Kate's Song (12 page)

“Then why are you still talking?” Officer Hansen said, glancing at Mark before turning back to Kate. “So would you like to press charges?”

Kate shook her head.

“Charges?” Mark said. “I’m the one who got smacked.”

The officer glared at Mark. “Get your sorry hide out of here before I arrest your whole family.”

Mark didn’t have to be told twice. He took off down the street and didn’t look back.

When Mark was out of sight, Officer Hansen put a hand on Nathaniel’s shoulder. “Any man would have done what you did,” he said.

Nathaniel lowered his head in despair. “Not the men in my community. We believe in peace.
I
believe in peace.”

Officer Hansen frowned. “Even a good thing can be carried too far. Peace and nonviolence are nice ideals to hang your hat on, but sometimes, like it or not, they’re not practical. Even a peaceful man must defend his loved ones from attack.”

“That is not what I believe. Jesus chose not to resist but to give His life freely. We trust in God instead of our own power—instead of the arm of flesh. Even if my family were being attacked, the Lord’s will is to overcome evil with good and hope for a better world in the kingdom of God.”

“Should you have walked away and left this woman to the mercy of those punks?”

“No,” said Nathaniel, “but I could have thrown myself in front of her and let them hurt me instead.”

Kate’s heart swelled at the kindness of this man, but she said nothing. She only looked into his tortured face and dearly wished she could ease his pain.

“Now that would have been real nice. Then I might have been arresting the kid for murder.”

“I could have taken it,” Nathaniel said. “‘Resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.’”

“And I say you’re a danged fool,” said Officer Hansen—but he said it with a warmth in his voice before climbing into his squad car and driving away.

Kate sighed. This mess had occurred two days ago, but every gesture, every sound and smell were perfectly fresh in her mind: the alcohol on Mark’s breath; the friend yelling at him from the alleyway; the pain when the other man clutched her wrist; and most haunting, the look on Nathaniel’s face.

The family had retired earlier, but Kate did not follow them up the stairs to bed. Nathaniel had promised to visit her tonight, and she anxiously awaited his arrival, to discover what she could do, if anything, to comfort him. She had never seen him so utterly miserable, and Kate was painfully aware that Aaron was right. She had caused Nathaniel too much trouble.

The single kerosene lamp over the table cast long shadows at the corners of the room. Sitting in the kitchen, looking at recipe books without really seeing them, Kate heard a soft tap on the back door. She hurried to open it. Nathaniel stood dejectedly on the back steps.

He shuffled into the kitchen and took Kate by the shoulders. He moved his hands to her wrist and studied the ugly purple bruises there. “Oh, Kate,” he said, emotion spilling out of his throat. “I am so sorry about what they did to you.”

His compassion nearly reduced Kate to tears. She cleared her throat instead. “It is not bad, Nathaniel. It pains me to see you fret over this. I care more about how you are feeling.”

He took her hand. “I have no concern for myself.”

“You are very unhappy, Nathaniel. How can I help you?”

He paused and then walked to the sink, where he leaned both hands against the counter and looked as if he were trying to push the whole thing out the wall. With his back to her, he said, “To own the truth, Kate, I’ve never felt such despair. You can’t help me.”

Kate could not let him suffer alone. She went up behind him and put her hand on his shoulder. “Then I will share the despair with you,” she said.

“I won’t allow that.”

“There’s nothing you can do to stop me,” she said. “I can’t help but be sad when you are.”

“Daily, I struggle to perfect my life, to be a better man each day than I was the day before. But you can never take the true measure of a man until you test his will. This was my test to prove to God that I am truly peaceful in my heart, that I will choose the way of nonresistance.” He turned to face her. “And I failed. I am so very wicked.”

“That is not true, Nathaniel.”

“It is, because even though I regret using violence, I do not regret defending you. And I still feel retribution festering in my heart. When I saw him holding you with those dirty hands and I heard you screaming, I had to protect you.”

“Do not condemn yourself for that. I don’t. Neither does my family. Even Aaron doesn’t think it is your fault. I am more than grateful to you. Ach, to think what could have happened if you had not heard the yelling.” Her voice broke, and she could not speak for a moment. “If you felt drawn to find me, perhaps God led you. And if God’s hand was in it, how could it be wrong?”

“It is wrong because God put me there to protect you without hurting anyone else. And I failed.”

“Then I hate to ask what you think of me. I put a man in the hospital, Nathaniel.” She couldn’t bring herself to tell Nathaniel that Jared was still there. “I did much more than knock him to the ground.”

“You had to protect yourself. And your friend.”

“As you protected me. You should judge yourself with the same mercy you are so eager to offer me.”

Silently, Nathaniel gazed at her. She stared back at him, trying to read every thought hidden behind those icy-blue eyes. Not a word passed between them.

Then, in an instant, Nathaniel surprised and thrilled her by taking her into his arms and holding her tenderly. “I hope this does not cause you distress, Kate,” he whispered, “but…I love you.”

Kate experienced the overwhelming feeling of flying, higher and faster as if there were no end to the sky. Closing her eyes, she buried her face in his chest. She couldn’t answer him. He didn’t seem to expect her to.

“I love you without reason. You compel me to feel better even though I have no right to feel better.”

She savored his earthy smell, basked in his radiating warmth, before he broke the spell and nudged her away to arm’s length. He smiled. “I must not compound my sin.” Breathless and shaken, she knew exactly what he meant.

“Tomorrow I will meet with the elders and ask for forgiveness,” he said. “But I don’t know how I can ever hope to be made whole. My true character has been revealed, and I can’t forgive myself for that.”

“‘He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins.’ The Lord Jesus would not want you to carry a burden He has already carried for you.”

He looked at her, his gaze steady and warm. “Why, in even the worst times, do you make me feel very, very glad to be alive?”

She blushed. “It is one of the great mysteries, to be sure.”

At arm’s length, he caressed her cheek with his thumb while studying her face. A thousand tiny threads of fire passed through her body.

Suddenly he withdrew his hand and reached for the doorknob like a lifeline. “This courting business will be the death of me,” he said. He shot one last glance in her direction and bolted out the door.

Kate later lay in her bed, fighting off sleep as it crept over her. She wanted a few more minutes to bask in Nathaniel’s words.

“I love you, Kate. I love you without reason.”

Had she ever felt so whole in her life—like every corner of her being was filled with the glowing embers of a cheery fire?

Nathaniel loved her. Next to her father, the best man she had ever known.

Why? He could have the love of any girl in Apple Lake. He wouldn’t have needed to coax and agonize and slave for anyone else in the entire community. Why did he love her? Trying to answer that question made her head spin.

She
did
know that the uncertainty and effort made his love all the more precious. For a man like him to give his heart so freely to her was no common thing. She savored her part in something extraordinary and drifted off to sleep with a smile on her lips.

Nathaniel lightly tapped the baseball with the bat in the direction of little Amos, who picked up the ball and chased Nathaniel to first base. As the little boy reached out and tagged him, Nathaniel flopped to the ground in front of the base and grunted in mock agony.

“Ach, you got me, Amos,” he moaned, as the boy jumped on top of him in a fit of giggles.

“I did not touch you that hard, Nathaniel,” Amos said, grinning. “You do not have to fall down all the time.”

“Falling down is part of the fun of the game,” Nathaniel said, simultaneously tickling Amos, setting him on his feet, and then placing the hat back onto Amos’s head.

Summer baseball after suppertime was an ongoing tradition for Nathaniel and the children. Young ones not yet in school and older children who managed to finish their chores gathered after the evening meal to play. For early June, the weather had finally turned warm enough to allow them to play outside without their lips turning blue.

Baseball was Nathaniel’s favorite game, and some of the children were really getting good at it. His heart felt so light, he thought he might break into song right there on the field. But, no, he’d leave the singing to the only person he cared to hear, the delightful girl who had a greater claim on him than ever before. He thought his heart would burst out of his chest at the mere thought of Kate, the way it pounded until it ached with the pain and longing of not being with her. Was it too early to see Dat to bed?

He handed the ball to freckle-faced Johnny Herschberger. “I’ve got to go now. Thanks for letting me play.”

“Did your mamm call you?” a boy named Thomas said.

“No, but look,” Nathaniel said, pointing to the back of his house in the distance. “She’s lit the lantern in the window. That means it’s time for me to go home.”

“But you are old,” Thomas said. “Do you still have to obey your mamm?”

“Always honor your fater and your mutter, Thomas. Then you will live long on the earth.”

Amos ran to Nathaniel from first base. “Hit one far!” he yelled.

“I must go now.”

“Just one more?” Thomas said.

“Just one more! Just one more!” the children chanted as they gathered around Nathaniel and looked up expectantly.

Nathaniel gave in. “Who will pitch to me?”

“I will,” Reddy volunteered.

“All right.” Nathaniel sent three bigger boys out over the pasture fence and scooted the rest of the children behind him. He directed Reddy Samuel to pitch from farther back. “I don’t want to hurt anybody,” he said.

Samuel’s first pitch came right down the middle of the plate, and Nathaniel put all his power into the swing. The ball careened off the bat with tremendous force, whizzed past the boys waiting to catch it in deep outfield, and flew over two fences before coming to rest just feet away from the Millers’ back gate.

The children whooped and hollered and acted like the colossal hit was the most exciting thing that had happened to them in their entire lives.

“Did you see how far that went?” Amos yelled.

“That’s the best one he ever did,” Mary said.

The boys charged with fetching the baseball raced each other to retrieve it and then dashed back to the ball field, raising the ball like a trophy.

Nathaniel handed the bat to Thomas before saying, “I’ll come tomorrow night if I can” and jogging home.

Smiling to himself, Nathaniel tapped his boots on the back step to clear away the dirt and went inside the house. After the refreshing evening air, the heat in the kitchen was stifling.

“Ach, Nathaniel, you stink to high heaven,” said his mother when she got close.

“It’s fresh air mixed with hard-earned sweat,” he said sweetly as he chased Mamm around the room trying to catch her for a hug.

Mamm moved away from him and protested loudly. “You smell like Dat used to when he came in from the fields at night, especially in the spring. I wouldn’t let him near me until he sponged off his whole body.”

“I better go clean up, then,” Nathaniel said cheerfully, “or I’ll never get a wife.”

“Maybe would you put Dat to bed first?”

“Jah, Dat first, bath second, finding a wife third,” he said.

Someone knocked on the back door. “Speaking of finding a wife,” Mamm said, smiling at a private joke.

Nathaniel opened the door to Ada Weaver and Sarah Schwartz. They both smiled coyly and batted their eyes in unison.

“Sarah, Ada, come in, come in,” Mamm said, trying to act surprised but not fooling Nathaniel. “What brings you here so late?”

Ada pushed Sarah in front of her. “This is the first time I could get away from those bothersome children. Ach, to have the life of any other woman, without five boys to vex me all day long.” She marched into the house and put a basket on the table. “My very bones are tired.” She arched her back and massaged her shoulders for a few moments. “Albert jumped off the wagon and bumped his head; then Giddy broke two jars of apricots all over my clean kitchen floor and Lee cut his foot on the glass. That’s my life, one mess right after the other.”

“Oh, poor Lee,” Mamm said.

“I’m glad to have such a thoughtful sister as Sarah. She is always a great help to me,” Ada said.

Sarah gave Nathaniel a demure smile. He thought she was very pretty. Not as lovely as Kate, of course, but better looking than most of the girls her age. But if she turned out to be anything like her sister in temperament, Nathaniel couldn’t muster even the slightest interest in her despite his mamm’s scheming. He hated to disappoint her, but Mamm’s plots and ploys to involve him with other girls were pointless. Nothing could possibly take his attention from Kate.

Ada pulled a piece of fabric out of the basket. “I’ve come for some help with this quilt binding. It’s so adorable when it’s cut on the bias, and I don’t quite understand how to do that.”

“Oh, that’s easy,” Mamm said. “I’ll draw out the cuts on some paper.” Mamm went to the drawer and pulled out paper along with the scissors and tape. “Nathaniel, why don’t you show Sarah the cradle you are building for Mary’s baby while I do this?”

“Let me show her another time, Mamm. I’ve got to get Dat down to bed yet.”