Just One Reason (8 page)

Lindsay

On
my second Sunday in Penn Yan I skipped church with Lana and Mitch and went over to Leah’s house to help her put away her baby shower gifts in the nursery.  After yesterday I needed a distraction, which was how I ended up knee deep in burp clothes, pink and purple onesies and crib sheets.

Meeting Camden Holt, one of the hottest up and coming young actors, was enough.  Add on top of that a hot and heavy make out session with Grady on his desk, and I was seriously over-stimulated.  I barely slept the night before, and I really needed this girl time. 
Taryn and I still texted every day, but I didn’t want to bother her with all my shit when she was just starting a new semester.

“Do you like this one or this one for the coming home outfit?”  Leah asked me holding up a frilly pink dress next to a soft cotton f
ooty sleeper in pale lavender.

I pointed at the sleeper, “Definitely that one.  It looks way more comfortable.  Besides
, she’ll probably spit up all over it anyway.”  Leah laughed and folded the sleeper and set it in the bag she was packing for the hospital.

“You’re right.  I should probably take a couple
of extras,” she said grabbing two more identical sleepers and shoving them in the bag.  “You’ll make a great mom some day, Lindsay.”

My hands paused in the act of folding tiny washcloths, and I looked away to hide the tears involuntarily welling up in my eyes.  But Leah
was observant, too observant.

“Lindsay, what’s wrong?”  She asked me, taking the polka dot washcloth out of my hands and setting it down on the changing table. 
I blinked back the tears and forced a fake smile onto my face.

“It’s nothing.  I’m sorry, Leah.  It’s just that I can’t have kids, and…um…”  I trailed off, not really knowing how to explain.
  I don’t remember all the medical terminology the doctor used when explaining it to me, but I do remember her saying I had a better chance of getting hit by lightening and winning the lottery on the same day than I had of getting pregnant.  At the time it hit me hard, and then I pushed it away, rationalizing that I didn’t want to have kids anyway.  But after seeing Grady again, and spending time helping Leah get ready for the birth of her daughter, I was feeling the empty hole in my heart again.  The hole that would never be filled with love for a child, my child.

Leah pulled me into a tight hug. 
As much of a hug as we could have with her huge belly between us.  “I’m so sorry, Lindsay.  I didn’t know.  I shouldn’t have asked you to help me with this.”

I pulle
d back and shook my head firmly. “No, it’s okay Leah.  Yeah, it sucks and makes me sad sometimes.  But that doesn’t mean your baby is any less special.  I offered to help you, and there’s no way you’re putting all this stuff away by yourself.”

She smiled at me, “Okay.”  I put my stack of folded washcloths in one of the dresser drawers and sat down in the rocking chair with several miniature hangers
and a lapful of girly dresses.

“So…Grady came over for dinner last night,” Leah began.  I continued
putting dresses on hangers and waited for her to continue.  Since that Monday after the scene in the pub when Leah had assured me she didn’t hate me for what happened with Grady five years ago, she hadn’t mentioned his name.  Spending every weekday with Leah, I had come to know her fairly well.  And I knew for certain that she wasn’t one to hold her tongue.  So, I was incredibly impressed that it had taken her this long to bring up the subject of Grady Hawke.  Grady and Josh were close friends, and they worked together at Mitch’s boat shop, so I knew that Leah had plenty of regular interaction with Grady.

“
He asked about you,” Leah said quietly, looking at me for my reaction.  I wasn’t sure what to make of that.

“Did he want to know when I was leaving town?”  I asked.
  After his strange behavior at church last week and me admitting my life was shit and him mauling me yesterday in his office and then acting like he was mad about it, I didn’t expect him to care about me one way or the other, except to know if I was gone yet.

She shook her head, “No.  He doesn’t want you to leave,
Lindsay.  He still loves you.”

I gaped at her
. “Did he say that?”

“
Well, not exactly.  He wouldn’t say that…after…”  she trailed off.

“After I broke his heart?”
  I filled in the blanks for her.

“Yes.  I’ve known Grady for a long time.  He is still angry and hurt, but he loves you.  He hasn’t had any other serious relationship
s since you.  Now that I’ve gotten to know you, Lindsay, I know you wouldn’t have done that without a really good reason.”  She was looking at me expectantly, clearly wanting to find out that really good reason.  It wouldn’t be fair for me to tell her when Grady didn’t even know.

I sighed, “I did have a very good reason, Leah.  I can’t tell you what it was, but I can tell you it wasn’t because I stopped loving him or wanting to be with him.  If I haven’t stopped loving him by no
w, I don’t think I ever will.”

“I knew it!”  Leah shouted
, jumping up as well as an almost nine month pregnant girl can jump up, and clapping her hands together.  Uh oh.  I knew that look.  It was a look I often got myself when I was meddling in Taryn’s life.

“No, Leah.  You have this baby coming soon.  You are not allowed to get involved in this mess with Grady and me.  We’ll work it out eventual
ly…or we won’t,” I said sadly.

Leah hugged me again and confidently said, “You will
work it out.  I can feel it.”

I patted her belly
. “I think what you feel is little Leah doing somersaults.”

Leah rubbed her belly and groaned, “There is no room in there for somersaults.”  We worked in companionable silence for a while, and I admired the décor Leah had chosen for the nursery.  There was, of course, an abundance of pale pink, but
the white and yellow accents made it fun and not overly girly.

“So, how long are
you here for?”  Leah asked me.

“Honestly, I have no idea,” I replied. 
“Long enough to figure out what I want to do next.”

“Lana said you were going to school to be a lawyer.  You don’t want to do that anymore?”  She asked.

I shook my head and settled on the floor to open packages of rattles, teething rings, and pacifiers.  “No, that’s about the only thing I’m sure of right now.  My dad is a lawyer and he pushed me to go that route too.  But after my internship with his firm this summer, I just couldn’t do it.  One day, I’d had enough of being locked away in my office and I quit.”

“You just walked out?  Were your parents pissed?”

“Oh, yeah.  That’s an understatement.  My dad was completely baffled.  I think he always wanted a son instead of a daughter and then to find out I wouldn’t be following in his footsteps was the final straw for him.  My mom was just as upset but for completely different reasons.  All she cares about is social standing and image.  She thought I could have found a great husband at the firm.”  I shrugged. “Neither of them has spoken to me since I quit and moved out that same day.”

Leah lowered herself to the floor beside me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder.  “I’m sorry,
Lindsay.  That really sucks.”

“Yeah, well, it was a long time coming.  My mom played a big part in why I left Grady, and that’s something I can never forgive or forget.  Now I just want to find what I’m supposed to be doing.”

Leah nudged me with her shoulder. “Right now you’re supposed to be sorting rattles and binkies.”  I laughed and we got back to work.

When my phone beeped in my purse, I pulled it out expecting to see a text from
Taryn.  God knows it wouldn’t be my parents, and none of my spoiled, socialite so-called friends from the city had bothered contacting me since I left.  I was extremely surprised to see a text from Camden Holt.  Or Cam, as he asked me to call him yesterday.  Normally I would have been drooling over the chance to meet a super-hot celebrity, let alone show him vacation rental houses all afternoon.  But my encounter with Grady yesterday kept my thoughts on him and not on Cam.

“Who’s putting that big smile on your fac
e?”  Leah asked.

I giggled and showed her my phone.  “It’s Camden Holt. 
Grady’s working on his boat, and he was here yesterday to look at vacation houses.  He wants to take me to dinner next week when he’s in town.  To thank me for showing him around yesterday.”

I typed in a reply while Leah fanned herself with a bib. 
“Oh my God, Lindsay!  He is so hot!  I would totally do him.”

“Leah!” I squealed.  “You’re married. 
And pregnant.”

She rolled her
eyes and shrugged. “So?”

I laughed and read Cam’s reply.  “He also says he’s having a party on Labor Day and that I should invite anyone I want.”

Now it was Leah squealing. “This baby better stay in for another week.  There is no way I’m missing a party with Camden Holt!”

By the end of the day the nursery was completely ready for baby girl Jansen.  Josh came inside from where he had been installing the car seat in his truck and found Le
ah and I slumped on the couch.

“Thanks for helping out, Lindsay.  As much as I’m looking forward to this baby coming, I can only take so many
ruffly dresses and tiny socks,” Josh said, sitting down in the chair across from us.

“No problem, Josh.  It was fun,” I replied.

“Come on, ladies.  Let me buy you dinner at the pub,” Josh said, standing up and holding out his hands to help us up.

Knowing full well I might run into Grady at the pub, I agreed.  Leah and I had become good friends and I was enjoying the slow pace of life here.  I wasn’t going to let Grady Hawke run me out of town or keep me from living my life.

***

Leah and I sat at a table near the bar, and I sipped a Lemon Drop Martini.  She was really going to owe me for all these nasty drinks I ordered just so she could smell them.  But seeing as how she was my only true friend in town, drinking liquid sugar was the least I could do.  Of course, Grady was already here sitting at the bar and talking to Ford when we arrived.  Josh went over to sit with them when one of the waitresses sashayed over and rubbed her big f
ake boobs against Grady’s arm.

We were close enough to hear her proposition him, “Hey, Grady.  Can I get you anything?” 
The tone of her voice made it clear she was offering more than food and drinks.  I couldn’t help the hiss from escaping my lips as I watched this blatant display of desperation.

Leah rolled her eyes and said, “When is Shelly going to get the message?  Every damn time he’s in here, she’s shoving her tits in his face. But he always blows her off.”

Feeling slightly better from Leah’s assertion that Grady didn’t go for such sleaziness, I turned back to lock eyes with Grady.  He studied me for a moment before I turned away flipping my hair over my shoulder.

I was determined to ignore him the rest of the evening, but ice ran down my spine when I heard Grady say, “You g
ot a break coming up, Shelly?”

I could almost feel Shelly’s excitement
from across the room when she said, “Yeah, I can take a quick break now.”

As hard as I tried
not to, I had to look.  Then I desperately wished I hadn’t when I saw Grady lead Shelly down the back hallway and into the back storage room.  I closed my eyes for a moment to collect myself and contain the emotions that were swirling violently through me.

Leah yelled at Josh to come over.  “What the hell is Grady doing?  Does he know what kind of nasty diseases he can get from her?”  I cringed at the thought that they were doing something w
here diseases could be contracted.

Josh shook his head and glanced at me
. “I don’t know what he’s doing, babe.  I’m sorry, Lindsay.”

I waved him off and put on my fake smile that I had perfected over the past five years.  “You don’t have anything to apologize for, Josh.  It’s not your fault your friend is an asshole,” I said sweetly.  I downed the rest of my drink, barely tasting the sickening sweetness and pulled out my phone to keep my hands busy while I waited for Grady to emerge from the backroom.  When he did
, not even ten minutes later, he strode out and winked at me.  I glared at him and my lip curled up automatically in a snarl.

“I can’t believe he just fucked her in the back room,” I said to Leah.  We watched as Shelly followed him out and pul
led lipstick out of her purse.

“I don’t think he fucked her.  She’s reapplying her lipstick, but I do
n’t see any on Grady’s mouth.”

“
Ewww gross!” I exclaimed and stood up, grabbing my purse.  I said goodbye to Leah and Josh and left without eating dinner and without another look at Grady.  Fortunately, I had a text waiting for me when I checked my phone on the walk home.  Cam told me he was looking forward to seeing me again next weekend.