Just The Way You Are (13 page)

"She wants us to do this together, Tessa."

"I just don't understand what is going on with you and Alli. You say you're getting a divorce and yet you're with her every other second." Sam stared at her, but she couldn't tell what he was thinking behind his dark sunglasses. "Well?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know—something. We used to be able to talk, to finish each other's sentences. Now it feels awkward all the time. I don't know who you are anymore."

"I don't know who you are either."

"Do you want to find out?" she challenged. Almost instantly she had second thoughts, but she couldn't take it back, wouldn't take it back. Ever since Alli had told her Sam was still in love with her, ever since she'd realized that if she was going to have a second chance with Sam in her life it would probably be now or never, Tessa had been unable to think of anything else.

"Why don't we spend some time together tomorrow?" she suggested.

Sam tipped his head in Jimmy's direction. "Your friend won't mind?"

"I'm asking you, not him. Jimmy came here on his own. I'm not planning my life around him. But if you don't want to…"

Sam hesitated for a long moment. "I want to," he said finally.

"Where?"

"Let's take that sail I promised you. If we go anywhere in town, we'll be the topic of conversation at every dinner table in Tucker's Landing. I'd rather be alone with you."

"A sail sounds perfect," she said, feeling an unexpected thrill run down her spine, another sign of a long-ago attraction that was starting to smolder again. She didn't know if she should throw a log on the flames or try to douse the sparks before they caught fire. Loving Sam could hurt. She knew that firsthand. And she certainly didn't want to go through that pain again.

Tessa looked over at Alli and wondered if the connection between Alli and Sam was truly broken. Before she could ask, the boat came to a halt at the far end of the bay, next to a long line of black buoys. In between the buoys oysters hung in bags off the lines that held them less then two feet under the surface of the water. Tessa moved to one side so Timothy O'Meara could pull up one of the yellow nylon lines.

"How come they're so shallow?" Jimmy asked her, drawing away from Alli for the first time since they'd boarded the boat.

"The oysters grow faster in warmer water," Tessa replied. "Plus, they can access the oysters at any time of the day. At some of the other oyster farms, you have to wait until low tide to wade in and scoop them off the bottom."

"Are we going to do that, too?"

"Depends on whether or not you're feeling lucky today."

He flashed her his patented smile. "I'm always feeling lucky, babe."

"Then it's a good thing we brought you along."

"Really? I thought you'd forgotten all about me," he murmured. "You seemed in rather deep conversation with Sam."

"We have some things to work out," she said evasively.

"I'll bet."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing," he said innocently. "But…" His smile disappeared. "I hope you work it out."

She eyed him suspiciously. "Why do you care?"

"Because something has been holding you back all these years, and I think I just figured out what, or should I say who, it was."

Tessa was grateful when Timothy dumped a bag of oysters between them. She couldn't talk about Sam or Alli, not with the two of them standing just a few feet away.

"What now?" Jimmy asked.

"Now we go back to shore and start shucking," Tessa replied.

"Excuse me?"

"I'll show you how. It's easy."

"You know how to shuck oysters? You are full of surprises."

"I once shucked ten oysters in one minute. A family record," she said smugly.

"In case you haven't guessed, Tessa was the best at everything," Alli interjected.

"There's one in every family," he replied.

Tessa tensed as Jimmy and Alli shared a small smile that seemed filled with secrets. Then she felt Sam's hand on her arm and immediately relaxed. What did she care if Alli and Jimmy were getting along? It didn't mean anything. In fact, it would give her more time with Sam. And wasn't that what she wanted?

Chapter 13

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"
O
kay, I want a kiss," Jimmy said to Tessa a few hours later as the four of them sat at a picnic table overlooking the bay with piles of empty oyster shells in front of them.

"I have eaten more oysters today than I have in my entire life and I am definitely in need of one juicy, wet kiss." He puckered up his lips and waited for Tessa, who was sitting next to him, to kiss him.

She put a finger against his lips instead. "No way. I am not giving you a kiss just because you got turned on by a mussel."

"You are an unfeeling woman, hard, cold, absolutely no compassion," Jimmy said.

"My God, someone who actually knows the real you," Alli mocked from her vantage point on the other side of the table.

Tessa sighed, realizing their unspoken truce had come to an end. For most of the afternoon, their conversation had centered on the oysters and the scenery, with Alli and Sam on one side of the table, Jimmy and her on the other. Now the gloves were apparently off.

"I'll kiss you, Jimmy," Alli offered, leaning forward.

"Okay," Jimmy said easily.

Tessa had to bite down on her tongue to stop herself from shouting "No." She looked over at Sam. "Aren't you going to stop her? She is still your wife—at least for a few weeks."

"Alli pretty much does what she wants," Sam said tersely.

"Come here," Alli said.

Jimmy met her halfway across the table, planting a brief kiss on her lips.

"You're never satisfied, are you?" Tessa couldn't help asking Alli. "If there's a man around, and he's with me, you have to have him."

"But they always ask you first, don't they, Tessa? I just get your leftovers." She stood up abruptly. "I think we've done enough for today. I'm going to wash my hands." She glanced over at Sam. "I'll meet you at the truck. We should go if we want to get to Megan's soccer game on time."

"Fine," Sam said, getting to his feet. He paused and looked back at Tessa. "I'll see you tomorrow."

She nodded. "Ten o'clock."

"Tomorrow?" Jimmy asked as Sam walked away. "What's tomorrow?"

"I'm going sailing with Sam. I'm sorry, but you can always go back to L.A. if you're bored."

"You sound like you're mad at me," Jimmy said with a quirk in one eyebrow. "Now, why would you be angry? Alli was right. I did ask you to kiss me first. You turned me down."

"I thought you were kidding. You're always kidding. But I don't care who you kiss."

"As long as it's not your sister."

Tessa played with one of the empty shells in front of her.

"Alli stole Sam from me. I'm a little touchy where she's concerned."

"She's a little touchy where you're concerned." He paused. "Do you really think a divorce is in the works?"

"That's what they both say. Are you that interested?"

"Oh, I'm interested, all right."

She sent him a wary look. "Because you want Alli or because you want me?"

He turned sideways, putting his leg over the bench so he was straddling it, so he was facing her. "That's the first time you've ever admitted that you even noticed I want you."

She swallowed uncomfortably. "You flirt with everyone, Jimmy. It's part of your DNA."

"I'm not flirting with you right now. I'm serious."

"How would I know that?"

"Because you know me." He put one hand on the side of her face, his thumb caressing her cheekbone. "You know I want to kiss you right now."

"That's the oysters talking."

"That's me talking."

"Jimmy, don't."

"Don't what?"

"I like our friendship."

"I want more from you than friendship."

"I can't."

"Because of me or because of Sam?"

She wanted to look away, but his hand slipped into her hair and held her in place. "Maybe a little of both," she admitted.

"Tessa." Jimmy shook his head, his eyes disappointed. "Where has he been all this time? If he wanted you…

"He's been with my sister. They have a little girl. She's the reason they got married, the reason they stayed married."

"Until now?"

"Until now," she agreed. "I don't know what happened. No one has said. But Alli seems to think that…" Tessa couldn't bring herself to say the words.

"Seems to think what?"

"That Sam still has feelings for me."

"I see." His hand fell away from her hair, and he stood up. She felt suddenly chilled.

"I have to talk to him, Jimmy. I have to understand what happened. That's why we're going sailing tomorrow. We need to have a conversation that we probably should have had nine years ago." She paused, feeling like she had to explain herself. "Sam was my first love, the guy I dreamed about marrying when I was twelve years old. I owe him—I owe myself at least this much."

"First loves are tough to get over," Jimmy said, his voice cool and remote. "But I think you should be careful."

"Why?"

"Because you could get hurt again. Sam might have married your sister for the wrong reasons, but that doesn't negate the fact that they've spent the past nine years together."

"If their marriage was good, they wouldn't be splitting up," she argued.

"Maybe they didn't know how good it was."

"I'm not breaking them up. And by the way, you're not helping."

"I'm not trying to. I'm trying to make you think with your brain instead of your heart."

"I loved Sam," she told him, looking him straight in the eye. In fact, it felt strange to say the words out loud, strange but good. She'd been biting them back for a very long time. "And he loved me."

"Then why did he sleep with your sister?"

"Because I let him down," she cried, getting to her feet. "Because Alli was there, ready and waiting to take advantage of him. Because he was stupid. I don't know the answer. But it only happened the one time, and it changed everything."

"Sex will do that."

"I know it sounds silly to be carrying a torch for some guy who cheated on me, but Sam and I were inseparable from the time I was twelve years old until I was twenty. Eight years. He was the first one to get me to smile after my parents died. Sam saved me that winter. He listened to me for hours on end and helped me make friends here in town. Sam was my anchor, Jimmy. Through everything, he was the one who was there. I'll never forget what he did for me."

"Tessa, that was a long time ago. People change. They grow up. Sam did a lot for you when you were a kid. But let me ask you this." His eyes bored into hers. "What does Sam do for you now?"

She opened her mouth to answer, but nothing came out.

"Does Sam even know anything about you?" Jimmy persisted. "Does he know that you sneak cream into your coffee when no one is looking? Does he know that you hate that moment when the plane takes off, that you pretend to be calm while you're gripping the armrest as if it were a lifesaver? Does he know you love those little apple tartlets at that bakery in Denmark? Does he know how you can work a camera, work a room with just your smile and the flick of your finger?" Jimmy grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a little shake. "Does Sam know what you think, what you care about, what you want out of your life?"

She looked at him in amazement, caught by his uncanny assessment of her quirks. "How do you know all that about me?"

"I've been there, paying attention, babe."

His eyes were too intense, too personal, so she looked at the water, at the horizon that had once beckoned to her in a way she couldn't resist. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. I can see right into your head when I take your picture."

"You cannot," she said, but his words were disturbing. He knew her better than she'd realized. Somehow Jimmy had snuck in when she wasn't looking.

"The eyes are the windows to the soul. Don't you ever look at your own photographs?"

"I don't see anything but the makeup hiding the blemishes and the powder lightening my eyes and the hair spray holding my hair in perfect position."

"What do you see when you look at your sister?"

She stared at him for a long minute. "Alli? I don't know."

"Come on, give it a shot, describe her to me."

"You just spent the afternoon with her, and I saw you taking photographs of all of us, so I'm sure you can see her for yourself later on."

"You don't look at her, do you? Funny, she doesn't look at you either."

"We prefer it that way."

"Weren't you ever close?"

"Maybe a hundred years ago."

"What happened?"

"I told you."

"Besides Sam—what else broke you apart?"

"It wasn't any one thing."

"Come on, Tessa, talk to me."

She hesitated. "All right. The beauty pageants started the competition between us. My parents entered me first, because I was the oldest, and Alli, well, she wasn't the prettiest baby. I'm not saying that to be mean, she just wasn't. And she was cranky all the time. I knew to smile at the right moment. Alli usually picked that moment to pull down her socks or burst into tears. Pretty soon, my parents took me on my own and left Alli behind. But I never tried to make her feel bad."

"But she felt bad anyway."

"I suppose. We didn't talk about it back then. And when our parents died, we were really close for a while. We shared a bedroom at Grams's house, and we'd talk for hours into the night. We felt like we only had each other."

"Until Sam came along," Jimmy said somewhat dramatically.

She made a face at him. "Yes. Sam lived next door. He was my age, and we were instant friends. Alli couldn't stand it. She did everything she could to make trouble for us."

Tessa paused, lost in the memories.

"Do you blame her for feeling left out?"

"I guess not. But you can't make someone like you. Alli couldn't ever figure that out."

Jimmy smiled to himself. "That's a tough concept to accept when you want someone badly enough. For what it's worth, I don't think Alli is so horrible."

"You've only spent one day with her."

"Yeah, but I looked at her, you didn't. I bet if you ever did, you'd be surprised by what you saw. In fact, while you're at it, you might want to take a good look at Sam, too."

* * *

"You just can't stop yourself, can you?" Sam said to Alli as the Ford Explorer sped down the highway, his foot heavy on the gas pedal. "You had to goad Tessa. Or was it me you were trying to get a reaction from?"

Alli ran a brush through her hair, checking out her reflection in the mirror on the sun visor in front of her.

"I was having a little fun. It was no big deal."

"Just a little fun, yeah, right. You knew kissing Jimmy would hurt Tessa and you did it anyway." He glanced over at her and immediately wished he hadn't.

Her eyes were sparkling with mischief, her cheeks a rosy pink, her hair a glorious tangle of reds and golds that reminded him of incredible sunsets over the ocean. He'd always thought Alli was pretty, but today she looked spectacular.

He tried to regroup, to remember that he was mad at her. But he was so distracted he wanted to stop the car and run his hands through her hair, kiss her sunburned lips, unbutton the three pearls on the T-shirt that even now strained against her breasts and… Talk about straining, he adjusted his position, wishing he'd worn his looser jeans, because his body was at full alert.

"Jimmy is a flirt," Alli said, flipping back the visor and slipping the brush back into her purse. "I just played along. Tessa would have done the same thing if you hadn't been standing there. You were certainly cozy enough in the boat. What were you talking about?"

"Oysters," he said shortly, irritated that she didn't seem to be at all affected by their closeness or the number of oysters they'd both eaten that day. He felt like Jimmy, wanting to demand a kiss to appease his libido.

"Sure, oysters."

He looked over at her and shook his head. "You drive me crazy."

"Well, you'll be free soon enough." She turned her head toward the window, so he could no longer see her expression.

Free. The word seemed too simple for the complicated emotions running through him. He'd always thought of himself as a straightforward man. He didn't lie. He didn't play games. He didn't cheat. But here he was feeling lust for one woman, at the same time wondering whether or not he still had feelings for her sister.

A long time ago he'd thought of himself as a one-woman man, and Tessa had been that woman. Then Alli had come along and they'd married and shared so many days and nights together that she'd become a part of his existence. She had carved a place in his life, a place that now felt empty, more empty than he would have imagined.

"Do you want to see Tessa again?" Alli asked quietly.

A flash of guilt ran through him. "I'm taking her out on the boat tomorrow," he answered, because there couldn't be any more lies between them.

She turned her head, her brown eyes pained. "On the boat?"

"We need to talk."

"Why can't you just have coffee like everyone else?"