Just for Now (13 page)

“Ah. That would be somebody else’s thirtieth birthday,” she
said wryly.

“Not even your mum?” he asked in surprise. “Sorry. Has she
passed away?”

Jenna shook her head, took another sip of wine. “Not dead. Let’s
just say I don’t really have any family. But hey, that’s why I could come to
New Zealand and reinvent myself. Which people have been doing for a long time
now, right?”

“Crikey. Well, I’d say you’ve done a good job of it.” He
smiled across at her and lifted his mug again in salute. “Here’s to new
beginnings.”

Jenna sat on her bed in her nightgown. She adjusted the
black cord to lengthen it, then pulled the pendant over her head and sat
fingering the koru, her fingers sliding once again over its pleasing coolness,
the smooth, polished curves. She looked at the two cards, sitting as promised
on her bedside table, and felt the lump rising in her throat again.

They’re not your family.
She felt the truth of Natalie’s
words like a blow to her chest. It had felt so much like it, though. Sitting in
the pub, opening her birthday cards and reading their sweet messages. Knowing that
Finn had gone to the trouble to take the kids shopping and, she knew, urge them
to make those cards. And had chosen something with such significance to her.

The koru’s all about nurturing and peace. And I’d say
that’s what you’re all about too.
She’d spent her entire life wishing to be
part of a family like this, trying to find the kind of connection she’d felt
tonight. First with her mother, then with Jeremy. And had never even come
close, until now.

But Jeremy had got her here, she reminded herself again. Her
life with him hadn’t worked out the way she had imagined it would. But he’d
been a good friend once. Whatever she could say about this birthday, she was
light years away from where she’d been ten years ago. She’d had her very first
chance, that year, to get away from Las Vegas. And what a revelation it had
been. Even though it was only the first small step in the journey that had led
her here.

“I got the job!” She had put her phone down that late spring
day and given Jeremy an exuberant hug.

“Awesome,” he congratulated her. “Pity you can’t come back
to En Zed with me, though. Mum told me we’re doing a trip to Queenstown for the
skiing.”

“Winter does sound good,” she agreed, looking out her dorm
window at the heat-baked sidewalks of the UNLV campus, the sprinklers arcing
over green lawns. The mercury was regularly hitting 90 already, and it was only
May. “Or just someplace cooler. I wasn’t looking forward to staying here. But
New Zealand—I can’t ski. And I need to earn money for next year, you know
that.” And most importantly, she thought to herself, she wouldn’t even have
been able to afford the plane fare.

“Two good reasons,” Jeremy admitted. “One, anyway. You could
learn to ski. But being a counselor at a summer camp? Are you sure this is what
you want? Kids, all the time?”

“If I’m going to be a teacher, it had better be,” she said
firmly. “And don’t start with that. You, the guidance counselor, my high school
teachers, even some of my professors. Everybody.”

“Maybe the fact that everybody’s saying that should be
telling you something. Teaching pays sod all. And business courses aren’t
really any harder. You’re the one helping me with the maths.”

“It’s not what I want to do,” she reminded him as patiently
as she could. “It isn’t what you want to do either, and you know it. At least
I’m studying what I like.”

He grimaced. “Mum and Dad’re so keen for me to enter the
firm, though. And I can always write on the side. Like I’m doing now.”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “You’re doing what your family approves
of, but it’s not what you want. And I’m doing what I want, and
nobody
approves
of it. Neither of us is exactly matched up, are we? I thought college was
supposed to be this carefree time when you explored all your options.”

“You’d have to work a bit less for that to be true, in your
case,” Jeremy pointed out. “Unless you really wanted to explore the option of
working in the dining hall. Did you mention the job to your Mum yet?”

“No,” Jenna admitted. “I can’t tell which I’m dreading more.
That she’ll be upset that I’ll be gone all summer. Or that she won’t be.”

She got her answer soon after Jeremy left. “Oh. Hi,” Sherri
answered the phone unenthusiastically. “I’m on my way out. What’s going on?”

That wasn’t a very promising beginning. “Just wanted to tell
you, Mom. I got a summer job, a good one, as a camp counselor in Colorado. It
pays pretty well, because some of the kids have special needs. But it means
I’ll be gone all summer. Starting in early June, as soon as school lets out.”

“Uh-huh.” Jenna heard her mother inhale, then blow the smoke
out again. “I don’t know why you’d want to work with a bunch of retarded kids.
It sounds disgusting. But I was going to call you anyway. Can you come get the
rest of your stuff? Because I think Dwight’s going to ask me to move in with
him. And I don’t want to store all your shit.”

“Uh . . . sure.” Jenna wondered why she had even considered
the possibility of her mother’s being upset at her absence. She certainly
hadn’t seemed to be pining at the loss of her company so far.

“Call before you come by, though,” Sherri continued.
“Because I haven’t exactly told him about you. He thinks I’m thirty-three. It’d
be a little hard to explain you. He’s not going to believe I had a baby when I
was thirteen.”

“All right.” Jenna felt the familiar disappointment seeping
through her. She shouldn’t expect any more, after all these years. But being
asked to disappear herself from her mother’s life . . . surely that was a new
low.

“Which one is Dwight again?” she asked.

Sherri sighed impatiently. “The dealer. He deals twenty-one
at Caesar’s. He makes plenty, and he’s not shy about spreading it around.
Especially to people he likes. And believe me, I’ve made sure he likes me. I
don’t want to screw it up now. I’m thinking that if I handle this right, he
just might propose.”

“That’s great, Mom.”

“How’s your boyfriend, anyway?” Sherri asked without much
interest. “That what’s his name? You still hanging onto him?”

“Jeremy,” Jenna reminded her. “And yes, we’re still
together. He’s going back to New Zealand for the break, though.”

“And you couldn’t get him to take you with him?” her mother
asked.

“He did ask, actually. But I can’t afford it. You know that.
The fare, and not working.”

“Don’t say that like it’s my fault,” Sherri told her
sharply. “I’ve sacrificed plenty for you. I raised you, didn’t I? And if you think
it was easy, you’re kidding yourself. I had dreams once too, you know.”

“I wasn’t saying that, Mom,” Jenna sighed. “Just that I
can’t afford to go.”

“His family’s loaded, though,” her mother complained. “Why
didn’t you hint around, get him to pay for it? Sometimes I can’t even believe
that you’re my daughter. It’s like they switched babies on me. I could’ve got
that trip out of any man by the time I was sixteen.”

“Yeah.” Jenna wished she had a snappy comeback. But, as
usual, she couldn’t think of anything to say. Anything that would make her feel
stronger, more powerful. Let alone impress her mother. “Anyway. I just wanted
to tell you.”

“Come get that stuff,” Sherri reminded her. “But call first.
I gotta go.”

“Bye.” Jenna put the phone down. Good thing she did have
that job. Because it looked like whatever had remained of her childhood had
just ended.

Someday, she promised herself, feeling hollow inside.
Someday she’d have her own family. And when she did, she was going to do it
differently. She was going to do it right.

“Can Caitlin spend the night tomorrow?” Sophie asked when
Jenna arrived at school on Thursday afternoon. “Please, Jenna? We want to make
more jewelry.”

Jenna looked from one little girl to the other as they
turned beseeching faces to her. “It’s all right with me,” she said. “We’ll have
to ask Caitlin’s mum, though.”

“It’ll be OK with my mum,” Caitlin said confidently. “She
loves me to have sleepovers. She says it gets me out of her hair.”

“Mum!” she called, as Siobhan approached with Ethan by the
hand. “Can I sleep over with Sophie tomorrow night?”

“You need to wait to be invited,” Siobhan chided. “Sorry,
Jenna,” she apologized. “My offspring have no manners, I’m afraid.”

“It’s all right,” Jenna smiled. “I was just inviting her. We
request the favor of Caitlin’s company tomorrow night. And Ethan’s as well,”
she decided. “If you think he’s old enough. He and Harry have been getting on
so famously, and I know Harry’d enjoy it.”

“Yeh,” Harry agreed. “We could make a jungle scene, Ethan!”

“What do you think?” Jenna asked. “Date night?”

“Date night sounds choice,” Siobhan said. “If I remember
how. I’ll probably start cutting Declan’s meat for him. Are you sure it won’t
be too much, though, to have both of them?”

“You’d be doing me a favor,” Jenna assured her. “Giving them
both some company. Finn’s gone for twelve days, and I’m going to get a little
nuts.”

“And the solution for that is two
more
kids?” Siobhan
asked dubiously.

“Variety,” Jenna said. “And it’ll keep them entertained too.
Keep me from having to play Candyland.”

“You can’t put a price on that,” Siobhan agreed.

“There is a catch, though,” Jenna warned. “You have to have
a cup of tea and a chat with me when you come to get them Saturday morning,
give me some adult companionship.”

“Think I could fit that in,” Siobhan mused. “Help me recover
from my big night out. Wait till I tell Declan. He’s going to be chuffed.”

“Mum! We made cookies!” Ethan ran to his mother on Saturday
morning and gave her a hug.

“How’d he do?” Siobhan asked Jenna as they went into the
kitchen after promising Ethan and Harry that they could finish building their
jungle.

“Great. We watched
Finding Nemo
last night, and we
made cookies this morning.” Jenna handed Siobhan a container of still-warm
peanut butter cookies laced with chocolate chunks. “Some to take home.”

“Just what my waistline doesn’t need,” Siobhan said
ruefully. “Declan’ll be rapt, though.
Finding Nemo,
eh.”

“Sophie’s favorite. For obvious reasons. She has a bit of a
Daddy thing.”

“Understandable, with no mum.” Siobhan watched Jenna pour
tea into her cup, added milk and sugar. Took a peanut butter cookie without too
much coaxing.

“Yeah,” Jenna sighed. “Makes this long road trip tough for
her. Having Caitlin over helped a lot. And we’ll watch him play tonight. That
always makes her feel better. As long as he doesn’t get injured, that is.”

“I can’t imagine,” Siobhan mused. “Seeing your dad on TV
every week. A bit weird.”

“It’s what they’ve grown up with,” Jenna pointed out. “It’s
normal to them. He calls too, almost every night. He’s really good about that.
But seeing him play is the best. Gives Sophie something to discuss with him,
too. You should hear her,” she chuckled. “I don’t even know what she’s talking
about, half the time.”

“I wouldn’t know, either,” Siobhan said. “Declan tries to
explain all the rules to me, but I’m not that interested. Just like watching
the boys in their little shorts.” They laughed together. “There’re some fit
fellas on the All Blacks. Finn amongst them.”

“Mmm,” Jenna agreed.

“Does he have a girlfriend now?” Siobhan asked curiously.

“Sorry,” Jenna said with a smile. “My employer, you know. I
can’t really talk about that.”

“Course,” Siobhan said with disappointment. “No rules about
the other blokes, though, are there? You could give me a bit of gossip about
somebody else. That’d do me.”

“Finn doesn’t tell me anything interesting that way, alas.
If you want to know who’s got a separated shoulder, I’m your woman. But as to
who’s separated from his wife . . .” Jenna shrugged. “Can’t help you.”

“Oh, well,” Siobhan said with resignation. “Nothing quite as
interesting anyway, since Drew Callahan got married and Koti James got himself
engaged. Wedding day coming up, I hear. That’ll be a national day of mourning
for the female population.”

“Why is that, though?” Jenna wondered. “Why do we feel
disappointed when somebody like that gets married? I mean, did you or I really
think we were going to sleep with Koti James in this lifetime? Have we really
lost anything?”

“Lost the dream,” Siobhan sighed. “Now I’ll have to kill off
his wife in my mind before I get horizontal with him. So much work.”

“Homicide does take the edge off that sexual fantasy,” Jenna
laughed.

“I don’t really want to do it,” Siobhan said. “Shag him, I
mean. I love Declan. I just . . .” She sighed again. “It’d just be nice to
touch a body like that, once. Sad to think I’ll never have the chance. Think
Finn would let me come over and feel his chest for a bit? Purely in the spirit
of scientific inquiry?”

“No,” Jenna said through her giggles. “I don’t think that’d
go over well. It’d make the school dropoff so awkward afterwards, too.”

“He could auction it off,” Siobhan pointed out. “At the next
school fundraiser. That’d raise a fair sum amongst the mums.”

“Also never happening. I guarantee it.”

“Pity. Have to keep dreaming,” Siobhan decided.

“So what does all this mean?” Jenna asked, wiping her eyes.
“Good date last night? Or bad date?”

“Good date,” Siobhan smiled. “Definitely. Makes me saucy.”

“I guess that means you’ll be up for the kids coming over
again. I wouldn’t mind having them next Friday as well, since Finn won’t be
back till that Sunday. And Sophie’s soccer game will be in the afternoon again,
next Saturday.”

“If you’re sure,” Siobhan said doubtfully. “Can’t I
reciprocate, next time? Wouldn’t you like a night off yourself?”