Joshua's Folly (30 page)

Joshua looked up from his desk as Mary slammed his office door loudly. Uh-oh. Here we go again.

“Did you really
ask
Marisa to leave?”

He could tell Mary was angry with him. Not just angry, more like irate. “She was only leaving a couple of weeks earlier than planned,” he countered defensively.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Mary insisted.

“Bethany was staying at the Morris Ranch for the week and…” Josh quit with the lame excuses. “Yes,” he said firmly. “I did.”

“But why? I don’t understand.”

Neither did Marisa.
“I let things go too far between us. I knew I had to end it.”

“That still doesn’t answer my question, Joshua.”

“It wouldn’t have worked out. She had things she wanted to do with her life and she couldn’t do them here.”

“Nope. Not buying it.”

“What do you want from me, Mary?” he exploded.

“I want the truth.”

“You want the truth? Then I’ll give it to you. Women hate it here at the ranch! They don’t stay—they never stay—and I can’t lose her,” he blurted.

“What?” Mary whispered.

His office was hear-a-pin-drop silent for at least a full minute.

Josh knew he shouldn’t have let that slip. He immediately regretted his impulsive words. It sounded so pathetic.

Mary stared at him incredulously, the wheels of her mind seeming to spin madly. “I know what you’re thinking, Josh.”

“I doubt it.”

“No, I get it. I suddenly see everything very clearly. Every woman in your life has left the ranch. It’s an isolated life. They don’t like it here and they don’t stay for long. Even your own mother left you. Your own mother! I can imagine how that made you feel. I always worried about it. Mothers are not supposed to leave their children. They’re supposed to love them so much that they’d die for them. Where does that leave you?”

“Exactly,” Josh answered. How did Mary
know
?

“Thinking that Marisa will leave you one day too?” Mary surmised.

“Yes. I know it was a foolish thought. I know I made a mistake. I’ve been trying to grab a moment alone with her to explain my rash actions. She’s angry with me and I don’t blame her. I’m not sure how to mend our relationship. I think she hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you, Josh. She loves you.”

Josh scoffed.

“Joshua, did you know your mother wanted you?” Mary asked suddenly.

“What? She left me when I was three. She wanted nothing to do with me.”

“No, you’re wrong. Your memories are skewed
because
you were only three years old at the time. Your mother wanted to take you with her. She begged your father to let her take you. He refused. He said, and I quote, ‘no two-bit whore is going to take my son.’ It was a different time. She relented, feeling she had no other options. Your mother and father did not have a good relationship. It would’ve killed her to stay. I’m not excusing the fact that she’s never attempted to contact you since, but she wanted you, Josh, she wanted you.”

“She wanted me?”

“Yes, Joshua. I can guess how this must have made you feel over the years. A parent’s love is the most sought after love in a child’s life. Without it, a hole is left in your heart, leaving you slightly scarred. Am I right?”

“I hadn’t thought of it quite like that.”

“Josh, do you realize that when I left the ranch, I begged your father to let me take you with me. I wanted to give you a normal home life—school, homework, chores, trick or treating—the whole gamut. I promised him that you would return when you were eighteen and take your place as heir to the ranch.”

“I had no idea.”

“Your father refused me. He said it was absolutely out of the question. Not even a possibility.”

“He never asked me what I wanted. Not once.”

“He didn’t care about anyone’s feelings but his own,” Mary blurted. Then she seemed to think better of her words. “He loved you, Josh. You were his only son. You could do no wrong in his eyes. No one else received what he gave you. To the rest of us, he was cranky and irritable.”

Josh nodded, assimilating all of this new information.

“Because of all the women who have left the ranch, you believe all women will eventually leave you. Am I right?”

“Elizabeth did,” he said, stating an obvious fact. Mary was so incredibly close to the truth, it threw him for a loop. How could she read him so well?

“Any woman who could leave her baby as callously as she left Bethany isn’t worth the time of day. It was a lucky escape for you.”

“I suppose you’re right.” Actually, she was spot on and he knew it. Elizabeth had not been what he’d thought at all. Truthfully, it was the very thing that had made him move so slowly with Marisa.

“And now you’ve ended things with Marisa because you believe she’ll leave you one day. Am I right?”

Josh exhaled deeply. “Basically, yes.” There were other factors—like Marisa’s desires for her life. But if that had been the only factor, he would’ve simply asked her about it and they would’ve had a normal discussion like normal human beings. Instead his impetuous actions had turned their lives into a veritable soap opera.

“There are no guarantees in life, Josh. You have to take a chance to find happiness. I will say this though, Marisa has been through a lot in her life too. She craves family life. You’ve fallen in love with someone who wants the same things that you do. And you are in love with her, are you not?”

“Yes,” Josh answered without elaboration.
Yes, I love her
. There was nothing more to say. It was as simple as that.

But she doesn’t know it. Marisa thinks I’m not in love with her. Because I said it…to her face.

A folly if ever I’ve made one.

That was the moment when their love story became complicated. If Mary knew about the idiotic stunt he’d pulled to ‘set Marisa free,’ he was pretty sure she’d smack him upside the face. And he’d deserve it too.

Mary was quiet for the next few minutes, a small, secretive smile on her face, making Josh wonder what she was thinking.

“You know, I think Jerome and I will take a trip with Bethany into Amarillo for the day tomorrow. I think you and Marisa need to have a heart-to-heart. I think you need some alone time and I think our presence has been preventing that much needed alone time. Am I right again?”

“You always are, Mary.”

Mary laughed. “This has been an enlightening conversation, Josh.”

Josh laughed too. He’d hardly said two words. He didn’t have to. Mary had said it all.

“I couldn’t figure out why Marisa wasn’t confiding in me, and to be honest I was slightly hurt. She always tells me everything. You know what she said to me tonight?”

“What?”

“She didn’t want to cause bad feelings between us. All this time, she’s been worried about
our
relationship. She won’t tell me exactly what happened between the two of you. She doesn’t want me to be angry with you. But something tells me that both of you are in love with each other, and your separation is the result of some serious miscommunication. And probably a little bit of indecision too. I’m gonna have to insist that you have some time alone to figure it all out. That okay with you?”

“It’s exactly what we need, Mary. Thank you.”

“Why didn’t you just ask? I would’ve stepped aside.”

“I guess I’ve been a little wary of Marisa’s reaction. I have a feelin’ she’s pretty angry with me. No matter what I say, I’m not sure I can repair the damage.”

“You can, Josh. I know you can. Just so you know, I’d advise you to act immediately. No more procrastinating. The other day Marisa admitted to me that she’d experienced her first kiss. She said it was one of the most amazing moments of her life, that it was under some old oak tree, and that the experience completely took her breath away. You do have some competition, Josh. She’s still mooning over the guy who stole her first kiss. First love is powerful stuff.”

“What?” he whispered, unable to hide his astonishment.

“Oh,” Mary responded as it suddenly dawned on her. “That was you, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah. I didn’t realize it was her first kiss.” Josh turned and stared out the window, filled with regret. “I’m such an idiot.”

“You’re human, Josh. With human emotions. No crime there. Just tell her how much you love her. That’ll do the trick every time.”

“I’m not so sure,” Josh mumbled as Mary left the room. How would he explain this mess to Marisa? No matter, tomorrow was the day. It would either be the happiest day of his life, or the worst day, experiencing major rejection.

Time to fess up, heal the damage he’d caused—and then let her go to fulfill her dreams and live her life.

It was the latter he worried about the most. Letting her go would be equivalent to ripping his heart out.

–18–

Josh, visibly hesitant, entered Marisa’s room the next morning.

“Good morning, Marisa. It’s good to see you awake for a change. Would you like to go downstairs for breakfast? I thought we’d eat outside. The patio is beautiful at this time of mornin’.”

Cheerful, happy Joshua was back. After last night’s fiasco of a dinner, Marisa was willing to try a little harder to keep things civil between them. Her anger had washed away. He was trying, and she appreciated the gesture.

“Sure,” Marisa said, sounding far too tentative even to her own ears. It was uncomfortable to be around Josh. Most women don’t have to spend time with the man who’d just jilted them. If someone was trying to torture her, they couldn’t come up with a better scenario. “Where is everyone? Why is it so quiet?” She hadn’t seen Bethany or Mary yet this morning. Bethany was almost always in her room, bright and early, asking how she was feeling.

“Mary and Jerome took Bethany into Amarillo for the day and I gave Constance the day off. We all thought you could use some peace and quiet.”

So they were completely alone. Not even Constance was home.

Not good.
So uncomfortable
.

Marisa was dreading this moment. She didn’t want to hear his explanations. He couldn’t make it better, no matter how hard he tried.

I’m so sorry I hurt you. Let me explain. I’m not in love with you because…

This will not end well.

She appreciated his concern for her well being though. He felt responsible for her accident and he was taking care of her, once again welcoming her into his home. He was a good man. This had to be an awkward situation for him too.

“Don’t bother with the crutches. I’ll carry you,” Josh advised.

Just like every other time he’d carried her down the stairs, she really didn’t want to be in his arms, but she didn’t have a choice in the matter. She wasn’t sure she could manage the stairs with crutches.
That
was going to take some serious practice. But being held in his arms was pure torment. The close proximity wreaked havoc on her emotions.

They sat on the patio in utter silence as Josh served breakfast. “Constance made breakfast before she left,” he admitted. Biscuits and gravy, scrambled eggs, and cantaloupe slices were neatly laid out on the table.

The thought of food made her stomach turn, but she picked at it and pretended she was eating just to make Josh happy. She mixed gravy into her scrambled eggs, stirring them together.
The little chemist.
It looked delicious. But she couldn’t bring herself to eat it.

Josh noticed, “You’re not hungry?” he asked, looking perplexed.

“Not really,” she said, laying down her fork.

“Your appetite hasn’t been too good since the…accident.”

The accident. His hesitation over the word made her squirm. Perhaps her actions could better be explained as the rebuttal. Or, better yet, the objection. The protest?

Being told Josh wasn’t in love with her had definitely caused some rather heated emotions. And extreme actions.

“It’ll return. Unfortunately.”

“I love your enthusiasm for food. It’s refreshing.”

He was downright solicitous lately. Guilt had a way of making people do things they wouldn’t normally do. Like welcoming someone into your home you’d just asked to leave.

“Mary says she loves it here, that the ranch is no longer a place filled with bad memories. She says I’ve made it into an amazing place to live, in fact, she and Jerome are seriously considering retiring here,” Josh informed her, clearly attempting to engage her in a pleasant exchange.

That was news to her. Briefly, she wondered what she would do when and if that happened. There was absolutely no way she would join them. A vision of herself as an old maid entered her mind—sitting quietly in a corner of Josh’s home, her fingers spinning madly as she crocheted an afghan for her lap on cold winter days. Josh would be married to a young, lithe, gorgeous model-type. Having produced a houseful of children together, they’d need a nanny and the job would be hers.

Forever the nanny.

She’s soooo good with children. It’s a shame she never had any of her own.

Marisa, the baby’s crying! Can’t you hear it? Put your hearing aid back in. Chop, chop!

Oh, a smelly diaper! Get Marisa, quick!

Marisa shook her head to dispel the nasty image from her mind.

It was high time she moved out and got an apartment of her own anyway. Mary had always encouraged her to live at home and save her money till she married. Looks like that won’t be happening for a long while. “That’s great news.” Her smile was forced. She didn’t feel like smiling, not at all.

“It’s a beautiful day out. I’m glad we’re havin’ nice weather,” he stammered as if he didn’t know what to say. Josh was grasping at conversation. They’d never been at a loss for words around each other before and a twenty minute breakfast now loomed before them as if it were made of football minutes.

“The weather report this mornin’ said we’re in for a gorgeous week,” he commented, again referencing the weather.

Ugh.

“The marigolds are bloomin’ like crazy in the Folly. It’s a sight to see. They keep away certain bugs that…”

“Josh,” she interrupted. “Please stop.”