Lasting Attraction (Cassie Series) (8 page)

             
She smiles but not at me, and I watch as she stands. We go into the ultrasound room and do as the doctor says. She lays down on some table and I stand next to her. When the new doctor, or technician as I think she said, comes in, she introduces herself and makes a little speech as she prepares everything for an ultrasound. I've never seen one, but I'm too nervous to even pay attention to what she is saying.

             
Its when I hear a heart beating so fast it sounds like they have a hummingbird on audio. It catches my attention immediately and I stare at the black and white computer screen as buttons are being clicked and a few things are being typed. In a natural habit I grab Cassie's hand and she gives me a squeeze, then I'm reminded of how nervous she must really be. I look down at her but she is staring at the screen too, biting her lip, tears rolling down her cheeks. Happy tears it seems though.

             
"Okay," the technician doctor person says. I look up at her and she smiles at us like we're a couple. Is it wrong I
want
her to believe we are? "Its looks as though you are approximately 13 weeks, and your due date is January..." she continues the speech when all the air in my lungs disappears.

             
The next several minutes feels like an out of body experience as my hand pulls from Cassie's, then I turn and walk out of the room. I don't remember even walking the halls or out the door, I just remember sitting in Cassie's driver seat when her passenger door opens and in she slides. She slams the car door and I look to the clock, seeing that we arrived at the doctors almost an hour ago. Shit, we were in there forever. I hope every appointment isn't that long, because damn right that I'm attending every fucking appointment there is. I know I just acted like a total asshole, I don't even know why I walked out of that room, but I just did. It just happened. I felt as though I had no control over my emotions.

             
"Will you just fucking drive already," Cassie yells.

             
I look to her as I crank the engine. "I'm sorry I walked out of there."

             
She turns her body to face me completely, her body shaking and her face paled. "Fuck you, Avery. I was supposed to have counted on you and when I just needed you the most, you walk away from me without a word. You do this shit, all the damn time. This is why I was glad it wasn't your child, because although my heart belongs to you, you're a selfish fucking prick! Fuck you Avery Manning, fuck you."

             
"Cassie, angel, baby, I promise..."

             
"Fuck your promises. I'm not your angel, I'm not your baby, and I’m so damn happy this isn’t your child." She opens the door and climbs out before I have the chance to stop her. I watch as she just starts running. I turn the key and get out of the car and run after her, catching up in just minutes.

             
"Please, stop!" I yell even though I don't have to at this point, since I'm in arms reach to her. She pauses and turns her body to look at me. "I really am sorry, Cass. I want to be in your life, in this baby’s life, I want this. I want you, and me, and a baby, and a family. I want-"

             
I don't see it coming but I should have. The stinging pain across my cheek is well deserved. "I hate you," she seethes and walks back towards the car. I stand here, knowing she can't go far without me, but she obviously needs a moment alone. I can't help the few tears that I shed, but before I make my way towards Cassie again, I wipe at them so she can't see.

             
Cassie will be mine again, this much I know is true. Now that I know for certain, I'm going to give her the well-deserved space she so obviously wants and needs.

             
The ride home was ridiculous. I had the volume turned up so loud I could barely hear myself think, but that wasn't a bad thing because then I didn't have to think about the shit I got myself into... once again. At least it was easy to distract myself from Avery, who just ripped my heart out.

             
How could he have just walked out like that?

             
Once we got back to the apartment, I went straight inside and into my room, slamming the door behind me. I heard as he went into his room, and he never even came in to check on me. I laid down on the bed, where sleep quickly found me, and now I'm here at nine o'clock at night, curious as to if he is in his room or not, and if he is thinking about me and the situation or not.

             
I pick up my phone and look to see three missed calls from Pierce but no messages. I press on his name and listen as it rings on the other line. As I'm about to hang up, he answers, sounding like he may have been sleeping.

             
"Hey, I saw you called, sorry, I was sleeping."

             
With a gruff voice, he replies, "Its okay I figured. How was your day?"

             
"It was..."
horrible. So incredibly horrible. But of course I'm not going to say anything along those lines.
"Fine. I miss you."

             
There is an awkward silence for a moment before he says, "What happened?" I guess I shouldn't put it past him. He knows me better than I know myself. "You had your appointment today, right?"

             
"Yeah, I went in this afternoon. I'm thirteen weeks."

             
"That's awesome, babe, so when is your due date?" I'm about to open my mouth but apparently he did the math in his head. "We've only been together twelve weeks, Cassie."

             
Now I'm the one making the pause awkward. "Well, no, we've been together thirteen weeks yesterday."

             
"So what are you saying, exactly?"

             
I really didn't want to have this damn conversation on the phone. I should have waited. It just naturally came out that way. "I'm saying I'm not sure who the father is, you or Avery."

             
"Fuck," he mutters under this breath. "Are you fucking kidding me right now?"

             
"I'm sorry, Pierce. I'm so incredibly sorry."

             
"So when the hell will you find out who the father is?" His voice getting louder with each word spoken.

             
That is the same question I had to ask the doctor when Avery walked out of the room and I got cleaned up from the ultrasound. "They need a blood sample from you, Avery, and myself. The baby’s blood is already naturally mixed with mine, so they can easily detect paternity while I'm pregnant, but they recommended I be closer to twenty-two weeks for accuracy."

             
"Well isn't that just fucking perfect."

             
Tears start to well in my eyes but I don't tell him that, and I try to keep a calm, stern voice when I answer him back. "I know, Pierce, and I'm so sorry about everything. You have no idea how sorry I am. I don't know how it happened, I take my birth control religiously and I... hello? Pierce?" I pull the phone and look down to see his face blinking on the phone before it goes to my home screen.
He hung up on me? He seriously just hung up on me?

             
Avery walks away.

             
Pierce hangs up.

             
I need my best friend.

             
I bring Aubrey's name up and give her a call. She answer groggily and I remember that she is still a new mom and sleeps as often as she can. I tell her it was nothing, just an argument with Pierce, and that I want to see her tomorrow. I don't think she actually registers anything as she hangs up the phone to go back to sleep. I get out of bed and head for the kitchen, needing a glass of milk for the sudden heartburn.

             
The house is pitch black when I walk out there, so I make my way over and turn on the light above the stove before grabbing a glass and filling it with chilled milk. I slowly drink some down and turn around, screaming mid-sip, choking on my drink. Avery is sitting on the couch, and it scares the shit out of me. I didn't think he was home and it doesn't register immediately that it's him.

             
When I catch my breath from choking, I focus a little harder just to realize that he is sleeping. He is slumped down with his head resting against the back of the couch, obviously falling asleep mistakenly. I walk into the living room and I sit down on the love seat, just watching him sleep. I know that sounds a little creepy- the idea of it sort of is- but its all I get of him right now.

             
I look at what he is wearing, which happens to be ripped, faded jeans, a collard tee shirt and his favorite pair of DC's. His hair is spiked into a faux hawk and I can smell the crisp manly scent coming off from him. I lay back on the love seat and continue to stare, wondering where he was planning to go tonight. Wondering why he walked out on me today.

             
He wanted to be my friend when he found out I was pregnant. He did the absolute sweetest thing in the world by raining kisses on my belly. He supported me enough to bring me to the doctors. He even acted heart broken and distant from me, making me believe deep down he was pretending this was all his story. Then when he found out there was a possibility it was his, he dropped my hand and left.

             
I felt an actual physical pain in my chest when he walked out of the room. I've never felt so heart broken in my entire life. Those first few moments that he disappeared on the other side of the door felt like an eternity. It was unlike anything I could explain.

             
My body starts to shake just at the thought, then I'm brought back to the fact that Pierce just hung up on me. I can understand him being pissed- thinking I'm pregnant with his child then finding out,
oh hey, maybe not.
Trust me, I felt the same damn panic inside me as well.

             
I don't want the father of the child to determine who I end up with either. I want to be with someone who loves me for me, and nothing more. Granted, whoever the father is, I want them in the child's life from now until forever, but it doesn't mean that is who I have to end up with.

             
Then why do I
want
the father to be Avery? Why do I want to end up with him and spend forever with him? I've never hated and loved someone so much at the same damn time. I have a frustrating relationship with Pierce as well, and I love him, God knows I do. Its just not as strong. Had Avery never came back into my life, then Pierce would be mine. He is made just for me. I know this without a doubt. We are meant to be in so many ways, its just, Avery comes first.

             
He always came first. It was never a question.

             
We love to rip each apart and make each other feel loved. Our relationship is raw and heart wrenching and enduring all at once. We are so compatible at times it makes us anything but that. So then enter Pierce, who brought out a side of me I couldn't control, who pulled at heart strings I didn't even know existed, who stole a piece of me I'll never be able to get back.

             
I love them both. I'm not able to give them all or nothing. I'm not able to walk away from one of them because it would shatter so much of myself. But I have to make a choice, and more than that, they have to decide. A foot needs to be planted and when it comes down to it, I will chose Avery, if he'll have me.

             
Standing back up, I walk over and sit next to him, laying my head on his chest. He doesn't even stir beneath me and I'm okay with that. This is my moment to enjoy with him, and I'm going to enjoy it as long as I can. After all, he will be gone at the end of the week, and this really isn't how I wanted to spend my time with him while he is actually home.

             
I succumb to sleep after only a few minutes and my dreams are filled with Avery and the future I want with him.