at how many years they’ve been worn! If I’m contemplating buying a really costly item, I ask myself: “Can I give this to my kids one day?” (Not that they’re waiting for the actual transfer of goods—lately my girls have been stealing from my closet without even telling me!)

My big-ticket purchases tend to be handbags and shoes, because they are the kind of staples you can wear with so many different outfits. To me they’re a perfect example of classic investment pieces. At least that’s the story I tell my husband and I’m stickin’ to it.

I will also spend more for a really great jacket, because like shoes and handbags, jackets can be strong, versatile staples for a wardrobe. I do try to get them on sale, though. I saw a gorgeous Dolce & Gabbana blazer on my niece Nicky, and I wanted it so badly! She called me one day and said, “My blazer’s on sale right now at Neiman Marcus.” So I flew down there and bought it on sale. That was years ago, and I still wear it all the time. It’s a navy-and-white pinstripe, and I wear it with a white button-down shirt, with red heels, with black, whatever. I love it.

You have to love what you buy. Especially when you’re putting down a lot of money. Because even if an item is on sale, there’s no point in spending even a dollar on something that you’re not going to use. My motto when I’m shopping and can’t decide on something is “When in doubt, do without.”

Only buy something if it makes you feel beautiful and confident—not because someone says it looks good on you. Friends are well-meaning, but they’re not the ones who’ll be wearing the clothes. Ditto for husbands or boyfriends or sisters.

I actually prefer to shop by myself. I’m the only one who can really determine whether something’s right for me, and other people can distract me from my goal. I know it’s fun to go shopping with a girlfriend, but for serious buying, you’re better on your own. I don’t even like it when a salesperson starts following me around asking if she can help. I want to say, “Please don’t talk to me! Because I’m really on a mission to find something that looks good on me!” Or when they say, “You’re going to love this.” How do you know? We’ve never even met!

It pays to be ruthless about the things that are already hanging in your closet too. I recently went through my whole closet and got rid of everything that didn’t make me feel good. You really should do this on a pretty regular basis. I also try to stick to the rule that if I haven’t worn it in a year, it goes—unless it’s true vintage.

You should also use this time to make any repairs on clothes. Often I’ll find a favorite jacket hanging there, out of action, when a quick trip to the tailor could put it back into circulation!

I used to think,
Well, at least I have a full closet
. But in fact, once you can actually see what you have, it’s easier to find the pieces you really want to wear.

It’s hard to get rid of things, I know. I’m not saying I just jump into my closet and, snap, in ten minutes I’ve got it all pared down. This is where a friend actually can be very helpful. When you’re teetering—“Oh, but I wore this to that party that was so fun and everyone said I looked so good. Do I have to give it up?”—your friend can be the hammer.

“Are you really going to wear it?” your friend might say. “That party was eight years ago and I haven’t seen you in it since. Toss it!”

When I’m culling my clothes I use a method I call “give away, keep away, throw away.” Give away is for the clothes you can pass on to friends or donate to Goodwill or other charities. Throw away is of course for things that not even Goodwill will want. Ha! When I’m going through my kids’ clothes, I get very sentimental. I see a little dress and I know my daughter’s outgrown it, so can I at least give it to someone I know? Uh, no, not if it’s stained and has a big hole! That’s for the throw-away pile.

But my middle ground is “keep away.” Some things you can’t bear to part with, even if it isn’t in current rotation. I understand very well that certain items carry special meaning, and you may even nourish the hope it might be worn by you or someone else someday. But don’t fool yourself about what really belongs in there. At the very least have your friend stand guard at the keep-away pile!

Once I’ve pruned my wardrobe, it actually seems like I have more clothes than before. And they almost seem new! And what a sense of space and calm! It’s like,
ah, I can breathe again
. Similar to the feeling you get when your car is freshly washed with a full tank of gas!

You can also get that feeling by organizing your closet really well. I’m not organized by nature, but when I arrange my clothes by color and try to coordinate them with the items I wear with them, I can walk in and say, “Oh, what do we have here?” instead of panicking because I have nothing to wear. It’s more relaxing. And when you’re short on time, it really helps to have outfits partially put together, or at least ready to be easily assembled. Not to mention when you’re totally late and completely frantic and
oh my God what am I gonna wear?
and
will I ever get out the door?
You know those times!

While I weed out clothes on a regular basis, I do keep clothes around that may not fit me at the moment—but do fit me when I’m a little heavier or a little skinnier. Some people say you should never keep your “fat” clothes around but I disagree. I definitely have my uniforms, like the go-to outfits for days when I’m feeling bloated. I know I can still feel okay and reasonably confident in them. Do you really think that by getting rid of “fat” clothes it will keep you from gaining weight? I’m a realist. My weight goes up and down, and I want to have clothes that make me feel good at every phase, whether it’s a skinny day or a chub day!