Katie's Choice (23 page)

The morning of Ruth’s appointment dawned bright, but cold in the way that Zane was slowly becoming accustomed to. Winter in Oklahoma was a curious mix of sunshine and wind. A person couldn’t judge the temperature by looking at the sky. He’d heard the men talking about crippling ice storms and blizzards so bad visibility was nonexistent. Of course, extreme weather wasn’t nearly as hard on the Amish as it was on their English neighbors.

Despite the fact that the morning and afternoon that were to follow would be momentous in the family dynamic, chores went on as usual. Zane and John Paul went about their usual routine of feeding and milking.

Zane had learned early on that wintertime brought about a break in the work. Amish farmers and their wives—their entire families—spent the spring and summer and half the fall trying to get ready for the winter. Food was planted, grown, harvested, and canned. It was a constant and busy life, but there was also something inherently satisfying about self-sufficiency. Something good and wholesome. How the Amish kept down their prideful feelings about such things was a mystery to Zane, for he felt nothing but pride at the end of the day.

Katie Rose would tell him to pray about it. He smiled just thinking of her.

“It is good you have something to smile about, Zane Carson.” John Paul pressed his lips together, worry lines etched into his young face.

“I was thinking about . . .” He shook his head. “What time will the driver be here?”

“Soon, I ’spect.”

They stood at the door of the barn watching Ruth and Abram as they waited, sitting on the porch, the sun shining on their faces. Neither acknowledged the other, and Zane’s worries of the night before resurfaced. He’d grown to care for the couple. They had taken him in, fed and clothed him, as it were. They were kind and caring people who deserved everything life had to offer them.

He remembered Katie Rose telling him that Amish couples didn’t normally marry for love, but he figured that after so many years together, Ruth and Abram would at least be friends. He looked at their children, and somehow he had a feeling that Ruth and Abram cared for one another. It was obvious that Gideon loved Annie, and Zane had heard about his grief over his first wife’s death. They had told him how much Gabriel had loved his wife, Rebecca, so much so that he never married after her death, and Katie Rose herself had admitted that she had loved Samuel Beachy to the point of waiting for him for years. Yes, the Fishers believed in marriages based in love as well as faith. And yet Ruth and Abram sat side by side like strangers at a bus stop on what was perhaps one of the most important days of their lives.

“Are you still goin’ to town?” John Paul’s question pulled Zane out of his thoughts.

He nodded. “I thought I’d wait until your mother left. See if your father wants to go with me in the buggy.”

“I don’t have to be at work today. I can take you if you change your mind. I promise to drive safely.”

Zane smiled. “I’ve kind of gotten used to buggy travel. Besides it’s a beautiful day. Now if it were snowing . . .” he recalled John Paul screeching around corners and himself hanging on for dear life. “Scratch that.”

For once in what seemed like days, John Paul chuckled. The tension eased, and Zane had the warm feeling that everything was going to be just fine.

Katie Rose couldn’t stop the joy she felt when she saw her father’s buggy pull up outside the schoolhouse. It wasn’t the buggy that caused her such joy, but the man driving it. Zane had come to see her. She smoothed down her apron and adjusted her prayer
kapp
. Why? She had no idea. The day’s worries had left her feeling a bit disheveled. It wasn’t at all because she was happy to see him, and for certain not because she wanted him to think her beautiful.
Englisch
beauty was much more complicated than what the Amish saw. She didn’t stand a chance against the woman he was to marry.

“All right,
kinder
, keep lookin’ over your parts. Matthew, go over it with them, and I’ll be right back.”

She forced herself to cross the room slowly, stopping at the door and taking in a heaving breath before opening it. “Good mornin’, Zane Carson. What brings you by today?”

It had been days since she had seen him last, but that hadn’t stopped her from making sure she looked her very best on the off chance that she did encounter him. He was, after all, living with her
elders
. He was also writing a story for his fancy magazine, and she wouldn’t want to give him a bad impression about how the Plain folk lived their lives. At least that’s what she told herself every morning when she stood in front of her closet painstakingly choosing the dress she wanted to wear that day. It was shameful indeed, and she had asked the Lord’s forgiveness for such vanity. Yet everyday it reared its head and demanded her attention.

He smiled and the entire world seemed a brighter place. “I came into town to charge my cell phone.”

She nodded, thinking back to the little phones that
Englischers
carried with them. The bishop had been trying to decide whether or not to let them use one for their pickle business and instead had decided upon a phone shanty in the field across from the house. But Katie Rose had heard tell of districts who weren’t even Beachy Amish and were allowed to carry the shiny little phones.

“I offered it to your mother so she’d know right away when the doctors called with her test results.”

“That’s mighty kind of you, Zane Carson.”

He smiled again, and she noticed how straight and white his teeth were. Except for the bottom two. They overlapped a little, reminding her of being a child and crossing her fingers for luck.

“You know, that’s the exact same thing your father said.”

Katie Rose laughed.

“Have you eaten lunch?

She shook her head. “We’ve been practicin’ for the Christmas program next week.”

He held up a sack from one of the diners in town. “I stopped by and picked us up a couple of cheeseburgers.”

The thought of sharing lunch with him was more thrilling than it should have been. But Zane was good company, like a burst of color in a world where things were growing weary.

She’d have to ask forgiveness for that as well. There were some colors that weren’t allowed in the Amish world—too bright, too bold, too vain. For right now, she’d just enjoy his company and beseech the Lord later.

She opened the door a little wider aware only then that the students had stopped practicing. They were watching her and the
Englischer
with an unabashed curiosity.

“Children, put your scripts way. It is time for lunch.”

Choruses of
Can we go outside?
rose from all corners of the room. It was hard in the winter to keep the children both healthy and well exercised, but today was a fine day to let them run in the cold winter sunshine.

“Of course. Everyone get your lunch boxes and follow Simon out the door.”

“I thought I was line leader today,” Mary Byler asked in her sweet, tiny voice.

Zane Carson had rattled Katie Rose until she forgot even the simplest of her duties. “Right you are, Mary. My apologies to you. Everyone line up behind Mary. We’ll stay out for half an hour, then we all have math tests to complete.”

There were mixed groans all over the room. Half an hour was not enough time and surely not worth cutting short for a math exam. Maybe she would let them stay out a bit longer. As long as their cheeks didn’t get too pink. She wanted to spend as much time with the
Englischer
as she could.

She didn’t have to tell the children again. They donned their coats as fast as they could and lined up behind little Mary, everyone with lunch box in hand.

In no time at all, she and Zane were seated under the big oak in front of the schoolhouse. The smell coming from the bag was more than tempting. Only occasionally did they stop at the diner to eat. More often than not, eating at a restaurant was a luxury the Gabriel Fisher family had no time to indulge in.

Zane sat cross-legged in front of her, doling out the food. “Fries?” He held up the steaming potatoes in their tiny, white paper sack.

Katie Rose’s mouth watered and she nodded. “
Jah
.”

“A cheeseburger for me. And one for you”—he handed her the wrapped sandwich—“And one for Samuel.” He pulled another smaller cheeseburger from the sack.

Katie Rose bit her lip, staring at the feast in front of them.

“What’s wrong?” He stopped unwrapping his own sandwich and turned those chocolate brown eyes on her.

“It’s just that the other boys will feel left out.”

Zane pressed his lips together and nodded. “And I was so proud of myself for remembering to bring one for Samuel.”

“Oh, I’m grateful, Zane Carson. Please do not think otherwise.”

He smiled. “I don’t.”

“It’s just . . .” She wasn’t sure how to tell him what was wrong. He’d brought her food, and French fried potatoes and even remembered to bring enough to feed little Samuel.

“I’ve got an idea. You brought lunch right?”

She nodded. “I have a thermos of stew and some sourdough bread.”

“Perfect. How about we share the burgers with the boys, and then you can share your stew with me. Sound like a plan?”

She smiled. “That sounds wonderful.”

The two youngest boys, Samuel included, shared a half of one of the fancy cheeseburgers. Zane split the other in two pieces and everyone got at least a half. French fries were passed around, and everyone seemed content.

“This is mighty kind of you, Zane Carson.”

He shrugged those broad shoulders of his as if it had been no hardship at all to accommodate the entire Fisher clan. He was a good man this Zane Carson.

“I haven’t had one of these in so long.” He closed his eyes, the complete enjoyment showing clearly on his face.

Katie Rose had to admit, the cheeseburger was very delicious. She glanced at him. “Do you miss your life back home, being here?”

He held up the little bit left of his sandwich. “This I do. When I go out on assignment, this is the first thing I get when I return. Well, right after a hot shower.”

She smiled thinking about Zane returning from wherever the assignment was and ordering a cheeseburger. Then she remembered that he had been shot on his last trip. The smile froze on her lips. The thought of him injured, bleeding, possibly near death sent chills through her. War was such a waste of time, such a waste of life.

“What else do you miss?” she asked, needing to change the subject for her own sake.

“Tacos.”

“I have eaten tacos. They are delicious as well.”

He squinted at her, the sunlight through the trees chasing shadows across his face. “What kind of tacos?”

“There are different kinds?” Why did
Englisch
food have to be so complicated?

“Did you get the kind from a restaurant, or did you make them at home?”

“From a restaurant in Tulsa. We went there a couple of years ago to take Samuel to the doctor.”

“Aw, then you’ve not really had tacos.”

She frowned. “I haven’t?”

“Nope. Because you haven’t had
my
tacos.”

“You can cook?” She didn’t mean for her words to ring so loudly with disbelief, but she could not picture Zane Carson behind a stove.

He shrugged that one shoulder again making her wonder if his injury caused the unbalanced action. “I dabble some. Tacos are the one thing I learned to make when I was growing up. My uncle taught me.” He shook his head as if he couldn’t believe he’d picked now to bring that memory to life. His voice held a misty quality like he was miles away inside his head. “Every Tuesday night we made tacos together. Like a real family.”

“I don’t understand. What do you mean like a real family? Was he not your uncle?”

“He was.”

“Then he was family.”

Zane nodded. “Yes, but we didn’t do a lot together. He was always at work, and . . . I dunno. We just didn’t spend a lot of time together. Not like your family.”

“That makes me sad for you, Zane Carson. You have missed much in your life.” So badly she wanted to reach out a hand and smooth it down his face, run her fingertips across his lips and ease the pain she saw in his eyes.

“I survived.”

“
Jah
. But have you lived?”