Just for Now (33 page)

“Well, obviously that’s the most important thing. You do
sound jaded, though.”

“Listen to me, whingeing about having to sightsee. Revolting,
isn’t it? The truth is, though, this gets harder every year. I miss the kids.
And this time, I miss you too, so it’s even worse.”

“Maybe you should arrange to have the kids get out of school
a week early next year,” she suggested. “They could see your last game, and you
could all spend some time together afterwards, wherever that is. They’re old
enough to make that long trip, and to get something out of the travel. It’d give
you something outside the rugby to look forward to.”

“World Cup next year, in England,” he reminded her. “No
Northern Tour. But it’s an idea. I could have them join me for the last bit.
The final, and then we could do a bit of traveling.”

“You’re pretty confident. That you’ll be in the final.”

“Semifinal, anyway. Every World Cup but one, we’ve got at
least that far. I’m tempting fate by assuming I’ll be on the squad. May as well
go all the way and plan to play in the final.”

They talked a bit more, Finn promising to call the next
morning to tell the kids about his high-dive prowess. After he rang off,
though, a niggle of anxiety surfaced as he thought back on their conversation.
She’d talked about the kids joining him next year. But only the kids. She’d
encouraged him to tell her about what he was doing, but had volunteered almost
nothing about herself, beyond the kids’ activities.

He went into the men’s toilet to snap a photo with his
iPhone in the mirror and text it to her. He wasn’t sure his bruised, stitched
face was anything to make her heart sing. But at least it would remind her that
he was thinking of her.

Seven more days, he told himself. One more week. That wasn’t
long. Then they could pick up where they’d left off.

“This is the big day, eh.” The midwife, Rose Albertson,
pulled the sheet down and Jenna’s gown up, squirted the cold jelly on her
abdomen. “We’ll have a look at what’s going on here. Always an exciting
moment.”

Jenna tried to be excited, but felt only a sick dread. She
began to get lightheaded, forced herself to breathe as the wand moved over her
belly. The seconds stretched on, her fear mounting with each moment that passed.

“And there we are,” Rose said triumphantly at last. “There’s
your baby.”

Jenna stared at the screen. At that pulsing white spot. Her
baby’s heart, beating strongly inside her. Her eyes filled with tears that
spilled over, blurring her view.

Rose smiled and handed her a handful of tissues. “A
beautiful sight, isn’t it?”

Jenna nodded, sobbed with the relief of it. “I can’t tell,
though. Can you show me what you’re seeing?”

“Head,” Rose pointed out. “Forehead, nose, see? And here are
the torso and legs.”

“You can’t tell the sex yet?”

“Another six weeks or so. And then only if the baby
cooperates. Sometimes they’re shy, keep you guessing.”

“But everything looks all right?” Jenna asked anxiously.

“Everything looks perfect,” Rose assured her. “And from
this, I’d say our dates are spot on. Coming up on twelve weeks. You should be
through the worst of that morning sickness any time now, feeling a bit better
in general.”

“I don’t care about that. I’m just . . .” Jenna fought back
the tears that threatened to overwhelm her again. “I’m just so happy to see
it.”

“I’ll make you a disk, shall I?” Rose asked. “So you can take
it home, look at it. Email a photo to your mum.”

That wasn’t happening, but Jenna wasn’t going to explain.
She’d be looking at those images every day, she knew.

“And,” Rose said, helping Jenna sit and seating herself as
well, “this would be a good time for me to ask about the baby’s dad. He isn’t
here today, I notice.”

“No. He’s traveling.”

“And?” Rose prompted. “Does he know about your pregnancy?”

“Not yet. I’m planning on telling him once he’s back.”

“And when will that be? It’s hard to do this without
support, you know. And I’m guessing you don’t have any family close by.”

“No. No family.” Jenna swallowed the lump that rose in her
throat. “He’ll be back in a few days. The baby’s dad, I mean. And I’ll tell him
then.”

“Meanwhile, what other support systems do you have?” Rose
asked.

“I have a couple friends.” That sounded pathetic. “I mean,
in Auckland,” Jenna went on hastily. “I do have more than two friends. I
haven’t mentioned it to them yet, either. But I will, soon.”

“Do that,” Rose told her firmly. “This isn’t the time to be
independent. You need to ask for help. And if the baby’s father doesn’t come
through the way you’re hoping,” she added gently, “there are services for that
as well. I can help get you started with it.”

Jenna nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

Rose handed her the disk she had made. “That’s it, then.
Keep taking the vitamins, and take care that everything you do eat is nutritious.
You’ve lost a few kilos, but that’s all right at this stage. Get your rest, get
any help you can. And I’ll see you next month.”

“And, Jenna,” she said as Jenna prepared to leave. “Good
luck.”

“Do you think you could take the kids next Tuesday,
sometime?” Jenna asked Siobhan. They were sitting in the café celebrating the
last day of school before the summer holidays. Her last day of freedom, Siobhan
had joked.

“Course,” Siobhan said. “When does Finn get back?”

“Monday evening at six.” Jenna took a sip of her mint tea
and nibbled at a digestive biscuit from the packet she carried in her purse all
the time now. “But it’s such a long flight, Edinburgh to London, then home.
More than twenty-four hours. He’ll be pretty jetlagged. I thought he could use
a rest, that next day.”

“Overexplaining,” Siobhan told her with a knowing smile.
“Never mind. Declan and I like to take those ‘rests’ ourselves, when we can get
them.”

“What?” she asked at Jenna’s startled look. “Did you think I
didn’t know?”

“I . . .” Jenna couldn’t think of an answer. “How?”

“Dunno. Could’ve been the shag rays coming off the pair of
you every time you walked the kids to school together. Or the fact that you
did
walk the kids to school together. Or maybe the way you asked me to take
them three times that last week he was here. Or . . .”

“OK. Stop.” Jenna was laughing in spite of herself. “I get
it. I just hope everyone else isn’t as sharp as you are.”

“There may have been a bit of guessing. Gossiping,” Siobhan
admitted. “But I didn’t say anything, no worries. Denied knowing anything about
it. Which was the truth. You’ve been discreet, I’ll give you that. Why, though?
What’s the secret?”

“The kids. And, you know, the jokes. Shagging the nanny.” Jenna
shuddered. “We decided to keep it quiet, till he gets back. Till I move out.”

“Which is when?”

“A week after he gets home.”

“Which is all good, right?” Siobhan asked. “So why’re you
looking like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re about to be sick.”

“Oh.” Siobhan’s eyes suddenly went wide, her mouth opening
in shock. “Oh. That’s it. The penny’s dropped. Whoa.”

“What?” Jenna faltered.

“The mint tea. The bikkies. How green around the gills
you’ve been.” Siobhan assessed her, eyes calculating. “Are you telling me he
doesn’t know?”

“Know what?” Jenna asked desperately.

“Come on,” Siobhan said impatiently. “This is me you’re
talking to. I’ve had two kids, and had my head in the toilet both times.”

“Candied ginger, by the way,” she offered. “That’s the best.
Think I lived on that, with Eth.”

“All right,” Jenna capitulated as Siobhan continued to stare
at her expectantly. “You’re right. I would’ve told you. It would have been a
relief. But I didn’t think it was right for anyone else to know before Finn
did.”

“You’re worried about how he’ll react,” Siobhan guessed.
“That’s why you’ve kept it to yourself.”

“Yeah.” Jenna finished her tea, reached for her bag. “I
figure we might need some time, when I do tell him. Pretty hard to have that
conversation with the kids around. Or in the middle of the night.” She flushed.
Too much information. “So, Tuesday?”

“Tuesday,” Siobhan promised, clearly restraining herself
with an effort from probing further. “Two o’clock do you? I’ll take them to the
beach.”

“Perfect,” Jenna said in relief. “Thank you so much. And
I’ll be expecting the kids tomorrow night.” She followed Siobhan as the other
woman made her way to the door.

“If you still want them,” Siobhan said dubiously once they
were outside again.

“I need the distraction. Then we’ll watch that last ABs game
on Sunday morning, and the next day he’ll be home. And I’m so nervous about the
whole thing,” Jenna burst out. “Terrified.” It was a relief to say it at last.
She rubbed her hands over her arms to calm the shakes that had come over her at
the admission.

Siobhan turned in the middle of the pavement to give her a
comforting hug. “If he doesn’t want you, my love, he’s a bloody fool. And I
don’t think Finn’s got where he is by being a fool.”

Jenna repeated Siobhan’s words desperately to herself on
Monday evening. The kids had been impossible all day, alternately wildly
excited, squabbling, and bursting into tears. She’d felt like bursting into
tears herself, more than once. Now they were fidgeting beside her, their eyes
on the monitor above the big sliding doors in International Arrivals, waiting
for the first sight of a black-clad figure.

She smoothed a hand over her hair. She’d stood in front of
the mirror for a full forty-five minutes earlier that afternoon, trying on and
discarding outfits, looking for the perfect combination. Something that would conceal
the little belly she was having a harder time disguising now, but that would
still look good. And appeal to Finn, she admitted. She’d settled on a yellow
tank with a floaty blouse over it, with skinny low-rise jeans whose waistband
rode under her bump. The jeans fit better than ever, thanks to her persistent
morning sickness. And her pregnancy had emphasized her centerfold proportions,
forcing her into the shops to buy new bras a few weeks ago. She knew that, at
least, would have plenty of appeal for Finn.

He wouldn’t be getting too close today, and after tomorrow,
for better or worse, the truth would be out there. After that, she could wear
whatever she wanted, could show off her belly instead of working so hard to
hide it.

“Sophie,” she said sharply now, pulling the little girl back
to her again. “Stay with me. He’ll be here in a minute.” She took a deep
breath, looked up at the monitor again. Took another sip of water to quell the
nausea that rose in response to her tension.

Come on, Finn,
she begged silently.
Come home.

Finn stepped through the doors, his eyes searching the
crowd. He registered the gathered supporters, ecstatic over yet another victorious
Tour. As they surrounded the squad, eager hands thrusting out paper and pen, he
shifted his duffel on his shoulder, shook hands, signed autographs, focusing as
always on the kids, the rugby-mad boys who were his most fervent admirers.

His eyes swept the crowd from the advantage of his height
until he spotted Jenna at the back, restraining the kids while he did his duty.
He watched her face light up as their gazes met, and a wave of emotion swept
over him. He’d thought he’d realized how much he was missing her, but he hadn’t
known the half of it. His kids, too, jumping up and down now, waving. He
couldn’t stand here any longer. He scribbled his name a couple more times,
smiled his thanks, and pushed through the crowd to them.

“Crikey.” He dropped his duffel, lifted his son and daughter
into his arms to kiss them. “You’ve both got bigger.”

“What have you been feeding them?” he asked Jenna, smiling
into her eyes. “Magic beans, I reckon.”

“Nah, Dad,” Harry protested. “We don’t eat
beans.
We
eat
meat.
And I had to get new shoes! My feet got bigger!”

“Did they, now.” Finn set his children down, reached for his
duffel again, then took a hand in each of his own. “Must be the meat, then.”

“Good trip?” Jenna turned around to ask as she led the way
out the doors. “We’re parked close by. In case you’re worn out. Especially
after that exhibition you guys put on the other night.”

“It’s a long flight,” he admitted. “No matter how well they
look after us. Wish I could run home, and that’s the truth. Don’t fancy sitting
again for a day or so, at least.”

“We watched your game!” Harry exclaimed. “I watched almost
all of it, Dad! I would have watched it all, but Ethan was there. And he’s
little, you know. He can’t concentrate.”

“
I
watched it all,” Sophie assured him. “Jenna too.
She woke us up early to watch. You did great, Dad. Were you the tackle leader?
They didn’t say.”

“Nah.” He smiled down at her. “Second. Behind Drew, as
usual. Made sixteen, though.”

Jenna was quiet on the drive home, he noticed, seeming
content to listen as the kids overflowed with questions and information.

“You look good,” he said quietly as they stopped at a
traffic light. “Buy some new clothes while I was gone?”

“A few things.”

“They suit you.” She looked beautiful, in fact. A bit
thinner, maybe. But just as curvy as he remembered. The dull fatigue had lifted
when he’d seen the three of them, and his heart felt light to be back again,
the Range Rover traveling through the familiar streets, the tidy neighborhoods,
green gardens filled with all the rioting blossom of a Southern Hemisphere
December.

“Who wants to take a walk to the top of Mt. Eden with me?”
he asked as Jenna pulled the car to a stop outside the villa. “Soon as I drop
this bag in my room and pop into the shower?”