Knave of Broken Hearts (22 page)

Well, fuck. He should just butt out.

Billy looked at Jim. “Wait. I’m behind here. What report? Didn’t you go to Dr. Haselbaum?”

Shit on a stick.

Ken crossed his arms. “Haselbaum sent Jim to me when he discovered he has a heart murmur. I’ll let him tell you more.” He glanced at Jim, then stuck out a hand to Billy. Hard to not envy Billy’s getting to touch him. “So, welcome. I’m sure I’ll see you and your crew again since Jim seems to be a favorite of the building owner. Take care.” He strolled across the plaza toward the parking garage as if he hadn’t just land mined Jim’s existence.

Billy didn’t frown often.
Welcome to the exception.
“We need to talk.”

“I should get upstairs and check on the crew.”

“They know what they’re doing. I want to know what you’re doing. Come on.” He started walking toward the parking structure. Jim didn’t move and after a few steps, Billy turned back.

Jim shook his head. “I’ve got shit to do.”

“Yeah, like tell me what’s going on.”

“Nothing.”

Billy took one step closer. “You’re dating the owner of the building, you have a heart murmur, and most of all you’re unhappy as hell. What did I miss? Sounds like something to me.”

His friend. Jesus, maybe he could talk to him. “Okay. Where to?”

“Want a beer?”

“I thought I needed to have a clear head while you’re on your honeymoon.” Jim crossed his arms.

“Honeymoon’s over, buddy, when you’re this miserable. And I mean one beer. Come on.”

Twenty silent minutes later, during which Billy called Charlie and told him they wouldn’t be back, they walked into the Bay Bar and grabbed a booth. It was only three, so not many people were there yet. Billy ordered two beers from the bartender, then scooted in across from Jim. “Start talking.”

“Where do you want me to start?”

“Tell me about your heart.”

“I went to get a physical and found out I have this mitral valve thing.”

“How bad is it?”

“Tanaka says it’s usually no biggie, but mine’s on the medium side. He says I just need to watch it.”

“Watch it how?”

Jim sighed. “The usual shit. Eat right and drink less and crap like that.”

“How did you end up seeing Tanaka?”

“Haselbaum referred me to him.”

“Interesting twist of fate.”

“Yeah. He’s in the building.” That so didn’t cover the subject.

The bartender put two beers and two glasses of water on the table. Billy handed him some bills. When he walked away, Billy said, “How about Constance Murch?”

Jim dropped his head. “She walked in the first day on the job and informed us that everything had changed.”

“Yeah, and you did a great job of managing all those changes. That’s not what I mean.”

“She seems to like me.”

“Seems to? Hell, she practically married you in the restaurant.”

“She asked me out.”

“That’s the Friday thing she mentioned.”

“Yeah. And we already went out once to a play and dinner.” The words came out on a long, slow breath.

“You’re not happy about these dates?”

“It’s weird dating the boss.”

“Yeah, it’s always a little strange mixing business and personal, but she’s pretty and seems nice. If you’re worried that I’ll object or something, hell, it’s your life, and you can’t help it if you’re irresistible to women.” Billy laughed.

Jim looked up.

Billy gazed at him. “You don’t want to go out with her, do you?”

He shook his head.

“Is it because of Peggy?”

“No. We broke up at the wedding.”

“So Constance just isn’t your type?”

Jim looked into Billy’s kind eyes. “Yeah. Not my type.” He swallowed. “Because she’s a woman.”

Billy’s lips parted, then closed. He tried again. “What do you mean?”

Jim glanced around. Nobody listening except Billy.
Yep, have his attention.
“I’m pretty sure I’m gay.”

Billy grinned, cocked his head, then sobered. “You’re serious?”

“Yeah.”

“Son of a bitch.”

“Yeah.”

“You say you’re pretty sure. So—”

He took a mouthful of beer, then spit it back in the glass. Tasted bad. “I guess I should have had a clue a long time ago because, well, I had some, uh, experiences with a boy who was my friend. But I never thought it meant I was gay. Anyway, it’s a long story that I’ll tell you sometime, but meanwhile, I kind of have a thing for a guy, and it’s made it pretty clear that I’m not into women.”

“Ken Tanaka.”

Jim looked up at Billy. “How the hell did you guess that?”

Billy’s smile was as kind as his eyes. “The way you looked at each other. I remember looking at Shaz that way when I thought I shouldn’t have feelings for him. I’m gathering you two aren’t together.”

“No. He’s pretty family-oriented, and I’m not the one to thrill some Japanese mother’s heart.”

“I know about mothers and family. I honestly thought I’d lose my family if I came out to them. Hardest thing I ever did, but Shaz helped and we survived. Hell, some days I think my mom loves Shaz more than me.”

“Yeah, well, you guys were in love. Ken’s pretty much a player, you know. He’s got a guy for every night of the week. Why would he want to take on his family for me?” He twisted his glass. “I’m better off with women. Like you said, Constance is pretty and nice and she likes me.”

“Didn’t you just tell me you’re gay?”

“Aren’t there people who are bisexual?”

“Yes. Are you bi?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you think you are? Do you find Constance as attractive as Ken?”

Jim shook his head.

“How about Peggy?”

“No.”

Billy sipped his beer.

“It’s just that Ken reminds me of this comic book character I used to love as a teenager. Maybe that’s why I like him. I mean, the only reason.”

“So this comic book character was a guy?”

“Yeah.”

Billy took another sip.

“Shit.”

“Is it possible you think Constance won’t give us more work if you don’t go out with her?”

Jim drank some water.

“Jim?”

“I really want to do something for you Billy. Get more work for the company. Help to make you happy.”

“Jim—”

The words rushed out. “I’ve always looked up to you. You’re talented and brave and the kind of man I want to be. When you came out, I felt like—confused as shit, but like someone had hit me on the head, in a good way. Like some door opened for me that wasn’t there before. I didn’t know what it was then, but I guess I do now.”

Billy smiled and put a hand on Jim’s arm. “I’m honored. I can’t even tell you how much your saying that means to me. But if it’s even a little true, do you think I’d want you to give me a gift that denies who you are?”

Heat pressed against the back of Jim’s eyes. “I guess I didn’t think—”

“We’re going to get lots of work together being Billy and Jim. You don’t have to date the boss for me. I want you to be happy, and now I honestly know what that means. For me it’s been about overcoming fear and being willing to be who I am. Maybe that’s true for you too.”

Jim shook his head.
Could it be true?
“Man.”

“I think you should call Constance and explain.”

“Shit. Explain what? How?”

Billy laughed. “Don’t panic. You don’t have to say anything about being gay. Just tell her you have an attachment to another person that has become more serious, and you don’t want to give her the wrong impression.”

“Oh man, how do you think she’ll take that?”

“I think she’ll be very disappointed, but not as much as she would be six months from now when she finds out you’ve been leading her on when you weren’t really interested.”

“Yeah. I guess you’re right.” Some mountain started crumbling off his shoulders. “But do you think she’ll take away the work?”

“If she does, it wasn’t our work.”

“Jesus, who are you? St. Francis?”

Billy grinned. “Sorry. Shaz was raised by a preacher. I listen to him and my mom go at it over scripture all the time.”

“So they really get along? Shaz and your mom?”

“Yes. Would she rather I was married to a woman and giving her a bunch of grandkids? Sure. But fortunately I’ve got a sister who’s held up her end in the grandchild department, so it takes off some of the pressure.”

Jim smiled.

“See, there’s even hope for Ken Tanaka.”

The last of that mountain flew off his back like sand. Maybe there was a chance. And even if there wasn’t, he had a debt to pay.

K
EN
CLICKED
out of the patient file, leaned back in his desk chair, and closed his eyes. Tired. After having escaped his date Saturday night without having sex—a fact that was almost as hard to explain to himself as it was to Mickey—he’d spent yesterday visiting relatives with his parents and listening to his mother rave about Kenji’s new boyfriend and what a fine family he came from. Wednesday, he would have to endure another evening with the Okuwas while his mother planned his life. It made him want to puke, but he knew his duty.

Don’t want to do it.

Grow up.

Don’t want to.

“Dr. T, you awake?”

He opened his eyes and smiled at Angela. “Just resting my eyes.”

“Umm-hmm, just like I did in my math classes.” She grinned. “You have early rounds tomorrow.”

“I remember.”

“You okay?”

He cocked his head. “Just trying to work out some things.”

“Your mom fixing you up again?” He’d told her his troubles in a fit of frustration after one of his mother’s most disastrous matches.

“Yes, but believe it or not, she’s switched to guys.”

“You’re kidding?”

“No, but I have to hand it to her. Having embraced my gayness, she’s draped herself in the full rainbow flag. To hear her talk, you’d think being gay was an ancient Japanese tradition and only the most fortunate families have gay sons. It might be funny if it wasn’t so weird.”

“At least she’s trying.”

“In more ways than one.”

She snorted. “Are her male choices any better than her female?”

“I guess.”

She leaned against the doorjamb. “Like most moms, she wants to see you married off and happy.”

“It’s a bit more Japanese than that, but I suppose so.”

“Maybe if you pick your own guy, she’ll quit trying to find him for you.”

He stared at her. “I wish it was that simple.”

“Simple? That implies you’ve found the guy.” She flashed a big smile.

Well, damn.

“Hey, can I get a definite maybe?”

“You can get a definite ‘I don’t know.’ Now go home and get some rest.”

“Same to you.”

“Soon. See you tomorrow.”

“Okay.” She rolled her eyes. “But I think I got a definite maybe. And you know I’ll never give up until I know, so you might as well prepare to confess.” Laughing, she pushed off from the door and disappeared down the hall.

He blew out a stream of air. Funny. He was pretty sure Angela liked Jim Carney. She sure seemed to be flirting with him. Even funnier was that made Ken jealous.
Wonder what she’d think if she knew what we did in the Bay Bar restroom?
Wonder what Jim’s date would think?
Even for you, Tanaka, this is damned complicated.

Did he really like Jim Carney? It was as if he watched himself doing strange, uncharacteristic shit—like confronting Jim at the club, showing up at the Bay Bar, and even calling Jim to come to his rescue when he was in trouble. No way he’d do that with most men. What was it about this tough guy who wouldn’t even admit he was gay?

He sighed, leaned his head against the chair back, and—rested his eyes.

O
H
YES
,
heaven. Never wake up. Live in this dream.
Ken stretched out his legs and raised his hips into hot, wet delight. “Oh, sweet.”

“Umm-hmmm.”

“What?” Ken’s eyes flew open. “What the hell—?” He looked down at shaggy streaked-blond hair bouncing up and down in his lap. “God, Jim. How the hell did you—?” Flashes of heat burst in his groin, and gasping for air got far more important than talking.
Shit.
“Fuck!”

Jim’s fiery mouth popped off his cock. “We can do that too if you want.” His tongue laved Ken’s slit, and then he swallowed the shaft again.

“Oh man. Oh God, Jim.” He couldn’t control his thrusts. Had to be strangling Jim, but couldn’t help it. He’d lost control before he even woke up.

Jim pulled his mouth off, replaced tongue with a tight, callused hand doing the strokes, and his mouth surrounded Ken’s balls. One got licked and sucked, then the other, while his hand never stopped pumping. As Ken watched, Jim opened really wide and got most of one ball in his mouth. “Ummmpft.” Oh Jesus, that felt so good. The other got the same treatment. Then pop went the cock back in and sucking commenced with a vengeance. Head bobbing, lips slurping, cum boiling like hot oil in a cauldron.

“Oh shit. Oh shit.” Critical point reached, passed. “Oh shiiiiit.” Cum burst out in a blood-boiling stream.
Wait. Jim doesn’t do this.
“Pull away. Pull—oh God!” Ken’s head pounded against the back of the seat as his hips rose, trembled, popped a couple of times as two more shots of cum spurted forth—and Jim just kept sucking.
Sweet heaven. Amazing. Amazing.
His hips crashed back into the chair, and his softening cock slid from heat to coolness. The weight of Jim’s head warmed Ken’s thighs.
Focus on moving hand.
He curved his fingers in silky hair.
Breathe.

For a second, he drifted. When Jim shifted positions, Ken took a breath. “Uh, how did you get in here, kind sir?”

His voice was muffled against Ken’s thigh. “Andrea let me in. I told her you wanted to discuss my heart problems.”

Ken chuckled. “She believed you?”