Keep it Secret (2 page)

I looked for love in all the
wrong places loosing my virginity soon after my father’s death. It
was the beginning of eighth grade when I invited my then boyfriend
Kevin Lee—who was two years older then me—over to my house after
school, as we sat on my bed with a bottle of tequila in my hands,
things progressed from kissing to groping fairly quickly. Though
the experience was painful at first, I gained a sense of control. I
had asked him over. I took off my shirt. I had the power. It was
like I finally had control over my own life. Nonetheless, even with
my newfound control I still failed eighth grade leaving me a year
older than everyone in my class. Financially, our problems were
much worse. My dad’s life insurance policy was only able to pay the
bills for a year. My efforts to keep us afloat seemed pointless
because we inevitably lost our house to foreclosure. The charming
Victorian on West Irving my parents had bought and restored before
I was born was no longer ours. By the age of fourteen my life was a
whirlwind of bills, money, schoolwork, teenage drama and being a
caretaker. My only escape was self-medicating with sex and alcohol.
A day after the one-year anniversary of his death, Rose sought help
from a professional, not sure what snapped her out of it. It sure
as hell was not the need to take care of her only child that’s for
sure.

Shaking my thoughts, away I
brought the cross to my lips placing a soft kiss on it. The holy
cross was my father’s given to him by
his
father after his First
Communion. I only wear the cross as a symbol of my
babbo’s
love and nothing
else. My religious beliefs are…well…non-existent. I personally
teeter the edge of the atheistic cliff. I guess I take after my
mother in that aspect. I use the word mother loosely. Yearning to
hear his voice I grab my phone to access my voicemail box. For five
years, I’ve kept the last message he left me, along with the now
ancient first generation iPhone.

“Avie, it’s Babbo. Make
sure you take out the trash when you get home, capito? Ti amo amore
mio. Ciao.”

I’ve heard this thousands of
times maybe even millions. My eyes close unaided as they start to
burn with emotion I rotate my neck from left to right causing my
bones to crack. Instantly, the emotions fade. I open my eyes to an
emotionless me as my cell phone vibrates. Peaking at the screen as
it flashes it alerts me of an incoming text. It was from
Christian.

Chris: Wat time r u
leaving

I knew where this was going.
Christian was one of the guys I have sex with regularly. He’s been
my favorite flavor by far.

Me: Movers will b here n
30

Chris: Can I cum c u b4 u
leave?

Oh, boy
.

Me: Meet me at the usual in
5 mins

Chris: Rite on

“Rose, I’ll be right back.”
I yell to my mother as I get to the front door.

“All right but please hurry.
The movers will be here soon.” She called from the small apartment
kitchen. I didn’t bother replying.

The laundromat was in the
basement of the apartment complex. Hardly anyone did laundry during
the day everyone around here worked two jobs. It was mostly busy
during the weekends and at night. Pushing open the heavy laundromat
door I found Christian sitting on one of the washing machines.
Today, he settled on the lazy bum look wearing a white wife-beater,
shiny black gym shorts and navy blue house slippers.
Nice to see he was dressed to
impress
.

“Hey, beautiful.” He greeted
me with a wicked smirk. Christian was twenty years old and the
quintessential bad boy man-whore, naturally, I was attracted to
him, he was also the neighborhood pot dealer and on the side he
promoted different bars and clubs around town, giving me free
access to alcohol without the worry of getting carded.

I stop to admire his
chestnut brown hair he usually spikes with product. Today it was
combed back freshly out the shower. I could smell his woodsy body
soap from here. Christian was beautiful and he knew it. Eye’s a
deep chocolate brown and skin that was tanned all year round was
covered with tattoos. Christian jumped off the machine quickly
closing the distance between us.

“I’m going to miss you, you
know?” He whispered, “especially, these damn eyes.”

His body towering over me,
as he was almost a foot taller, Christian grabbed the back of my
head gently pulling my hair trying to get a better view of my
eyes.

“Well, you better make this
memorable.” I replied hooking my finger on the waistband of his
shorts causing him to thrust into me. Against his lower back, I
inched my fingers inside of his shorts bypassing his boxers. His
perky butt was out of this world and ridiculously smooth. Unable to
help myself I grabbed a handful of his juicy muscles and squeeze.
Christian groaned letting his head hang down to my lips. He
forcefully pushes his tongue into my mouth before I could respond
he shoves me against the door letting go of my hair. Not one to
waste any time he begins kissing the curve of my neck licking and
nipping my sensitive skin. I let out a soft moan knowing it would
drive him crazy. His tongue invades my mouth once again, caressing
mine, deepening our kiss. Christian was a great kisser, not too
wet, not too fast just perfect, one of the best kissers in my list
of boy toys. Still, I wondered how it would be like to kiss someone
I actually cared for or even loved. Love. I mentally laughed at the
idea. Swiping my thoughts away I pull back just enough to take his
lower lip inside my mouth to suck on it. Baring my teeth down on
his plumpness, adding a little pain to his pleasure, Christian
groans before slipping his cold fingertips under the hem of my
shirt caressing my stomach, causing me to let out a small gasp. His
hands move up towards my breasts roughly kneading my bra covered
tits. My eyes close as I enjoy the sensation of having my breasts
played with. Christian dropped his hands away from my swollen
breasts but before I could question his actions my black halter-top
was being lifted over my head and getting tossed towards a corner
of the room. Standing half naked I decided he had too many articles
of clothing on, I pulled off his shirt and chucked it in the same
direction mine flew my lips made their way to his hard tattooed
pecs as my hands leisurely move up and down his thick arms. His
smooth mestizo skin tightened just as my moist tongue trailed
around it sucking his male nipple.

“Fuck, baby.” Christian
groaned.

Gag. I hate it when guys
call me baby. It’s so generic. Get an imagination and think of
something creative or here’s a thought: Use my fucking
name!

Irritated, I grabbed his
waist turning to slam him against the door, switching positions.
Ripping open a flavored condom—cherry—from my back pocket I dropped
to my knees tugging the string lose on his shorts. I pulled them
down along with his boxers causing his erection to spring out. Kind
of reminded me of a diving board being jumped off of.

Slipping the condom on his
erection I teased licking my lips seductively.

“Mmm big, thick and hard,
just the way I like ’em.” Before he had a chance to say anything I
shoved his cock in my mouth sucking hard, pushing him deep down in
my throat.

“Oh, fuck!” He croaked. I
sucked faster forcing him deep again gagging from his length he let
out another heavy, almost painful moan before pulling out of my
mouth. Christian grabbed my shoulders forcing me to stand up. I
heard the ‘oh so’ musical sound of foil from another condom wrapper
tearing open. Christian ripped the cherry condom off sliding the
new one on he hiked my black mini skirt up to my waist before
cupping my butt, easily lifting me off the floor. I knowingly wrap
my legs around his waist locking my ankles around him. Christian
took his time crossing the room towards a washing machine careful
not to trip over the shorts that were now around his ankles.
Setting me down on the machine I felt the cold metal against my
skin creating goose bumps to trail along my legs. His giant hands
gripped my knees spreading my legs wide open for his viewing
pleasure.

“Open up for me, baby.” He
whispered, eyes hooded but still very predator.

I bit my bottom lip giving
him a seductive look, without warning he rammed into me.

“Ah, fuck!” I cried out in
pain. Now, I’m down for rough sex but Christian is a big guy in
every sense of the word and something big like that needs to be
eased in especially since I hardly received any... attention…to get
me ready…if you get my drift.

“Damn, I love that you never
wear panties.” He thrust into me burying his face in between my
breasts grabbing my thighs to lift me then pulled me closer to him
so that all my weight was on my elbows that now rested on the top
of the machine. Hooking his finger to the middle of my bra he
pulled down letting my tits spill over. Christian sucked my nipples
giving each some well-deserved attention while he fucked me on the
washing machine. No love or real intimacy, just meaningless carnal
sex. I didn’t know any other way.

“Harder! Chris, harder!” I
demanded, finally feeling some pleasure.

“Ava, you’re so wet.” He
pumped harder, over and over again until he thought I orgasm. Okay,
okay, faking it is awful but sometimes-random sex just doesn't do
it for me. As hot as it was having sex on top of a washing machine,
in the middle of the day, when anyone could walk in on us, I just
wasn’t feeling it entirely. I bit down on my lip to keep from
screaming out in anger disguising it with moans of pleasure.
Seconds later, Christian grunted out loud stiffening his body
before finding his release. After catching our breaths, Christian
pulled out of me wrapping an arm around my waist; I unhook myself
from him while he helped me down from the machine.

“That was exactly what I
needed.” He said pulling off the condom, tying it then examining
the latex for holes before tossing it into the trashcan.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” I
replied as I bent down to grab my shirt off the floor. I winced
from the pain of not coming and his forceful entry, welcoming, but
still forceful.

“Mmm, now why you gotta go
and do that? Bending over with no panties on...are you inviting me
in again?”

I chuckled straightening
myself out to put my shirt on before pulling my skirt down to its
intended placement.

“Sorry, doll, no can do.
Movers will be here soon.”

“You better go before I take
that ass from behind then.” He said licking his lips probably
imagining fucking me doggy style. I smiled weakly planting a tiny
peck on his lips.

“Thanks for everything
Christian, you're a good…uh
friend
.” And he was, Christian was
the closest thing to a friend I’ve had in a long time. Well, as
close as I'd allow him to be. He never asked any personal questions
which I appreciated tremendously. I guess living around here a
crappy home life was a prerequisite. No one ever took the trouble
to dig to dig deep into personal shit.

Christian grunted. “Call me if
you ever need a
friend
up in Vail.” He replied with a wide grin. I winked at him
before walking away closing the door behind me. Closing off this
part of my life once and for all.

Vanessa

I lay in bed glaring at the
sheer pink canopy that flowed above my head. A thin vine of anger
slowly grew inside me as I looked around my room. In the
scrutinizing bright morning sun, there was nowhere to hide.
All this…was not me
. The
Pretty Princess room with its white fluffy carpet and matching
white furniture; four post bed, adorned dresser, grand vanity
equipped with an equally impressive chair. Giant butterflies
fastened on the wall as if they were to fly out of here.

Lucky
butterflies
. Mother decorates my room as
she sees fit, hell, mother decorates my life as she sees fit, as if
to mock me, the sun beamed brighter through my massive window
illuminating my room. I swear it sparkled; it looked like every
little’s girls dream room. Shame, I'm no longer that little girl
they try so hard to maintain. The internal struggle to show my
family I’ve grown up is a battle I fight daily. Sigh. I cut down
that angry little vine for now and focus on what’s to come, which
makes me smile. I was too wired to sleep. All night I tossed and
turned in excitement. Today I would finally see Ava after five long
years. We used to be so close, like sisters until her
father,
Zio
Tomas
passed away. It shook my family to its core we were all such a
tight family but after his death Ava and her mom, Aunt Rose,
drifted away from us. At the time I couldn't understand why. I’d
ask mother when we would see them again she would simply say, “When
they’re done grieving,” like after such a horrible tragedy you all
of a sudden wake up and
stopped
grieving. After years of asking, mother finally
convinced Aunt Rose to move in with us. Regardless of the reasons
for bringing them here, I selfishly cannot wait.

“Knock, knock. Good morning,
Princess” Daddy said while opening my bedroom door peeking his head
in before entering.