Just The Way You Are (16 page)

"Because I loved that small-town guy," she whispered. "I did love you, Sam."

"I loved you, too." He hesitated. "I was going to ask you to marry me that Christmas. I even had a ring. It was a quarter-carat diamond, I think." He gave her a wry smile. "I'm not sure you could actually see the stone, but I thought it would work until I could afford something better."

She was shocked by his words. They'd never discussed marriage, never even mentioned it. "Sam, I don't understand. We were twenty years old. We were in college. We weren't ready to get married."

He looked away from her for a moment, then turned back. "I think I knew even then you were slipping away from me, and I was trying somewhat desperately to hold on to you."

"I wasn't going anywhere."

"Yes, you were. Half the male population at college was in love with you, and those modeling agencies were hot to sign you, and then you got that commercial. I knew you were going places, Tessa, and I thought maybe I could stay up with you if I married you. When you didn't come home with me, I knew it was over."

"Why didn't you ask me before I left?"

"I had this wild idea that you might change your mind and show up in time for Christmas. When you didn't, I got drunk."

He didn't have to say the rest, because she already knew it.

"It was still wrong," she said.

"I know."

She thought about all those years ago, wondering she hadn't been a bit vain and self-centered back then. The way Sam made it sound, it had always been about her, but she'd thought he was right there with her, enjoying the same things, only he really hadn't been.

"I guess I could apologize, too," she said slowly. "I didn't realize you were feeling left behind. I thought you would always be there when I needed you."

"You didn't need me, Tessa. I could see that. Oh, sure, we talked about me being your business manager, your agent, but I was a twenty-year-old kid. I might have been good at math, but that was pretty much it. Our dreams were crazy dreams, they were illogical, they were foolish."

"But they were ours. I did need you, Sam. You were my anchor. You kept me grounded. You made me feel like there was someone to catch me if I fell." She paused, thinking about their relationship back then. "From the first day I met you I knew I could count on you not to let me down. And you didn't, until, well, you know."

He leaned forward, staring into her eyes. "I would have caught you if you fell, Tessa, but the truth is—you never fell. Not even after…" He paused, taking a breath. "You
just went on with your life. In fact, you made a success of your life without me. You didn't need me then; I doubt you ever did."

"How can you say that? We did everything together growing up. We learned how to kiss, how to dance. We learned chemistry together." She dropped her voice down to a whisper. "I thought the first time I made love it would be with you. We got so close so many times. But we never made love. Why didn't we?"

"You wanted to wait. You always wanted to wait."

Because she had wanted it to be perfect, to be special, and the time had never seemed right.

"I waited too long, didn't I?" she asked. "You needed the sex. That's why you went to Alli."

Sam's eyes darkened. "No." He got to his feet. "Look, Tessa, the past didn't work out the way either of us wanted it to work out. But it's over. We can't go back."

"We can only go forward," she murmured.

His face tightened, but she couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"I want to know who you are today, Sam," she continued. "Because you're clearly not the boy I remember. I see signs of him here and there, but then there's a man I don't know, who's making me confused, unsure."

"About what?"

"About what he wants. About what I want." She stood up and moved over to him. "Do you want go forward—with me?"

* * *

The whirring click caught Alli by surprise. She looked up from her calculator and found herself gazing into the lens of a camera.

"Hey," she protested as Jimmy snapped another photograph. "What are you doing?"

"Photographing the hardworking retail shop owner at work."

Alli put a self-conscious hand to her hair. "I must look awful."

"You
look tired, worried, a bit distracted." He glanced around the shop, which was currently occupied by two elderly women browsing through the postcards. "And definitely in need of a bit more business."

"It's just a momentary lull before the weekend tourist storm."

He picked up a framed photograph on the counter and studied it. "Nice. I like the parallel between the old man and the sea."

"It was taken by a thirteen-year-old kid named Isaac," Alli said. "I'm the first to show his work, but I don't think I'll be the last."

"I'm impressed." He set it down and waved his hand around the store. "I was expecting cheap souvenirs, and instead I see quality crafts."

"The local talent. We don't have an art gallery in town, so I try to show off their work."

He picked up a slightly lopsided pink elephant and frowned. "Now, this…"

"Was made by Irene Bentley, who is ninety-four years old and still thinking she might be a sculptor when she grows up."

"Maybe for the blind," he said with a wince.

"It's not that bad."

"Sure it is. But you put it out anyway. Why?"

She shrugged, not sure she could explain it to a man as worldly as Jimmy. "Because the people here matter to me. This is a small town. We look out for each other. Most of these artists will never venture even a mile down the highway, but does that make their expression any less important? And who is to judge what's valuable and what's not except the person who's looking at the piece?"

"You feel strongly about it, I can see."

"I just like to give people a chance. Everyone deserves that."

"Except perfect beautiful people like your sister?"

"Well, Tessa doesn't need a chance. She already has it all."

Jimmy didn't reply, he simply gazed into her eyes with an intensity she didn't expect from him.

"You have a nasty habit of staring," she told him.

"Just trying to figure you out."

"Forget it. I can't even figure myself out." Alli set the calculator aside. There was no point in trying to add up profits while Jimmy was within firing range.

Jimmy set his over-the-shoulder bag down on the counter and pulled something out of the front pocket. "I want you to take a look at this."

She hesitated, then took the photograph from his hand. It was of Tessa, of course, taken in her grandmother's house. Tessa was looking at something with a yearning in her eyes that surprised Alli.

"What do you see?" Jimmy asked.

"I don't know."

"Try harder. Come on, it won't kill you."

"A little girl lost." She stopped abruptly. "That was a stupid thing to say. I don't know why I said it."

He smiled encouragingly. "What else do you see?"

"She appears to be wanting something. But I can't see what she is looking at. When did you take this?"

"Last night."

"Did Tessa know?"

"She was concentrating on something else."

Alli knew he wanted her to ask what that something was, but she was afraid to ask. He was right. She didn't want to look at Tessa.

"What do you think she was looking at?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I have no idea. It could be a million things."

"It was a necklace—actually, it was half of a necklace."

"Oh, God," she breathed, staring once again at the photograph.

"The half she had said BEST."

"And the other half said FRIENDS," Alli finished, lost in the memory.

"This is for you," eleven-year-old Tessa said. "Because we're not just sisters, we're best friends. I'll wear one and you'll wear the other and no matter what else happens to us, we know we'll always have each other."

Alli let out a breath, feeling the pain right down to the tips of her toes. "She gave me the necklace for my birthday. It was my first birthday after our parents died. I can't believe she still has her half."

"Do you still have yours?" Jimmy asked.

She straightened, suddenly realizing she wasn't just talking to herself. "I don't know," she lied. "I haven't seen it in years." She looked past him to the two women, who were ready to make their purchases. "Can I help you?"

While Alli rang up their postcards, Jimmy wandered over to the window, taking a few shots through the glass at some activity on the pier. When the women left, Alli picked up the photograph once more, wondering why Tessa would be looking at a silly little necklace with so much heart in her eyes. Tessa hadn't cared about their friendship in years. Long before the incident with Sam, they'd been more enemies than friends.

"It doesn't make sense," she murmured.

Jimmy returned to the counter. "Do you want to keep that?"

"No," she said hastily.

"I'll take it, then."

Despite her words, Alli felt a momentary loss when he put the photograph back into his bag, as if she were losing Tessa again, which was ridiculous, because she'd lost Tessa a long time ago.

"Do you want to get some lunch?" Jimmy asked

"My assistant won't be back for another fifteen minutes."

"I can wait."

"You must have something better to do with your day."

"Not really."

"Oh, that's right, Tessa is sailing with Sam." And the thought drove any lingering affection for Tessa right out of her heart.

Jimmy smiled. "Bugs the hell out of you, doesn't it?"

"No. Sam and I are getting a divorce."

"So I hear. I can't quite figure that one out, though. You got him. Why don't you just hang on to him?"

"Because hanging on isn't enough anymore, not that it's any of your business." She took a deep breath. "I need to stay here, finish up some work, especially since we need to look for oysters again this afternoon. Although I heard there might be a storm coming in."

"Tessa says we have to hike down to this oyster farm. I tell you, I didn't know your sister was such a country girl."

"She isn't."

"But she
was."

"I guess. Tessa liked exploring. She was convinced that smugglers had once used Tucker's Landing to sneak in their treasures. She'd lead scavenging expeditions during the summer. They never found anything, though."

"Sounds like a fun sister."

"Not really. I wasn't included in the adventures."

"Then how do you know about them?"

"Because I followed, of course," she said, hating the knowing smirk on his face. "Like you never followed your brother."

"Oh, I did all the time, but he wasn't nearly as interesting, too concerned with toeing the line."

"Well, Tessa didn't break any laws, but everyone followed her anyway. She was the pied piper around here."

"Because she was beautiful?"

"Yes, but…" Alli paused, suddenly realizing that wasn't the complete truth. "She could make the other kids believe they were about to discover a pirate's stash of treasure. She had a gift for telling stories."

"I wonder why she doesn't tell them anymore?" he mused.

The phone rang, and Alli picked it up. "Alley Cat," she said. "Hi, Josie. How are you today?"

"Terrible," Josie replied. "Your husband was supposed to be back twenty minutes ago."

Alli's heart jumped into her throat. "You don't think something has happened to Sam?"

"Don't be silly. But he's turned his radio off, and, well, I wouldn't care, except that I've got a tank full of fish waiting to be unloaded and Petrie's restaurant needs it by two or they don't need it at all. Everyone is out, Alli. Gary is on another tour, Mike is sick, and Billy has disappeared again. I don't know what to do. I can't unload the fish myself.

"Okay, calm down. Try Sam on the radio again. I'll be down there as soon as Mary Ann gets back. I'm sure he just lost track of the time."

Alli hung up the phone and frowned at Jimmy. "Sam and Tessa were supposed to be back twenty minutes ago."

"I'm sure they're fine."

"Of course they are. It's just that Sam doesn't usually turn off the radio."
Unless he didn't want to be interrupted. Oh, God. Were he and Tessa making love?

"Don't think about it," Jimmy advised.

"You don't know what I'm thinking." She wandered over to the window and looked out at the harbor.

"Oh, yes I do," he said dryly. "But Tessa wouldn't sleep with a married man."

"Unless that man was Sam." Alli turned her head. "For him, I think Tessa would do just about anything."

Chapter 15

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S
am looked into a pair of beautiful blue eyes set in the prettiest face he had ever seen—a face that was offered up to him with a mouth begging to be kissed. He'd never refused Tessa anything. And he didn't know how to start now.

He lowered his head and allowed his mouth to touch hers, a brief, chaste kiss, much like the very first one they'd shared when they were thirteen years old. Her lips were cool. Or maybe his were.

It felt strange to be this close to her after years of separation. He started to slide his arms around her waist, then hesitated. She was taller than he remembered. Her body felt too thin, too angled. She was perfect, he reminded himself. The whole world thought so. But it didn't feel right. Not at all.

Tessa pulled away from him. "You kissed me like you were afraid I was going to break."

Her eyes were worried. She looked as unsure as he felt.

"Maybe I am afraid you'll break, or that you'll disappear. Maybe this is all a dream."

"I'm here, Sam. I'm not going anywhere."

Her words became a lie as the boat pitched suddenly, sending her into Sam's arms. He caught her as a gust of wind rocked the boat back and forth on the water.

Tessa rested her hands on his shoulders. "Fate," she said with a small smile. She took the initiative away from him and kissed him firmly on the mouth. He wanted to kiss her back, but there was something unbelievably awkward about their embrace.

"I'm a fool," he muttered. He sat down on the bench seat across from her. "You know where I've been the last nine years in terms of women. What about you and other men? Have you…" What the hell was he trying to say? Of course she'd made love to other men. She was twenty-nine years old and gorgeous.

"Have I what?" she prodded.

"Forget it."

"I don't want to forget it. We're trying to get to know each other again. How can we do that if you don't talk to me?"

"Not another MacGuire sister telling me I don't talk to her," he said with a groan.

"If you're this quiet with Alli, I can see why she'd have a problem."

"You're on Alli's side now?"

"I'm on your side, you know that. So what were you going to ask me? About other men? Yes, I've been with a few. Some I liked a lot, others—maybe I just thought I should have a relationship. So I had one. But have I been in love? Really, truly in love? Once."

He met her stark gaze and knew what she was saying, but he didn't want her to say it.

"You're not going to ask, are you?" she said. He shook his head.

"Taking the easy way out, Sam? That isn't like you."

"I'm married, Tessa."

"Not for long. Even Alli says she's letting you go. Unless you don't want to go. Is that it, Sam? Have you fallen in love with Alli? My God, is that possible?"

Her voice was filled with disbelief, sarcastic wonder. And it bothered him, more than he would have thought. "Alli isn't the monster you make her out to be. She's changed. She's a good mother, a great friend, a smart businesswoman. She's grown up, Tessa."

"All right, okay, more defense of Alli. I guess she is your wife and you feel you have to do that. But I'm her sister, and I know her."

"You knew her back when. You don't know her now."

"And I don't know you and you don't me. I want to move forward, Sam, but dammit, you keep pulling me back to the past." She turned away from him and looked out over the ocean. "Can you tell me that you still love me and you want another chance with me?"

She said the words so softly he was afraid he hadn't heard them correctly. But they were there, hanging on the wind, awaiting his response.

"Is that what you want me to say?" he asked. "Is that how you feel?"

She turned her head to face him. "I asked you first."

Before he could reply another wave hit the boat hard. He suddenly realized that he'd been so caught up in their conversation that he hadn't paid attention to the changing weather, a stupid mistake for any sailor. Dark thick clouds were blowing in from the west, stirring the waves into white menacing tops.

"We should head back," he said. He glanced down at his watch and saw the time. "Shit! I was supposed to be back forty minutes ago."

She followed him to the wheel, her eyes widening as she looked at the turbulent ocean. "Are we going to be all right?"

"We're fine. I just want to get back to the harbor before the storm blows in."

She wrapped her arms around her waist as he powered up the engine and turned toward home. "I don't like this," she muttered. "Everything feels so out of control out here."

"Man against nature."

"This doesn't bother you?"

He shook his head. "I like the ocean in all its moods, but I do respect it. And I don't take unnecessary chances."

"It scares me. I don't think you ever knew, but I never liked swimming in the ocean. The waves crashing over our heads, the current pulling against our legs. I was always happy when the weather was too cold to go in."

He sent her a quick look. "Why didn't you ever say that before?"

"I didn't want you to laugh at me. You were such a fish, and Alli was always willing to go in with you if I didn't."

"She liked challenging the ocean," Sam replied, seeing Alli in his mind charging full steam ahead into an oncoming wave. She'd been an avid body surfer, and she still loved to take Megan down to the beach in the summer and go swimming.

"Alli liked challenging everything and everyone," Tessa said. "And I'm not saying that to insult her, before you jump all over me again. Sometimes it was a good thing. I have to admit her forthrightness with the nurses at the hospital is good. She makes them answer her questions. I barely get more than a nod or a mumble. But Alli doesn't let up."

"Nope." Sam reached over, realizing the lights on the radio were off, meaning he'd either neglected to turn it on or he had a problem with the radio.

"Something wrong?"

He fiddled with the buttons on the radio, annoyed when he got only static. "Looks like the radio is on the blink."

"Is that a problem?"

Again, he heard barely concealed panic in her voice. "We're fine, Tessa, relax."

"I'm trying, but the motion is making me nauseous. I wish we'd stayed at Grams's house. I don't know why I agreed to come out here."

He was beginning to wonder why he'd asked her. He'd thought she'd enjoy the sail, but she'd been tense and on edge since she'd come on board.

"We should have brought someone else to help you sail," she said.

"I don't need anyone's help," he replied with irritation. "It's a small boat, not a cruise ship, for God's sake."

"The last boat I was on was a cruise ship. We went to the Caribbean. It was beautiful and warm, and you could hardly feel the motion of the boat. I felt like I was in this big, beautiful hotel."

"But this is better, because you actually get to feel the water beneath you. That's the point of sailing."

She shrugged. "I guess." Her nonchalance vanished as the boat went up the face of a wave and down the other side, much like a roller coaster. She grabbed his arm so hard he had to fight her to regain control of the steering. "I don't like this," she said, her voice shaking.

"Talk to me, Tessa. Tell me about your life. Tell me about Jimmy," he said, trying to distract her.

"Jimmy. What—what do you want to know? He's a photographer I work with sometimes."

"He seems pretty interested in you, and not just for business purposes."

"He's a flirt," she said dismissively. "I've never seen him stick with a woman for longer than a month. I think that's the length of his attention span."

"So you two aren't dating?"

"No."

"Then why is he hanging around?"

"Well…" She seemed thrown by the question. "I don't know. I guess he considers himself a friend and he thinks I could use one right about now."

"I think he looks at you with more than friendship in mind."

"Perhaps there's a little attraction, but it's nothing serious."

"You still don't get the fact that you're every man's dream girl, do you?"

"Most of it is an illusion. You know what I really look like, Sam. The magazine covers are of some woman with not a line on her face or a blemish on her skin or an ounce of fat on her body. It takes about four people to get me to look that good. I don't think most men would like the real thing." She let out a breath as they entered the far end of the harbor, protected at last from the rising waves. "This is much better."

He was amazed by her description of herself. "Are you kidding, Tessa? I'm looking at the real thing right now and it's pretty damn incredible."

"Then why couldn't you kiss me? Afraid you wouldn't like it or afraid you wouldn't be able to stop?"

Both, he decided. Because there was a fantasy of Tessa in his mind that he didn't want to lose, and yet here he had the opportunity to make that fantasy a reality and he couldn't seem to move forward.

"It was so good before," he muttered.

"It could be good again. Don't you think we should find out, Sam? Once and for all?"

* * *

"When I see Sam, remind me to kill him," Alli told Jimmy, who was standing on the dock taking photographs of her as she stood in the middle of a flat-bottom fishing boat next to a pile of squirming, smelly fish. She lowered her arm, encased in a yellow vinyl glove up to her elbow, and pulled out another fish and tossed it into a waiting crate.

"This is great stuff, Alli," Jimmy said. "You look terrific, your hair whipping around in the wind, your eyes on fire, your hands in a bucket of fish. I could sell this shot."

"To whom
—Fisherman's Quarterly?
You know, you could help."

He lowered the camera. "I don't think so. Can't mess up these lily white hands."

"You're such a hero."

"Like Sam?"

"He's not my hero," she said. "At the moment, he is lower than scum. And I plan to tell him that as soon as he gets here. If he ever gets here," she muttered, sneaking a quick look over her shoulder. She wasn't worried. She was
not
worried. Sam was a capable sailor. He could handle any boat. Still, the winds had kicked up and dark clouds were blowing through. The weather could change in a second on this part of the coast, and the thought of Sam getting caught out in a bad blow did nothing to ease the growing tension in her body.

"So, tell me again why you're doing this for him?" Jimmy asked.

"Because the fishing business is still half mine, and dammit, I'm not going to lose money because Sam and Tessa lost track of the time."

"So your motives are purely business oriented."

"Absolutely."

"You're not just saving Sam's hide because you still love the guy and you don't want to see his business take a hit?"

"Absolutely not."

"Right."

Jimmy didn't believe her. Well, why should he? She didn't believe herself. Why was she here? She hated messing about with live, icky, squirmy fish. But someone had to do it. The fish had to be in Petrie's truck by two o'clock, and she was bound and determined to make that deadline.

Alli leaned over and grabbed another one, only to find the fish ripped in half. She now had fish guts dripping all over her jeans.

"Yuck, yuck, yuck," she squealed.

Jimmy laughed as she tossed the fish into the water next to the boat.

"I hate Sam Tucker," she cried.

"Well, here's your chance to tell him," Jimmy said as Sam's boat pulled into the slip next to them.

Alli saw Tessa step off the boat, looking pristine clean in her white jeans and tank top.

"Hey, babe," Jimmy called out to her.

Tessa walked over to them. "What on earth are you doing, Alli?"

Alli glared at her. "I'm playing with the fish, what does it look like I'm doing?"

"And what are
you
doing here, Jimmy?" Tessa asked.

"Waiting for you. Have a good trip?"

"It was all right."

"Anything exciting happen?" Jimmy asked.

Alli saw Tessa shake her head, then tuck her hair behind her ear the way she always did when she wasn't telling the truth. Damn her. Something had happened on the boat. Something between Tessa and Sam? Had they made love? Was that why they were late?

The sickening truth overwhelmed Alli, and she felt like throwing up. What was she doing—saving Sam's business when he was more concerned with fooling around with Tessa. She was an idiot, a stupid, helplessly in love idiot.

Sam finished tying up the boat, then came over to her, his expression wary. "Where's Billy? He was supposed to help with this."

"He's disappeared again and Josie said you turned off your radio."

"I didn't turn it off. It's broken."

"So you say," she said, tossing another fish into the crate. "Fifteen more minutes and your order with Petrie's was history."

"I appreciate your doing this."

"You're such a good little wife, Alli," Tessa said mockingly. "And I've never seen you look better."