Kate's Song (21 page)

“After services, I must see you.”
The light in her face told him it was good news. His heart pumped wildly, unable to restrain his galloping hope. He had driven Mamm and Dat home from church with indecent speed.

Moses had come to fetch Mary last night from the hospital, and Nathaniel had stayed with Elmer until the Weavers came for him early this morning. The taxi brought him home in time to get Dat up for gmay. Nathaniel felt the fatigue clear through to his bones, but mere exhaustion would not have kept him from seeing Kate today. What amount of needed sleep could compare to the elation he knew every time he laid eyes on her?

Finally reaching the end of the lane, he secured the reins and leaped from his seat. He strode purposefully across the yard, reaching the front door in record speed. Not caring who he awoke with his enthusiasm, he knocked loudly enough to rouse the entire household.

“Cum reu,” he heard Aaron call.

Opening the door wide, he came face-to-face with Kate’s parents and Aaron in the middle of the kitchen. His high spirits crashed to the floor. Tears streamed down Emma’s face. Solomon, slumped over like an old man, had his arm around his wife, his mouth twisted into a wretched grimace.

Nathaniel caught his breath. “Is it Elmer?”

Solomon looked at Nathaniel as if seeing him for the first time. “Nae, Elmer is resting. We just brought him home. The doctor said he will be all right.”

Kate’s parents stared at Nathaniel, and deep sadness reflected in their eyes.

“Sit down, Nathaniel,” Emma said, motioning to a chair at the table.

An emptiness rushed into his lungs, and Nathaniel felt as if he were going to be sick. “Has something happened to Kate?”

Emma and Solomon looked to Aaron, who pulled a chair from the table and sat. His parents followed suit.

“Sit, Nathaniel,” said Emma. “You need to sit.”

Nathaniel slowly pulled a chair from the table, never letting his eyes stray from Aaron’s tortured face. Why had he ever believed that Aaron didn’t care for his sister?

“A man came for her this morning,” Aaron said.

“What man?” Nathaniel stared in confusion at Aaron. “Where did they go?”

“She put her travel bag in his truck, and they drove away.”

Nathaniel’s mouth went dry. “I don’t understand. Who was this man?”

Aaron rested his elbows on the table and laced his fingers together. “I am sorry, Nathaniel. I called to her, chastised her for being alone with an Englischer. But you know how she is. Will she ever listen to my counsel?”

Nathaniel leaned forward. “What did she say?”

Emma sniffed and wiped her nose with her hanky. Solomon grasped her hand and held on like a lifeline.

“I think she did not expect anyone to see her make her escape,” Aaron said. “She started to cry, saying ‘I’m sorry. Tell everyone I’m sorry.’ She kept saying that. She said, ‘Tell Nathaniel I have made my choice, and I am going to Milwaukee.’”

Aching for a denial, Nathaniel stared at Aaron in disbelief. Every muscle in his body pulled so taut he thought he might snap. “But are you sure? Why didn’t she tell me herself?”

Aaron leaned back and folded his arms. “I suppose she did not have the courage. Or maybe she thought it would be easier for you. That you would not want to shame yourself in front of her.”

Nathaniel buried his face in his hands, and when he looked up, the faces around him were a blur of color and line. So, that was it? After all the months of waiting and dreaming, agonizing and hoping, she had left him? He was completely incapable of wrapping his mind around that horrible thought. The Weavers’ kitchen tilted violently, and Nathaniel clutched the table for support.

Aaron reached over and patted his arm. “It is better this way. For all of us. Kate’s worldly ways shamed our family. Who knows how many young people she influenced with her bad example? It is better she is away. It is better she stay away.”

Nathaniel couldn’t focus, not even to protest the injustice of Aaron’s words. He couldn’t form any rational thought but one.

Escape
.

I’ve got to get away from this place
.

Not knowing how he was able to stand, he walked to the front door and turned the handle. With pain saturating his very soul, he exploded out of the house, shoved himself into his buggy, and drove far away.

“Maria, this fridge is an outrage,” Kate said. “How do you survive on a half gallon of milk and a jar of pickles?”

“I’ve been spending a lot of time at Carlos’s apartment. Jared’s mother knows where I live. Carlos is a bachelor. We go out for fast food a lot.”

Kate clicked her tongue in reprimand. “And what does the baby eat?”

Maria pointed to her chubby son, sitting in his high chair and eating Cheerios from the tray. “Does he look like he’s malnourished?”

Grinning, Kate tousled Alex’s hair. “He passes my inspection.”

Maria spread her arms and squeezed Kate tight. “I’m so glad you’re here. I was a nervous wreck without you. Jared’s mother has gone to the day care twice to try to take Alex away.” Her whole body trembled.

“What do you know about the hearing?” Kate said.

“My lawyer says no judge in the world is going to take a baby away from his mother unless the mother is unfit. That’s why I need you to testify.”

“Jah, of course.”

Maria lifted Alex from his high chair, and she and Kate sat on the sofa in the small space next to the kitchen that passed for a living room.

“I’m frightened,” she said, clutching Alex to her heart.

Kate placed a hand on Maria’s arm. “Everything will turn out right, Lord willing.”

“Be still, and know that I am God.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Alex wriggling to be set down. Maria loosened her hold on him and let him play with her necklace instead.

“I missed you bad, Kate,” she said.

“I missed you too.” Kate reached out and stroked Alex’s silky cheek. “I can only stay until the hearing is over. I hope you are not disappointed.”

“Of course, I want you to stay. Carlos has a major crush on you. But it would be selfish of us to keep you away from where you truly want to be. Go back to Nathaniel and make a dozen babies and bake bread and sew quilts. You’ll be in Amish heaven. Who am I to begrudge you your happiness?”

“Thank you,” Kate said, her face relaxing into a smile. “I hoped you would understand.”

Carlos burst through the front door and spread his arms wide. “Here I am, girls. Now the fun can begin.”

“Don’t you ever knock?” Maria said, rising and hugging her brother while Alex wriggled between them.

“Don’t you ever lock your door?” He took the baby from Maria and tossed him into the air. Alex giggled with glee.

Maria snatched Alex away before Carlos could toss him again. “My son is not your ball.”

“So,” Carlos said, clapping his hands together and ignoring his sister, “I’m going to take both of you out to dinner.”

“I can’t afford it,” Kate said.

“Me and Maria already discussed it,” Carlos said. “You’re babysitting for her, so we’re supporting you—until you start school and custody is settled.”

Maria cleared her throat and glanced at Kate. “Or until you go back to Apple Lake.”

Carlos feigned astonishment. “Go back to Apple Lake? Why would you ever want to do that?”

Maria turned her back on her brother and rolled her eyes at Kate. “Don’t listen to him,” she whispered.

Kate stood and headed for her temporary bedroom. “Before we go, can I use your cell phone to call Nathaniel? I left so suddenly today, and I want to make sure he got my message.”

Carlos pulled an imaginary dagger from his belt and stabbed himself in the heart. “Who can think of Nathaniel when Carlos is before you?”

Rolling her eyes again, Maria pointed to her phone sitting on the counter. Kate smiled indulgently at Carlos, took the phone into the bedroom, and closed the door.

Sitting on the bed, she dialed the number to Nathaniel’s workshop. The phone rang and rang. Kate swallowed her disappointment. It was Sunday. How could she expect him to be in his shop on Sunday?

“This is King’s Cabinetry. Please leave a message.”

Kate’s heart skipped a beat. Just hearing his voice was a thrill.

“Nathaniel, I am sorry I left so suddenly today. Please call me when you get a chance. I am staying with my friend, Maria. Her number is 555-432-8492.”

She wouldn’t give away her good news over the phone. She wanted to see the look in his eyes when she told him. She wanted him to see the look in hers.

* * * * *

Nathaniel’s movements echoed against the walls of his dark workshop. Not even a hint of moonlight illuminated his surroundings as he felt for the matches in the table drawer. Although blind in the darkness, he knew exactly where the propane lamp stood steadfastly in the corner of his shop. He made his way to it and struck the match. Light hissed out of the blackness, bathing his workshop in line and murky shadow.

He had driven his buggy barely three miles out of Apple Lake before pulling it off to the side of the road and heading nowhere in particular on foot. He had walked all day, trudging through muddy pastures and thick stands of trees, exerting his body to keep his mind empty.

Long after dark, he finally surrendered to the welcome fatigue and drove slowly home. But he would not get any sleep tonight. His very skin seemed worn raw with painful emotion.

A single red dot blinked on and off on the far wall like a lone stoplight on a deserted highway. He stumbled to his answering machine, dazed and exhausted, and pushed the button.

Dizziness almost overcame him when he heard her voice.

“Nathaniel, I am sorry I left so suddenly today. Please call me when you get a chance. I am staying with my friend, Maria. Her number is 555-432-8492.”

He staggered to a chair and stared numbly at the machine as the nice woman inside the box droned on and on. “To erase this message, press seven. To save it, press nine.” Nathaniel didn’t have the will to stand. After several lonely beeps, the machine gave up trying to get a response and fell silent.

The quiet had always been Nathaniel’s friend, enveloping him in a warm blanket of his own thoughts. But now it seemed to press in on him like an invisible shroud, stealing the very air around him.

His moan cut the silence like a wounded beast throwing its anguish to the sky. “Oh, Nightingale,” he cried, “don’t call me. Don’t call me.” The fragile dam holding the flood at bay snapped and released the torrent. Burying his face in his hands, he sobbed until every last ounce of his strength was spent.

The diminutive clerk slowly counted out Nathaniel’s change. “Take this receipt to the back, Nathaniel, and the boys will load the bags in your wagon.”

“Denki,” Nathaniel said, unable to remember the man’s name. He didn’t really even want to try. What did it matter?

The clerk managed a wan smile. Without meeting Nathaniel’s eyes, he said, “Have a gute day yet.” Was it his imagination, or did everyone Nathaniel encountered give him that same pathetic smile? Was no one brave enough to look him in the eyes? Did they all have to conceal their pity with fake cheerfulness and forced conversations?

Nathaniel clomped his boots heavily on the store’s cement floor as he walked to the door. Every step, every movement of his body took so much effort. His foot clanked against a bucket of birdseed, and two men at the counter glanced in his direction and then put their heads together and exchanged hushed words. Nathaniel pretended not to notice.

The bell tinkled weakly as he stepped out into the sunlight. He squinted, letting his eyes adjust to the glaring brightness of noon. Why did the days have to be so sunny? He just wanted to bury himself in a shadowy corner of his workshop and absorb the darkness.

Nathaniel walked around to the back of Troyer’s Feed and Supply, where his wagon and team stood ready. The Troyer brothers, neither a day over fourteen years old, met him at the back and loaded his bags of feed into the wagon.

“When do you have to go back to school?” Nathaniel asked, giving them a hand. If he wanted to ever feel cheerful again, he had to start acting cheerful.

Adam smiled at him tentatively. “Two weeks. This is my last year. Abraham has to go two more years yet.”

“Almost done, then.”

“Jah, and after that, I work for my dat full-time.”

They loaded the last of the bags and shook hands. “Denki,” Nathaniel said. “I will see you next time.”

Nathaniel stood and watched the boys saunter back to the warehouse. He wished he could go back to the days when he had no other care in the world besides how quickly he finished his chores. He furrowed his brow. That kind of happiness seemed impossibly long ago.

Before Nathaniel climbed up to the seat of his wagon, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned and immediately felt a mixture of elation and gloom.

“Elmer,” he said, forcing the name out of his throat before it choked him.

Elmer, with his head still in a protective bandage, gave him a defeated look, threw his arms around Nathaniel’s neck, and sobbed uncontrollably. Nathaniel folded his arms around Kate’s brother and held on with a vice grip.

They stood like that until Elmer found his voice. “I don’t understand, Nathaniel. I don’t understand why she would leave like that without even saying good-bye. I was in the hospital. She didn’t even wait to see me out of the hospital.”

Nathaniel wanted to say something, but he had no words of comfort to give.

Elmer pulled away and wiped his eyes. “Have you heard anything from her? It’s been a week. We expected at least a letter by now.”

Nathaniel was silent as he thought of the three messages sitting on his answering machine. More than once he had come dangerously close to picking up the phone and calling Kate, but he resisted because he knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted to apologize, to relieve her mind and burden his with an explanation. But he refused to talk to her until he felt he could reasonably converse without bawling like a baby or begging her to come home. For her sake as well as his, he would not let her see the devastation she left behind. He wanted to be able, with composure, to tell her that her family would be okay, that he would be okay—to hide how badly she had hurt him and avoid making her feel worse than she already felt. He knew how agonizing the decision had been for her.