Law and Peace (7 page)

I told her that RedTop wanted to run another story about her and BigMouth but that this time we needed her to embellish it a little. Perhaps mention another Tory MP who had also hired her in the past? As you might imagine, she was not happy with this at all. Until, that is, I mentioned the figure of £200,000. Then she became a little more interested. Well, she supposed she might be able to help ‘just this once like'.

Just this once indeed. I had hit gold at my first strike and was out of there in a flash, video camera still rolling in the pocket of my jacket.

 

 

Tuesday 27 November 2007

Year 2 (week 9): Counting the inches

 

TheCreep was explaining tripping accidents caused by holes in the pavement to a couple of the pupils today.

‘It all boils down to whether it's half an inch or an inch,' he said in his usual patronising little squeak.

Unfortunately for him TheVamp happened to be passing at just the wrong time. She smiled sweetly, patted him on the head and said, ‘Of course it does MrCrinchyPinchy. You've got to make the most of what you've got and in your case I guess an extra half inch might make all the difference.'

 

 

Wednesday 28 November 2007

Year 2 (week 9): Leverage

 

Just because I was prepared to take the calculated risk in talking to RoundTheBlock, don't think I was going to tell OldSmoothie about it. Instead, I edited the footage and, still in my disguise, posted it up on YouTube from an internet café in King's Cross, before sending an anonymous email to myself with the link. I then forwarded it to OldSmoothie explaining that a ‘friend of mine' who knew I was on this case had done some digging and come up with it.

Well, OldSmoothie, as you might imagine, was more than a little pleased. He'd been obviously starting to worry about the case in the last couple of days, as denial began to turn into a realisation that he might have taken on a complete loser of a case in return for no fee and egg on his face.

‘This is great, BabyB. I don't know who your friend is and I'm not sure I want to know. Anyway, I've spoken to BigMouth and told him that whatever is the truth of the matter, we need to settle if at all possible and that this might just provide us with enough leverage. He wasn't happy but he said that he trusted my judgment.'

So, SlipperySlope will negotiate.

 

 

Friday 30 November 2007

Year 2 (week 9): See you there

 

Heard from TopFirst's fiancée today. She accepted my request for friendship on Facebook and sent the following message:

 

Hi BabyB. Really lovely to hear from you. I don't know what went on between you and TopFirst but I'm glad that you and I can remain friends, at least. As it happens, I'm actually down your neck of the woods next Thursday. If you're not in court do you fancy lunch?

 

To which I of course replied simply:

 

Look forward to it. See you there x

Chapter 3

 

 

D
ecember
: S
candalMonger

Monday 3 December 2007

Year 2 (week 10): ScandalMonger

 

BigMouth's case rumbles on. Slippery wrote immediately to the other side giving them the evidence I had discreetly gathered on RoundTheBlock. This morning they replied, telling him where in particular he could stick his offer. No real surprise there given the bullish stance RedTop have been taking all along. But then Slippery asked to see me in his office this afternoon.

As we sat down he said, ‘I need to have a serious talk, BabyB.'

‘Of course,' I replied, a little nervously, wondering what on earth I had done wrong.

‘You and I haven't worked together much in the past but it seems our paths are woven together at least for the foreseeable future, what with BigMouth's case and then TheMoldies.'

‘Yes, I can't pretend the thought hadn't been worrying me, given what a lowlife, scum sucking, slime bucket we all know that you are.' Thankfully those thoughts didn't come out and I managed a diplomatic ‘I guess so'.

‘Well, I think now's probably a good time to explain a few home truths about how we work.'

Oh, here we go, I thought. You should be lucky for the work and all that. I'm in charge and you'd better not forget it. But instead he continued with, ‘Actually, there's just one particular issue at this stage and it concerns bringing in a little outside, er, help for both of our cases.'

‘Like an expert witness?' I asked innocently.

‘Exactly, BabyB. Just like an expert witness.' He paused. ‘Though he's not a witness.'

‘And don't tell me – he's not an expert either?' I smiled.

‘Well, not in the traditional sense, at least.'

‘OK,' I said hesitatingly, ‘you'd better tell me a little more.'

‘Better still,' he said, ‘I'd like to introduce you.' He then picked up the phone and asked his secretary to bring his other guest in.

I was slightly taken aback at having someone else foisted into the mix but I tried not to show it. We both stood up as an odd-looking tall man in a brown suit with a mop of wavy brown hair and thick NHS glasses walked in. But above all, what hit me most was his disproportionately large hands, which seemed to be fizzing with energy down to the tips of his fingers.

Slippery introduced him as a man I shall call ScandalMonger and as he went to shake my hand all I could think of were those huge hands that football fans hold aloft at matches. I gathered that he is one of those types whose day job is to buy and sell stories. Not any old stories, just those involving human misery in one form or another. If the misery isn't in the story itself then it follows pretty soon afterwards. He is the kind of man who believes he can bring down anything from political parties, to star strikers, to the best that middle England has to offer: a larger than life impresario who's so much of a fraud that he even believes his own lies. All in all, he is a horrible creature who would make even TopFirst seem like a modest sort of fellow. Well, that's what I took from Slippery's flattering thumbnail sketch anyway.

‘So how will all this help our cases?' I asked.

‘Well, BabyB, that's not all he does. What with all these clients, investigators and press contacts he also acts as a rather discreet . . . how shall I put it? Er, fixer. Or as we put it to the taxman, “corporate PR”.'

‘Oh.'

ScandalMonger raised his eyebrows in a particularly smug way, as if to say, ‘Yes, I am the master of the universe and am able to fix anything. Little people, little problems. Easy.'

‘Yes,' continued Slippery, ‘we can get a little help with the planting of stories and from time to time he can even assist with the odd witness.'

‘Oh.'

‘So you can see why I might need to mention it?'

‘Indeed.'

‘It's just that I don't want to get further down the line and then for, how shall I say, “scruples” to kick in.'

‘Well, quite.'

‘So I just wanted to make sure that you were all OK with his involvement from the outset?'

Now the truth is that of course I wasn't ‘OK' with it. Not in a million years. Witness tampering for a start. Then there was contempt of court with the press. And these were just my initial thoughts. My guess was that Slippery wasn't telling me even half of it and he was simply asking whether I was prepared to turn a blind eye. After my experience last year with TheBoss, my answer was simple. Sorry Slippery old boy, but go and slip and slide on someone else's patch. I'm just not interested. Except that after I'd explained this in about ten different ways, he eventually said, ‘I'm disappointed, BabyB. Really I am. Believe it or not, you actually came on the highest recommendation from TheBoss himself. You might be surprised to hear that despite, or perhaps because of, what you did to him, he left with a very high regard for your abilities.'

‘Well that's very generous of him and all but I'm afraid the answer's still no.'

‘In which case, BabyB, let me sweeten the pill a little. What if I were to offer to pay off your loan shark and to refinance your mother's loan for the next twelve months in return for your, er, cooperation?'

My mouth must have dropped open since he added, ‘Don't be surprised, BabyB. That's the whole point. It's our job,' at which he looked across at ScandalMonger, cueing more smug face-pulling from him, ‘to know things. All things. Like the fact that a certain learned friend of yours called TopFirst is out to get you.'

They both looked at me as if they knew rather more than they were letting on.

Now I must decide.

 

 

Tuesday 4 December 2007

Year 2 (week 10): Deal on

 

Last night I heard a noise downstairs and when I went to investigate I found my mother sorting through her jewellery which she had strewn across the living-room floor. As I entered the room she looked up and I could see that her make-up from the day before was smudged from crying. She knelt there, with a couple of earrings in her hand, and stared at me with a look of quiet desperation on her face. Then she said, ‘I just thought that perhaps these might be worth something.' Her voice tailed off.

I knelt down and hugged her and she started crying again.

‘I'm so sorry, BabyB. I really don't know how I let it all get this out of hand.'

Her whole body began to shake as she sobbed. I've seen her in a bad way over the years but never quite like this and all I felt able to do was to hold her in my arms. Then I took her by the shoulders and looked her in the eyes.

‘I promise you,' I said, ‘that it's going to be OK. You've put everything you have on the line to get me to where I am now and I'm not going to let you down. All I ask is that you trust me.'

This seemed to calm her down and through her tears she said, ‘It's not your responsibility, BabyB, but I do appreciate what you say. Thank you.'

She took a deep breath. ‘You know, BabyB, you've grown up so much in the last year. If you're even a fraction as reassuring to your clients as you are to me then you're going to be an incredible barrister.'

After I'd made her a cup of tea and she'd finally gone to bed, I tried to get a little sleep myself although I slept for only a few minutes before I was woken again by the worry of what was ahead. Slippery has me in a corner and I have little choice but to make the deal. I mean, he's not asking me to actively participate in any shenanigans. Not that that would make any difference if it were to come before the Bar Standards Board. You see, that's where he's been clever. If he didn't say anything then there was always a risk I'd start making my own discoveries and in some way upset the apple cart. But by disclosing it now, he has compromised me by the very fact that from here on in I won't be able to plead ignorance. And behind all this I can't help wondering whether the whole thing might be some protracted scheme of revenge by TheBoss.

But on the other hand, I'm not going to be churlish. He's also offering to solve what is currently the biggest problem in my life: keeping the loan sharks away from my mother and for that I am grateful. So this morning I made the call and told him he had a deal.

‘A wise choice, BabyB. Which means I can now speak to ScandalMonger and we can come up with a plan.'

‘Quite.'

‘Oh, by the way, did I mention that he's already representing RoundTheBlock in her negotiations with the press?'

‘Er, no.' The penny dropped.

‘Oh. Must have slipped my mind. Should come in handy, though, wouldn't you say?'

I had no answer to make and then Slippery added, ‘BabyB, this could be the start of a bountiful friendship.' Which as he said it made me suddenly realise exactly where one of his employees, a certain ClichéClanger, gets both his clichés and the habit of mangling them from.