Just One Reason (2 page)

Lindsay

There was so much more I wanted to say, but I knew if I gave him any sense that this wasn’t what I wanted he would fight for me.  And I couldn’t let him do that.  I couldn’t drag him down with me.  At least this way he could get over me and move on.  Find someone who would love him just as much as I do.

I took a deep
shaky breath and clicked Send.

Then I closed my laptop, huddled under the covers and
let myself cry for the last time over Grady Hawke.  After today I would lock away my memories of him and our time together.  Maybe someday I would be strong enough to think of him again, but at that moment I couldn’t imagine that day would ever come.  Alone with my pain, I cried myself to sleep.

Grady

The day started
out like any other.  I got up early, worked out in the home gym I had set up in my basement, grabbed a shower and headed in to work.  My dad and Josh were already at the shop when I got there.  I made a mental note to fix the sign outside.  The old metal sign that hung over the front entrance was hanging on by a thread.  I needed to get new chains or Hawke’s Boat Repair would be face down in the dirt soon.  Stomping my cigarette under my boot, I walked inside to get started on a new week.

My dad’s girlfriend always sent him in to work on Monday mornings with
a plate full of freshly baked muffins.  Today’s selection was blueberry with some delicious looking sugary crumb topping.  I snagged one and poured myself a cup of weak coffee.  We really needed to invest in one of those one cup coffee brewers.  None of us had mastered making a decent pot of coffee in all the years we’d been working together.

Josh was outside inspecting the motor of a new arrival over the weekend, and my dad was busy at his desk with a pile of paperwork.  Business had really picked up lately, and it was getting harder and harder to keep up with the repair work let alone have any time left over for anything else. 
We had already outsourced the bookkeeping and taxes, but what we really needed was an office manager.  My dad handled invoicing the clients, and Josh somewhat maintained our pitiful excuse for a website, but we would need to hire some help.  And that would have to be sooner rather than later.  This shop was quickly growing beyond what the three of us could handle.  I guess there were worse problems to have.

The morning passed quickly, and Josh and I went over to the pub for lunch.  My dad stayed behind to watch the shop, and
I promised to bring him something back.  We drove separately because Josh was meeting his wife, Leah, for a doctor appointment after we ate.  She was pregnant with their first kid.  Josh was crazy excited about this baby.  He and Leah had been together since high school and got married right after she graduated three years after us.  Honestly I’m surprised he waited this long to knock her up.  But Leah didn’t want to be a teen mom, which is probably a good thing.

After Lindsay broke it off
with me, aside from my dad, Josh and Leah were the ones to make sure I ate regularly and didn’t drink myself to death.  Between dinner at their house a couple of times a week and dinner just as often with my dad and his girlfriend, I didn’t have to worry about any actual cooking.  Ford, the third member of our trio, was still off playing college ball those first few years, and by the time he was back in town, I was back to normal.  Or as normal as I was ever going to get.

We
scarfed down our burgers and I waited for my dad’s takeout order while Josh left to pick up Leah.  I was halfway back to the shop when I remembered Dad asked me to stop by his house and grab his checkbook.  Who the fuck uses a checkbook anymore?  My dad, that’s who.  Squealing the tires on my bike I made a u-turn and headed up the hill.

The first thing I noticed
when I turned onto my dad’s street was the brand spanking new Mercedes SUV parked in Lana’s driveway.  Lana’s business must be doing really well…or she had company.  Just as I swung my leg over the bike and removed my helmet, I saw Taryn Ross walking up Lana’s front walk.  The implications of Taryn being here, in Penn Yan, weren’t lost on me for a second.

I had never met
Taryn, but she had been all over the news lately.  You’d have to be a in a coma to not know who she was.  Her father was running for President, and Taryn’s personal life was also a hot topic.  I had maybe taken an interest since I knew her cousin once upon a time.

Taryn
noticed me staring at her like a fucking stalker and gave me a little wave.  The kind of wave that said “I know you’re staring at me, and I’m trying to be polite, but stay the fuck away from me.”  A little voice in my ear reminded me that curiosity killed the cat.  Yeah, well I liked to live on the edge.  And my sense of self-preservation had been missing for a while now - five years to be exact.

“Hey, aren’t you the Senator’s daughter
? Taryn Ross?”  I called while walking through the grass to stand in front of her.

“Yes.” 
She backed up a step and looked a little wary at my approach.  I better make this fast before her boyfriend bodyguard comes out here and tackles my ass to the ground.

“Are you here visiting Lana?”  I asked
, nodding toward the house.

“Just for a night.
  My cousin, Lindsay, is Lana’s niece, and we’re dropping her off for a visit,” she replied.

“Lindsay’s here?”  That’s pretty much all I heard from what
Taryn just said.  It was like swimming through a dark tunnel and the only thing that made it through were those words.

“Um, yeah.
  Do you know her?”  She seemed slightly more at ease since I obviously knew Lindsay and wasn’t some crazy stalker fan of Taryn’s.

I snorted, “Yeah.  You could say that.  I’m Grady. 
Grady Hawke.”  Taryn looked back at me blankly with absolutely no idea who I was.

“Oh, okay.  It’s nice to meet you, Grady.  I’d better help Lindsay finish unpacking,” she said stepping up onto the porch.

I could feel the rage in my heart bleeding out and threatening to consume me, so I turned and stalked back across the yard and into my dad’s house before I freaked her out anymore.  FUCK!  I slammed the front door shut behind me and kicked it hard with my boot.  Pacing the small living room that I grew up in, I shoved my hands through my hair repeatedly.  Why is she here?  After all this time, why is she here?  It’s been five years for Christ’s sake!

I realized
two seconds too late that I just slammed my fist through the wall next to my dad’s favorite recliner.  Grabbing my dad’s checkbook off the kitchen counter I left the house before I did any more damage and raced back toward the shop, nearly running over Mrs. Wilson on my way.  That old lady needed to the stay on the goddamn sidewalk.

Instead of heading directly back to the shop
, I found myself heading south on East Lake Road toward my house.  Leaving my bike in the driveway I sat on the grass between the house and the lake and dropped my head into my hands.  Why now?  What does she want?  I have a good thing going here with my work at the shop, my house and my friends.  On a good day I can almost convince myself that I don’t miss her with every breath and wish that she was here by my side.  But obviously what we had didn’t mean that much to her if she didn’t even tell her cousin and best friend about me.

Blowing out a breath and a string of curses I dropped onto my back and stared through the branches overhead.  This girl has been fucking with my head from three hundred miles away for the last five years, and now
she’s back to do it in person.

October 2006

“Put the damn phone down, Grady, and get back to work,” my dad grumbled at me from under the boat.  How the hell can he see what I’m doing?  Maybe because I’ve been staring at my phone for the last three days, willing it to ring or beep with a text or e-mail.

Three days.  Three fucking days!  Since I met Lindsay in June, we haven’t gone more than three hours without communicating in some way, let alone three days.  Something is not right.  I was about to jump on my bike and drive across the state and show up on her front porch, or front door, or whatever the hell you call the outside of a penthouse in Manhattan.  Then my phone beeped.

Stepping into my dad’s office for privacy, I dragged my thumb across the screen and smiled like an idiot when I saw an e-mail from Lindsay.  Then I read the e-mail.

Grady,

We are over.  Please stop calling me.

Lindsay

I swear my heart stopped beating for at least a minute.  It’s a fucking miracle I didn’t drop dead right there.  It would have saved a lot of damage and a hell of a lot of pain.

My phone was the first thing to go, crushed beneath the heel of my boot.  Next went the desk and everything on it, upended with a
roar of rage I barely recognized as coming from me.  My dad and Josh rushed in at that point, but they weren’t able to keep me from repeatedly slamming my fist into the wall, destroying the drywall and ripping my knuckles apart.  I barely registered the pain above the blood rushing in my ears and the tightness in my chest.

What happened after that is foggy.  Several days of a whiskey induced haze and several years of picturing light blonde hair and bright blue eyes with every girl I fucked.  Time hadn’t made her betrayal any easier; I had just learned to hide it better.  But knowing that she was here, less than a mile away, I could feel my carefully constructed control slipping away.

Everything I had worked so hard to put behind me had just been brought to the forefront. 
When I woke up this morning, I had no idea she was so close.  Now that I knew Lindsay was here, in the house next door to my dad’s house, how was I going to be able to function?  It was like my world had been turned upside down, and I had no idea what the fuck to do.  Jesus Christ, why is she here?

Knowing I had been gone way too long, considering the amount of work waiting for me back at the shop,
I decided to grow a pair and pushed myself off the ground.

When I stalked back into the shop and tossed my dad’s checkbook onto his desk, he raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything.  Josh didn’t have the same courtesy
or common sense.

“What the fuck crawled up your ass?”  Josh asked from across the room where he was touching up the paint on an ancient sailboat.

“Did you know she was coming, Dad?”  I asked, ignoring Josh completely.

My dad leaned back in his chair and linked his hands behind his head.  The frown on his face told me what I wanted to know, but I waited for him to answer.  “Lana just told me last night, son.  Apparently this was kind of a sudden decision.”

I nodded and turned to pace the open area of the warehouse where we repaired and customized all types of boats.  Josh caught on that something was up, and he dropped his gear and came over to us.  “What are you talking about?  Who’s here?”

Her name had not been spoken
in my presence in five years.  My dad and my friends knew better than that.  But Josh had asked, and I braced myself for the onslaught of emotions that pummeled me when my dad said, “Lindsay.  She’s here to visit Lana…for a while.”  Hearing her name spoken aloud was like being run over by a bus.

Josh swore under his breath as I clenched my fists by my side.  My dad noticed and said, “Calm down, Grady.  We don’t need any more damage done to this place.”  He was referencing my tantrum when Lindsay broke up with me, but it reminded me of something else.

“Yeah, about that.  Sorry about your wall at home, Dad.”  His frown returned but I cut him off before he could respond.  “What do you mean ‘a while’?  How long is she here for?”

My dad shifted uncomfortably and leaned forward to rest his forearms on the desk.  “I don’t know exactly.  From what Lana said it’s an open ended visit.  Apparently Lindsay’s been going through a rough patch and needed to get out of the city.”

A red haze of fury clouded back over my vision.  “A ROUGH PATCH?”  I roared, causing my dad to flinch.  “She’s going through a rough patch?  And she comes back here to get over it?  Why the fuck can’t she go to a beach somewhere?  Somewhere on the opposite side of the fucking world from here?  Goddamn it!”  My fist slammed through the wall dividing the work space from my office.

I heard Josh say something to my dad, but I could barely hear above the blood rushing in my ears.  My blood pressure had to be through the roof. 
Only her.  She was the only person who could ignite such raw emotion in me.

“Come on, man.  Let’s head over to the pub and
have a drink…or ten,” Josh said pulling me with him out the door, leaving my dad shaking his head at the hole in the wall.

Ten drinks
was more accurate.  Or maybe more, I lost count.  Our buddy, Ford, was the bartender at the pub we frequented.  Josh gave Ford the short story of what was going on, and even though Ford wasn’t around for my epic meltdown after Lindsay left, he knew enough to keep the shots coming.

Somehow I wound up back in my bed
before the sun had set and woke up the next morning with a hell of a hangover.  I hadn’t been that drunk in a very long time.  Lying in bed trying not to puke I looked out the window of the master bedroom at the awesome lake view and let myself think about it.  Just for now, and then I would shut it down and get on with my life.

My house had become my sanctuary. 
The place where I could go to get away.  Sometimes I found comfort in the memories that lived here, but today it was too fucking hard to be here.  When I planned this house, it was with her in mind.  On her last night in town I had brought her here and showed her where we would make breakfast together, where we would lounge on the couch on a rainy Sunday, where we would sit on the porch and watch our kids play in the grass, where we would watch the sun set over the lake.

She was gone, but I had built the house anyway.  I don’t know why.  It just seemed like there wasn’t any other option.  Even if she was gone, her presence was still here.
  Scrubbing my hands over my face, I forced myself out of bed and into the shower.