Journey to the Highlands: Robbie and Caralyn (Clan Grant Series Book 4) (12 page)

Chapter Twenty-Three

Caralyn couldn’t sleep. Robbie had her cocooned in his warm embrace on the cold ground, and for some unknown reason, she enjoyed listening to his rhythmic breathing. She had to admit that sleeping with him like this was probably one of her greatest pleasures. Who would have guessed sleeping with a man could be so enjoyable? Aye, she had detected his occasional erection, but she did her best not to inflame him and he had kept his word about not pursuing sex.

Every day she spent with Captain Robbie Grant made her love him even more. She loved riding so close to him, talking to him, and listening to him talk about his clan. He was a proud man who loved his family dearly, and he would do anything for them. His smile could light up the world and her heart as well. She didn’t think she would ever find another man she cared for as much as Robbie.

In fact, naught would make her happier than to marry Robbie Grant. But she knew it could never happen with her background. Could she live with him as his mistress? Did he want her that much or did he have another waiting for him?

The closer they came to his home, the more nervous she grew. She had so many questions. Were her girls safe and unhurt? Where would they go once they arrived? She didn’t know what Robbie planned for her and her daughters. They would have to stay in the Highlands, but where?

“Are you excited about seeing your lassies again?” A soft whisper tickled her ear and she smiled.

“Aye, but I am nervous.” The Grants sounded so wonderful, her girls would probably never want to leave, especially after the hard life they’d endured. They deserved happiness for a change, instead of going hungry and dealing with rude men.

“Why? Trust me that Logan got them there ahead of us safely.”

She rolled onto her back and stared up at the stars through the treetops. “What if they prefer living with your clan than living with me?” She gazed at him, hoping he understood the severity of her concern. “My girls have never had the opportunity to play with other bairns. They will never want to leave.”

“Playing with others and loving and missing their mama are two different things. They are probably just as anxious to see you as you are to see them.” His thumb brushed her cheek. “Trust me, I have two wee nephews who love to play and battle with all the warriors, but when they want their mama, there is no substitute.”

“I thank you, Captain Robbie Grant, for all you have done for us. I can never repay you.” She leaned forward to kiss his lips.

Robbie pulled back and she stared at him in shock. “Lass, I don’t want your kisses if they are just to thank me. I only want them if they come from your heart and they are for me, not for my honorable actions.”

Caralyn thought for a moment and then nodded her head. “Then I would like to kiss you for you, Robbie. For your tenderness, your kindness, and because of all we have shared.”

“Are you sure about that?”

She paused before answering. “Aye, I am sure. I kiss you for how you make me feel, special and protected, but you must understand that you also confuse me. I don’t know what to make of you yet. You are so different to me, and yet I don’t wish to lose you. Will you accept under those terms?”

“Aye.”

He cupped her cheek and kissed her with a tenderness that drove right to her core. His lips were soft, warm, and tantalizing all at once. She didn’t want it to end. She sighed and her lips parted, offering him more, giving him a taste of her she didn’t often offer. His tongue swept into her mouth and teased her, beckoning her to dance with him. So she did, wanting to see how it felt to
want
to kiss, to enjoy the person you shared such intimacy with, and she couldn’t get enough of him. She wanted to drink of this sweet pleasure for as long as she could, without enticing him to go further.

Because she still couldn’t go there yet. Just not yet. He ended the kiss as if he sensed her conflicted thoughts. If she was to draw him to her, she had to be good. Her mother had been insistent.
Men don’t marry bad girls.
She loved her mother and always tried to be good.
Mama, I will try to be good so he will stay with me.

He smiled and she returned it, wanting him to know how much such a small gesture meant to her. He had allowed her to set the pace for their kiss. A small tug on her heart almost pushed her back for more, but she couldn’t risk it.
I’ll be good, you’ll see. I won’t ruin this.

She was very happy with what she considered to be their first real kiss, not a kiss of gratitude or desperation, but a kiss of hope; a kiss from her heart.

Robbie stood and helped her up. “Shouldn’t be much longer to the Grant keep, lass. Come, let’s get on our way. I hope to make it before nightfall.”

***

Many hours later, Caralyn awoke to a brush on her arm. Darkness would be here soon. She shook the cobwebs from her brain, amazed at how fast she could fall asleep in Robbie’s arms. When she finally made sense of what was in her line of vision, her breath caught.

A fortress, one of the largest she had ever seen, sat atop a hill in the distance, surrounded by rows of neat thatched cottages.

“My home, lass. Welcome to the Grant castle.” Robbie’s eyes glowed with a sense of pride and a joy. Would she ever have a home that inspired such feelings in her?

“Robbie, ‘tis immense. You have so many people here.” A bustle of clan members moved about, busy in their daily work. A serene loch sat off in the distance. A cluster of buildings sat inside the bailey, and droves of warriors practiced in a side field, the clang of metal ringing out for all to hear. A bloom of hope sprang anew in her heart. “He’ll never get to me here, will he?” she whispered.

Robbie leaned down to listen to her. “What did you say?”

She glanced at him over her shoulder. “Malcolm. He would never be able to get enough men together to kidnap my girls from this place. We’ll be safe, won’t we?”

Robbie rubbed her arm. “Cara, he’ll never get to you here. Do you see all the men in the parapets near the towers? Do you see all the warriors working in the lists? Even all the men working in the bailey will protect you. We don’t allow men to hurt women here, or kidnap them either.”

They continued down the hill and rode up to the portcullis, Caralyn staring in wonder at all that transpired around her. Her voice trembled. “Do you think my lassies will be glad to see me?” Despite what he had said to her, the impact his comforting words had made, she still feared they would not.

Robbie headed toward the stables and halted, helping her dismount. He inclined his head toward the keep. “See for yourself, lass.”

The most beautiful sound she had ever heard greeted her, Gracie’s voice. She turned and saw her girls rushing toward her. “Mama! Mama!”
Both
girls called to her, not just Ashlyn. What a sweet sound it was! Gracie tumbled to the ground and Ashlyn helped her back up before they continued to run. Caralyn hobbled as fast as she could, tears streaming down her eyes at the vision of her weans in front of her.

Both lassies were smiling, arms outstretched, waiting for her. When she finally reached them, she lifted Gracie in one arm and wrapped the other around Ashlyn. Unable to speak through her tears, she hugged and kissed them both.

A booming voice interrupted them, and she looked up to see the biggest man she had ever seen crush Robbie in his arms. Another large man stood close behind him. “About time you arrived home, brother.”

The second man limped over and grabbed Robbie in a full bear hug. “Glad to see you made it whole, Robbie.”

“And Brenna didn’t take your leg, I see?” He peered down at his brother’s plaid to make sure all was well.

“Nay, our sister took good care of me.” Brodie clasped Robbie’s shoulder, still grinning.

Following them was a stream of lads, lasses, and bairns, all of them trying to make their way to Robbie.

Caralyn stared down at Gracie’s smiling face and kissed her cheek. “You are happy, my wee one?”

Gracie’s smile grew wider, and she placed her wee hands on Caralyn’s cheeks before leaning over to kiss her cheek. “Lu you, Mama.”

Caralyn eyes misted at the sweet words, but reached down and ruffled Ashlyn’s dark hair before kissing her cheek. “And you, Ashlyn? They have been good to you here?”

“Aye, Mama. We have so much fun. We have many new friends and Gracie has been talking more and more every day. She loves Logan.”

A voice called her name from behind her and she whirled around to see Gwyneth coming toward her, arms outstretched. “Gwyneth, thank you for guarding my daughters.”

Gwyneth smiled and hugged her. “Och, ‘twas no trouble at all. Your lassies are so sweet.”

Caralyn’s searched her friend’s face. “No problems here, Gwyneth?”

“Nay.” She smiled. “They are all wonderful, Caralyn. You’ll see. ‘Tis a different world here. They work hard, but everyone is kind. I am so glad you made it.” She reached up and ran her fingers across the cuts on her face. “Trouble along the way?”

“Aye,” Caralyn said. She gave a pointed look at her daughters. “We’ll talk later. I am verra weary today. ‘Twas a long journey and I worried so about my lassies.”

A large hand wrapped around her waist and Robbie Grant tugged her toward him. “I want to introduce you all to Caralyn, Gracie and Ashlyn’s mother.”

Caralyn gazed into a sea of smiling faces. The names all flew by her: Laird Alex and Lady Madeline, Brodie, Celestina, Brenna, Quade, Torrian, Jennie, Avelina, Lily, Jamie, John, Kyla, Bethia, and the very last person she met stood with his chest puffed out like a peacock.

“And my name is Loki Grant.”

Caralyn was hugged by so many, she lost count. It was almost dark, and her stomach rumbled with hunger.

Robbie finally stopped them and said, “Could we go inside for a bite to eat? We are verra hungry since we were forced to travel so fast.”

Once inside, Caralyn sat on a bench at the longest table she had ever seen in the middle of the great hall. The laird had ushered them to this table so everyone could sit together. Servants brought out chunks of cheese and trenchers of stew and brown bread. A bowl full of fat apples sat in the middle of the table.

She couldn’t help but stare at the hall. A large dais sat behind them. While it wasn’t quite as regal as the one she had been in Glasgow, Caralyn liked it better. Beautiful tapestries representing the change of the seasons decorated the walls. A large hearth took up one wall with cushioned chairs arranged in a semi-circle in front. Fragrant rushes sat on the floor and a group of dogs played over near the door.

Gracie sat down on the bench and held a piece of cheese out to her mother. “Mama. Cheese.”

Caralyn took a bite. She marveled at the change in her wean. Her eyes were bright, not haunted, and she ate everything within her reach. Ashlyn giggled and said, “Mama, they have the best cook here. You should meet her. And she gives us apple tarts sometimes.”

A wean ran over and said, “I’m Lily. Gracie and I play together because she is my new friend. She likes to find my stones when I hide them.” She climbed up on Caralyn’s lap and kissed her cheek. “I’m glad you are here. Gracie missed you.”

Just like that, tears blurred Caralyn’s vision. Goodness, but everything in her life made her cry lately. Had she finally found what she had always wished for? She hadn’t asked for much—a family to love and food for her daughters’ bellies. Well, now both lassies smiled with exuberance. She peeked at the rest of the faces at the table, all babbling at one another, sharing food, laughing, hugging, touching. Caralyn couldn’t seem to stop her tears. Robbie, who was sitting beside her, rubbed her back and stood, nodding to the woman next to Alex.

The laird’s wife came over to her side. “I am Maddie. I am sure you didn’t remember all our names,” the woman whispered in her ear. “Come upstairs with me. I will show you to your chamber. Grab a couple of apples to take with you. You look exhausted.”

“Lady Madeline, may my daughters come along?”

“Hush, call me Maddie. You’re almost family. Of course the lassies may come along. I assumed you would want them to sleep with you.”

Caralyn nodded, but reached out for Robbie. “Robbie?”

He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “You’ll be fine. Maddie will take care of you. She understands.” He gazed into her eyes. “Trust me. She knows what you need more than I do. I will be here if you need me.”

Chapter Twenty-Four

Caralyn picked Gracie up in her arms and followed Ashlyn to the end of the great hall. Lady Madeline led them up the staircase to the second floor and down the passageway almost to the end. She opened a door to the left and stood back. “I think this chamber will suit you. The bed is large enough for the three of you to sleep together if you’d like. The lassies were sleeping together in one room before you arrived.”

Ashlyn grabbed her mother’s hand. “Mama, we’ll stay with you tonight. ‘Tis a big castle.”

Caralyn stepped into the beautiful chamber, marveling over the simple yet comfortable space. A large bed plump with warm plaids and thick furs sat on one wall while the hearth graced the outside wall. A chest sat at the end of the bed and a table and two chairs were arranged near the hearth. Dried flowers decorated the feminine room and fresh rushes had been added to the floor. One window sat on the side, thick fur coverings providing protection from the cold.

“Fiona will visit you often to see what you need. I will have someone start a fire in the hearth to take the chill out of the room while I show you to our bathing room.”

“A bathing room?” Caralyn had never seen one before and wasn’t sure what to expect.

“Mama, you will love it.” Ashlyn grinned. Gracie tugged on Caralyn’s arm to be let down, and once she was on the floor, she raced ahead of them to the room at the end of the hall.

Maddie rolled her eyes sheepishly when she opened the door. “My husband spoils me and had this room built for me. They have a large bathing room for the men outside near the stables, but I was always uncomfortable in it and he didn’t want me walking outside with my hair wet. I admit I enjoy bathing more often than everyone else.” Maddie rubbed her belly as she walked inside.

“How soon for your bairn, my lady?” Caralyn couldn’t help but stare at Maddie’s blond hair and beautiful blue eyes. No wonder the laird had married her—she was stunning.

“Och, not more than a fortnight, I think.” She led the way around the grand chamber with three separate hearths. Four tubs of different sizes graced the room and stacks of linen squares sat piled neatly on the shelves. She moved to the outside wall. “These rope pulls will bring small buckets of water. ‘Tis a lovely design in the summer because the small pool outside is warmed by the sun. Now, however, the water is quite cool, which is why we have three hearths. My husband has the men bring water up at night to heat for bathing.

“Over here, on this shelf, we have bathing oils, which are Celestina’s creations. Her lavender oil is exquisite. Please use whatever you like.” She turned and pointed to a door in the corner of the room. “Over there, my husband has again spoiled me by having a garderobe built as well with a door on it for privacy. If you’d like, you may bathe now to clean yourself of the dirt and grime of traveling. Then I’m sure you would like to rest from your journey.”

A room dedicated to bathing was a decadence Caralyn would never have imagined, but at this moment she couldn’t think of anything she’d like better than a bath. Nodding, she said, “I’d like that. A bath would be lovely and Gracie can bathe with me, but…”

“Aye, ‘twas a long trip and you didn’t bring much to wear. Ashlyn, be a dear and send Fiona up, would you? And please take Gracie along to assist you.”

The girls ran to do as they were bid. Caralyn gazed at the regal woman in front of her, unsure of how to talk to her. She stared at the floor, deciding the best approach would be to wait for her companion to speak.

Lady Madeline gathered towels and oils for her and found a screen to settle around one of the tubs. “So have you been in the Highlands before??”

“Nay, ‘tis my first journey to the Highlands. ‘Tis magnificent. I had no idea of the beauty in the hills and valleys here.” Caralyn helped Lady Madeline move the screen.

“Mayhap that is good. We hope you’ll decide to stay. Your daughters are lovely. Gwyneth told us you are from South Ayrshire. ‘Tis true?”

“Aye, and ‘tis beautiful on the coastline, but ‘tis more lovely here. Seems more peaceful.” Oh, how she hoped Gwyneth hadn’t said anything else about Caralyn and her life. She trusted Gwyneth.

“Och, wait until you see our snow.” Maddie chuckled, then strode over and clasped Caralyn’s hands in hers. “I want you to know that you will always be welcome here at Clan Grant. When I first came here, I had the foolish idea that I didn’t belong and I didn’t deserve to be in such a place. Can you imagine?”

Caralyn
could
imagine since that was exactly how she felt at that moment and it was what she had been afraid of all along. She gazed at Lady Madeline, wondering how she knew. Moments later, Ashlyn burst in the door with Fiona and Gracie at her heels.

“Och, here is Fiona now.” Maddie turned to her maid. “Please have the men tote hot water upstairs for the lady. We must also find her something clean to wear.”

Maddie kissed Caralyn’s cheek and said, “Welcome to Clan Grant. We’re verra happy to have you here. Please let me know if I can be of any assistance. I will leave you alone with your delightful daughters. I am sure they have much to tell you.” She left with a smile.

Caralyn waited on the bench while the men brought up the water and Fiona left to find her serviceable clothing. More energetic than Caralyn had ever seen her, Gracie ran over and jumped into the smaller tub. She peeked her head over the edge and shouted, “Find me, Mama.”

Ashlyn whispered in her ear. “Gracie likes to hide, and you have to pretend you don’t see her. Then she’ll jump out and scare you. ‘Tis her favorite new game. Come, I’ll show you.”

Ashlyn tiptoed around the room, speaking all the while as she tugged her mother behind her. “Where is Gracie? I can’t find her, can you, Mama?”

A fitful of giggles erupted from the tub.

“Is she here in this tub?” Ashlyn peeked in the first one. “Nay.” She continued around the perimeter of the room.

More giggles came from Gracie, and Caralyn’s eyes misted over. Had she ever heard a more beautiful sound than her youngest daughter’s delight?

“Is she under this bench? Nay.”

“Ashlyn, I can’t find Gracie. Where is she?” Caralyn joined in Gracie’s game.

More laughter erupted from her once silent daughter. Caralyn’s heart filled with joy, a feeling of breathless glee radiating through her.

As they came near the tub that Gracie hid in, she jumped up with her hands in the air and shouted, “Rarrrrrr!”

Ashlyn jumped and Caralyn laughed and picked Gracie up and hugged her. “There you are.”

Gracie peered at her mother and placed her wee hand on her wet cheek. “Mama, we stay here?”

“Aye, we stay here.” How could she take her daughters away? Though she still didn’t know what the future held for her and Robbie, she would do anything to see her daughters this happy all the time.

Gracie clapped her hands, pushed away from her mother to get down, then tore over to the same tub and jumped in again. She peeked her head over the side and said, “Mama, find me.” Then her head disappeared again.

Ashlyn nodded with a quirk in her grin and glanced at her mother. “Aye, same game. She needs to find some new hiding places.”

***

Caralyn glanced at her slumbering daughters in the middle of the large, soft bed. Gracie used to sleep with her thumb in her mouth, but not at Clan Grant. The lassies appeared so peaceful and relaxed, and the sight of them this way warmed her heart.

She had already shed enough tears for the day. So grateful for all the Grants had done for them, she felt she needed to do something.

She had seen Robbie walk into his chamber when they left the bathing room. Smiling at the memory of Gracie padding down the passageway to give him a hug, Caralyn realized how much she missed him. His warm embrace had been so welcome in the cold outdoors.

Settling a kiss on each of her girl’s foreheads, she grabbed a robe Fiona had left her to cover her night rail and crept out the door and down the cold stone passageway to Robbie’s room. He had not barricaded the door, so she sneaked inside and closed the door behind her.

Huddled near the door, she waited until her eyes adjusted. She could tell he was awake.

A deep sigh came from the bed. He held the covers up and she scooted into bed next to him. “Aye, Caralyn? What do you need?”

Caralyn cleared her throat before responding. She wished she had thought this through before entering his chamber. “I am so grateful for all you have done. My lassies…”

Robbie set his fingers against her lips, stopping her midsentence. “If you are here to express your gratitude only, please remove yourself.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Lass, you have said thank you many times, more than I can count. You don’t need to thank me anymore.”

“But I’m so grateful, you have no idea. My one wish has always been to rid my daughters of the haunted look in their eyes, and you’ve done that. I’ve never seen them so happy.” She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment to try to stop the tears from flowing. “Robbie, what you have done for them deserves more than two words.”

“Then what is your intent?”

“I only know how to thank you one way. Please allow me to service you to let you know how much I appreciate all you have done…”

Robbie hopped out of bed. “Nay. ‘Tis not what I want, Caralyn.” His voice turned harsh. “I don’t want to be serviced. If that’s the only reason you’re here, please leave.”

Tears gathered in her lashes. “Robbie, I don’t understand. Why are you angry? What have I done wrong? Don’t you want me?” She sat up in bed and stared at him.

He leaned over the bed, placing his hands on either side of her so he could gaze into her eyes. “Caralyn, I want you with every fiber of my being, but not like this. I want you when you want me.”

“I do. I want to thank you.”

“’Tis the problem. You don’t want me for who I am, you want me for what I am. You want me because I have helped you. You want me for saving your girls. I know you don’t understand because of your background, but you need to want me for who I am. Until then, I don’t want you in my bed. ‘Tis not for the right reasons.”

She wiped the tears from her cheeks as she climbed out of bed. “But I miss you.”

“I miss you, too. But I need more from you. Mayhap you can’t give it. I need to know you are here because you have feelings for me, not because you want to service me. Do you understand the difference? Have you ever loved a man before?”

She shook her head in confusion. “Nay. I liked my husband well enough, but I don’t think I loved him.”
Please, Robbie, if I say I want to be here for any other reason, I am bad, bad. My mother will accuse me.
In truth, she had barely admitted her real reasons for coming to his room to herself, just like the first time she’d slipped into his bed.

“I want what my brothers and sister have. A relationship needs to be built on feelings for each other. You don’t know how hard it is for me to turn you away, but this is wrong.”

“I am sorry, I just wanted...”

“A relationship shouldn’t exist only in bed. ‘Twill not end well. I have had that sort of relationship with other women, and ‘tis not what I want. Not with you. I want more. You tell me what to do.”

Caralyn shook her head, so confused she didn’t even know what to say to him.

She flung the door open and fled down the hall. Not wanting to wake her girls up, she fled up the stairway to the ramparts.

And ran straight into Gwyneth.