Katie's Choice (22 page)

That Zane Carson had been thinking the same way as she . . .

He looked around the room. “I suppose I should have said something before now, but I totally forgot. I’m sorry.”

Katie Rose knew her family. What they had they would share with others. After everything that the church had provided for them, to be allowed to feed a church elder on this holiday would be an honor indeed.

“Nonsense,”
Mamm
answered smartly. “We’d be most glad to have the deacon with us today.”

Her father nodded. “
Jah
. It is
gut
to have someone for fellowship.”

“And there’s plenty of food,” Annie added.

Katie’s gaze swept across the heavily laden table. Roasted turkey that Zane Carson and John Paul had brought in, pecan dressing, bean casserole, cheese potatoes, ham, cornbread, yeast rolls, and more chutney than she could shake a stick at. They had more than plenty, thanks to the Lord. And they’d been blessed enough to be eating on this feast for days.

Katie Rose crossed to the door and opened it.

Ezekiel stood on the porch, his gnarled fingers curled around his cane. He knocked against the door frame on his way in the house. “I was beginnin’ to think I’d have to sup on the porch.” His eyes twinkled in jest.

“That’d do no good for our standin’ with the Lord,” Abram shot back, and the room once again filled with laughter.

John Paul went to fetch Noni, then family and guests prepared to sit down and feast.

Once everyone was seated around the table, Abram bowed his head and the others followed suit. How had she managed to end up straight across from Zane Carson?

She glanced down the table at the bowed heads. Annie Hamilton. Annie had seated them. She was responsible for them sitting so close together. Katie Rose wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or bad, but her heart gave a hard thump at the thought of watching him all through the meal. He was handsome, she grudgingly admitted. A fine man to show off God’s handiwork. Strong jaw, now covered with a rusty-colored beard. He’d cut the beard close to his face, trim and neat looking she supposed, but to an Amish man, the longer the beard, the more devout he appeared. Zane had been clean shaven when he’d arrived at the farm, but he had grown his face hair, for warmth no doubt.

His head was bowed as if he were praying with them too. Well, with her family. She had been gazing around the table and thinking about the physical attributes of their guest, not thanking the Lord for the blessings He had bestowed on them. Quickly, Katie Rose bowed her head and promised to say extra prayers before she went to bed.

And if she got the chance she just might ask Zane Carson what he’s thankful for this year.

After supper and pie and more tea and some coffee and more pie, Zane decided he’d never been so full in his life. Even on the inside. He’d bowed his head during the silent prayer, not really knowing what to say to this being he had decided was alive and listening. God. But somehow he’d found words inside him, words of thanks and gratitude for the things that he had in his life. He couldn’t contribute them all to God. He’d worked hard to get where he was. Paid his own way through school. Worked nearly every day to pay rent and tuition. He’d sacrificed a great deal of his personal life to show the doubters that he was worthy, that he had the moxie to take care of himself, even though he was alone in the world. Even though the odds were stacked against him from the very start.

Like every other night since Zane had come to Oklahoma, Abram pulled the worn Bible from its place on the mantel. He settled himself into the rocking chair while everyone else gathered ’round. The fire crackled merrily in the grate, giving off a warm, golden glow that seemed to reflect the contentment that had grown within him.

Zane glanced around the room, one face to another, marveling in the friends that he had found, the sense of family and belonging that he hadn’t known was missing until now.

Then Abram began to read. “Give thanks to the L
ORD
for He is good; His faithful love endures forever. Let Israel say, ‘His faithful love endures forever.’ Let the house of Aaron say, ‘His faithful love endures forever.’ Let those who fear the L
ORD
say, ‘His faithful love endures forever.’”

Zane felt safe . . . warm, loved. Blessed. The thought came gently, easing its way into his mind. What if he didn’t leave? What if he stayed? The possibilities filled his very being. Working the land each year, caring for livestock, marrying a sweet Amish girl and raising a passel of green-eyed kids as sweet and gentle as their mother.

He looked up and caught Katie Rose’s gaze. She blushed as if she knew what he was thinking. He smiled and looked away, the intensity of the moment nearly frightening.

The sentimentality of the holiday must be getting to him. He couldn’t stay. He had a perfectly fine life in Chicago. He was happy. He loved travelling, he loved Monica. Yeah, he loved her. Of course he did. Why else would he be marrying her?

He stifled a nervous chuckle. What a hoot that he had even considered the idea. Moving to Amish country. Converting.

“Zane? Are you all right?”

He snapped out of his thoughts, jerking to attention. Katie Rose sat across from him gazing at him, concern in her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”

He must have been sitting there awhile, warring with himself. Everyone else was gone. Even Annie was nowhere to be seen. “Where is everybody?”

“Packin’ up the buggies and gettin’ ready to go home.”

“Annie?”

A rose-colored blush filled her cheeks. “I think she’s sayin’ good night to Gideon.”

He supposed that their good night included a scorching kiss. He tried to forget the fact that Katie Rose was within an arm’s length and such a kiss could be just a heartbeat away. He couldn’t reach for her for so many reasons. True enough he longed to taste her lips, but she was different from the women he’d known. If they were anywhere else, and she wasn’t Amish, then he’d kiss her until the heat from their bodies set fire to everything around them. But they weren’t any place else, and she was Amish. And sheltered. And beautiful. Special. So very special that he couldn’t take advantage and cross the line between friendship and more. No matter how badly he wanted to.

“I guess I should go on up to bed.” He regretted the words as soon as he said them. She didn’t seem to notice anything out of place or maybe she didn’t realize the intimacy he felt at saying those words to her—and the effect they had on him. “I mean, daylight comes pretty early.” He stretched and tried to cover his expression.

She lowered her lashes, hiding her eyes from him. An English girl reacting the same way would have been coy and trite, but for Katie Rose, it seemed sweet and unassuming. He had it worse for her than he had thought.

He turned and started up the stairs toward the room he shared with John Paul, getting away from Katie Rose before he did something stupid and wasn’t able to take it back. “Good night, Kate.”

“Good night, Zane Carson.”

10

F
riday dawned with overcast skies that sagged heavy with snow. In Chicago, such clouds meant inches upon inches of the white stuff, but no one else seemed concerned with the weather. Abram said it was early for snow, but not impossible. And even if it did snow, John Paul had added, it would melt before the day was through. That was good enough for Zane. These men knew the weather, had watched the skies for too long for him to doubt their word.

The outside chores went on as usual, but the inside chores shifted as the women started to “redd up” for Christmas. Excitement spiced the air. This would be Ruth’s first Christmas since her diagnosis, and as far as anyone was concerned she had licked it good. But Zane could see the hesitation in her eyes whenever her next doctor’s appointment was brought up. He didn’t say anything to her, let her keep that bit of doubt to herself. Negative words held less power when not spoken aloud.

“How will the doctor contact you with the test results?” Zane asked as they all sat around the dinner table the night before Ruth’s last appointment. At least that was the consensus of hope—that this would be the last appointment. That the doctor would declare her cancer free and the family could breathe a sigh of relief at the power of miracles and modern science. But for now everyone was subdued and quiet. Even John Paul seemed preoccupied and usually silent.

“He will call the phone in the shanty out front.”

There was no way of knowing when the doctor might call. Too much work still needed to be done for someone to stand by the shanty and wait on a call, but the idea of missing that call was ludicrous.

When Zane said as much, Annie replied, “The bishop allows us to have voice mail so customers can leave messages for pickle orders. It wouldn’t be a problem to check for the message when we go to see about orders.”

Zane couldn’t imagine having to wait day after day not knowing the results of the test. “You can give them my cell phone number. I can take it into town tomorrow and have Anderson charge it.” That would give him a chance to go by the school and check in with Katie Rose, too. He hadn’t seen her in a couple of days, and he missed her. Plain and simple.

“That is mighty kind of you, Zane,” Abram said as Ruth nodded.

John Paul brightened up for the first time the entire evening. “I can take you in my car.”

Zane opened his mouth to politely refuse, as he would much rather take three times as long to get into town than risk life and limb in John Paul’s old Ford. “Aren’t you taking them to the doctor?”

Abram shook his head. “
Nay
, Ruth Ann’s got Bill Foster, the Mennonite driver, to take her tomorrow.”

Zane couldn’t help but notice that Abram didn’t talk about going himself. He didn’t look anyone in the face, and he especially avoided looking down the table to where his wife sat, her own head bowed, gaze dropped.

Something was going on between them, and Zane couldn’t help but worry about their sadness. Cancer was a nasty bedfellow. He knew firsthand as he had watched his uncle slip away. But Ruth had more hope than Tim Carson ever had. She had God on her side.

Zane just hoped He was paying attention to her marriage as well.