Kismetology (3 page)

"When’s he free?"

"When I told him I had a blind date for him, he said
Friday night."

"Friday is fine for me. Six okay?"

"I’ll let him know."

"Make sure he knows that he’s meeting me and not my
mum, I wouldn’t want him to get a nasty surprise."

Jenni laughs. "I’ll tell him."

"Thank you so much."

I hang up. Hah! That was easy. Doubt me again, why don’t
you, Dan?

CHAPTER 5

Is this weird? Meeting your date’s
daughter before you meet your date? What if he doesn’t pass my test and I don’t
want him to meet my mother? What am I going to say to him? You’re no good.
Next!

I walk into Starbucks ten minutes early on Friday night.
Jenni has told me to look out for a six-foot tall, fifty-three-year-old, who
will be wearing a navy suit as he is coming straight from the office where he
works. I hope that he might bear a striking resemblance to Jenni, as that might
narrow it down a bit. It isn’t too crowded at this time of night, there are a
couple of people with laptops, and a few people talking to friends.

"You’re not Mackenzie, are you?"

I jump out of my skin. I hadn’t been expecting him to approach
me.

"I came in right behind you." He smiles and
reaches out to shake my hand.

"Hi," I say. "Jeffrey? Nice to meet
you."

"Jeff, please, and it’s nice to meet you too."

He looks nice. He has a big mop of almost black hair, nice
white teeth and Jenni’s nose.

"Shall we get a place?"

We slide into a corner booth.

"I hear you’re interviewing dates."

"Well, not interviewing exactly, but my mum hasn’t
dated for a long time and I just want to find a good guy for her."

"That’s a nice thing to do."

"Thanks. Shall we order?"

"It’s my treat tonight," Jeff says. "So order
anything you want."

Ooh. Points for offering to pay.

"I’ll just get a coffee," I say. "I'm having
dinner with my boyfriend later."

"Well, I think I’ll go for a hot chocolate and a muffin.
What kind of coffee do you want? I’ll go and queue. You sure I can’t get you
anything else?"

"Just a soya latte, please."

"Okay, back in a jiffy."

He gets up to stand in the queue, which gives me a chance to
study him. I like the fact that he’s not only offered to pay, but also
voluntarily stood in the queue. Bonus points. And he’s nice looking for a
fifty-three-year-old. I’m not terribly into the older man look myself, but I
can appreciate that someone his own age might think of him as cute. Do fifty-year-olds
even use the word cute? A few flecks of grey are starting to show in his dark
hair. Not the blond I was hoping for, but if he’s a nice guy then looks don’t
really matter. And he has smiley blue eyes and plenty of laughter lines. Plus
he looks good in a suit so my mum could take him to her yoga Christmas party
easily. He also gets double bonus points for being clean-shaven and smelling
good.

"Here you go." He puts the coffee down on the
table in front of me. "So, Jenni says you’re a nail technician."

"Yep," I say. "I’ve worked there for three
years now. What do you do?"

"I’m a lawyer," he says. "A divorce
lawyer."

A divorce lawyer? Oh well, you can’t win ‘em all. And Jenni
wonders why he hasn’t found anyone serious since his own divorce. That’s karma
right there. If you spend all day breaking couples up, how do you expect to
become one half of a couple yourself? But I’m not about to say that to him.

"That must be an… interesting job?"

"It has its moments. Just today I was dealing with a
woman who wanted co-custody of a rug. Seriously, their first child was
conceived on it, and now it's all threadbare and falling apart, but this woman
is insisting that she take it for half a year and her husband take it for the
other half. The husband is willing just to give it to her, but she really does
want to share it. It can be quite sad sometimes. I mean, yes you can see the
irony of that situation, but you can also see the sadness. To my client, that
rug represents the happy times they had doing the horizontal tango on it, and
she’s not only desperately trying to hold on to those, but she doesn’t want her
husband to forget them either."

Bonking! Is this really happening? Jenni’s dad is talking to
me about his clients bonking. I wasn’t expecting this. "Wow," I say,
truly lost for words.

But it’s nice that Jeff can see the problem of being a
divorce lawyer. So far, so good. Apart from the bonking bit, of course.

"So, tell me about your mother?"

"Well," I say, trying not to picture Jenni’s dad
and my mum doing the horizontal tango, as he calls it. "She’s
forty-nine—fifty in a few months, which she hates. She’d rather be
twenty."

"Wouldn’t we all?"

I laugh. "Tell me about it. And I'm not thirty
yet."

"Really? I thought you were younger than that."

I roll my eyes. "Such a charmer," I say. "But
flattery won’t get you anywhere with me. Try it on my mum though, but tell her
a believable age, not twenty."

He laughs and his eyes crinkle up. He really is sweet. I can
see my mum liking him. Particularly if he says she looks young.

"She’s a yoga teacher, and she loves animals. You do
like animals, right?"

"Yeah. I have two black Labradors who take up a lot of
my free time, but I love them like family."

Wow. So far, so great. He is ticking every box. I briefly consider
getting my list out and going through it with him, but I think that if I can
just work some questions into the conversation, I will not only get a good
picture of how good a conversationalist he is (full marks so far) but I can
keep it less businesslike. After all, he isn’t on a job interview. This is just
a… date interview?

"So, what else do you like to do in your free
time?" Actually, I wonder how much free time he gets. Lawyers are known
for working long hours, aren’t they? And I really need someone who can keep my
mum occupied for, well, all the time, really.

"Do you get much free time?" I ask quickly, before
he’s had a chance to answer the first question.

He smiles. "More than you might think. I’ve worked
there for a long time, so I get a little leniency with hours. I generally do
eight in the morning to five or six in the evening, and rarely have to go in on
weekends."

That’s a relief.

"And in my spare time," he continues. "I
usually just spend time with my dogs. Take them for walks or just hang out in
the garden to trim some weeds."

"Wow. Well, the only problem I can see is that your two
Labradors would probably eat Eleanor’s Yorkshire terrier alive."

He laughs. "Don’t worry, they’re not into live meat.
They only like the tinned stuff. And unless your mum’s Yorkie comes in a tin,
they’ll be nice to… him?"

"Him. Baby. And being in a tin can be easily arranged
if he pees on my houseplant one more time."

Jeff laughs again. "Oh dear."

"Like I don’t have enough trouble keeping plants alive
without dog pee involved."

"Jenni said you were funny, but for some reason I
didn’t believe her."

"Jenni’s great. We have a great time in work."

"I bet you do."

I nod. "I don’t want to be rude, but can I ask what
happened with her mother? Why did you two split up?"

I mean, come on, if he’s a slimy, cheating, control freak
then I want to know now. But then again, is he really going to tell me the
truth?

"Jenni didn’t tell you?"

I shake my head.

"I fell in love with someone else and my wife cheated
on me with another man. We stayed together and tried to make it work, but it
just didn’t. Eventually I asked for the divorce, but we both knew it wasn’t
working out. Neither of us could get past what happened."

"That’s horrible," I say, wanting to reach across
the table and comfort him. But I don’t. I keep my hands to myself. Let Mum
comfort him.

"It was a long time ago. Getting on for six years now.
How long has your mum been separated?"

"My dad left about ten years ago."

"That’s tough."

"Yeah, but you get over it, don’t you?"

"You have to."

I smiled at him. Connection. He
got
me. Okay, so it
isn’t me he's supposed to get, but he understands about people leaving and
being betrayed. He’s a catch. My mother would be lucky to date him.

"So," he leans forward. "What’s protocol
here? Do you tell me if I’m suitable now? Do I get a little rejection slip in
the post?"

"I’m not really sure," I admit. "This is my
first time too."

"Ah."

"But I think you’ll get on really well with Eleanor, so
I would like you to meet her."

"Phew," he smiles. "That’s a relief."

"Yeah. Maybe you’ll be her perfect man and I will have
succeeded without even trying."

"Okay, so should I call her? Will she call me? Will
you?"

"Um…" God, talk about being unprepared. What was I
thinking doing this? I have no idea where to go from here.

"Okay, what if we set up a time and place right now,
and I guarantee that she’ll be there?"

He nods. "How do you know when she’ll be free?"

What’s a nice way to say "her only plans involve
watching
Eastenders
on our couch"?

"Trust me, she doesn’t have anything on at the
moment."

"Okay, how about Sunday night? Eight o’clock? There’s a
beautiful restaurant over on South Bank Street. I’ve never been in, but I drive
past it every night and it looks lovely. It’s always full, which has to be a
good thing, right?"

"In that case, isn’t Sunday a bit soon for
reservations?"

"It’s a walk in and wait."

"Oh, right. Yeah, okay then. Sunday’s fine."

"Shall I pick her up? Meet her there?"

"I tell you what, I’ll drive her to the restaurant and
hang around until she spots you. If you could take her home afterwards, that’d
be great."

"Yeah, fine. Okay then. Wow. I’m really looking forward
to this. I haven’t really been on many dates lately. Or, you know, any
dates."

I smile. "That’s good, neither has she."

He smiles too. "That’s good to know. Tell her I hope
not to disappoint."

"Oh, you won’t. I’m sure of that."

"Well, it really has been great to meet you, Mackenzie.
If you take after your mother, then I’m sure you have a match on your
hands."

Aww. How sweet is that?

Jeff gets up from the booth we’ve been sitting in and holds
his hand out to help me up. A gentleman. More bonus points for him. He also
holds the door for me as we leave. Chivalrous as well. I like this guy. Hell,
if I was twenty years older, I’d date him. If it wasn’t for Dan, obviously.

"Can I give you a lift home?" Jeff asks, as we are
standing outside in the cold October air.

"No, it’s okay, I left my car in work, it’s only down
the road."

"Okay then, well, thank you for a nice evening."

"Thank you, Jeff." I hand him my business card.
"My phone number is on there, in case you need anything or have any
problems making it on Sunday."

"Thanks, Mac. It’s been great. Take care of
yourself."

"You too," I tell him and walk away smiling. What
a nice guy. And how brilliant would it be if this all worked out on the first
try? How perfect would that be? How wrong would that prove Dan?

CHAPTER 6

I knock on my mum’s door somewhat
nervously.

"You know, you don’t have to knock, Mac," Mum pulls
the door back to let me in. "You can just use your key and come in."

"No thanks. I’d rather knock. This is your house."

"Well, maybe if you’d give me a key to your place you
wouldn’t feel so bad."

"Mum, you’re not having our key."

"Mac, why do I have to repeatedly ask you not to call
me Mum? Mum is for old people. I’m Eleanor. El will do. Twenty-seven–year-olds
have names like El."

"You’re not twenty-seven, Mu- Eleanor."

"What are you trying to do, make me feel better?"

"No, I just… Never mind. I have some exciting
news."

"Oh god, you’re not going to make me a grandmother, are
you? I’ll never forgive you if you do."

"No, no grandkids. I’ve told you a million times, Dan
and I aren’t having kids."

"I know. But accidents do happen. You are using a good
brand name of condoms aren’t you? Because those cheap ones…"

"Mum!"

"Eleanor."

"Fine. Eleanor. I’m not going to discuss my
contraception issues with you. I have some good news for you. Do you want to
know or would you rather give me a rundown of Durex versus Trojan?"

She sighs dramatically. "Fine, fine. Go ahead."

"You have a date."

"A date?"

"Yep, on Sunday night. He’s called Jeff. He’s my friend
from work’s father. You remember Jenni, right? The hairdresser? Well, her
father is lovely and I want you to meet him."

"Why?"

"Because I think you’ll get on really well. He likes
dogs and gardening, and he’s very cute and charming."

"But why? Why would I want to go on a date with someone
I’ve never met?"

"Because it’ll be fun. And it’ll be good for you to
meet new people. And Jeff really is lovely. Besides, it’s all arranged. You
can’t back out now."

"But… But… How will I know him?"

"I’m going to drive you there. It’s a lovely
restaurant, just off South Bank Street. I’ll wait with you until Jeff shows up,
and he’ll bring you home afterwards. See? Perfect."

"What if I hate him and don’t want him to bring me
home?"

"Then you call me and I’ll come and get you. Or you get
a taxi. But you’ll like him, trust me."

"Mackenzie, I’m too old for this blind dating stuff
that you young people are so fond of."

"I thought you wanted to be twenty-seven."