Life After Taylah (14 page)

I’m an awful person.

I lift the bottle of vodka to my lips, too tired to try and keep drinking it from a glass. The liquid burns my throat as it slides down, and I feel it tingle the entire way to my belly. My heart aches and tears fill my eyes. I get to my feet and wobble inside, dropping down onto the couch and curling to my side. I close my eyes and try to take myself away, try to forget the thing that is refusing to leave my heart.

I must drift off, because I find myself jerking upright, eyes flinging open, when I hear a knock at the door. It takes me more than a minute to get my eyes focused, and when I do the knocking has become louder. I rub my face a few times and get to my feet. I have no idea who it could be. Jacob has a key and it must be midnight, if not later, so I can’t imagine it would be Kelly, or even Liam.

I walk over to the door and run my hand through my hair trying to straighten it out a little, before swinging it open.

I face Nate.

I blink a few times, confused. Nate is meant to be away; he isn’t meant to be here. Why is he here? I stare at him, unable to form any kind of words to say something comprehensible. He stares at me, his eyes deep and intense. He looks so good, and it seems like it’s been so long, because he’s like a blinding light to my eyes. Black skin-tight shirt, black jeans and Doc Martens – perfect. His hair is messy and he’s got a few days’ growth on his cheeks and chin.

The ultimate bad boy.

“Nate,” I whisper. “I thought you were away.”

He’s staring at me with that look that makes me feel like he wants to consume me, to take everything I am and crush it in his strong, perfect hands.

“Is he here?” he asks, his voice husky and low.

“W-w-w-what?”

“Is he here?”

He’s talking about Jacob, isn’t he?

“Jacob?” I ask.

“Yes.”

I swallow. “No.”

He steps forward and reaches out, catching me off-guard. His hands slide around my hips and he pulls me into him, pressing my body against his. He’s warm and hard, and he smells like coffee and cigarettes. He lowers his mouth, capturing my lips in his and kissing me so hard I forget how to breathe, how to think, how to feel. I’ve lost everything but him.

When he pulls back, I’m swaying on my feet. He reaches out and runs the back of his hand down the side of my face so gently it seems out of character for him. Then he leans forward, his breath tickling my ear as he turns his mouth towards my ear and murmurs, “I missed you too.”

Then he steps back and turns, walking off and getting into his truck.

And just like that—everything changes.

“W
aiter,” Jacob yells. “Another bottle.”

I stare over at the man I’m been expected to spend the rest of my life with, and now, more than ever, there’s a gaping hole in my heart at the thought. There is no happiness in a life without love. I’m learning that more and more as each day goes by.

“Avery,” Jacob snaps and I jerk my gaze in his direction.

“Yes?”

“You’re a thousand miles away. I take you out for a nice dinner and you can’t even have a decent conversation with me.”

“Do you love me, Jacob?”

He stares at me, his lips twitching, obviously taken back by my question. “What has that got to do with anything?”

I flinch. “Do you love me, Jacob?”

“We’ve not had the chance to get that far yet.”

“So, basically the only reason you’re with me is so you can take over my share of the business?”

He pins me with a scathing glare. “Don’t pretend you’re in this, Avery. Because we both know there’s no real connection between us.”

“Then why do we do it? Why are we wasting what is such a short life together?”

“If you’re thinking of leaving,” he snarls, “don’t. You’ve got no life outside of me, Avery. Your father holds everything you are in his hands and if you walk from me, he’ll crush it.”

It hurts me that I’m in this over a threat. It hurts me that my father would do such a thing. But what hurts the most is the reality that I’ll never be loved. I’ll never feel that soul-crushing, heart-stopping emotion that will change my life. Instead, I’ll fall for a man I can never have and marry one I don’t want.

That’s not a life.

“What is our life to be like in ten years?” I whisper, my voice too shaky to show itself.

“The same as it is now.”

That wasn’t the right answer.

He could have said
better
, or even
we’ll try
. But the same . . .
the same?
That crushes any hope I have left in my heart. I stare down at my hands and hear the waiter come to our table. He places another bottle of the best wine into the ice bucket beside the table, then he places our meals down. I can’t eat that—that fancy meal that I don’t even like. I can’t do anything of this. It’s not fair. I don’t want to live forever with a man who can barely look at me with affection, let alone give it.

I get to my feet, shoving my chair back.

“Where are you going?” Jacob asks, staring up at me. His expression is bored, as though our conversation didn’t even spark any kind of feeling from him.

“I’m going home.”

“Why?”

“Why?” I laugh bitterly. “Are you joking?”

He stares at me as if I’ve lost my mind. “Ah, no?”

“Jesus, Jacob. Doesn’t it bother you that you’re going to marry a woman you don’t even love? That you’ll spend your life without ever feeling love?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t need love, and as for any sort of affectionate feelings, that’s what I’ll take lovers for.”

My mouth drops open. He did not just say
lovers
.

“What?” I gasp.

“Don’t look like it actually shocks you, Avery. You don’t care if I fuck other women.”

“I would if I was your wife!” I cry. “I would if I had to tie myself to you for life.”

“We’re not going to have this conversation. You don’t get a say in this; you don’t get to choose how it goes. You’ll do as you’re told and accept it, because doing so will set up an amazing life for you.”

A life without love.

“I do get a say,” I whisper. “That’s the thing . . .
I do
.”

His eyes finally show emotion, because I think he finally realizes I’m serious. He gets to his feet and reaches out to take my arm, but I take a step back. The entire restaurant is watching, and an eerie silence fills the air.

“You walk away from this, you will lose everything. Your career, your home, your trust . . .”

“You mean I’ll be able to make my own mistakes, work for my own money and make my own career?”

“You’re not even going to consider this. Now sit down and stop your nonsense.”

“Maybe I am considering it,” I say, jerking my arm out of his as he tries to lead me out the door.

“Do you want to lose everything?”

I glare at him. “Lose everything to gain so much more.”

“You’ve lost your mind. We’re going to speak with your father and he can talk some sense into you.”

“My father.” I laugh bitterly. “My father hardly speaks to me.”

Jacob pulls out his phone and storms from the restaurant. I follow him, avoiding eye contact with all the people staring at me as I pass them. I step outside and I immediately feel a soft drizzle of rain kiss my skin as my eyes scan the car park for Jacob. I catch him over inside his car, talking frantically on his phone. I walk slowly over, letting the rain soak my clothes and hair. I stop at the car and swing open the door. Jacob’s voice fills my ears right away.

“She’s lost it. You need to talk to her.”

I roll my eyes and slip into the front seat. Jacob turns and glares at me, and he keeps his eyes on me the entire time he keeps speaking.

“She’s just gotten into the car. I’ll bring her over.”

No.

No way.

I swing the door open and jump out. Jacob curses and slams his phone down before leaping out after me. I start off down the street, furious. He’s trying to take me to my father, as if that’s going to fix all these problems. He has no idea—
none
. He lives in this fantasy world of business and logic. Love, happiness and friendship are not a part of that and I’m tired of pretending it’s how I want my life to go.

“Stop, Avery.”

I spin around, water dripping off my nose. I swipe my hand across my face and yell loudly through the rain, “Stop? Why should I stop? You’re trying to control my life. You’re telling me you want a lover and that our lives will always be like this. I don’t want that, Jacob. I want love; I want laughter and happiness. I want something beautiful. You’re
not
my something beautiful.”

“You walk away, you lose everything.”

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

He stares at me, and it seems to hit him hard because his face drops. “You’re not only taking your life, you’re taking mine.”

“No,” I say, as softly as I can over the sound of this rain. “I’m giving you a chance to have your life how you truly want to live it.”

“You walk, I’ll fight you. I’ll take your apartment; I’ll take . . .”

“Take it then,” I cry, throwing my hands up. “Take it all.”

He stiffens and straightens. “You’re making a mistake.”

I turn and walk away, not answering him further. I don’t need to; my choice is made.

~*~*~*~

“Y
ou’re not taking any of this,” he screams as I pack my suitcase.

“You can’t stop me from taking what’s mine,” I yell, throwing as much as I can in before he decides it’s all his.

“I can and I will,” he barks, lunging forward as I take my laptop off the desk.

He snatches it from my hand and I notice then that his are shaking. I got back to the apartment with a heart full of determination only to have that ripped from me when he came in after me. He’s angry. He’s desperate not to lose the company and he’ll do anything he can to make me stay.

Caffy comes trotting in and I lean down, lifting her into my arms as I glare at Jacob. “Fine, I won’t take anything. I don’t need any of this anyway.”

I close my suitcase and I walk to the front door, staring around the vast space one last time. Tears prick my eyes as the reality of the situation sinks in. I’m truly leaving, truly throwing myself out into the world with no way back. I’ll have to work; I’ll have to do everything on my own. Jacob is going to make my life hell, but it can’t be any worse than the idea of spending the rest of my life as nothing more than a stepping stone to success.

I deserve this.

“Goodbye, Jacob,” I say, staring at him.

I don’t love Jacob. I don’t even really like Jacob anymore, but there was once a time when I respected him.

I care enough about his feelings to feel some remorse as I stare at his angry face. He’s furious at me, he’ll hate me and he’ll make my life a living hell, but I’ve no doubt that some day in the future he’ll thank me for this.

Some day.

I
t’s freezing and I’m soaking wet by the time I arrive at Kelly’s place. I didn’t realize until I stepped out the door that I really have nowhere to go. My father is going to take Jacob’s side, and my brother is in a bad place – he’s also going to be left with nothing because of my decision so I’ll be working extra hard to make sure he’s okay. So, until I get myself somewhere to live, then I guess I’ll have to find someone who is willing to help me.

I don’t expect to stay at Kelly’s for long, but I need somewhere to go tonight. I’ve been crying for the last hour, not because I regret my decision, but because it still hurts. My dancing, Jacob, my father, my apartment—it’s all been my comfort now for  a long time and it’s never easy to step out of your comfort zone, even if it’s for the best.

I knock on Kelly’s door. It takes him about five minutes to come to it, and by the time he swings it open, I’m shivering and must look like a drowned rat. I know my eyes are puffy and my face is red. The moment Kelly looks at me, his face becomes worried. I hear music in the background and look around him to see Max, Liam, Keanu and Nate sitting on his couch drinking and watching a game on television.

God, I’ve made a mistake; a huge mistake.

I turn and rush down the front steps, tripping and falling as I do. I land on the sand at the bottom with a thump and cry out loudly.

“Shit, Avery,” Kelly yells.

He’s by my side in a second and everyone from inside is now outside. Caffy barks and hops out of her bag, running up the stairs to Liam who she absolutely adores. I burst into a fit of uncontrollable tears, unable to stop them.

“What’s goin’ on?” Kelly asks, wrapping his arms around me. “Shit, you’re soaked, Av.”

“Avery?”

That’s Nate.

Nate.

Oh god—Nate.

“I had nowhere else to go,” I croak. “I left Jacob.”

“Aw, shit,” Kelly says, lifting me to my feet and helping me up the stairs. “Let’s get you warmed up and we can talk about it.”

As we walk past Nate, I catch a glimpse of him. He’s watching me with a deep, emotional expression. He looks like something is tormenting him, as if he’s waging a massive battle in his mind that he can no longer fight. I turn my eyes away and step into the house, shivering so hard my teeth are clattering together.

“He hurt you, Avie?” Liam asks, bringing out a towel.

“No,” I whisper. “But he’s taken everything. My apartment, all my money, everything. And he can, because Dad will let him.”

Max walks over, kneeling in front of me just after I sit on Kelly’s couch. “You okay, petal?”

“I’m okay, Maxy,” I whisper. “I just . . . I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t keep living this life where I was nothing more than a way for him to get to the top. He doesn’t even love me. I can’t be expected to want that.”

“You never should have been there,” Liam says gruffly. “He was never good enough for you.”

“It wasn’t about being good enough,” I say softly. “It was just about being a way to get what he wanted.”

Kelly brings me a warm cup of tea and then he takes my suitcase from my hands. I didn’t realize I was clutching it so tightly.

“Let me put what’s in here out to dry. I’ll give you a shirt to wear. You can stay here as long as you need, Av.”