Let Me Love (23 page)

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I
’m awoken by Drew’s babbling and Chloe’s voice talking to him. I slide out from under Kailey and head upstairs. Chloe is on a step stool, reaching in to grab Drew from the crib. “Whoa,” I say, rushing over to pick him up. Chloe loses her footing right before I snatch Drew from her arms.

“Trey, what are you doing here?” Chloe asks me while I make my way over to the changing table to change Drew’s diaper.

“Well, good morning to you too,” I joke, and she giggles.

“Did you sleep in Aunt Kailey’s room again?” The little imp caught me sneaking out of Kailey’s room one morning. Usually I wake up early and act like I slept on the couch. But the five year old private investigator caught me red handed in pajama pants and no shirt.

“No, I was on the couch,” I answer her, rubbing the top of her head. Her hairs spring up from the static cling. She rolls her eyes just like her aunt would do, they’re more alike than they realize.

With Drew in my arms, I instruct Chloe to go into her room. Turning on the television, I sit Drew in her lap to watch an episode of Dora. I escape into the hall and peer into Tara’s room. She’s at her closet, pulling out different shirts and pants out of the drawers and tossing them to the floor.

“Tara?” I walk into the room trying to figure out what in the hell she’s doing.

“Trying to find a dress. I want to wear a twirly dress.” She continues plucking every item out until she lands on a pink dress with green polka dots on it. I swear, who the hell designs clothes for kids? They’re always so bright and gaudy looking.

“You have to put the clothes back in the drawer,” I instruct her, but she just ignores me, changing her clothes. Deciding that will be an argument for later, I turn to make sure Chloe and Drew are okay. When I get to her room, they aren’t there. Just the blare of Dora and Boots shouting ‘No Swiper, no’ fills the room. By the time I get to the top of the stairs, Tara grabs my hand. At least her independence means, I don’t have to dig up clothes and beg her to get dressed.

I hear Kailey’s sweet voice before my feet hit the bottom of the stairs. When I reach the kitchen, she’s in her dress from last night mixing Drew’s oatmeal and pouring Chloe’s cereal. The girl amazes me. “Good morning,” I say and kiss her cheek. “I had dreams of slowly taking this dress off your body,” I whisper in her ear, and she shivers. I love it when I have that effect on her.

All the kids sit down, and I grab Tara her cereal, while Kailey prepares the coffee. We really have already mastered this routine from all the times we either let Caden and Jen sleep in or Caden had an early class and Jen was too tired or weak. The eerie part is the kids don’t ask where their father or mother is this morning. It’s like they’re so used to having Kailey and I around they don’t think anything is different.

We all go on with our routine, and I’m happy it’s Sunday, so I’m able to help Kailey. She’s been pretty quiet all day, keeping to herself. I hope it has more to do with Jen than my fuck up last night by not coming back with her.

“Have you heard anything?” I ask Kailey.

Her eyes peer to the kids and then back to me before her head gives me a small shake. My stomach drops. We all knew this day was coming, but just thought there would be more time. I hear my phone start ringing from the end table. Scooting the chair out, I stand and pick it up. When Caden’s name crosses the screen, I walk into the solitude of the garage.

“Hey, Caden,” I answer.

“Trey, are you alone?” his voice quietly asks.

“Yeah.”

“It’s bad. The doctors have suggested hospice. Jen is refusing to come home, insisting on going to a care facility. They’re transporting us by ambulance in an hour or so. I’ll be back today to pack a bag.” Caden sighs into the phone.

“Don’t worry about things here, we have it under control. Stay with Jen. One of us can pack a bag and bring it up,” I inform him, my heart aching. My empathy for Caden and Jen has tears swelling in my eyes.

“Thanks,” his relieved voice flows through the line.

“No problem.”

We hang up, and I have no idea what the hell is going to happen. Even though we all knew this time was coming, I’m not sure we’re prepared for the outcome. The thought of breaking the news to Kailey, is the most unnerving I’ve felt in forever. I have to go into that room and give the love of my life the worst possible news. Her sister is in her final stages and soon won’t share the same breathing space as her. There’s no way I’m telling her in front of the kids, so I hammer a text off, and thankfully, I not only have the best girlfriend ever, but my friends are pretty awesome as well.

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A
half hour later, the doorbell rings, and Kailey curiously looks at me. “Who could it be?” I stand up sporting my pink necklace, bracelet, and earring to answer the door, fully aware I’ll be getting razed for this look.

“I know you liked the piercings, but you’re taking it to a whole other level now,” Brady jokes, walking into the house. Sadie slaps Brady across the shoulders. Dex follows behind with boxes of donuts. “Sorry,” Brady says, realizing not a good time to joke.

“Thanks, guys,” I say, and they each give me their own sympathetic look.

“Always.” Dex shoots a tight smile while clasping his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it a little.

Kailey stands up from the couch as soon as she hears the voices, staring at us from across the room. Her eyes shift between them to me, and her breath stops for a moment when she puts two and two together. A look of devastation occupies her beautiful face, and she whispers, “Did you call them?” With one nod, she’s sprinting past me and up the stairs.

“Go,” Dex instructs.

“Who wants DONUTS?” Brady exclaims in his most excited voice. I hear the girls screech, and their bare feet stomp across the hardwood floors.

I find Kailey in Jen’s room, with a suitcase on the bed. “She needs her stuff. How long will she be there? I don’t know what to bring her. Oh, I’ll have to bring her face cream and mascara. She’ll die if someone sees—.” She rushes into the bathroom, and I follow.

“Kailey,” I say gently, attempting to ease her into this.

She continues tossing make-up into a small colorful bag. Her eyes look to the ceiling, as though she’s thinking about what else to bring. She has an ‘aha’ moment and steadily walks to Jen’s closet. Standing in the middle of the room, watching her scramble back and forth, I gather every ounce of courage in me. When she passes me for the fifth time, I grab her and pull her into my chest. “Relax, baby.” She melts into my embrace for a few minutes, but then she’s off again, talking to herself while grabbing clothes and Jen’s belongings.

Instead of stopping her, I decide to help and get Caden’s things together for him. After we have the suitcases ready, I carry them downstairs while Kailey cleans herself up. Neither one of us has taken a shower, and I’m still wearing a wrinkled shirt and slacks.

Dex has the girls on each shoulder, pretending they’re on a roller coaster. They giggle as his body walks around the house dipping and rising. “Try not to injure them,” I say with an edge to my voice. When I turn the corner, Sadie has Drew in the highchair, giving him small amounts of a glazed donut, and Brady sits on the couch with the remote in his hand. “So, we’ll be back,” I begin to explain, but the sound of Kailey’s footsteps stops me.

We say our goodbyes, and I tell them I’ll text or call as soon as I know what’s going on. Caden texted me fifteen minutes ago that they’re on the way to the hospice facility. I drop the suitcases in the trunk and climb in next to her. After reversing out of the driveway, I grab a hold of her hand; coldness replaces the usual warmth.

“I’ll be with you every step.” My words are sincere and honest.

“Thank you.” I soothingly rub my thumb across her knuckles, and she clamps her other hand on top of our entwined fingers.

She stares out the window for the half hour drive. The silence between us saying everything. We know what the future has in store for us. The despair, depression, and sadness will become our norm for an intermittent time. But, I’ll see her through it, and we’ll get to other side together.

The small one story brick building looks nice and well-kept. I follow Kailey with the suitcases in my hands. The front desk area is adorned with plants and nice calming colors of pale pink and green. A friendly lady stares up at us with a wide smile that shows her perfectly white teeth. “How can I help you?” Her eyes glance at the luggage in my hands before focusing on Kailey again.

“We’re here to see Jennifer Campbell,” Kailey tells her, and the woman’s lips turn down, but quickly even out. The huge welcoming smile is no longer present.

“Mr. Troutdale, our facilitator would like to have a word with you.” She places her finger up in the air, while picking up the phone. After a hushed conversation she hangs up and instructs us to have a seat.

“What’s this about?” Kailey asks when we take our spot in the designated chairs with a table of magazines fanned out in front of us.

“Not sure, maybe to give us more information.” I shrug my shoulders.

Five minutes later, a tall man with greying hair and a slender build emerges out behind a locked door with two police officers on either side of him. His determined steps in our direction, tells me it’s Mr. Troutdale, and I’m completely confused as to what is going on.

“Kailey Reynolds?” he questions. She looks at me and then stands up, shaking the hand he has out.

“That’s me,” she answers, her voice beginning to shake. I stand up beside of her, and the police officers give me a double take.

“Can you come with us?” he asks, and I pick up the luggage.

“Oh, you can leave those here, Wendy will watch them.” I skeptically narrow my eyes in his direction, but he places a perfectly composed stature across his face.

This time Kailey grabs my hand, instead of the other way around. I bring our hands to my lips and kiss the back of her hand. We follow Mr. Troutdale and the two police officers through the locked doors.

Present Day 72 Hours Later

Trey

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B
y the time I get out of work two days after she ripped my life away, my mind is a blur, and I’m exhausted from two nights of no sleep. I check my phone and there are no texts or missed calls. Briefly, I debate if I should call her again. She has to come around eventually, she’s just grieving. Right? This has been the wedge in our relationship from the beginning. I’ve constantly had to fight against some image in her head of what my life should be. It’s my life and my choices. To be honest, I still imagined myself drinking and partying at this age. Not my now usual routine of putting the kids to bed and then crashing with Kailey on the couch to watch some dumbass reality show about millionaires who can’t find love. But that vision shifted as soon as Kailey sat down next to me on that airplane. I just need to get her to believe that.

The parking lot of the funeral home is packed. Finding a spot in the back of the lot, I take a deep breath before opening the door. This is my time. She can’t run or dodge my calls. She’ll have to face me here and allow me to comfort her and show her that we’ll weather this storm together.

I step through the doorway and people are milling about. Most I don’t recognize, except maybe some of Caden’s faculty friends from the university. When I step in the room, my heart plummets to the ground. The sight of side-by-side caskets with bouquets of flowers fill the front of the room. It’s hard to express that it’s almost peaceful that they went together. God knows I can’t imagine continuing my life without Kailey. Caden kept to himself mostly, but he showed the deep love he had in his own way. It wasn’t unusual for me to find him crying in his car, downstairs late at night, or just the sporadic tears that would overflow his eyes when Jen would be throwing up all night or admitted into the hospital. I sign the guest the book and wait my turn to give my condolences. My heart clenches, my mouth goes dry, and I fight to keep my feet planted to the ground. As much as I want to run to her and wisp her away from this whole scenario like some prince from the fairytales I read to Chloe and Tara, I don’t because this is reality not only for her but me too. Her body shifts, and her gaze concentrates on the floor in front of her while she waits for guests to hug her and whisper their sympathizes in her ear. Her aversion to looking up reveals she knows I’m here. How could she not? I felt her in the parking lot. That undeniable connection Kailey and I have had since I laid eyes on her that day.

People inch forward, and my time draws closer. She won’t be able to escape me. She’ll have to face me. I keep my eyes on her because there’s good chance I’ll be chasing her at some point.

The closed casket is lined with pictures of him, Jen, and the kids with an enormous bouquet of flowers. A small red sash, reading
‘Loving Husband and Father’
peeps out. Caden’s parents flew in the day after the accident, finally willing to help out. It’s the only reason I’ve given her the distance; otherwise, I’d be sleeping on that damn couch until she comes back to her senses. They give me their sympathies back. Caden had become a good friend over the past months, and I can’t help but sense his parents and he had a strained relationship. They’ve been upfront and honest that due to their age and location, they can’t take responsibility for the kids, not that Kailey would want or allow it. I place my hand on the casket and say a silent prayer for a funny, straight-forward man, who’s up in heaven with his lovely wife. No one could have predicted that they would leave this earth together.

Instantly, my mind takes me back seventy-two hours ago.
Mr. Troutdale’s deep gravelly voice rings in my head. “There’s been an accident...the ambulance was hit...it rolled several times...Mr. Campbell wasn’t strapped in...only the driver survived.” Kailey’s sobs were the next noise to fill the room. Her repeated ‘I don’t understands’ has me begging every last person in heaven to take this pain away from her. Send Caden and Jen back down, make this nightmare go away, make my girl happy again.