Just for Now (29 page)

Harry reached out with a small finger and poked Ben in his
middle. “You’re right, Daddy. Ben’s squishy. Not all hard like you.”

“Harry!” Jenna felt herself flush. “Don’t you remember my
telling you that it isn’t polite to talk about how people look?”

“You said ladies,” Harry protested. “You and Daddy said not
to talk about ladies’ bottoms. When I said about the wombats. But Ben isn’t a
lady. And I wasn’t talking about his bottom. Anyway, Daddy was talking about it
first.”

Ben grinned and looked from Finn to Jenna. “Ladies’ bottoms?
Yeh, Harry. I’d listen to your dad. Leave that one to him.”

Jenna looked helplessly at Finn. “That’s my cue to excuse
myself. This one’s yours. Talk to your son. Come on, Sophie. We’re going to the
toilet.”

 Ben watched them go. “Bit cozy,” he remarked. “Do I take it
that you’ve overcome your scruples?”

“Remember when I told you that what Jenna did was none of
your business?” Finn asked, his voice carrying a distinct note of warning. “Leave
it.”

“Ah.” Ben’s cheeky good humor appeared unruffled. “No point
in my trying again, then. Pity, but there you are.” He got up to leave. “No
point in my hanging about, either. Because the scenery just got a lot less
interesting.”

Finn held out up a restraining hand. “Half a mo. I meant
what I said, earlier. You need to step up your workouts. I’m at Les Mills most
mornings around nine. Come join me.”

“Don’t have a membership.”

“Get one,” Finn ordered. “That’s your new assignment. And
meet me there tomorrow morning.”

“Aw, geez,” Ben complained. “I stop by to say a friendly
hello, and not only do I get warned off, I get dragged into extra workouts
during my holiday.”

“Right on both counts,” Finn said firmly. “And I know why
you stopped by. So don’t start with that. See you tomorrow at nine.”

“Right,” Ben sighed. “See you then.”

“Oh, yeah,” Jenna breathed. “That’s it. Oh, please, Finn.”

“Daddy!”
The voice registered dimly. She heard the
knocking then, came back to herself with a start.

“Finn,” she hissed. Grabbed him by the hair when she didn’t
get a response.
“Finn.
Stop.”

“
DADDY!”
He heard it now too, froze.

“Shit,” he groaned as he rolled off her and began to put
himself hastily to rights. Pulled his T-shirt and underwear from the floor,
tossed Jenna her nightgown. She yanked it on and dashed for the bathroom, shut
the door and locked it behind her.

Harry’s voice, now, coming clearly to her from inside the
bedroom.
“Daddy.”
She heard the sobs, the panic in his voice. “I’m
scared. And I can’t find Jenna. She’s gone, Dad.”

“Nah.” Finn’s deep rumble, now. “Just went for a walk, I
reckon. Come on. Let’s get you a drink of water, get you back in your bed.”

She waited, her feet cold on the tiled floor, until she
judged that five minutes or so had passed. She opened the bathroom door, crept
across to the stairway, looked down cautiously. Got down the stairs as
noiselessly as she could, peered into the hallway. Harry’s door stood a bit
ajar, but all was dark and quiet. She made it to her own bedroom, climbed,
shivering, back into bed and pulled the duvet over herself, trapped her hands between
her knees to warm them. That had been too close.

“Where did you go last night, Jenna?” Harry asked as she
poured his orange juice at breakfast. “I went to find you, and you weren’t
there. I was scared.”

“Ah. . .” Jenna looked across at Finn, who raised his
eyebrows at her. “Sometimes I have trouble sleeping. I have to get up and do
something before I can go back to bed and fall asleep again.”

Well, it was the truth, she thought as she saw Finn hiding a
smile behind one big hand. Except that last night, between the near-discovery
by Harry and her body’s unsatisfied state, it had taken her a long, long time
to fall asleep. Maybe she
should
have gone for a walk.

“Why did you come to find me?” she asked Harry now. “What
happened?”

“I had a really scary dream,” Harry told her. “
Really
scary.
Bad.”

“A nightmare? What was it about?”

“It was a taniwha,” he said with a shudder. “That bad
taniwha by Nana’s house. He was coming to eat me, like in the story.”

Finn saw Jenna’s bafflement and explained. “It’s in the
mountains above Motueka. There’s a place with loads of strange-looking volcanic
boulders. All grooved and twisted. And there’s a legend about them. That there
was a taniwha—“

“A monster,” Sophie put in helpfully.

“Reckon Jenna knows what a taniwha is,” Finn said with a
smile. “Anyway, the taniwha was terrorizing the village, stealing people away
and eating them. One day, it captured the chief’s daughter. The villagers decided
they’d had enough of that. They tricked it, fed it meat packed with explosives,
and blew it up. Those strange boulders, they’re meant to be what’s left. The
taniwha’s scales. To be fair, they do look a bit like that.”

“And you went on that walk when you visited your Nana and
Grandad this time, Harry?” Jenna guessed.

He nodded. “The scales were really, really big. And I
imagined how big the taniwha must have been. He would’ve been
enormous
.
Last night I dreamt he was chasing me. He was about to get me. His teeth were
big and sharp, and he was talking to me.” He shuddered. “He was saying he was going
to eat me. Then I woke up. And I looked for you, but you weren’t there.”

“That does sound very scary,” Jenna agreed. “But taniwha
aren’t real. You do know that, don’t you?”

“The Maori think they’re real, though,” Sophie pointed out.

“A few people do,” Jenna corrected. “You know about myths
and legends, both of you. They’re stories. Stories people made up a long time
ago to explain strange things. But even something that isn’t real can be scary
in a bad dream,” she assured Harry. “It’s lucky we can wake up and remind
ourselves that it was just a dream.”

“Daddy stayed with me,” Harry said. “Till I fell asleep
again. I knew the taniwha couldn’t get me if Daddy was there. Even if he was
real.”

“I came back to bed last night,” Finn said conversationally
as he and Jenna walked back home after dropping the kids at school. “After
doing my fatherly duty. Imagine my disappointment.”

“What?” Jenna asked. “Did you think I’d still be there?”

“I was hoping. We weren’t done, if I remember right.”

“I wasn’t going to hang around there,” she protested. “What
if Harry’d had another bad dream?”

“I had a bad dream too,” he pointed out. “I dreamt I was
making love to a beautiful woman, and she disappeared. Just when we were
getting to my favorite bit.”

“I’m just glad I locked the door,” she sighed. “I can’t
imagine, otherwise. But Finn. It’s made me realize, we’ve become really
careless. We can’t do this anymore.”

“What?” he asked, looking down at her in surprise. “Why the
hell not?”

“Not when the kids are in the house,” she clarified. “How
many nighttime walks am I going to be able to take? And I can’t relax and enjoy
myself, if you know what I mean, expecting the kids to come knocking at the
door any minute.”

“Maybe we should tell them, then, stop all this secrecy,” he
said in frustration. “Because I want to be able to sleep with you.”

“We still have the days,” she reminded him.

“Until training starts up again,” he grumbled.

“And a week after that, you’re off on the Tour,” she said
firmly. “When you come back, I’ll be moving out. It’s better for them if, while
I’m here, I’m their nanny. If it’s clear. And after that, even if we’re dating,
I won’t be their nanny anymore, and they’ll have Nyree back. They’ll have that
security. Though I’ll still be their friend, I hope.”

“Course you will,” he agreed. “But meanwhile, what about us?
Surely you can still come to bed with me.
With
the door locked. In the
middle of the night.”

“No,” she said. “I’m not hiding in the bathroom again. Or
thinking that I’ll have to. Nothing else at night. Not unless the kids have a
sleepover.”

His eyes lit. “Friday night.”

“All right,” she laughed. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“And if I’m not allowed to have you at night,” he continued,
“you’d better be prepared to let some of that housework go, this week. Better
be planning on some takeaways too. Because I’ve just decided how we’re going to
be spending our days.” He opened the gate for her and watched her walking up
the steps of the villa ahead of him. “Starting right now.”

“I haven’t done the washing-up yet,” she teased as she used
her key to open the front door.

He kicked the door shut with one big foot, his arms going
around her. “Sod the washing-up. Upstairs. Now.”

“Think you can give me orders, huh?” She smiled up at him as
she toed off her jandals.

“I know I can,” he corrected. “And I’m doing it. Upstairs.”

“That shouldn’t work so well on me,” she complained. “It’s
not right.”

“Oi. You’ve just restricted me, laid down the law,” he
pointed out, his hands clasping her waist as she climbed the stairs ahead of
him. “Have to give me some way to assert myself. Wouldn’t want me to feel
powerless, would you.”

“Oh, I don’t think that’s happening.” She smiled up at him,
felt the thrill as he pushed her down on the big bed, his hand behind her head to
break her fall. “I don’t think you’re going to be feeling powerless here
anytime soon.”

 “Need to talk to you,” Finn said on Wednesday morning.

“I think you’ve been talking to me,” she sighed, settling
her head more comfortably against his bare chest. “Or do you mean you actually
want to have a conversation, not just tell me what to do?”

“Seem to recall you giving me a few instructions there too,”
he pointed out. “It wasn’t me saying . . .”

“OK. Moving on,” she said hastily. “What do we need to talk
about?”

“Labour Day weekend coming up,” he reminded her. “A few of
the senior players are traveling to the Coromandel together, with their
families. Bit of fishing, get the partners and kids together before the Tour.”

“And you’re going,” she guessed. “You and the kids.”

“I’ve been going back and forth in my mind about it, trying
to decide. We’ve gone for years now. It would look odd if I didn’t.”

“If you want to come too, say the word,” he went on quickly.
“Keeping this quiet was your idea, not mine. Maybe it’s time to end the
secrecy.”

“No. It’ll be your last chance to spend time with the kids
before you leave. Especially if you’ve been doing that together every year.
I’ll bet Sophie’s already looking forward to it.”

“Right,” he sighed. “I’m sure you’re right. But I don’t want
to leave you when I’m about to go away for so long.”

“It’s only three days,” she argued. “You’ll be back after
that.”

“And practicing,” he pointed out. “We’ll be doing some
serious training. Which means I’ll be gone most of the day.”

“And you leave Monday, right? The second.” She thought for a
minute. “Playdate, on the weekend,” she decided. “That’s what we’ll do.”

“I thought we could have some playdates those nights, too.”

“Not
us.”
She saw him grinning at her and laughed
reluctantly. “A playdate for the kids. So we’ll have some time together before
you go. And maybe a couple late afternoons as well. I’ll make sure I get Siobhan’s
kids over here too, so I can ask the favor. OK?”

“If that’s all I get,” he sighed. “OK. I’ll take a
playdate.”

“And we still have this week,” she reminded him.  

“That’s right.” He rolled over, trapped her beneath him. “We
do. So we’d better be making the most of it.”

Jenna woke knowing this was the day. Labour Day. That was appropriate,
she hoped. Anyway, she couldn’t put this off anymore. Finn and the kids would
be back tonight, and her period was almost two weeks late. She’d been irregular
before, but never by this much. And she’d begun feeling queasy, having a
difficult time cooking. She was pretty sure. But she needed to know.

She reached under the bed, pulled out the white chemist’s
bag she’d hidden there. Got up and went into the bathroom, pulled the package
out of the bag and opened it. Spread out the instructions carefully on the
counter. It was the same type she’d used before. She remembered everything
about that day, how she’d held her breath. How thrilled she’d been as she’d
watched the line form on the test strip.

Today, she followed the instructions carefully. Sat and watched
the strip in mingled hope and fear. The two minutes stretched out, second by
second. She could feel her heart beating faster as she waited. Was that a faint
line forming, though? She held her breath again this time as it darkened,
became clearer. There was no doubt, then. She was pregnant.

She took a deep breath, then stood up, bundled the entire kit
and its packaging back into the white bag. Dropped it into the plastic bag
lining the bathroom wastebasket, then pulled the entire thing out. She wasn’t
going to risk anybody finding out about this, one of the kids getting curious
when they got home tonight. However unlikely that was. Not until she had a plan.

She went through the motions of brushing her teeth, washing
her face. Moved mechanically back to her room. Set the rubbish bag down
carefully to be thrown into the bin outside. Dressed in her running clothes.
She’d think it through during her run. When her mind was at its clearest.

All she could think of as she ran, though, was the first
time. The last time. When she’d gone through those first weeks full of joy and
hope. Even though Jeremy hadn’t seemed to share either emotion. And then, the
morning when she’d seen the blood. Had called the midwife in a panic, her heart
thudding as she arranged a lift with her friend Caroline, so grateful to have
the emotional support. Not to have to go alone.