Law and Disorder (35 page)

But from then on in TheBoss was well and truly sunk.

So now I wait to see whether I sink with him.

Thursday 27 September 2007

Day 252 (week 52): The verdict

The Standards Board came back and found TheBoss guilty and disbarred him completely. As he came out of the hearing, he was not looking at all happy. I walked down the steps with him and he said, ‘I told you, BabyB. If I go down, you’re coming with me. FakeClaims&Co will no doubt be raising a complaint against you as we speak.’

I looked him straight in the eye and suddenly it dawned on him. ‘You cut a deal. Those were your tapes all along.’

I continued to look at him.

‘You must think you’re mighty clever, BabyB. But you forget. The Standards Board can raise their own complaint. You’re going down whether you like it or not.’

I held his gaze and something about my quiet confidence must have made him realise the full extent of the deceit.

‘You’ve been in on it with them all along. Right from when? The start of the tapes?’

We stared at each other without speaking, before I answered, ‘You gave me Sun Tzu and yet failed to remember
Wall Street
. What was it Bud said as Gecko was being led away? “All warfare is based on deception. If your enemy is superior, evade him. If angry, irritate him. If equally matched, fight and if not: split and re-evaluate.” ’

He was visibly thrown as the full picture finally became clear. As he struggled to regain his composure, I threw in, ‘Some might say, “case closed”.’

He looked finished, and you could almost see his brain whirring with all the implications. Then, with just a hint of irony, I added, ‘This place just ain’t big enough for the both of us.’

Slowly his arrogant side whimpered back into life and he gave a wry smile. ‘You know, BabyB, this might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.’

Which just leaves the small matter of a tenancy decision for tomorrow.

Friday 28 September 2007

Day 253 (week 52): Tenancy decision

Having survived the Standards Board, today there was further waiting around as chambers had their annual meeting to decide which of the pupils they were going to take on as a tenant. TopFirst had officially retired from the race, but the others remained in despite their own difficulties. Worrier and her discrimination claim, BusyBody, YouTube and her in-house pregnancy and ThirdSix, his switched papers and fights with TopFirst. Then there were my own difficulties with HeadClerk and, more importantly, my association with TheBoss. I may have cut a deal elsewhere, but not with chambers.

Come the allotted time of five o’clock, my phone went while I was in the library. Except that instead of it being UpTights, it was TopFirst.

‘I’ve worked it out.’ My stomach went through my bowels as I heard these words. ‘It suddenly dawned on me this afternoon. You were the one who set me up with Ginny. It wasn’t ThirdSix at all. You sneaky, backstabbing, conniving . . .’ At which point he launched into an impressive tirade of unprintable abuse. As if the pent-up frustration of the last year had all fermented into a bitter reservoir of bile and suddenly the dam was bursting and it was all flooding out.

‘I don’t know what on earth you’re talking about, TopFirst . . .’ I was trying to give myself time to think as I saw all of my carefully laid plans collapsing around my ears.

Then TopFirst gave the real reason for his call. ‘Listen, you don’t have to start putting up a defence to this one,BabyB.We both know I don’t have any evidence. I just want you to know that I know. I will never forget, BabyB. Nobody ever beats me at anything and I tell you now that no matter what career you scrape together, you’d better watch your back.’ With which he put the phone down.

I couldn’t stay in the library after that, so, rather nervously, I called Claire. She agreed to meet me in the pub, but just as we were sitting down, the call I’d actually been expecting came. It was

UpTights. They had made their decision.

‘You’re in. Welcome to chambers.’

I was speechless for a few seconds before I started mumbling incoherently. UpTights helped me out.

‘The others have not been taken on though BusyBody will be allowed back for a third six after she’s had the baby.’

‘Thank you for telling me.’

‘You know what really made the difference?’

I didn’t.

‘OldRuin. Kindness goes a long way, BabyB.’

Claire was the first to congratulate me.‘Well done,BabyB.You’ve been through a lot this year and I’m so pleased you’ve made it.’

‘Well we both know I couldn’t have done it without you.’

‘It was nothing.’

‘It wasn’t nothing to suggest I tape TheBoss’s conversations or to help me cut a deal with FakeClaims and the Standards Board.’

We both looked at each other and paused. My thoughts immediately turned to last night and as I struggled to articulate what I was feeling, Claire came to the rescue. ‘Hey, come on,’ she said. ‘You need to celebrate.’

I returned her smile and as we set off I quietly took her hand in mine. As we left lawyerland and walked down the Strand, we passed OldRuin who was slowly walking towards Waterloo. He was again in his Bunburying clothes, although he no longer had reason to catch the earlier train. He stopped and smiled at the sight of the two of us together. After he had greeted Claire, he looked at me and said, ‘Very many congratulations, BabyB. Much deserved, if I may say so. I know they don’t like us doing this but let me shake your hand and formally welcome you to chambers.’

‘Thank you, OldRuin and all the more so for putting in a good word.’

‘Oh. They mentioned that, did they? I’d take it with a pinch of salt if I were you. They picked you because they think you’ll be a good barrister. Something, for what it’s worth, that I also happen to believe.’

Then he noticed that I was carrying TheBoss’s magic book. ‘Sun Tzu, hmm?’ He chuckled and said, ‘I’ve always preferred the art of law to the art of war, myself.’

I got another of his enigmatic looks. ‘I know you’ve had a few difficulties this last year and perhaps even made a few mistakes.’ He hesitated, smiled gently and then went on. ‘Don’t be too hard on yourself. We’re all learning. And making mistakes. It’s what we do. Right up to our last breath.’

As we parted, I looked up and noticed a familiar face staring back at me from one of the enormous advertising hoardings next to the road. It was none other than JudgeJewellery promoting her latest range for CheapnNasty underneath a slogan which echoed the words of OldRuin.

‘Who are we to judge?’

Acknowledgements

I'd like to thank the following people in particular for their invaluable help in the making of
BabyBarista
: my agent Euan Thorneycroft of A.M. Heath; the wonderful team at Bloomsbury: Alexandra Pringle, Helen Garnons-Williams, Mary Morris, Jenny Parrott, Erica Jarnes, Sarah Marcus, Penelope Beech and Jude Drake; Alex Spence at
The Times
; Dean Norton and everyone at 1 Temple Gardens for their continued support; cartoonist Alex Williams; writers Mark Evans, Andy Martin, Tom Anderson, James Woolf and Alex Wade; barristers Mark Warby QC, Daniel Barnett, Mark Sefton, Dominic Adamson, Aidan Ellis and Anthony Johnson; Garry Wright at Law Brief Publishing; Di Beste and Jo Pye at CPD Webinars; the creative team of Paul Irwin (Goat) and Miranda Coberman; Andrew Griffin at XPL Publishing; Delia Venables; Tamsin Robinson; Mike Semple-Piggott, David A. Giacalone and the community of ‘blawgers'; readers of the blog at
The Times
; Rev. Bill Long, Rev. Dr John Stott and Rev. Barry Priory; Tim Heyland at Tiki; Gus, Ross, Claire and Lisa Thomson at Saltrock; Mikey Corker at Loose-Fit; Jools at Gulf Stream; Graham and Angie at the Black Horse; Emma and Andy at The Corner Bistro; William Sin at Y Ming; Richard Waddams; Jonny Bull; Jay Stirzaker; Fiona Sturrock; Jamie Bott; Simon Skelton; Sandra Dahl; Douglas E. Powell; Tamsin Onslow; Jim and Kath Gardner; Rachel Kyle; Matt, Nora and Jim Waddams; Rita Roup; Dr Basil Singer; Mark and Luke von Herkomer; Andrew Clancey (Clanger); Jon Gilbert; Joe Kenneally; Nathan Roberts; Michael Pritchett; Ben Finn; Madeleine Potter; Valerio Massimo; Alexia Somerville; James Roccelli; Tom Hampson; Pam Sharrock; Richard and Hannah Pool-Jones; Toby Backhouse; Taffa Nice; Rick (Hammer) Yeo; James Yeo; Stuart (Max Steele) and Maggie de la Roche; Gareth Harrison; Miranda Barnett; Peach Wright; Richard Hall; Simon Nixon; Simon Rumley; Kat Algate; Marie Fraser; Dan Rudman; Sunny Rudman-Male; Neil Ferguson; Russell Briggs; Jo and Dave Williams; Jan and Phil Hall; James and Alison Benning; Billy Cox; Richard Gregory; Chris Preston; Kieron Davies; Wayne McGrail; Ian Wright; Jon Curtis; Vicky Woodward; Les Wolnik; Nick and Ellie Ridler; Lawrence Dick; Elizabeth Renzoni; Katie Langdon; Steve Pye; Sophie Ashcroft; Nick Priddle; Mary Clay; Bruce and Kath Baker; David Andrews; Adam and Kelly Bradford; John, Julia, Lewis, Josie and Joan Kliem; the Best family and Graham and Sandy; Elizabeth, John and Heidi Tempest; Robin Kevan; Sue Chambers; Tina Kevan; Bob Chambers; Lucy, Nick, Toby and Dominic Hawkins; Anna Kevan; Bruce Wilson; Sophie Kevan and all my family; and above all, Dr Michelle Tempest.

A Note on the Author

Tim Kevan
is a barrister and writer. As well as writing the BabyBarista blog first for
The Times
and now for the
Guardian
, he practised as a barrister in London for ten years, during which time he wrote or co-wrote ten law books, was described by Chambers UK as ‘incredibly talented’ and with an ‘unsurpassed knowledge of the law’ and was a regular legal pundit for television and radio. He is also the co-author, with Dr Michelle Tempest, of
Why Lawyers Should Surf
, which
The Times
Online described as ‘a song for the modern age which could well become a cult classic’ and the
Independent
said ‘makes a strong case for [surfing] being a productive metaphor of our immersion in time and space’. He now lives by the sea in Braunton, North Devon, goes surfing at the merest hint of swell and is a co-founder of two businesses which provide online legal training and publishing respectively: CPD Webinars and Law Brief Publishing. Brought up in Minehead in Somerset, he was educated at Cambridge and was a scholar of the Middle Temple.

www.timkevan.com

timkevan.blogspot.com

www.babybarista.com

www.guardian.co.uk/babybarista

First published in Great Britain 2009 as
Baby Barista and The Art of War

This electronic edition published in 2010 by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc

Copyright © 2009 by Tim Kevan

Every reasonable effort has been made to trace copyright holders

of material reproduced in this book. If any have been inadvertently

overlooked the publishers would be glad to hear from them.

All rights reserved

You may not copy, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise

make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means

(including without limitation electronic, digital, optical, mechanical, photocopying,

printing, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the

publisher. Any person who does any unauthorised act in relation to this publication

may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages

Bloomsbury Publishing, London, Berlin and New York

36 Soho Square, London W1D 3QY

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 9781408811214

Visit www.bloomsbury.com to find out more about our authors and their books

You will find extracts, author interviews, author events and you can sign up for

newsletters to be the first to hear about our latest releases and special offers

www.bloomsbury.com/timkevan