Learning to Live (17 page)

When she finally calms down, I still won’t let go of her. “What
happened to him?” I ask in a soft voice so she knows I’m talking about
her son and not that son of a bitch who did this.
“He was too small and his lungs weren’t ready. He passed away
eighteen hours after I was brought into surgery for an emergency Csection. Somehow my neighbor heard the fight and ran for help. The
cops arrested Brad, and I was rushed to surgery for a punctured liver.”
I remember the scar and my hand slides to caress that area,
wishing I could erase it. “I was thrown on a piece of glass during the
fight and started to bleed out. I don’t remember much other than
waking up terrified in the hospital.” She pulls back and smiles at me
with wet eyes. “He was so strong and beautiful even though he was so
small.”
“What was his name?” I wipe her tears away with my thumb as I
hold her cheek.
“Brian Matthew Love. I know it’s a pretty common name, but
Brian means strength. I chose it because he gave me the strength to
believe I can make something beautiful from this disastrous mess of
my life.”
She takes a breath and her smile falls. “I had to support myself to
live on my own. I didn’t have any friends to turn to, and my classmates
just listened to the rumors of how I tried to kill my son by stabbing
myself. So I waitressed at an adult club at night to save enough money
to pay my hospital bills and make the move for school. I actually was
desperate enough to go on stage one night, but I could
never
do it
again.”
She tries to look away in shame, but I won’t let her and make her
look in my eyes. “Tru, look at me. You were beautiful before I knew
all this, but now you’re the strongest and most beautiful woman I’ve
ever met. I’m in awe of how you’ve overcome the shit life has thrown
at you.” I kiss her with my emotions of longing coming through until
we are both breathless. Then I stand up and lift her in my arms to carry
her to the bed so I can hold her against me. I lie there letting my hands
rub every inch of her skin that’s visible until her breathing evens out.
Before I fall asleep I tell her that I love her even though I know she
can’t hear me.

The sun causes a red tint behind my eyelids and my brain finally
wakes from sleep. I can hear the seagulls and feel the rock of the boat,
but I still don’t open my eyes because I’m scared that everything that
happened last night might turn out to be a dream. When I feel strong
arms around me and a warm mouth on the base of my neck moving
down toward my shoulder blade, I know it’s real. I feel as though a
thousand pound weight is lifted, and I’m no longer alone in the world.
I smile a secret smile but keep my eyes closed so Jax won’t stop the
sweet torture his mouth is causing.
I feel his body shift behind me, and I know he’s watching, so I
quickly try to relax my features. “What are you smiling about,
beautiful?”
Busted.
I slowly blink my eyes open, but the small window allows
the sun to shine in, and I have to close them again. When I roll over
onto my back and glance in his direction, he leans over me and I can
only stare. Immediately, I feel my heart pick up and the flutter returns
full force. His smile is gorgeous all the time, but pairing it with his
messy dark hair, sleepy eyes, and morning stubble, it’s just...
more.
I
don’t even have a word for it.
I reach up and outline his lips with my fingers then glide my hand
over his cheek, loving how his stubble tickles my palm. When I bring
my eyes back up to meet his, I notice he’s no longer smiling. The heat
is back in his stare, and his eyes are almost black, pupils dilated.
Having more confidence than usual, I bring my hand to the back
of his neck then pull his mouth down to mine and kiss him deeply. He
opens his mouth and lets me have control of the kiss. I feel empowered
from it, so I nibble on his lower lip in my mouth, and I’m rewarded
with a chest vibrating growl. The moment is ruined when we hear a
loud noise, and I know right away it’s my traitorous stomach
demanding food.
He starts to laugh and I’m mortified, so I cover my face with my
hands to hide the redness and try to get up. “Hey, where do you think
you’re going?” he asks, still laughing as he holds me down and under
his strong body. Even though I’m embarrassed from what just
happened, I still feel a heat grow in my lower stomach from the feel of
his weight on me.
My voice is muffled behind my hands. “To jump in the water and
drown myself.”
He straddles my body and grabs my hands to pull them from my
face. “Well if you do that, then I wouldn’t be able to take you riding on
my jet ski, but of course that’s after I feed you.” He winks and bends
down and places a chaste kiss on my lips.
“Mmmmm breakfast,” I say on a moan. I’m so hungry my mouth
waters just from the thought of bacon. “I can’t swim though so a jet ski
ride might not be a good idea.”
“Well, you’ll have a life jacket on, and I’ll go easy. I don’t want to
lose the feel of you wrapped around me.” He kisses me again then gets
up to stretch.
I watch as his shirt climbs up for a second, giving me a teasing
peek of hard muscle and a dusting of hair below his naval. I shiver
internally then get up to use the ladies’ room.
When I come out he’s already upstairs, so I make the bed before
going up. I find him cleaning up and putting things back where they
belong. He looks up and smiles at me as I approach.
“You ready?” he asks me as he walks my way and I nod. “Good
because there’s nothing to eat besides chips and sardines. I doubt that’s
what you want first thing in the morning.”
Ewww.
“Or ever,” I say while we head out of the yacht. When I
step outside I’m captivated. The salty morning air smells and feels
wonderful, plus the view is breathtaking. The water is a green-blue,
and it’s smooth like glass with the sun reflecting off it. I can already
see people out on the water and walking along the shore. Since it’s
Labor Day, everyone is off work.
Once again he gives me a ride on his back and it’s just as
wonderful as the first. I watch as a pelican flies away from the pier and
goes in the direction of the huge Ferris wheel. I’d really like to ride it
before we head back to school, but I don’t want to seem needy.
“You scared of heights?” Jax asks me as he sets me down and we
get in his Jeep.
“Not that I know of. Why?” I ask with suspicion in my voice. I’ve
seen people parasailing and I know I’m not ready for anything like
that. Besides, I bet it’s expensive and I only brought so much money
with me. I definitely don’t want Jax to feel like he needs to pay for me.
“I just want to know about you, Tru. Like I said before, I want to
know
everything
about you.” He winks and starts the Jeep. As he pulls
on the highway he asks, “What’s your favorite color?”
I smile and say, “Purple. And yours?”
He doesn’t answer at first but pulls down my sun visor and opens
the mirror. I must show my confusion. “Just look in the mirror.”
I do as he says, thinking that I’ll see something, but all I see is my
reflection. “What am I looking at exactly?”
“The most beautiful green eyes I’ve ever seen. They remind me of
the ocean before it turns blue as it reaches the horizon.” His voice is
soft and his expression completely serious. I can only sit there and
asks myself how was I lucky enough to find this man?
We reach his parents’ home, and my nerves are a complete mess. I
hope everyone’s still asleep and won’t see us sneaking in wearing the
same clothes as the night before. I don’t need my first weekend in their
home to shame me enough so they won’t have me back over. I bite my
lip so hard when Jax opens my door that I’m surprised I don’t taste
blood.
He grabs my face with both hands and stares me in the eyes. “Hey,
calm down,” he says softly with a smile, and I start to feel better.
“They won’t care or think any less of you for coming in this morning.
My parents are pretty awesome, and since we’re both adults, nobody
will say shit to you.” He grabs my hand and leads us over to the
beautiful white beach house.
It’s resting high on large pillars and has a large staircase that leads
to a wraparound porch that’s decorated with beautiful tropical plants. A
brown wicker sitting area is on one end and a porch swing is on the
other. It has windows with light blue shutters and a deck from the
master bedroom that faces the ocean. The interior is just as open and
clean, with a large room to watch TV, and is only separated from the
kitchen by a bar that has a sink in the corner. All the rooms are on the
second level, except McKenzie’s due to her wheelchair, and they all
have bathrooms. That’s a lot of plumbing with five bedrooms.
I’ve never been in such a beautiful house or around such a
wonderful family. I hope Jax is right when he says nobody will think
less of me.
“Jax, honey! Is that you and Trudy?” his mom yells as we walk
into the foyer. I feel my embarrassment resurface just knowing she’s
aware of the fact we spent the night together.
“Yes, ma’am.” He leads me to the kitchen where her voice is
coming from. As we turn the corner, I see his dad drinking coffee
while reading the paper. I want to hide under a rock to die. Cohen is
sitting on the couch watching TV and doesn’t notice when we walk in.
“Morning, Trudy.” I turn toward his mom’s voice and see a
knowing grin on her face.
I seriously need to find a hole to jump in
.
Then she looks at Jax, who’s also grinning from ear to ear. “Why don’t
you two go get ready then come get some breakfast. I’m sure you’re
both starving.” I’m grateful and couldn’t leave fast enough.
Jax leads me by the hand up the stairs, and when we reach Jazz’s
bedroom door I feel nervous, even though we spent the night together.
Why?
I don’t know. I just know I need to brush my teeth and take a
shower because I’m a stinky mess, and now that I’m finally back in
reality, I notice it.
“I’ll see you in a few, okay? Go get ready but remember to wear
your swimsuit so we can hit the water.” He kisses me goodbye, and I
feel disappointment because it’s just a quick one instead of a toe
curling one like before.
“Okay.” I sigh and walk in the door. I stand and watch his face the
whole time while closing it because I don’t want to say goodbye just
yet. I’m smiling like a fool when I turn around to lean against the door,
and Jazz is sitting on her king size, white and pink bed, cheesing it up
with her grin, smeared black eye makeup, and Medusa hair.
“Okay, girl. I would ask for deets, but since he
is
my brother, I
don’t want them. However, tell me this. Are you two a couple now or
what?” The bed is practically vibrating with her excitement.
I lean against the door and feel my smile grow as I think of Jax
and how he makes me feel. It’s like he actually wants me even though
he knows about my past.
I look at Jazz and shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know what we’re
doing, but I want to see where it goes.” My smile drops when a
thought hits me. “Jazz, if this thing between Jax and me doesn’t work
out, we’re still going to be friends, right?” I have to know because Jazz
has become really important to me, and I love her.
She rolls her eyes and throws the duvet back to come hug me.
“
Duh
! You and me chick, we’ll always be friends. No matter what
happens.” She pulls away and looks around then screams, causing my
heart to skip a beat. “OMG, Tru, why didn’t you run from me?” She
starts running her fingers through her hair. “I look like a dead
prostitute.”
I turn in the same direction and see both of our reflections in her
vanity mirror. We start laughing together because we’re both in the
same state of disarray. “I’m going to go get in the shower if that’s
okay. I promise to be super fast.”
“No, take your time. I’ll use Mom and Dad’s and meet you
downstairs.” She grabs her robe and walks out the door.
I jump in the shower and rush because I can’t wait to see Jax
again.
Ugh
. Is this too fast to feel this way? What if I’m so starved for
affection I’m feeling things that he isn’t. Maybe I’m messed up
emotionally from losing Brian. All these stupid thoughts continually
run through my head, and I know I need to stop it. I don’t want to ruin
this moment so I decide not to think too much on it and enjoy the rest
of my day with Jax and his family.