Kismetology (22 page)

"
He
lives here, unlike you and that damn dog,
even though you seem to think you do."

"Don’t you want me here?"

I’m about to answer, but I stop myself. I’m angry, and will
probably say too much. I’ll probably shout, "
No, go out and play with
traffic, you annoying cow
!" and she’ll go off and get hit by a bus or
something. That’s the kind of karma I get.

So instead I just say, "It’s not about that. Dan is
just tired, that’s all. So am I."

"You don’t need to defend him, Mackenzie. He doesn’t
deserve it. He doesn’t deserve you. What are you going to say when he loses
that temper on you and hits you like he hit that door?"

"Dan isn’t like that," I say.

"You shouldn’t make excuses for him.
Dan is just
tired
," she mimics. "Dan is just an asshole, more like."

"No, he isn’t," I say, giving up fast. I hate all
these arguments.

"Fine," she says. "You keep telling yourself
that."

"Sorry," Dan says when he comes in after my mum has
left and taken the plant killer with her.

"It’s okay," I say. "I know she’s
frustrating."

"I hadn’t realised how much I’d gotten used to the
peace and quiet when she was dating. Any more dates on the horizon yet by any
chance?"

I shake my head. "I haven’t really been looking. I
still want to find this mystery man that she’s in love with."

"If he exists," Dan interjects.

"He exists," I say, positively. "But I guess
it couldn’t hurt to try to find someone else. She was with Ron for three weeks,
maybe next time will be better. Even longer."

"What, like four weeks?" Dan winks at me
good-naturedly. "A whole four weeks, can you imagine that?"

"Wouldn’t it be great?"

"What even went wrong with Ron in the first place,
anyway? Don’t you think you should try to get them back together?"

I shrug. "He just wasn’t what she was looking for. Or
who. He wasn’t who she was looking for, because she’s in love with someone
else."

"You know how indecisive she can be," Dan says.
"Maybe she hasn’t really decided with Ron yet, and she needs a shove in
the right direction?"

"I don’t know, Dan. My mum isn’t usually someone who
changes her mind a lot."

"Are you kidding me? How many times did we have to go
to Homebase for her to pick an ironing board cover she was satisfied with? And
even then she stood in the shop doing eeny meeny miny moe. She changes her mind
all
the time."

"Yeah, but not with decisions like this. Once she
decides she doesn’t like someone, that’s it."

"Like me, for instance."

"No, actually. I still have hope for you. I still think
that one day she’ll learn to like you."

"Well, I still have hope for Ron."

"I think I’ll look for someone new first. It’s over
with Ron, and Neil did say that she likes to keep things interesting, so I’ll
pick up some papers with some personal ad columns in them on the way to work in
the morning. I need to start looking for a woman for Jeff as well."

"Did you ask him to fill out the survey for you
yet?"

"No," I say. "I forgot. I’ll ask Jenni what
kind of woman he goes for on our lunch break. She can fill it out for
him."

"He will be pleased."

"Well, who knows our parents better than us?"

Dan laughs. "We have to do something about this, babe.
I mean it. She can’t just be over here all the time like this."

"I’ll figure something out," I tell him.

"Yeah, well
something
has to be done."

"It will."

"I am sorry about storming out like that earlier. I
just got so frustrated."

"Don’t worry about it," I say. "The cushions
are in the washing machine, by the way."

"I love you."

"Love you too, honey."

But I’m not a hundred percent sure that I do. Love him, that
is. I’ve been questioning love a lot recently. Here is my mum, unable to fully
appreciate a date with any man, no matter how perfect, because she’s still in
love with some unknown person. Now that is dedication. And here I am, willingly
dating other men all the time, even though they’re not meant for me, and half
the time wishing they were.

And I’ve just had a thought. Mum is still in love with some
unknown person.
Person
. What if it’s not some hideous looking man at
all? What if it’s a woman? What if my mother is a lesbian?

Not that there’s anything wrong with it if she is, of
course, but what if that’s the reason I couldn’t find any evidence of a man
when I broke in? Maybe I should be looking for evidence of a woman instead.

CHAPTER 37

"Mum," I start casually.
I’ve gone over to her place for a while, to have another shot at finding out
who the mystery man is. And possibly to snoop around for the prospect of a
lesbian affair. You know, if she turns her back long enough.

"I just wanted to say something, and I don’t want you
to get offended or anything."

"Okay, now I’m worried. What is it, Mac?"

"I just want you to know that it’s okay if you still
have feelings for Dad."

"Not this again."

"Yes, this again. It’s important. You need to know that
I support you, and that I understand how much he must’ve hurt you, and it’s
perfectly normal for you to still have feelings for him."

"Mackenzie…"

"And if you want me to work on getting you two back
together, then I will."

"Mackenzie…" She pauses and looks at me intently
for a moment. "Mac, the last person on earth I will ever have feelings for
is your father. Yes, I may have loved him once, but he hurt me in an
unforgivable way by leaving like he did. I lost all the respect I ever had for
him. And love goes with respect. Trust me on that. I don’t like to say that I
hate people, but I strongly dislike your father. I’d be quite happy to never
see him again for the rest of my life."

That settles that then. I know my mother well enough to know
that she meant every word she just said and that she’s not covering up feelings
or putting on a front. I guess Dan is right and I was barking up the wrong
tree. "Okay." I sigh. "Tell me who it is then."

"Who what is?"

"The
person
you’re in love with." I put a
big emphasis on the word person, you know, just in case.

"Mac, I don’t know where you’re getting this from but I
wish you’d stop."

"I’m getting it from you. You specifically said to me ‘
it’s
not your dad I’m in love with
’ the other night, meaning that it is someone,
even if it’s not dad."

"You’ve taken it the wrong way," she says.
"I’m not in love with anyone. Except my Baby, of course."

"I’m right," I say. "I swear I’m right. It
makes perfect sense. It fits the puzzle."

"Why are we even having this conversation?"

"Because it’s important. I can help. I can find this
person
and get you together. It’s my job now."

"Well, I should be able to fire you then."

"I’ll ignore that," I say. "I’m not giving up
on this. This is important."

"Suit yourself."

"Can I ask you something else?" I ask, unsure of
where to begin.

Mum sighs. I can tell she’s frustrated with me, but I refuse
to walk away empty handed today. "Go ahead." She nods.

"You’ve got to promise that you’ll be completely honest
with me. I’m not going to judge you or think badly of you. I mean, you know me,
right? I’m as open-minded as they come, and—"

"Just get on with it, Mac."

"Is it a woman?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Is it a woman that you’re seeing? Are you having a
lesbian affair? Because, just so you know, I think it’s great if you are. You
know, girl power and all that."

Mum sighs. "No, Mackenzie, I’m not a lesbian."

"Well, you don’t have to actually
be
a lesbian,
but it’s cool if you’re experimenting or something. I can even find women to
set you up on dates with, if you’d prefer."

"You’re losing your mind, honey," Mum says.
"I’m not interested in women. I’m not experimenting. I’m not having an
affair with a woman. I’m not doing anything."

"So, why have all the men I’ve found not been good
enough? I mean, Ron for example. He was perfect, but according to you, ‘
not
what you wanted
,’ so if it’s not the fact that you want someone else, what
on earth was wrong with him?"

"Mackenzie…"

"What? I need to know so I don’t make the same mistake
twice."

"There’s nothing to know, Mac. You must know that
sometimes people just don’t click, even if you expect them too."

"But you did click. You had a great first date, I
saw…"
Shit
! "…you happy," I recover quickly. "I saw
you happy with Ron." And I absolutely did not see your great first date
from behind a rubber tree plant.

"Okay, so we had a couple of good dates, but when we
spent a little more time together, we realised that it just wasn’t going to
work out. We may stay friends, but we were never going to work as
partners."

"But I’m not setting you up on dates to find friends.
You have enough of those. I want to find you a man that you can be happy with.
I thought Ron was it, but if he wasn’t then don’t you think I deserve to know
why not?"

"There is no specific reason. It just wasn’t happening.
You should give up trying to find me a date."

"No," I say. "I am not giving up on
this."

"Suit yourself," she says. "But you know how
fussy I am."

This is code for saying "
you’ll never find me anyone
who I’ll be completely satisfied with
," but I will not give up on
this. I won’t.

"I’m not giving up," I tell her. "You can
date half the country and I still won’t give up, even if we have to move on to
Europe."

"Suit yourself," she says again.

"I will," I say. "I swear I will."

CHAPTER 38

"Tell your dad I’m sorry I
haven’t got around to finding him anyone yet," I say to Jenni one morning.
"It’s just that I’m back on the look out for Mum again. She’s ended yet another
relationship, and I have to find her someone else."

"Don’t worry," Jen says. "He only agreed to
it because he likes you."

"Well, that’s comforting to know," I say
sarcastically.

"It’s true. You must have picked up on that."

"Yeah, kind of. And it’s not that I want to push him
into anything he doesn’t want to do, but he’s like my ideal client to try stuff
out on."

"So, how is this business thing going then?"

I shrug. "I’ve been reading about small businesses, and
starting up on your own and stuff, but I think I had better see if I can make
two relationships work before jumping into anything."

"Good idea," Jenni says. "But I have complete
confidence in you, Mac. You’re so good with love, you can make anything
work."

"Thanks," I tell her.

"I had an idea for you. For finding men, I mean."

"Yeah? Tell me all."

"Have you heard of speed dating?" Jenni asks me.

"I’ve heard of it. Why?"

"Well, I thought it might be fun to go, and I wondered
if you’d come along with me to meet men for your business. Or your mum."

I think about this for a second. "Okay, a) it’s never
going to be fun to meet that many men in a short space of time. I’ve been
meeting them over the course of months, and let me tell you, it has not been
fun. And b) if I’m looking for men for work, then we’re after a totally
different age group."

Jenni laughs. "I knew you’d say that."

"Well, it’s true."

"It’s next Friday night. It’s a big singles thing
they’re putting on in the town hall. Twenty men, twenty women, five minutes for
each person. Different age groups are in different rooms. Here." She digs
around in her pocket and hands me a flyer.

I read it. It still looks like a bad idea. Who would want to
spend two hours meeting that many men? What bright person invented the whole
thing? Seriously, who woke up one morning and said, "Hey, that sounds like
a good idea"? Or perhaps it is a good idea just to get it all over and
done with at once? Yeah. On second thoughts, here I am, I’ve just spent over
three months meeting useless men when I could’ve met the same amount of useless
men in a couple of hours. And don’t they say that if you go on a certain number
of bad dates, you’re due a decent one after about ten? So maybe if I meet
twenty men at one time, I’ll be due two good dates afterwards.

"Come on, Mac." Jenni says. "I really wanna
go, and, you know, I did put in a good word for you with my dad."

I sigh. "You want to go to this thing so badly that
you’re resulting to blackmail?"

She laughs. "Come on. You know how long I’ve been
single for. It’s all right for you, you have Dan,
and
you get to go on
lots of dates."

"Don’t envy me for those things," I say. "You
can have the dates
and
Dan if you really want."

"Are things not working out between you two?"
Jenni asks, suddenly turning serious.

"It’s not that," I say. "It’s just that I’ve
been questioning things lately. My mum is still in love with some mystery man,
or possibly woman, who I didn’t even know existed, and that’s real love, you
know? I’m assuming that she met this person a long time ago, probably in high
school, and she’s still in love with them. And then there’s Dan, who… Well, I
don’t even know myself. I just… I don’t know."

"Your mum is in love with someone?"

"I don’t know. I think so. It was just one sentence she
said the other night. And no dates have been working out, no matter how
fabulous the guys are, and it just made perfect sense. Her still having
feelings for someone else fits the puzzle. It fits as to why none of the men
I’ve been finding are good enough—because they can’t measure up to this mystery
person. So I’ve been trying to find out who he is, but I’m not having much luck
so far."