Lessons In Being A Flapper (21 page)

It was a weekend, so I had time to think about it but I really didn’t want to do that job anymore. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was true. I was very thankful for all the experience I got while there, the trip to New York and the gorgeous office. But in reality, it wasn’t me. I wasn’t a girl who had ambitions to score the biggest office and the best assistant. I wasn’t like Sophie.

As the waves crashed over the sand and took away pieces of the shore with them as they retreated, I sat and watched the seagulls dance above. I threw a piece of driftwood for Clara and thought about how happy I was with the few people in my life. Continuing to work at
Fashion and Flare
was going to kill my happiness because there would be constant bickering over Bayani and who he “belonged” to. I didn’t like to lay claim to a person but he was with me. Sophie had to get over it. But if she didn’t, working under her was going to be a living hell.

W
e made our way back home around 8 o’clock, stopping at the Sticky Bun café for a coffee. I smiled as I recalled my first visit here and how much had changed since then. Who knew that this little out-of-the-way place would be where sparks flew between Bayani and I? Life had a funny way of making things happen, didn’t it?

When we got back to my house
I fed Clara, got dressed and then made my way over to Marisol’s. It was about time we talked about things. While it was still impossibly early, I had the feeling that she’d be up – and expecting me.

I was right, of course. Her door was unlocked and she was sitting at the kitchen table watching the
Today Show
while munching on a piece of pie. It didn’t look like a healthy breakfast but you couldn’t really reason with Marisol (believe me I tried!) She figured she made it to 99 she might as well eat what she wants.

“Morning, Chickadee. What’s happening?” she said, not taking her eyes off of the TV for one second.

“Oh, not too much. Just took Clara for a walk.”

“And how is that little ball of fur doing? Still causing mischief, I assume?”

“Of course.” I sat down across form her and grabbed a piece of pie myself. If you can’t beat them, join them, right?

“What kind of pie is this?” It tasted like woodchips. I almost had to spit it out.

“It’s Thanksgiving pie. Turkey, cranberry, & pumpkin pie flavored with other bits and bobs. My neighbor brought it over. Rather disgusting isn’t it? I don’t even think the turkey is real. It’s probably that tofurkey crap they have for herbivores.” I almost choked on a large chunk of tofurkey at that very moment. Not the best way to start off the morning!

Pushing my plate away, I looked at Marisol. She looked worn out today, like she didn’t get any sleep. Maybe she had something on her mind too.

“I suppose you’re here to interrogate me,” she said, sighing and flapping her hand wildly. “Go ahead. Ask away.”

“Well, I’m not her to interrogate you per se. I just wanted some answers, like why you told me Sophie is your great-granddaughter if she isn’t?”

“It’s a long and complicated story. But the short version is that my husband and I raised her mother and her uncles when their parents flew the coop. Ever since then that girl has had a fascination with me. I never thought she’d do any harm so I let her believe I was her great-grandmother. Now she knows better, I’m sure and she won’t be too happy about it either.”

I thought of Sophie watching the
Today Show
and learning that Marisol wasn’t her great-grandmother. That had to be shocking. I hate to say the bitch deserved it, but she did. She didn’t deserve to have anyone as great as Marisol in her life.

“So what will happen now? Do you think she’ll still come around?”

“Probably not. Especially after I made it clear that you and Bayani are together and she’s to keep her pointy little nose out of it.” Oh dear. Well, there’s another reason to quit. Sophie would be after me with even more vengeance now for sure.

“Marisol, why didn’t you tell me this sooner? And why didn’t you tell me you were married?”

“My dear, some things are best left unsaid. Like you, I’ve been grieving far too long. I had photos all over the house of my lovely husband, John, but at one point I had to put them all away because I knew that I could not move on with his face staring at me every day.” I knew what she meant. It was so hard to move on from the past, especially when things were left unsaid or your loved one suffered horrendously.

We both just sat there for a moment in silence before I got up and went around the table to hug her. She felt so thin and frail in my arms that I was afraid I’d break her like a porcelain doll. I worried for her as she had become such an integral part of my life here in San Francisco. Her grief, I realized, was just as overwhelming as mine. Being married for 65 ye
ars and then losing that person; your partner, lover and best friend, must be the worst thing imaginable. Though we both put on a tough exterior, neither of us was unbreakable. Our shared grief threatened to overtake us both.

A
fter leaving Marisol’s, I decided to call Bayani. Hearing Marisol talk about how much she loved her husband and the bond that they shared made me want to share something just as special with someone just as amazing, who brought joy and light into my life. Was that even possible in this day and age? Could a man and a woman really fall in love and make it last for 50 or more years? Everyone I knew had either decided to forgo marriage and live with their boyfriend (which usually ended in disaster) or get married only to get divorced a few years later. It seemed impossible to find that one person you were meant to spend your life with. Though Marisol was grieving the loss of her husband as if it were yesterday, there is no doubt that she is one of the lucky few to have experienced true love. How many people can really say that with certainty?

Dialing Bayani’s number, I knew that I had to know
how he felt. We shared so much -- passion, fun and adventure -- but I didn’t know where we stood at that moment. Was this just a fleeting romance for him or did he really and truly care for me? Was he interested in more than just a short-lived fling?

As the phone rang, I pondered these thoughts but was shocked out of my reverie when a woman answered. At first I thought I had the wrong number but she made it clear that I didn’t.

“Bayani’s phone,” she said, sleepily, as if she had been awoken from a thousand year slumber. I knew that voice, as husky and tired as it was now, there was no mistaking it.  It was Sophie. What the hell was she doing answering Bayani’s phone?

“Sophie, it’s Autumn. Is Bayani there?”

“Oh hi, Autumn. Yes, he’s here but he’s sleeping right now. Would you like me to give him a message? I’m sure he’s just
exhausted
after our afternoon together but he’ll be awake soon…”

I couldn’t take it. I hung up and threw my phone on the ground, smashing it into a bunch of shiny little pieces.
How dare he?
How dare he tell me he loves me and then go home with Sophie! Is this what it all came down to? Was he choosing her over me? I couldn’t bear to think about it so I gathered up my pulverized phone, stuffed it in my pocket and ran home as mascara-stained tears streamed down my face. This is why I didn’t want to get involved with anyone. They always –always! – let you down. I had enough heartache already, I didn’t need any more.

I
spent all of Sunday at home on the couch. I cried and cried until I had no tears left. Clara licked my face as if she knew I was sad but even her sweet puppy kisses could do nothing for my broken heart. Bayani had called my house phone last night and this morning but I didn’t answer either time. Why should I? I had nothing to say to him. As far as I was concerned we were through, finished, done. There was nothing left to salvage.

As I sat on the sofa and mindlessly watched the television flicking, I thought of his hands on me, the feel of his lips on mine. The thought of him doing the same things with Sophie made me want to curl up in a ball and stay there forever. I just couldn’t figure out how he could be so
deceitful. What was I, just a challenge? Did he see me as a notch on his bedpost? Maybe he was the same way with all the women he encountered. God, maybe he even tried to hit them with his car so that he could calm them down and then bed them. The thought sickened me.

Later on that day
there was a knock at my door. As I looked through the window I saw that it was Bayani. Well, if he thought he was coming in here, he had another thing coming.

“Autumn, open up! I know you’re in there! I’m not leaving until I see you! Please!” I ignored his pleas, despite part of me being desperate to know his side of the story.
However, as the day went on and it became dark, I realized that he really wasn’t leaving. Peeking out the window around dusk, I saw his hunched body on my steps, waiting patiently for me to open the door. At that point, I gave in. I simply had to know why he did what he did.

“You’ve got ten minutes to explain and then I want you gone,” I said, beckoning him inside in a not so nice manner.

“You know you’ve got it all wrong, right? Whatever you heard isn’t true.”

“Really? Well, I beg to differ. I heard it straight from Sophie when I called YOUR phone and SHE answered. I don’t think there’s room for error. You two have a past, she clearly wants you back and it looks like she’s won. End. Of. Story.”

When he didn’t say anything, I continued on ranting. I had so much to say that I couldn’t seem to stop my mouth from flapping.

“I guess that what you and I shared meant nothing. Do you do this to every girl you meet? Are you a serial heart breaker?!” At this point I was crying again but I didn’t care.

“Will you listen to yourself?! Stop pretending that I don’t have feelings for you, because I do and you know it! I love you and have since the day we met for Christ sakes!”

“Then why were you with her yesterday? Why did she tell me that you two spent the afternoon together and were ‘sleeping’?”

He had the Gaul to look sheepish. “It’s complicated, Autumn. But trust me, nothing happened. Sophie just wanted you to think something did but it didn’t. I remain devoted to you and always will be.”

“Bullshit!” I screamed before telling him to leave. I never wanted to see him again. If he thought he could come over here and feed me lies when I knew what I heard, he was wrong. I slammed the door behind him, even though he gave me the most imploring look ever. I wouldn’t let him get to me. I couldn’t.

Life as I knew it was over.

T
he following says were the toughest. Just knowing that Bayani was out there somewhere, probably with Sophie, tore my heart out anew each and every day. It was almost like the whole world was tormenting me. Everywhere I looked there were happy couples, smiling babies and doting new parents. There were families with toddlers looking happy as they shopped. There were new couples holding hands and looking elated to be together. How long would that last, I asked myself? Were they truly in love?

Marisol didn’t call me but I had the feeling that she knew what had happened and was letting me have time to digest it all. I didn’t go
to work on Monday and no one called me on it. I just couldn’t face seeing Bayani and Sophie in the office, their smug faces knowingly taunting me and making me feel inferior.

Tuesday I decided to go to work. I couldn’t continue being a coward. Even if I went in only to resign at least I was facing my problems head on.

I got dressed in my most colorless outfit because I wanted my clothes to show I was in mourning. I put on a headband and some simple jewelry and left before I could change my mind. Oddly enough, no one questioned me when I arrived nor did they give me a pitying look as if to convey their sorrow for my failed relationship.  When I arrived on our floor, I walked to my office with a purpose. I ignored Lena as she silently followed me but couldn’t help checking to see if Bayani looked as bad as I felt. I was extremely surprised to find his desk empty, all his belongings cleared out. Where had he gone? Had he decided to do a runner?

“Um, Lena, where’s…”

“Bayani? He’s gone. No one knows why but obviously
most
people think it has something to do with you.”

“Me?!” Was she serious? It h
ad to do with her freaking boss not me! I was the innocent party here, as I always had been.

“Yes, you. Rumor is that you broke his heart. Sophia would
never
have done that. He should have stayed with her while he had the chance.” That witch! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! Though I had planned to come in to work today with my head held high, there was no way I could stay here now. Without even knowing it, I found myself heading to Sophie’s office and barging in while she was on the phone.

“Excuse me!” she said getting up and nearly dropping the phone. “What do you think you’re doing? You don’t own this place! You can’t just barge in on people when you feel like it!”

“I really don’t give a flying flapjack, Sophie. I’m out of here. I’m just coming to let you know that. Thanks for everything and nothing at the same time,” I said. I then turned on my heel and left, my stiletto’s click-clacking on the tile floor and echoing off the walls as I did so. God, this hallway seemed long when you had all the eyes of the office on you. Even Jeanette gave me a sympathetic, but rather patronizing look, from her desk in the corner. Whose side was she on? I wondered. She hadn’t reached out to me, so I supposed she had joined team Sophia. That was fine by me. I didn’t need her…or anyone for that matter.