Let Me In (17 page)

“It’s Sam, Grant. Don’t be so proper. You’re practically family now,” she says loudly, and I don’t miss the frown on her Dad’s face.

“It’s good to see you. Are you on spring break, too?” I ask her, ignoring her previous remarks.

“I just had mine, so I’ll head back to Boulder on Sunday. It’s not far though; you guys should come down next week,” she mentions while walking back to her seat.

Jessa indicates for me to sit, but I scoot her chair out for her before getting into mine.

“Totally!” Dex shouts. “I heard your campus is like a crazy party place,” he says to her and she giggles.

“Relax there, buddy,” she says. “I think it’s pretty typical to other schools. What do you think, Jess? Do you want to come down?” Sam asks her tentatively.

“I don’t know, Sam. I’ll think about it.” Jessa looks down at her lap and I place my hand in hers, squeezing until she looks to me. I give her a reassuring smile and she gives me a small one back.

Since Trey and Dex were at their respective homes when Sam came for Christmas, she starts peppering the guys with questions about the band. The conversation change perks Jessa up and within minutes, she’s back to her normal self. My eyes scan the table and I see her dad leaning back in his chair, silently observing the situation. It couldn’t have been easy for a father to deal with what happened. I understand his guarded behavior toward me. Proving myself won’t be easy, but it will get us over this hurdle.

“You play drums.” Sam turns her body toward Trey with admiring eyes.

“What’s so great about a drummer? All he does is pound on a couple cylinders with two sticks. I have to actually be coordinated,” Dex spouts off and the table erupts into laughter. Obviously, Dex is still feeling a little self-conscious regarding the Kailey situation.

“Relax, Hulk. By the way, when we get back, we’ll trade instruments and then you can tell me how easy drums are.” Trey leans forward, speaking directly to him with a humorous expression.

“They call you Hulk?” Sam laughs before turning her attention to Dex.

“Only these assholes,” he says and then grimaces. “Oh…I’m sorry,” he apologizes to Jessa’s parents.

“That’s alright,” Mrs. Harrison responds while Mr. Harrison continues to quietly eat his lasagna.

“Why do they call you Hulk?” Sam asks again, and I notice that her interest has clearly shifted to Dex.

“Seriously? The guy is all muscle,” Brady answers the question.

“You should have seen him at Halloween, Sam. He painted his body green and wore these cut-up purple pants. You could scrub your clothes clean against his abs,” Sadie says and Dex’s face starts turning red.

“That’s it, Dex, find a new place to live,” Brady jokes and Sadie gives him a sheepish smile.

“Not that they compare to my boyfriend’s though,” Sadie quickly adds and Brady smiles over at her, obviously secure enough in their relationship not to let it bother him.

“Can I feel?” Sam enthusiastically asks and Dex agrees, starting to lift his shirt.

“Let’s not do that here,” Mr. Harrison says without looking up from his plate, but Sam obscures her dad’s view and feels his abs through his shirt anyway. She and Dex smile at each other and suddenly the heat in the room gets kicked up a few notches.

We finish the meal and Jessa, Sam, and Sadie go to help Mrs. Harrison in the kitchen. The boys and I start to bring dishes in when I feel a hand clasp me on the shoulder.

“Join me outside.” I’m not ignorant to the fact that he isn’t giving me a choice.

“Yes, sir,” I respond. I sneak a glance at Brady, who has now stopped what he’s doing. He raises his eyebrows and then nods his head in encouragement. I know it’s time I face this, so I follow Mr. Harrison through the doors, ready to fight for us.

Jessa

When I notice that both my dad and Grant are missing from the group, my stomach drops to my feet. It’s obvious that my parents are less than thrilled with this situation. I should’ve warned them, letting them get used to the idea of someone else. They seemed okay with Rob but then again, they never met him.

As I stand at the sink, incessantly scrubbing the pots and pans from dinner, I worry if this might push Grant over the edge. When he told me the story about his mom last week, my heart broke for him, and it was the first time I realized that he had no one in his life. He has Mr. C and Brady, along with a few other friends, but what he doesn’t have is a family that backs you and loves you no matter what. Based on the letters his mom left for him, it seems he must’ve known true, unconditional love at one time. That’s why it’s becoming easier for him to show it more each day.

“Jessa,” my mom quietly says behind me so the others sitting at the breakfast bar can’t hear. I turn my head toward her, continuing to scrub the pot. “You should’ve warned us. I could’ve eased your father into this.” She pats my shoulder and grabs the pot out of my hand, starting to dry it.

“I’m sorry, Mom,” I apologize. “But I really like him. I hope you and Dad will accept this,” I say sincerely.

“Are you sure you just like him?” She gives me a knowing grin and I giggle.

“God, I do, Mom. I love him. He’s nothing like Jason. I know you think that just because they were both in a fraternity and they present themselves in the same way, but…” I ramble.

“Relax, Jessa, it’s okay. He’s a very nice boy. I’ve thought so since Christmas. We knew you and Rob had broken up, but you never mentioned things had changed between you and Grant. And don’t worry, your dad knows Grant isn’t Jason. A father has to scare the boy who holds his daughter’s heart.” She laughs and I join in with her.

“Hopefully he doesn’t run out of here and hitchhike a ride to the airport,” I say, half joking and half serious.

“Jessa, you can see the love that boy holds for you across the room. Believe me, he’s out there fighting for your love.” She smiles and walks away, starting to put some of the dishes back in the cabinet.

I hear the guys start joking around about Grant having to talk to my dad.

“That sucks,” Dex shakes his head.

“I know, I hate the parents thing,” Trey remarks. “One of the best things about meeting girls in college is that you don’t have to worry so much about talking to the parents.” My mom turns around and scrunches her eyebrows at him. “No offense, Mrs. Harrison,” he adds, and she laughs.

“Quite alright, Trey. I remember how nervous I was when Mr. Harrison had to meet my parents. Unfortunately, they weren’t half as nice as my husband,” she finishes, giving me a reassuring smile.

“Whatever. Dad’s probably out there telling him about his gun collection,” Sam jokes, taking the seat next to Dex.

“Oh, Sam, stop it,” my mom says, waving her hand in the air. “Your Dad is more than fair when it comes to these things.”

“
Was
Mom…he has to be extra careful now. He won’t be fooled again.” Sam glances at me and then back to our mom. I’m pretty sure the boys don’t understand what she’s talking about, but Sadie does, and she gives me a sympathetic look.

“He’ll take care of it, Jessa,” my mom curtly says, leaving the room.

It kills me that she still feels guilty for what happened. I think that because Jason was her friend’s son, she somehow assumes responsibility for what happened. Part of me wants to go to her now, but then everyone in the room would become curious. I have to make a point to talk to her about it tonight or tomorrow. She reassures me all the time; it’s about time I assure her that I’m healthy now, and stronger because of what I went through.

“Aren’t you glad you don’t have to worry about this,” Sadie says to Brady, resting between his legs.

“Baby, I would love to be doing what Grant is doing, if things were different,” he says, his tone serious. The conversation in this room is way too serious for college students.

“So, who wants to play some cards?” I ask, glancing toward the back door.

“I’m in for sure. You going to play?” Dex directions the question toward my sister, and I notice her turn a nice shade of red.

“Of course I’m in. But be prepared, there’s a card shark hiding beneath this innocent exterior,” she jokes, and I see Dex’s eyes fill with lust.

“I‘ll bet there is. Let’s go, maybe you can show me a thing or two.” Dex stands up and holds his hand out for Sam. She gingerly stands up and gracefully takes it before leading him out of the room.

“Sorry, guys, I’m out,” Trey says, swinging the keys around his finger.

“And where are
you
going?” I slyly ask.

“Kailey’s. Thanks, by the way, I owe you one for getting her phone number.” He pats me on the shoulder before giving me a hug. “Don’t worry about what’s going on out there. Grant’s a big boy. He can handle himself,” he whispers in my ear.

“Thanks, and have fun, Trey. But…” I start to give him my usual lecture. Trey deserves to find someone who loves him. I know deep down he wants it, but either hasn’t found the right one or is too afraid to stick around.

“I know,” he sighs, as if he knows exactly what I’m going to say.

“She’s different, Trey. I see it in her so don’t mess with her head,” I say, just to make sure he understands.

“Got it, Sis,” he says, keeping his back to me and walking out the door.

“They seemed to have shared something on the plane,” Sadie says, and I glance over at her and Brady, wrapped in each other’s embrace. It only makes me yearn for Grant more.

“It’s Trey, baby. Don’t get your hopes up. Every time he brings someone home twice, you think he’s finally found the one,” Brady smirks.

“Well one of these times, I’m bound to be right,” Sadie proclaims. “Let’s go play some poker with the other two lovebirds.” She grabs his hand, stopping before they leave the room.

“You coming?” she asks me.

“I’m going to wait for Grant,” I say, and she pats Brady on the arm, indicating for him to go ahead.

She walks over to me. I already know the question she has before it comes out of her mouth. She asks me if I’m fine, and I tell her I am. She tells me she’s here for me, and I know she is. I give her a quick hug and her arms wrap around me tightly. “You’ve come so far, Jessa. You’re so strong and I admire you more every day,” she whispers in my ear.

After she leaves the room, I walk over to the windows and peer out, hopeful that my dad is going easy on Grant and praying he sees what I see…the love of my life.

Grant

Mr. Harrison bends down to open a slot on the gas fire pit that sits in the middle of the patio. The snow is stacked around the outside perimeter of the cement porch and I notice a hot tub in the corner. I wish Jessa and I could have some fun in there, but I’m well aware that’s not a good idea on this trip.

Her dad takes a seat on the cement bench that circles the fire and I follow suit. It’s surprising how much the fire warms you when the outside temperature is so unbearably low. Taking out two cigars, he lights one and then passes the second and a lighter to me. I’m not usually a cigar smoker, but I’m not about to tell him that. I take it, light it, and cough a little before handing him back the lighter.

Mr. Harrison leans back, staring into the fire for a long moment, as I try to appear comfortable when I’m anything but. Then his eyes veer to me and I try to prepare myself for what he’s going to ask. Which question will it be? What are my intentions with his daughter? Do I love her? Can I commit? He inhales the smoke, resting his hand that holds the cigar on his knee that’s crossed over his other leg. Slowly exhaling, his eyes stare intently at me. I watch the slow stream of smoke travel up into the sky.

“Tell me, Grant, out of all the girls, why my daughter?” he asks and I panic. Of all the questions, he picks this one. How do I describe something I just realized I was feeling myself?

“I love her,” I assure him, but he just huffs.

“That’s a cop out. Try again.” He swishes his tongue in his mouth in obvious distaste. I haven’t had to speak with a father since Lizzy, and even then, he didn’t care what I did with his daughter.

“Her heart, sir. It’s so big and welcoming,” I say, and a smirk comes across his face, but not a happy one. Is there anything I can say to please this man?

“Yes, and that’s exactly what has gotten her in trouble in the past,” he remarks, and I understand completely what he’s saying.

“I would never betray her trust,” I respond, and he leans closer to me.

“You do know, correct?” he whispers, as though someone could hear us.

“I do. She’s told me what happened.” I sit back a little due to his intimidating presence.

“That surprises me,” he says, leaning back again.

“What, that she told me?” I ask.

“No, the fact that you say you love my daughter, but you’ve been here for what, four hours now and still haven’t gone to beat the shit out of him?” He takes another inhale from the cigar.

“You have no idea how hard it was not to hop on a plane after she told me, but what good would that do her?” I ask. “She clearly has moved on, and if I make her relive what happened, I’d be the asshole.” I let the cigar rest between my fingers, although he probably sees it slightly shaking.

“Hmm…nice excuse,” he remarks.

“It’s not an excuse, sir. I know I’m not good enough for your daughter. She deserves a lot better than me. Please don’t think I’m with her for any other reason than I simply can’t breathe without her. Believe me, I’m not usually so selfish. But I can’t tear myself away from her, no matter how hard I’ve tried. If you’re going to hate me, hate me because I’ll fail her someday. One day,
I’ll give her every reason to leave me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll never walk away from her. But most likely, I’ll cause her break both our hearts.” A sense of calm comes over me that I finally admitted my fear to someone, but it sucks that the person I said it to was her dad.

He gives me a long appraising look, inhaling and exhaling the smoke. I don’t let my eyes waver from his, trying to display my best self-confident posture. “Well…shit. How the hell am I supposed to give you the third degree when you come out with that?” he asks, shaking his head with a small smile. “So, let’s go about this a little differently. What has you so fucked up, Grant?”

“Believe me, sir, you don’t want to know,” I inform him.

“Okay…no more sir. It’s Calvin. No Mr. Harrison, just Calvin. If you’re going to be part of my daughter’s life and if what you’re saying is true, I deserve to know how you’ll make her leave you one day. You won’t understand unless you ever have a daughter, but I have to know what to say to her when she comes to me hurting someday, and I want to be able to explain to her that it wasn’t her fault.”

“I don’t know where to start,” I admit. “My mom died when I was fourteen…” I start to tell him my whole sordid past. He sits quietly, listening with no emotion or reaction.

Fifteen minutes go by and I’m done telling him about my mom dying, my dad leaving, and even Lizzy. I lean back and extinguish the cigar in the ashtray on the table. At this point, I don’t have to worry about impressing him. I’m sure he’s ready for me to get the hell out of his daughter’s life.

“See, what you didn’t know is I already knew she would be bringing you home someday.”

I scrunch my eyes, wondering what he’s talking about.

“After Christmas, I knew there was something between the two of you, but Jessa was dating that Rob guy. I saw the way you looked at her and it scared the crap out of me,” he says, leaning forward again and looking me in the eye. “When that asshole Jason did that to Jessa, she was lost. She went to a dark place, and her mom and I didn’t know if she’d ever come out of it. Staying in this town after what happened has been a struggle, but we’ve built our life here and we’re not going to run away because of some punk,” his voice escalates in volume.

“Anyway, she dealt with it by changing her appearance on the outside and I was fine with that. Of course, I wasn’t thrilled with the tattoos or piercings, but it seemed to make her feel whole again. When she wanted to transfer, I never argued,
as much as I didn’t want her to leave. Whatever she felt she needed to do to heal, I was going to make happen. Now, she brings you home. Forgive her mom and me for judging you, but you must see why you scare us. We’ve just barely gotten the old Jessa back, and from the minute you guys got out of the van, we felt it...” His eyes are now studying the fire, and he looks as if he’s contemplating something in his head. The next thing he says blows my mind.

“So your mom died, your dad’s an ass, and you had a traumatic experience in high school. None of that has anything to do with who you are, Grant. I know it sucks, and that’s coming from a fellow fuck-up, but it’s your past, not your future. You know what I’ve witnessed in just the two times I’ve met you? A man determined to succeed and achieve greatness, despite what he’s been through,” he says and then presses on while I hang on his every word.

“You have to do two things, and I know it’s hard, but if you want to keep her, you don’t have a choice. Just love her and let her in. If Jessa knows anything, she knows how to love. But you have to let her love you, and in order for that to happen, you have to let her in. I like you, but I question if you’ll be able to do that. For your sake and hers, I hope I’m wrong, and that you won’t allow her to waste time on someone who won’t fight for her.” He stands up and walks over to me. “I don’t want to hear your promises or commitments. Your actions will speak for themselves. In the meantime, welcome to our family.” He shakes my hand and I rise to my feet. “Go ahead, she’s been peeking her head through those curtains for awhile now.” He nods his head toward the window and the curtains move quickly.