Let Me Love (21 page)

“Hey, man,” Dex nods at us. “Hi, Kailey” he greets her with a half-naked girl straddling him.

“Dex,” Kailey says curtly. I’m sure she’s disgusted by the look on her face. Looking around the room, I’m happy there’s no Rob anywhere.

“You guys want to join us?” Dex asks, laying down a fan of cards and everyone sighs before beginning to disrobe another piece of their clothing.

“Nah, we’re going out in a bit,” I tell him. “You guys staying here for the night?” Crossing my fingers he answers no. I’m shocked Brady has let this go on as long as he has.

“Nope, heading over to Billy’s, Rob’s band’s playing. Y’all gonna come?” he asks, like I would even consider it.

“Sure,” Kailey excitedly agrees next to me, and I whip my head her way.

“Why the hell would we go that hell hole?” I ask her.

“It will be fun.” She shrugs her shoulders.

I’m not quite sure why she wants to go out with these guys, and I definitely don’t understand why she would want to go to Billy’s, but like everything else she wants, I don’t deny her.

“I guess we’re in,” I say to Dex.

Kailey

––––––––

I
gasp at how beautiful Jessa looks as she walks down the aisle in her white satin gown. The wedding dress conforms to her body, displaying her curvy but slender figure. Grant’s face lights up, like a kid on prom night, when she stops at the edge of the chairs. My eyes can’t stop from watching as her dad holds out his arm, and she slips hers through his as they share a look of pure love between them. He pats her hand, and they make their way up the aisle. Once she reaches Grant, her father releases her with a kiss on the cheek. No veil to lift up, no train to hold. This is the simplest wedding I’ve ever attended, but the most romantic by far. All the guys line up behind Grant. Brady, Trey, and Dex bringing up the rear. Dressed in new matching grey suits with white shirts but each sporting a different tie. As I’m appraising all the good-looking men, my eyes stop on the drop dead gorgeous one that’s all mine. He winks and gives me a sly smile before turning his attention back to the pastor.

Once the ceremony is concluded and more than a few tears are shed, Mr. and Mrs. Grant Bishop walk down the aisle as a married couple. Brady puts his arm out for Sadie, and Trey and I follow suit before Dex and Sam bring up the rear. “Yes. I gotcha now, babe,” Jessa says to Grant once we’re all together congratulating the newlyweds. “No escaping me,” she pushes up on her tip-toes, and he rests his hand across her cheek, looking at her with nothing but love.

“I’ve never wanted to escape you, I’ve only ever wanted to draw you closer to me,” he softy says and kisses her briefly before pulling back. “I love you, Mrs. Grant Bishop,” he murmurs.

“I love you, Mr. Jessa Harrison,” she giggles.

“Yeah, I guess I kind of am,” he chuckles to himself and shrugs his shoulders in agreement.

I can’t help but feel like the six of us are intruding on what should be an intimidate moment between newlywed’s. Trey pulls me closer and kisses the top of my head. The heat from his hand resting on my own satin gown brings shivers up my spine. Visions of Trey and me in our own world after we say our ‘I do’s’ flutter to life in my mind. Would we have a big wedding or prefer to elope somewhere? Or would there never be a wedding, Trey isn’t exactly in favor of that certificate to prove your love thing. Lately, he’s changed so much, maybe that will too.

A few butterflies flutter around as Grant and Jessa walk hand in hand and climb into their limo. “Whose lame ass idea was it to do these butterflies?” Dex asks, and Sam elbows him the stomach. Immediately, he straightens his body, glancing down at Sam, annoyed and confused.

“Mine,” Sadie lowers her eyes to the cement ground, staring at the scattered dead butterflies and Brady wraps his arm around her.

“It was a great idea, it was beautiful, baby! Right, Dex?” Brady’s stern fatherly voice requests Dex to agree.

Dex shrugs his shoulders. “Yeah,” he mumbles and Brady kicks his foot. Dex raises his annoyed eyes toward Brady now, “It was, Sadie, really,” he attempts to make up for his foot in mouth comment, but everyone knows it’s forced.

“Jeez, Dex, manners?” Sam maddeningly spouts, and Dex holds his hands out at his waist as though he has no idea what she’s talking about. She swings her arm around Sadie’s shoulders, and they walk off to the cars.

“Dipshit,” Brady murmurs under his breath as the rest of us follow the two.

“What? How was I supposed to know it was her idea? It would have been beautiful—if they were all
alive
.” Dex places his hands in his pocket, shaking his head.

“Enough,” Trey tells him, “just let it go,” he attempts to help him out from the hole he’s currently digging himself into.

“Come on, guys, it’s funny.” Dex stares up and raises his hands walking backwards. “I can’t be the only one that sees the humor in this,” he continues, and Trey chuckles slightly while Brady narrows his eyes before cracking a smile himself.

Sadie and Sam quickly turn around watching the four of us lowly laughing. Their hands on their hips and astonished looks, we each try to stifle our humor back. “I just wanted it to be beautiful. I ruined their wedding,” Sadie admits, covering her face. Brady jogs over to her while Sam consoles her.

“It’s not your fault. It’s the damn place you ordered them from. What’s the name? I’ll go find them and kick their ass myself,” Brady pretends to crack his knuckles, and Sadie shakes her head.

“Stop it, Brady,” she says through sobs.

“I mean it. They hurt my girl, I’ll hurt them.” All of us burst into full out laughter. Sadie picks up her head, staring at each one of us. Finally, her lips turn up, and she punches Brady in the chest. He grabs her hand and pulls him into her. They embrace until Sadie picks up her head. “We owe them an expensive wedding present,” she mentions.

“Um...no. They wouldn’t even know each other if it wasn’t for us. Believe me, we gave them the once in a lifetime fucking wedding present,” Brady reminds her and luckily it appeases her.

We all climb into our separate cars. Trey opens my door, and I slide in. After he starts the car, he looks my way. “You are beautiful.” He puts the car in reverse, and I wish I knew how we got to this point. I wanted today to be different. I desperately wanted to forget all my responsibilities and enjoy it being just me and him.

I tried to have us do the typical things people our age do. That’s the only reason I pushed Trey to go to that condemned bar named Billy’s two weeks ago. I wanted to show him, we could have it all. We could take the kids to Showtime and go out with friends and drink until dawn. But all that happened was we became edgy with each other from being exhausted. We were tired and cranky. Eventually we decided to leave the bar at midnight, went back to his place and fell asleep. It was the first time I laid side of side with Trey instead of entwined in his arms. From that night forward we forked off from one another. He’s been so busy with the early stages development on the building that I haven’t seen him except for one night this week. Since it happened to correlate with the very same night Caden had a night class, we spent the few hours together, feeding and bathing the kids, filled with silence between us.

Jen has only gotten worse. A hospital bed was delivered and set up downstairs in the den where she mostly sleeps. The kids are confused, and I have no idea what to tell them. Caden walks around like a zombie, not talking to anyone unless asked a direct question. When the kids hop on his lap, he listens to them and smiles when he should, but the blank facial expression confirms his mind is somewhere far, far away from us. The inevitable is coming, and it has encompassed all of us, even Drew. For the first time in a while, the ping of fear that Trey and I won’t survive this consumes me. The path we’re on is separating farther. Soon our hands and love are bound to tear apart.

A tight squeeze of my hand pulls me from my nightmare, and I look up at the restaurant. “You okay?” he asks me. His brown eyes stare over with clear concern if I’m happy or sad today. He cares about me, and I’m not going to waste these few free hours we have, thinking about ‘what ifs’ in regards to our future.

“Perfect,” I say, and a huge smile brightens his face. The best sight I’ve seen in the past two weeks. “I love you,” I whisper when he bends down to kiss me.

“I love you. Let’s just relax and have fun tonight. It’s me and you, all right?” he cocks his head to the side, awaiting my agreement.

“Yes,” I mumble, and when his lips hit mine, I’m transported to our first kiss. He pours all his desire for me into our kiss, and it covers me in a warm and loving blanket. All I want to do is nuzzle up to him and savor the ocean scent that’s Trey.

When he parts from me, my body chills, and I push all other thoughts away. My door opens, and I take his hand, climbing out of the car.

The atmosphere blankets the room with love, and emanates through all of us. The small round tables are lined with white linens and small lit votive candles. Silver packages that we wrapped are perfectly placed on top of each plate. The room looks elegant and simple, just like Jessa.

Trey’s hand is either in mine, or resting on my knee, throughout most of the dinner. We talk about reality television and drinking games. I miss this carefree life of a college student. Sam and Dex can’t keep their hands off each other, constantly roaming and kissing. Every time she gets up, he smacks her ass and she jumps in reaction. Although I envy the way Dex doesn’t hide his attraction to her, neither one of them shows much romantic affection toward one another. It’s grabbing and swatting, but no caressing and lingering kisses. I wonder if maybe, in fact, they are just fuck buddies, like Dex refers to them as.

Envious of their public displays of desire, I begin to let my hand explore up Trey’s pants leg. As I continue talking about
Vanderpump Rules
with Sam, I grab his package, feeling it start to bulge against my palm. He quickly places his hand over mine to stop me, but I’m persistent, searching for his zipper. Just as I grip it with my fingers and begin to lower it he tenses in his chair, and I worry the table will pick up on the little game of cat and mouse we’re playing.

The hotness of his crotch hits my hand as I weasel it through the opening. As soon as I reach my destination, he takes my hand and places it back in my lap. Shifting in his seat, I know he’s discretely zipping himself back up, trying not to draw attention. A rush of emotions detonates within me; embarrassment, guilt, but most of all self-doubt. He just knocked all my self-esteem out the window with the push of his hand. I slowly become more enraged the longer I sit and talk about a show that follows a group of servers and bartenders that appear more like enemies than friends. Excusing myself from the table, I escape out to the lobby.

Tears threatening to break at any moment, I pep talk myself to quickly become composed. This is your night off, enjoy it, I repeat to myself. But it’s no use, the one tear escapes before I can stop it.

Seeing the ladies sign, I make determined steps to reach that door before it all crashes down. With both hands on the door, I’m abruptly grabbed by my wrist and dragged out the back door. The sweltering heat immediately has sweat starting to drip down the crease of my breasts. My back hits the brick wall before Trey’s fuming face fills my complete vision.

“What the hell, Kailey?” he asks me, anger filling every word.

“Forget it, Trey,” I push him back with my arms, but he takes my wrists and pins them up against the wall. The brick scratches my wrists as I attempt to wiggle out of his grasp.

“Why the hell are you mad?” His nostrils flare while his eyes question me.

“I was trying to be spontaneous, sexual. Make you want me,” I admit, still wiggling and shifting any weight to get the advantage in this conversation.

“I want you every minute of every day. Actually, scratch that, every second.” His hands loosen, but he doesn’t let me go.

“How come you’ve taken girl after girl against a bathroom stall or a dark corner? Hell, you’ve probably received fucking hand jobs in lecture halls. But with me, it’s all hand holding, hand on the small of my back until we get behind closed doors. I get it that I’m not as sexy as your other conquests, but I don’t think I’m some hideous monster either.” I take a deep breath, surprised by own response. That I just divulged all my insecurities about my being enough for him sexually.

He releases my grip and walks to the other side of the alley, tossing his hands over his head. After minutes of silence he marches up to me and pushes me against the wall again. “Is this what you want, Kailey? You want me to fuck you against this wall, like some groupie slut?”

“NO!” I screech. “I want you to want me so badly you can’t wait until we get home. I want to enflame your body so much that you desperately need to get inside of me, unable to hold off. I just want to be irresistible to you,” I yell back into face.

He thrusts his crotch forward. “Do you feel how hard I am right now? That’s you, Kailey.” His voice still emanates anger, but is beginning to calm. “I put myself through pain every day, so I don’t throw you over every damn piece of furniture or car. You deserve better than that.” He takes a deep breath. “Jesus, Kailey, you’re more to me than some cheap fuck in a filthy alley. I thought I’ve made that clear. I fucking love you. I didn’t love those girls. Hell, half of them I didn’t even like.” He backs up and places his hand on my cheeks. “But you, you’re the reason I get up in the morning. You’re the one I can’t wait to lay in my bed with, so I can savor every moment I have with you. Please, don’t take my reserve to mean anything but selfishness to explore your gorgeous body longer. I enjoy taking my time and savoring the taste of every inch of your skin. With you, it’s not just getting off, it’s feelings and emotions. Things I never had with anyone else.” His eyes continue to peer down at me, waiting for me to respond. What the hell do I say to that? The urge to bury my head in my hands and walk away embarrassed are tempting.

“I just thought—,” I start but he places his finger in front of my lips.