Law and Disorder (26 page)

Tuesday 19 June 2007

Day 181 (week 38): Infighting

‘So what do you think I should do, BabyB?’ ‘About what exactly, ThirdSix?’

‘You know. The rumours started by TopFirst.’

Well, it seems they’re all after my advice at the moment and aren’t I the one who’s only just too happy to dispense it with a smile? Of course, you might by now anticipate my answer. ‘Oh, you know, I think if I were you I’d probably ask BusyBody. She’s bound to know.’

Sure enough, by this afternoon, BusyBody had once again been my unwitting accomplice and over lunch had helped ThirdSix to decide that he needed to take action. So it was that at chambers tea, TopFirst and ThirdSix were starting to square up to each other.

‘You made a data protection request to my chambers?’

‘No I didn’t.’

ThirdSix poked TopFirst in the chest with his finger in a very unbarristerish form of advocacy and you could see the blood rising to his cheeks. ‘So how did you come across the information you’ve been spreading?’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘Yes you do.’

‘No I don’t.’

At this point I wanted to interrupt and start the rest of chambers tea up with a pantomime chorus of ‘Oh yes he does’ but I just managed to restrain myself as their tempers started to flare. The thing is TopFirst will never admit to his duplicity in reading the confidential letter and so ironically the buck will remain firmly with him. Eventually ThirdSix stormed off in a huff. It’ll be interesting to see if and how ThirdSix takes his revenge.

So, as my two main competitors start to fight each other, I think I shall retire quietly into the background and put my feet up for a while. Not.

Wednesday 20 June 2007

Day 182 (week 38): Kick while down

Having weakened TopFirst with all the ThirdSix nonsense, today was the perfect day to arrange the final meeting with Ginny the HoneyTrap. Last week I’d already re-arranged it for

this evening, but just to keep him on his toes I sent him an email from Ginny today rearranging it once again, this time for tomorrow evening. Despite this, he confirmed without any reservations, even though he’ll have to get out of yet another case to be there. Last week he claimed he had a family funeral today. It’ll be interesting to see what he comes up with for tomorrow.

Thursday 21 June 2007

Day 183 (week 38): Mystery illness

Well, I now know what TopFirst came up with as an excuse, since I was given his case after he phoned in this morning claiming to have gone down with the flu. HeadClerk’s response to this as he handed me the papers one hour before the hearing was, ‘There are only four other people in chambers who have missed cases more than once. Most of these have been because of so-called ‘illnesses’, which in fact involved either alcohol or young ladies, or both. I don’t wish to know which of these is responsible for TopFirst’s little ‘flu bug’ but I certainly hope it was something more attractive than that wine bar plonk of which he’s so fond.’

Just to add further spice to the mix, I suggested a drink with ThirdSix this evening in the pub next door to the wine bar where TopFirst is meeting Ginny.

Friday 22 June 2007

Day 184 (week 38): Debrief

So last night was the big one for Ginny and TopFirst. Didn’t go quite as I’d planned, but I’ll take it as a result nonetheless. Ginny gave me a call this morning and gave me a debrief, so to speak. ‘He’s so sad, BabyB. He’s completely full of himself on the surface and yet he simply can’t hide his desperation.’

‘So where did he take you?’

‘Oh, it was non-stop. First there was a wine bar and then some posh restaurant or other in Covent Garden. Managed to get in this time as well. Then, after he was already pretty much blind drunk on champagne, he insisted on going on to some trendy bar around
the corner for mojitos.’

‘And what did he come out with?’

‘So much, BabyB. I think you’ll be pleased with the video. Had lots to say both about the pupils and about other people in chambers. Not very flattering about anyone. Certainly enough to embarrass him pretty badly.’

‘Any lunges?’

‘Far worse. Once we were at the final bar he started saying that he was falling in love with me and then followed it up with a ‘‘lunge’’, as you call it. Well, I managed to palm him off with an invitation back to mine and we left and got a cab. I told him I’d been lent the flat by an old schoolfriend who was away on holiday.’

‘And . . .’

‘Hold your horses. I’ll get to it. It’s worth the wait, I promise. Anyway, back at mine he kept on trying to grope me until eventually I just told him to get undressed whilst I popped downstairs for something. I went out of the flat and then there was nothing for it but to scream. Did a pretty good job as well.’

‘I’m starting to see where this is going.’

‘Spot on. My only worry was that TopFirst made it out to the rescue before one of the neighbours.’

‘And?’

‘Like clockwork. Out he comes, so to speak and there was me straight back in the flat and locking the door.’

‘Well, that’s certainly above and beyond the call of duty. What did he do after that?’

‘Not much he could do. Lots of sad, pathetic mewing outside until he realised that he was done for and had to go onto the streets of Stratford in his birthday suit. Can’t imagine how he got home since there aren’t many cabs out at that sort of time.’

Somehow he must have made it home as I saw him today in chambers, although Ginny’s story explains why he was looking rougher even than the apocryphal badger’s rear end. All of this has apparently been caught on camera by Ginny. Certainly the stuff he said about chambers will help. But the fact he was trying it on with Ginny when his fiancée was sitting quietly at home is likely to worry him most. It’s not helped by the fact that his fiancée is the daughter of an extremely well-known judge in the Court of Appeal.
Overall, should be enough to finish him for good. The problem is that Ginny can also see the value of the tape.

‘The thing is, this job was far bigger than you ever explained it might be and the results I got couldn’t be more helpful to you. I think you and I understand each other, BabyB, and I don’t actually think you’ll be surprised to hear that the price has gone up.’

‘What? How much?’

‘Five grand, BabyB. In cash. And then you get your video. Every last second of it.’

This is money I simply don’t have available. Might be time to move things along with FakeClaims&Co and then speak to TheBoss about an advance.

Monday 25 June 2007

Day 185 (week 39): Quelle chance

One thing I didn’t mention on Friday is the other part of the story of Thursday night, which might actually result in my not needing to use Ginny’s tape. It starts back in the pub to which I’d casually invited ThirdSix.

‘Isn’t that our friend Mr Stab-You-In-The-Back TopFirst?’ asked ThirdSix, as he pointed through the window to the tables outside the wine bar next door.

‘So it is,’ I remarked casually.

‘And who’s the stunning girl he’s with? It’s definitely not his fiancée. I’ve seen a picture of her on his desk.’

‘No idea,’ I said.

‘He’s holding her hand,’ he continued.

‘So he is,’ I observed neutrally.

‘He’s playing away from home, BabyB. Could be perfect for getting him back. Maybe I can video him canoodling with her using my mobile?’

‘I’d be careful if I were you,’ I warned.

‘Definitely. No worries there. I’ll just keep a safe distance.’

‘Your fight, I guess,’ I rejoined, with which ThirdSix set about getting some dirt on TopFirst.

I certainly look forward to hearing how he got on. Either way, though, I still need to get that tape from Ginny, even if it ends up simply being an insurance option.

Tuesday 26 June 2007

Day 186 (week 39): Loose ends

Just to tie up the loose ends, as TheVamp might say, I sent the following email from Ginny’s account to TopFirst today:

From:
[email protected]

To: TopFirst

Date: 26 June 2007, 13.15

Dear TopFirst,

To a limited extent I guess I should apologise for my undignified behaviour the other evening. I hope that you might forgive this when you learn that earlier that day I had learned on the grapevine via OldRuin that you are, in fact, engaged to be married. I wish you both a long and happy marriage. Please do not contact me ever again.

Ginny

Wednesday 27 June 2007

Day 187 (week 39): Sleeping dogs

Went out for coffee with ThirdSix today and got the low-down on his own results. Apparently he followed TopFirst and Ginny at a safe distance and then sat at a nearby table in the restaurant where he was able to take a video with his phone. Says that he got loads of comments about members of chambers and, most importantly, the romantic advances which were being made. He’s mulling over what he should do with the video. By the level of his nervous energy, it was clear that he had already decided to use it in some way against TopFirst. With the knowledge that my advice would be ignored, I said, ‘You know, if I were you, I’d just let sleeping dogs lie.’

Thursday 28 June 2007

Day 188 (week 39): UsherCraft

I won’t say what court I was in today. To do so would probably trigger an investigation from the new Ministry of Justice. The reason is simple. One of the judges is having an affair with his usher and all the barristers know about it. But what’s unusual about this, you might ask? The answer is the fact that the barristers also know that the usher actually insists on deciding all of the cases for the judge. This led to a feeding frenzy in the waiting room as barristers queued up to book in and try and slip in a few submissions in the process. I didn’t realise this until afterwards, unfortunately, and was a little perplexed as to why my opponent spent so much time explaining what a hard journey he’d had and how his mother wasn’t very well at the moment and how important this case was to his client. In hindsight, I can now see that the usher had been charmed. Following our submissions, the judge asked for five minutes to consider his judgement. The usher showed us out and then returned into court for the deliberations. Needless to say, I lost, though at least I will know better for next time. Just to make it worse, when we came out of court the client couldn’t have been more grateful.It reminded me of something TheBoss once said,‘It’s the losers that’ll thank you, BabyB. The winners just assume it was down to them. The losers see you as fighting the good fight against the odds.’

Friday 29 June 2007

Day 189 (week 39): Cherish the gift

‘How’s the family, BabyB?’

OldRuin’s sympathetic tone reaches parts of a BabyBarista’s heart that his fellow members of the Bar fail to reach. Today he was again treating me to a catch-up lunch at Simpson’s in the Strand. ‘I’d have the roast beef, if I were you,’ he followed up, softening his enquiry after I had paused.

‘Good idea. It’s very kind of you to treat me like this. Not something you get very often as a pupil.’

‘Some things don’t change, BabyB. Don’t worry. It’ll all turn out for the best.’ He looked at me and then quietly asked,‘How’s home life?’

Without even realising I was doing it, I slowly started to open up in a way I had only ever done with Claire before. ‘It’s OK, though it can be difficult at times.’

‘It’s just you and your mother, I believe?’

‘That’s right.’

‘I sometimes think it’s hard being young these days.’

‘Oh, it’s OK. Plenty of people in the same boat.’

‘Forgive me for asking, but are there financial pressures?’

‘You know, sometimes I don’t even know how we’ve made it through this far. We’re both absolutely laden to the hilt with debts and are just counting on my making it at some point at the Bar. That’s a big worry.That it’ll all have been for nothing.That I’ll have inflicted all this on my mother and for no benefit whatsoever.’

‘And how does your mother cope?’

‘That’s my biggest fear, OldRuin. She’s extremely fragile. Struggled ever since my dad left and sometimes I do worry . . .’

‘Fear, BabyB. It’s a part of caring for someone. My wife was ill for five years before she finally passed away. Each day I kissed her goodbye in the morning, I prayed, literally prayed, that it would not be our last goodbye. Then one day, it was.’

I was silent.

‘I’m sorry,BabyB.I think I’m doing no more than articulating your worst fears. It’s not a bad thing to take them out and examine them once in a while. Makes it easier to put them away afterwards.’

I nodded and he smiled. I wanted to tell him about the loan company, about TheBoss blackmailing me to help him and even to confess about my scheming with the pupils. But the shame and the fear were simply too great. Perhaps he saw this cross my eyes as he continued, ‘The Bar, BabyB, isn’t about dusty law books. It’s all about people and their problems. You’ll be the stronger for it.’

‘Thank you, OldRuin. I’m sorry to offload.’