Just One Reason (6 page)

The only direct way back to Lana’s house took me back by the pub.  I was across the street when I saw Grady stumble out, hanging all over a very trashy looking blonde.  Backing up into the shadow of the building I was walking next to, I watched as she put her arm around his waist and guided him down the block and up a stairwell.  Not able to watch anymore
, I trudged the rest of the way home.

Grady

“Calm down, Hawke.  Don’t make me throw your ass out of here,” Ford warned me from behind the bar.  Josh was in my face blocking my view of the table where Lindsay was sitting with Leah.
  I would never get physical with a woman, but I did want to scare her.  I needed her to know I wasn’t happy that she was here.  I needed her to know that I wanted her gone.

I didn’t even realize Lindsay had left until Leah shoved Josh aside and poked
her finger into my chest.

“Grady Hawke!
  What is wrong with you?”  Leah barked at me.

I had been friends with Josh and Ford since grade school, and when Josh started dating Leah she instantly became part of our pack.  She had no problem telling me how she felt, and right now was no exception.
  She might be tiny, and pregnant, but I wouldn’t want to meet her in a dark alley.

“That was an awful way to treat Lindsay,” she continued.  Her baby wasn’t even born yet and she had the finger pointing and scolding thing down pat.

Josh rested his hands lightly on her shoulders. “Babe, ease up.  You don’t understand,” he said to her.

“Well, make me understand.  Give me an explanation that would make that kind of behavior acceptable,” she snapped
, batting Josh’s hands away.  Her shoulder length brown hair swirled around her face as she looked from Josh to me.

Josh glanced nervously at me, trying to gauge whether my head was about to explode.  He sighed, “Remember when we first started dating and Grady was with that girl.  We never met her, but he spent all
his time with her that summer…that was Lindsay.”

Recognition dawned on her face as Leah pursed her lips and studied me.  I could tell she was struggling with reconciling the heartless bitch who had broken my heart with her new friend, who I’m sure she got along great with.  Because that’s what Lindsay was - a two faced, manipulative bitch
who could make you love her, right up until she stabbed you in the back.

Leah patted the center of my chest where she had been poking.  “I’m sorry, Grady.  I didn’t know.  But have you thought about trying to talk to her?  Because the girl who I spen
t the day with and who just left here shaking and sobbing doesn’t seem like the type of girl to callously stomp on your heart.  Maybe there’s more to the story.”

Lindsay was
crying?  I shoved that thought aside.  I wouldn’t feel bad for her.

“Just drop it, Leah,” I growled at her, earning me a glare from Josh.
  I rolled my eyes.  If any woman could take care of herself it was Leah.

She held up her hands in surrender. 
“Fine.  I’ll drop it.  For now.  But the next time you see Lindsay, I expect you to apologize.  And you’re buying me dinner tonight since you ran off my friend.  Ford!  Get over here.  I need food - now!”

Dinner I could do.  Apologize to Lindsay? 
Over my dead body.  She should be the one apologizing to me.

Ford plunked
three shot glasses full of whiskey down in front of me and took our orders.  By the time the food arrived, the whiskey had done its job and thoroughly mellowed me out.  Josh and Leah left shortly after we ate, but I stayed put at the bar, shot glass in hand.

“You want to talk about it?”  Ford asked grudgingly.  It was part of the job as a bartender to listen to people’s problems. 
Ford was not your typical bartender and went out of his way to avoid conversation.  But he was my friend, and as much as it pained him to ask, he gave me a chance to talk if I wanted to.  But I didn’t.

“Nah, man.
  Just keep refilling this shot glass, and I’m good.”  He nodded with relief.  I think we had all changed in the last five years, but Ford was having the hardest time dealing with how his life turned out.

The pub was packed, as was normal for a Saturday night, and I let the nois
e and alcohol keep me occupied so I didn’t give in to the urge to go find Lindsay.  She was all grown up and even more beautiful than before.  Shimmering beneath the anger was an urge to pull her into my arms and make up for lost time.

The one good thing about seeing her was I had a new image of her in my mind.  Now that I was twenty four, picturing a sixteen year old Lindsay every time I had sex was bordering on creepy
and illegal.

“What are you smiling about?”  Ford asked as he refilled my shot glass.  I was about to reply with a detailed description that I’m sure he wouldn’t appreciate but his normal scowl deepened as he glanced over my shoulder.

Out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of blonde hair right before I felt a hand on my back.  Turning slowly so I didn’t fall off the bar stool in my inebriated state, I locked eyes with Shelly Hayes.  Well, shit.  Shelly was a waitress at the pub and was pretty much the town slut.  Her tits were as fake as her bottle blonde hair.  But for tonight, she would do.

“Hi, Grady
.  I’m done with my shift, and it looks like you could use some company,” she purred near my ear, pressing her tits against my arm.

Ford leaned on the bar and said, “Leave him alone, Shelly.  He’s having a bad night.”

That challenge only made her push closer against me and start tracing circles on the back of my neck with her talon-like fingernails.  “I can make you feel better, Grady.”

I swung my head back toward Ford and the room started spinning.  “Yeah, Ford.  Shelly can make me feel better,” I slurred.

Ford just rolled his eyes and swiped the still full shot glass out of my reach.  “Be careful, and don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Shelly took my arm and wrapped it around her shoulders.  I saluted an angry Ford as I let
Shelly lead me out of the pub.

“Why don’t we go to my place, handsome?  It’s close,” she said. 
Sounded good to me since I was having trouble putting one foot in front of the other.  Shelly lived over the pizza joint just one block down from the pub, so we were at her place in no time.

I managed to stumble into her bedroom and fall backwards onto her bed.  She was on me in a second, straddling me and kissing me like I was the last man on Earth
and it was our sole responsibility to repopulate the world.  With the amount of whiskey pumping through my bloodstream, I wasn’t sure I could even get it up.

It was now or never because Shelly was already naked and making quick work of my clothes.  The girl didn’t mess around.  I managed to grab a condom out of my pocket before she dragged my jeans off. 
Even in my drunken state, I knew better than to fuck Shelly Hayes without a condom.

Shelly took the condom from me, but so far I was a no go.  I was about to give up and stumble to the shop to sleep it off, but Shelly’s bleached hair caught the moonlight.  It looked so light, almost like Lindsay’s.
  My mind drifted back to the last time I saw Lindsay’s hair in the moonlight.

August 2006

I was on top of the world tonight after showing Lindsay where I wanted to build a house for us.  She was just as excited as I was about planning our future together.  When I stopped to think about it, it never failed to surprise me how much I had changed since I met Lindsay.  Three months ago the most important thing in my life was finding time for beer and girls.  Now there was just one girl for me.  And I never felt like I would be missing out on anything by committing to one girl when I was only nineteen.  It just felt right.  It felt like I would be missing out on a lifetime of happiness if I didn’t snatch this girl up when I had the chance.  And by some miracle she felt the same way about me.

Tonight was our last night together before she had to go back home to New York City.  Her life there was a world away from my small town life, but I wasn’t worried.  Nothing could break us apart.

“You look so serious,” Lindsay said, smoothing the wrinkle on my forehead with her fingers, followed by her lips.

I pulled her closer.  “Just thinking about how lucky I am,” I murmured while kissing my way along her shoulder and up her neck.  She shivered and pressed herself even closer.  We lay together and kissed for a while, and then I pulled back slightly to take a breather.  Lindsay was
sixteen, and I knew she’d never been with anyone before.  I didn’t want to push her to do anything she wasn’t ready for even if I’d taken more cold showers in the last three months than the rest of my life combined.

When I pulled back, she sat back on her heels and pulled her dress over her head in one quick motion.  For a moment I was speechless.  Sure, I’d seen her in a bikini many times, but this was different.  Seeing Lindsay in nothing but her pink lacy bra and panties was so much better.

I had to close my eyes for a moment, but I still saw her even with my eyes closed.  “Lindsay, we don’t have to do this.  I will love you forever no matter what happens tonight.”

She pressed a finger to my lips to silence me, and I had to stop myself from sucking it into my mouth.  “I know, Grady.  But I want this.  I want you.  I need this memory to get me throug
h until we are together again.”

When she said that, I realized how much I needed this too.  Aside from the obvious reasons, I needed to make her mine completely.  I’d never had sex with a virgin before, so I had to repeatedly remind myself to go slow.  The girls I tended to go for weren’t the type to save it for someone special.

Lindsay was inexperienced but her touches drove me crazier than ever before.  Go slow, go slow, go slow.  That was my mantra the whole time.  And I made sure she enjoyed it just as much as I did.  Afterward she even joked that she would have given in sooner if she knew it would be like that.

Of course my ego liked hearing that, but I was glad she made me wait.  It was better that way.  Hell, I would have waited forever for her.

“There we go,” Shelly
cooed, rolling the condom down my cock.  Maybe I could do this after all.  If I fucked her from behind with the lights off, this might just work.  I pushed off the bed and spun Shelly around.  Shelly was all for it.  My whiskey dick didn’t hold me back - not when I was thinking about Lindsay.

***

Oh, God.  My head was pounding and there was no way I could sit up without hurling.  I cracked open one eye and saw Shelly Hayes lying naked beside me.  Fuck.  What did I do?  Vague memories of whiskey, Ford warning me, and Lindsay.  No, not Lindsay.  Shelly.  Ugh, that thought made my head hurt even worse.

At least it was Sunday and I didn’t have to work.  I could drag my ass home and spend the day on the couch
watching TV.  But first I had to piss, puke, and get the hell out of here before Shelly wakes up.  Luck was on my side, because I was out the door and Shelly was still snoozing.

Walking towards the shop
to get my bike I caught sight of a silver Mercedes SUV turning the corner a couple blocks down.  I bet Lana talked Lindsay into going to church with her and dad.  I got an invite every week, but never wanted to get up this early.

I’m already up early today, and I had a sudden urge to give Lindsay a taste of the turmoil she had caused in me by simply setting foot inside the town limits.  So, i
n my clothes from yesterday, smelling like smoke, booze and sex, I changed direction and headed to church.

Lindsay

There was a soft knock on my door, and Lana popped her head in.  Seeing that I was already awake she came in and sa
t down on the edge of the bed.

“Would you like to go to church this morning, Lindsay?
  Mitch and I always go to the 10:30 service and then come back here for brunch.”

I scrunched my nose in confusion.
  “You and Grady’s dad go to church together?”

Lana laughed, “To me Mitch is not just Grady’s dad.  We have been dating for
several years now.”

My jaw dropped open and I gaped at her.  “What?  How did this not come up before now?  Why didn’t you tell me you were dating him?”

She laughed again and pulled me into a hug.  “Oh, Lindsay.  The world does not revolve around you, my dear.  Now get up and get ready.  I think church will do you some good.”  She was probably right about that.  Maybe I could find the answers I needed there.

“Wait, Lana.  Does Grad
y go with you guys…to church?”

That question seemed to amuse her and she shook her head, “No.  I’m pretty sure he’s never set foot in the church.”  Okay, that’s good.  At least I could spend a few hours not worrying about running into him.

While I got ready for church, I tried to keep my thoughts from returning to Grady’s reaction the night before.  So, I focused all my attention on choosing the perfect outfit, styling my hair and applying my makeup.  No matter how much I told myself I wanted to look nice for church, I knew I wanted to look my best in case I ran into Grady again.  But like Lana said, he stayed far away from church.

When I was ready I went downstairs to find Mitchell Hawke seated at the kitchen table with Lana, drinking coffee.  He looked exactly as I remembered him, with gray hair, glasses and a plaid shirt.  I paused a moment before announcing my presence to gain control of the emotions running through me from the sight of Grady’s father.  Would everyone and every place connected to Grady cause this reaction in me?  I hoped not, or I was in for a very difficult adjustment period.

“Good morning, Mr. Hawke.  It’s so good to see you again,” I said nervously.  I wasn’t sure of his reaction to me, when his son’s had been so hostile. But I shouldn’t have worried.

“Now, Lindsay.  You know you can call me Mitch.  Come here, girl,” he said waving me over and pulling me into a hug.  “You’re all grown up and almost as beautiful as your aunt,” he said and smiled at Lana.

I couldn’t help smiling too; it was clear that Lana and Mitch were in love, and I was happy for them.  I was also extremely relieved that Mitch had greeted me so warmly.  Apparently not all of the Hawke men despised me.

Lana stood up and slung her purse over her shoulder.  “Well, we need to get going.  Lindsay, why don’t you drive us in your fancy new car
?”

I’m sure a look of panic crossed my face, and Lana’s mouth curled up in a smirk.  “You have to get back behind the wheel sometime.”  I think she was talking about more than just driving, and
I knew she wouldn’t be staying out of my personal life while I was here.  Oh, well.  Maybe someone else should tell me what to do - it’s not like my decisions had turned out well.

Mitch opened the passenger door for Lana before climbing into the backseat. 
I took a deep breath and put the key in the ignition.  As long as I didn’t have to parallel park or do too much backing up, I would most likely be able to get us there safely.  Luckily the church was only a few blocks from Lana’s house, so even going super slow we made it there fairly quickly.  And it seemed luck was on my side today when I found an easy parking spot in the first row of the lot.

That wasn’t so bad.  I mentally gave myself a pat on the back for accomplishing something on my To Do list.  Too bad the only other thing on the list was “find my purpose in life.”  I had a feeling that one might be a bit harder to accomplish.

The United Methodist church in Penn Yan was at least a hundred years old, and the sanctuary was large and bright.  Colorful stained glass windows lined one wall and heavy oak pews were filled with people already.  We found an empty pew near the back, and I filed in after Lana and Mitch.  My parents never went to church; therefore, I didn’t either.  I had come every Sunday during the summer I spent with Lana, and the peaceful feeling from that time was coming back to me now.

The service began and we stood to sing the opening hymn.  The peacefulness I had been feeling was suddenly replaced by a tingling awareness that sent
goose bumps rushing down my arms.  Grady was here.  I knew this even before he slid his tall body into the pew next to me and slipped his arm around my waist.

“Hey, Bambi.
  You gonna share that hymnal with me?”  He whispered in my ear, his fingers pressing into my hip pulling me close to his side.  I stiffened against his arm and closed my eyes - from the feel of his warm breath on my ear and in an attempt to gather control of myself.  My body immediately responded to the voice I knew so well, but my mind was racing as I tried to understand what he was doing.

Everyone around us continued singing, completely unaware of the turmoil churning inside me.  I turned my head to look at him
, and my breath caught at how close his lips were to mine.  I forced my eyes to meet his, and though he was smiling calmly at me, the anger from last night was still raging in his light blue eyes.

The song ended and I dropped my gaze.  Grady’s hand left my hip, and I breathed a sigh of relief until I sat down and felt his arm come around my shoulder.  Mitch was sitting next to me and nodded a greeting to his son before turning his attention back to the minister.  Lana leaned forward slightly so she could see around Mitch and narrowed her eyes at Grady.  Ha.  I wasn’t the only one who knew he was up to something.  What it was, I didn’t know.

Not wanting to make a scene by leaving or getting into an argument with him in church, I did my best to ignore him and stared intently at the front of the church.  The minister spoke about the upcoming events, and we listened to the choir perform two songs.  Through all this and the never ending sermon, I kept my eyes firmly fixed on the flowers decorating the altar.  I stared so long and hard that my eyes started to cross.  But there was no way I was going to give Grady the satisfaction of seeing me squirm.

I could feel his eyes on me the entire time and his fingers traced circles on my shoulder.  The heat from his touch seared through my thin sweater, and it was a struggle to keep my breathing even.  It had been five years since I had felt his hands on me, and it was like no time had passed at all.  But even though my body welcomed his touch, I knew it wasn’t given with love.  He looked calm and
cool to everyone else, but I could feel the tension and anger rolling off of him.

He wasn’t touching me
because he wanted me; he was touching me because he wanted to hurt me.  Like I had hurt him.

Finally the service ended and we stood to sing the final hymn as the minister and choir exited.  I didn’t even bother pulling out the hymnal and just stood staring at the
cross until the music stopped.

Mitch spoke first, “It’s nice to see you in church,
son.  And I see you know Lindsay’s back in town.”  I cringed awaiting Grady’s reply.

He smirked at me, “Oh, yes.  We have a lot of catching up to do.”

Lana frowned at him as we walked out of the sanctuary and linked her arm through mine.  “What was that all about?”

I shrugged, “He’s definitely not happy to see me.  I don’t know why he’s putting on this act.”  She
pursed her lips as we followed Grady and Mitch out to the parking lot.  Grady’s long hair was tucked behind his ears and he clearly hadn’t shaved in a few days.  He was wearing a similar outfit to last night - worn jeans and a black t-shirt.  In fact, it was the exact same outfit as last night.  Did he come straight to church from that whore’s bed?  Gross.

When we reached my car, Grady fell back beside me as Mitch opened the back door for Lana.  “I left my bike at
the shop.  Can you give me a ride, Bambi?”  He reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and I flinched away.

“D
on’t call me that,” I snapped.

He tilted his head
. “I thought you liked it when I call you Bambi,” he purred.

I frowned and mumbled, “I did.  But now you say it like I’m some
cheap hooker.”  He threw his head back and laughed.  I shoved past him and got in the car, hoping I could drive away without him.  But he settled into the passenger seat beside me.

Just like on the way here, I drove slowly back to Lana’s house, making full stops at all stop signs and properly using the turn signals.  Grady snorted as I pulled carefully into the driveway and put the car in
park.

“What?”

He sneered at me, “When did you get to be such a tight ass, Lindsay?”  I glared at him and tossed my hair haughtily over my shoulder before stomping into the house.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I was safely inside and went up to put my purse in my room.  Deciding to get comfortable I slipped out of my sundress and put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.  Feeling better now that Grady was gone I went downstairs to see if
I could help Lana with brunch.

On the way I stopped to look at the picture I actively avoided looking at every other time I went up or down the stairs.  It was the picture of Grady and me on the beach with our arms around each other.  I looked so young and trusting and completely in love.  Back then I thought love could conquer all.  With a heavy sigh I continued on to the kitchen.

I stopped short when I saw Grady sitting at the kitchen table.  He was leaning back with both hands behind his head and one ankle crossed over his knee.  His shirt was stretched over his chest and I couldn’t help myself from looking at the maze of tattoos running on his forearms.

Grady turned his head slowly to look at me.  “Lana invited me to stay for brunch.  Isn’t that great,
Lindsay
?”  He asked me, emphasizing his use of my actual name.  Although it sounded like even more of an insult than Bambi.

“Yeah, fabulous,” I muttered and walked past him into the kitchen
, careful to put as much physical distance between us as possible.  Lana was mixing up ingredients for pancakes, and I elbowed her in the side.

“Why would you invite him to stay
?”  I hissed through my teeth.

She sighed, “I can’t be rude to him, Lindsay.  He is the son of the man I’m dating.  Besides, you’re going to have to get used to being around him.  This is a small town.”

“Fine, whatever.  What can I do to help?”  I asked, resigned to spending the next hour at least with my ex-lover who now seems intent on making me uncomfortable.

I made it through cooking and eating without any more snide remarks from Grady, mostly because Lana monopolized the conversation by telling us in detail about the cruise she and Mitch would be taking
next month.

When she got up to clear the dishes, Grady leaned his elbows on the table and asked, “So, Lindsay.  What have you been up to the last five years?”  It was an innocent question on the surface, but I
could tell that he was goading me.

Mitch was still sitting at the table with us and looked at me kindly awaiting my reply.  I s
hrugged, “Just school really.”

Mitch jumped in then and asked, “What
are you majoring in, Lindsay?”

“Well, I was majoring in pre-law.  I wanted to be a lawyer like my dad.  But after my internship this summer, I realized I didn’t want to do that.  Honestly I really don’t know what I want to do,” I said looki
ng down at my hands in my lap.

Mitch reached over to pat my shoulder, “That’s okay.  You’re young.  You have all the time in the world to figure it out.”  I smiled gratefully at him
.  Mitch opened up the newspaper and handed the sports section to Grady while he looked at the front page.  The tension between Grady and me was thick, and I’m sure that’s why Mitch tried to talk about the news.

“Looks like the North Koreans are putting their missiles away,” he commented.

I shot a glare at Grady, remembering the encounter with the blonde bimbo I had witnessed last night.  “Yeah, I know someone else who needs to put his missile away,” I grumbled under my breath.  Grady smirked at me and laughed, which only served to make me more uncomfortable.

I couldn’t sit there next to Grady any longer and pretend like he didn’t affect me.  So, I
excused myself and started to hurry up the stairs to my room when his voice stopped me.

“So, what Lindsay?
  You got bored with your pampered life?  Tired of all the rich guys in the city?  You thought you would just come back here after five years?  Did you think we could just pick up where we left off?  Trying to pass the time by having another fling with me?”  Hearing him describe what we had as a fling was enough to further damage my already broken heart.

My hand gripped the railing and I tried to fight back the tears.  I turned around, this time it was my eyes that were flashing with anger.  “
I didn’t come back here for you, Grady,” I said, wanting to believe it myself.  “I came back here, because I didn’t know where else to go.  My parents aren’t speaking to me, my best friend is starting a new life that doesn’t involve me and my most recent romantic involvement was with my married professor.”  I stopped to take a breath and was satisfied to see that Grady was speechless for a moment.