Life After Taylah (15 page)

I smile at him, grateful. “Thank you, Kel. I won’t be here long, though. I’ve got enough savings that dad can’t touch to get myself a place and get set up, then I’ll just have to focus on getting a full-time job.”

He nods. “Well, no hurry.”

Keanu walks in and sits down on the couch beside me.

“He need to be taught a lesson?”

“No,” I squeak.

“Good.”

Then he gets up and leaves. I blink a few times, then I dare to glance at Nate again. He’s sitting on a chair in the corner of the room, staring at his clenched fists. His jaw is tight and he looks as though he’s about to explode. I want to talk to him, to know what’s going on, but I can’t. Not here, anyway.

“If you don’t mind,” I say, standing, “I might just get some sleep and leave you guys to it.”

Kelly nods and points down the hall. “Room second on your left, it’s got a shower right across from it. There are fresh sheets on the bed.”

“Thank you,” I whisper, wrapping my arms around him and resting my head against his chest.

“Anytime, honey, anytime.”

I give everyone else a pathetic little wave and then I disappear down the hall. I find the shower first and I duck inside, locking the door behind me. I take a long, hot shower, washing my hair and trying my best to feel fresh and clean again. When I get out, I throw on Kelly’s shirt, which sits just above my knees. Then I gather my clothes in my arms and rush across to the room he directed me to.

It’s a nice room with wooden floors and walls, just like the cabin. It’s got light-blue curtains and a double bed in the middle. There are a few paintings from Kelly Lane on the walls. I smile; I’ve always liked her work. I find it bright and beautiful. Aside from the few paintings and the bed, the room is mostly plain. It’s nice; I like simple. I throw my clothes onto a chair in the corner and then I peel back the covers, sliding into the bed.

I’m exhausted even though I’ve not done anything to warrant it.

I glance over at my phone, and I can see the screen flashing with calls. I have no doubt news has travelled to my father by now and he’s desperately trying to ring to talk some sense into me. I decide to leave it on silent and where it is. I don’t want to read any of it right now. I settle back into the pillows and stare at the roof, wondering where I’m going to go from here. What if I can’t find a full-time job or the library won’t give me more hours? What if I can’t pay for my dancing? There are so many
what if
s, and so few answers.

“Knock, knock.”

I hear Max’s voice and look up to see him standing at my door. I didn’t even hear it open. He gives me a small smile and hesitates.

“You can come in,” I say, and I notice my voice is tired and worn.

Max walks in and sits on the bed beside me, staring down at me with a worried expression. “You okay?”

“I’m all right, Max.” I smile weakly.

He narrows his eyes as if he doesn’t believe me. “It’s never easy to do what you did, even if it’s for the best.”

“I know, but I’ll be okay. I’ve had far worse.”

He nods, his eyes softening. “How did your father take it?”

“I haven’t spoken to him,” I mumble. “I don’t need his lecture right now.”

“He won’t understand?” he asks, looking a little annoyed.

“Of course he won’t. He wants this perfect life for me. But the thing is, it’s not really for me. It looks good if the company stays in the family. It looks good if Jacob is running it and I’m his wife. It’s all been a big set-up from day one, and it’s why my father has gotten me everything I ever wanted. He’s bribing me so that I won’t pull away, so that I won’t ruin his plan. But when was I ever considered in this place? When was my happiness ever taken into account?”

Max nods, reaching out and taking my hand. “You had every right to walk away, and if he doesn’t understand that then he doesn’t deserve a daughter as amazing as you.”

I feel tears well in my eyes again.

“Don’t cry, petal. It’s going to be okay. I’ve got a two-bedroom apartment. Why don’t you come and rent off me for a while, until you get on your feet?”

“Thank you, Max,” I say. “But I think I can do this one on my own.”

“You’re always welcome, you’re like a daughter to me, Petal."

I burst into a fit of uncontrollable tears and Max pulls me into his arms, making soothing sounds.

“It’s times like these I wish she were here, Max,” I croak. “I miss her so much.”

“I know honey,” he murmurs. “I know you do. We’re not your momma, but we’ll do the best we can to get you through this.”

I don’t say anything, I just cry until I feel like I’ve got no tears left, then I pull back and swipe the damp skin under my eyes. Max takes my face in his hands, staring at me with an expression filled with hope and determination. “You’ll be just fine, I promise. Come over tomorrow with your things and if there’s anything you need to get from Jacob, just let me know and I’ll go.”

“You would?” I whisper.

“Anything for you.”

I hug him again and watch as he stands and walks over to the door. “Get some sleep, honey, you look tired. We’ll talk in the morning.”

“Thank you, Max.”

He flashes me a smile and then closes the door.

And I cry myself to sleep.

I
jerk the window up as quietly as I can. I’m thankful in that moment for the crashing waves that seem to drown out most sound around us. A warm breeze rushes past me and into the open space, causing the curtains to whip furiously. I use my arms to haul my body up and I swing my legs in, smoothly slipping through. I leave the window open as I throw the curtains aside and stare at the sleeping form on the bed.

Her.

Avery.

She’s curled onto her side, her eyes clenched tightly shut. She doesn’t look peaceful; she looks hurt. Her blond hair is lying over her shoulder, and her arms are tucked up under her face. I walk over and stare down at her, knowing I shouldn’t be here, knowing I should turn around and leave, but I can’t. She’s consuming me, changing everything I am.

It’s wrong.

I know exactly how wrong it is. I should go home and just leave Lena; I should move on and then maybe I’ll have a chance with Avery, but it’s never that easy. If I leave Lena, I’m losing Macy. Not to mention that there’s so much we’d have to go through, the legal battle would be huge. I can’t just walk away. I can’t do this. I can’t accept that this is where I’ve truly ended up but here I am, unable to walk away.

And not wanting to.

I reach down and I stroke my fingers over Avery’s cheek and she groans, rolling to her back. I keep my fingers on her soft skin, just taking a moment to stare at her and paint a picture in my memory that no one can ever take away from me. No matter what happens, I’ll always have it; it’ll always be a piece of myself that can remain unscathed.

“Wake up, sweetheart,” I murmur, running my finger over her full, sweet lips.

She turns into my touch, parting her lips just slightly. I tip her bottom lip down, feeling the warmth of her mouth on my thumb. Her eyes flutter open, and I see the moment she becomes alarmed, because her eyes widen and she opens her mouth to scream.

“Avery,” I say quickly. “It’s just me, it’s Nate.”

“Nate?” she squeaks, visibly relaxing.

I sit on the bed beside her and watch as she blinks until her vision is cleared. Then she stares up at me with that sweet, warm expression she gives me, even when she doesn’t know she’s doing it. I cup her cheek and meet her gaze, wanting her to know, wanting her to feel. I close my eyes and fight back any guilt filling my body, slowly eating away at me. I’m not doing anything wrong.

“I wanted to see if you were okay,” I say, my voice low and quiet.

Her eyes soften even more and she reaches up, wrapping her tiny fingers around my wrist. She closes her eyes and turns her cheek into my hand. God dammit. God fucking dammit.

“I’m okay,” she whispers.

“You looked like hell when you came in. I was worried about you.”

She looks away sadly. “It’s not easy, even though I don’t regret it. He meant something to me—maybe not a lot, but still something. This is going to change my whole life, and to be honest,” she swallows, “I’m scared, Nate.”

My protective instincts set in and I lean down, getting so close I can smell her. Honey and vanilla, the sweetest scent.

“I won’t let anything happen to you, Dancer. I’ll make sure you’re okay. If you are having any problems, you come to me.”

“I can’t do that, Nate,” she breathes, her lips parted, her eyes on my mouth.

“You can do that.”

She shakes her head, clenching her eyes shut, as if she’s fighting the same battle I am.

“You’re married. What are we doing here? Because this is no longer innocent. You’re asking me to go against everything I am—and the sad thing is I want to. I can’t get you out of my head, Nate. You’re in it and you’re consuming me. I don’t know how much longer I can say no, but I have to say no. Don’t you understand?” she croaks, staring into my eyes. “I have to say no, Nate. I don’t want to be that woman. I don’t want to hurt your wife. She’s a person, with feelings. I can’t be that cold.”

I stare at her and there’s so much I want to say, but I can’t get it out because she’s right. Lena, aside from all her problems, is a person, and she does have feelings. She won’t understand, and she shouldn’t have to. I close my eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath.

“I’m sorry, Dancer,” I manage to get out through gritted teeth. “I don’t know what’s happened. I don’t know when I became . . .
this.”

“Oh Nate,” she says, reaching up to cup my cheek. “We all fall occasionally.”

“I’ve fallen and I’ve chained myself to the ground. I don’t want to get back up, Dancer. I don’t want to be there. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I want it to fucking go away.”

She makes a soft, calming sound as she sits up and wraps her arms around me. I can’t help but put my arms around her too. I drop my head into her shoulder, taking a deep, trembling breath. I don’t want to walk away from her. These feelings, they’re not lust, or just a way of trying to fix a gaping hole. No, they’re real and they’re true, and that scares the absolute shit out of me.

“You’re a good man, a good dad, and you’re going to be okay.”

“You can’t know that,” I say, turning my head and inhaling her scent again. “You can’t know that I’m going to get out of this without breaking so many peoples’ hearts. You can’t tell me that if I walk now, that I’m not going to hurt you.”

“I can live with hurt, Nate,” she whispers.

I pull back, cupping her cheeks in my hands. “But you shouldn’t have to.”

“Neither should you.”

We stare at each other, powerful emotion crackling between us. God, I want to kiss her. I want to lay her down and claim her, and then I want to hold her in my arms and wrap my body around hers. I don’t want another man to have that—I don’t want to let her go. I can’t let her go. I’ve gotten in too deep. I’ve allowed myself to feel possessive over something that is not mine.

“Nate,” she says, her voice weary. “Please.”

Please what? Please don’t? Please do?

“Dancer,” I rasp, my voice ragged and thick. “You’re making this so fuckin’ hard.”

“Make your choice now, Nate,” she whimpers, her voice low and soft. “Because if you kiss me, I’m going to crumble, and there’s a very real chance I’ll end up hurt and completely heartbroken. There’s a chance if you walk away that you’ll end up the same. I can’t . . . I can’t say no to you. I don’t want to say no to you. But I don’t want you to make me that girl, so please, make a choice.”

I lean in, my lips so close to hers I can feel little puffs of air tickling my face. “Do you know what I would give to wake up beside you every morning? To feel you in my arms each night? Do you know, Dancer, what I would give?”

“Probably the same I’d give,” she says, her voice wobbling.

I swipe a tear from her cheek that slides down.

“Goodnight, Avery.”

Her lip trembles as I pull back.

I don’t look back as I climb through the window and into the darkness.

~*~*~*~

“V
ery good,” I say to my eight-year-old student, Jenny.

She spins and swoops low. Her back is a little stiff, but she’s a good dancer for her age. She’s my first full time student, and it’s been quite challenging.

“That’s it, just loosen your back, Jen,” I encourage.

She tries again, but her body is still too stiff.

“Here, let me show you.”

She stops dancing and turns to me. I do the move quickly, spinning around and closing my eyes, letting it take over me the way it always has. When I’m done, Jenny smiles, her eyes bright. She’s looking at me like I’m her future—
like I’m hope.

“Try again,” I say, standing back.

She does the move again, much smoother this time. I nod and encourage her through it until she’s got it almost perfect.

“Great, Jenny,” I say, clapping my hands. “You did really well. We’re done for the day. I’ll see you tomorrow at the same time.”

“Thanks Avery.” She smiles, rushing to her bag and throwing it over her shoulder.

When she’s gone, I make my way to the lockers and I change into my work uniform. I’ve managed to get extra hours at the library, as well as pick up a bar attendant job in the city. It’s enough combined for me to pay my new rent and also keep up the teaching. It’s not easy, and there are days I wonder how long I can push through it, but I’m still surviving.

My father hasn’t spoken to me since the day after I left Jacob. I rang him the next morning and he abused me so heavily I ended up hanging up on him. Basically, he told me he was disappointed and that he wouldn’t be supporting me again until I got back on track and corrected my mistakes. He will be holding his breath for a long time, because there won’t be any corrections.

I’m finally happy.

I finish up here and then I make my way over to the bar. I’m working tonight, and luckily for me, it’s just around the corner from the dance studio. When I arrive, it’s already bustling. It’s a Saturday night and I usually make great tips. I see Quinn, a girl I’ve befriended over the past week, standing at the bar, flipping glasses into the dishwasher. She notices me and smiles, waving.