Joshua's Folly (28 page)

“Intimate?”

Her voice turned into a whisper and Josh had to strain to hear her. “He was on top of her and he kissed her with…awe. It was soft, slow, and sweet, as if he worshipped her. For just a moment, I couldn’t look away. It was a beautiful scene. I knew right then that their relationship had progressed much further than any of us had realized.”

“Oh my,” Mary breathed.

Josh nearly laughed out loud at the rather poetic description of their late night tryst. Mary’s breathy response deserved a little chuckle too.

But he wasn’t in the mood for laughter. He didn’t relish having an audience. Not at all. He’d had no idea that Constance had seen them that night as they’d lain by the fire. Josh suddenly felt very uncomfortable. What was it his father used to say? Something about eavesdroppers never hearing any good about themselves? This was too much.

“At four in the morning?” Mary questioned and Josh’s hand hit his forehead. After all those juicy details, her only comment was about the time?

“I later noticed that they were often up and about in the middle of the night. I heard them on several occasions, but let them have their privacy. I suspect it was the only time they could steal for themselves, uninterrupted.”

“I see,” Mary said thoughtfully.

“Of course, they rode the ranch together every day during Bethany’s nap, but somehow I don’t think they went out just to ride their horses,” Constance added.

We were just playing tag, I swear it.

“If things were going so good, why was Marisa leaving? I don’t understand.”

“I’m not sure what happened the night before she left. They were in the office for a long time. Their voices were raised, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying.”

“Were they fighting?”

“It sounded like it. Someone threw a vase and the crashing sound seemed to echo off the walls. I was in the kitchen and it made me jump. Then Marisa ran out of the house, slammed the door, and rode off on her horse. Josh soon followed. They don’t know this, but the noises of the night woke Bethany up out of a sound sleep. I tucked her back into bed and told her I dropped a glass in the kitchen. She was very upset, I think she sensed the tension in the house.”

At the time, Josh hadn’t given a thought to anyone else in the household. It disturbed him that Bethany had awoken to the sounds of their argument.

“They didn’t come home till after three a.m. They’d stayed out nearly all night. Whatever happened, Joshua informed me the next morning that Marisa was going home. Marisa looked very upset, it was obvious that she didn’t want to leave. Marisa took off in Josh’s truck and Josh followed her. I’ve never seen him so distressed.”

“I wonder what went wrong.”

“I don’t know, Mary. But those two belong together. They were so happy all summer, constantly laughing and playing with each other as if they were teenagers again. It was heartwarming to watch the romance unfold. I’ve never seen Josh so happy. Bethany too. Marisa’s a sweetheart. You raised her well, Miss Mary.”

“Thank you, Constance. I’ll do whatever I can to bring them back together,” Mary promised.

That was when Josh made a hasty exit, feeling guilty for listening in on a conversation that was not meant for his ears. At the same time, he felt just a little bowled over with Constance and Mary’s concern for him. Both Constance and Mary were mother figures in his life. Although he didn’t savor his life being an open book, he appreciated their motherly hen attitudes. He wasn’t angry with them, instead he felt…loved and watched over. It was an entirely new feeling. He’d always thought of himself as independent and self-sufficient. And he was. But who would’ve thought that—at the ripe old age of twenty-eight—he would like having a motherly influence in his life. Two of them, at that. He thought he was above such a need.

Perhaps not.

–17–

After lying around in bed for the next four days listlessly and spending the majority of the day sleeping, Marisa was finally ready to be up and about. While her leg would be in a cast for another five weeks or so, she was beginning to feel like herself again. The gash on her forehead was healing nicely and her head no longer pounded with pain. Josh was at her bedside nearly every second, fussing over her and seeing to her every need.

Kissing her.

But then, she knew that was just an aberration on his part. He’d never denied his attraction for her. It didn’t change anything. And she was mortified by her reaction to him. Why was she kissing a man who had just told her he wasn’t in love with her? Did she have no pride whatsoever?

It wouldn’t happen again. She wouldn’t let it.

That he felt guilty was obvious. With Mary hovering over her with motherly concern, they were never alone, thus preventing another awkward conversation. What was there to say anyway?

She couldn’t lie around feeling sorry for herself any longer, it was time to face life. She was hiding behind her recovery, taking advantage of the fact that everyone expected her to rest. No one seemed to think it strange and she didn’t fight the deep, healing power of sleep, knowing it was one more thing that prevented her from dealing with Josh.

Shortly after dinner, Mary helped her to take a quick sponge bath. She spoke quietly, telling Marisa of their day. She talked almost non-stop, never allowing a silent moment.

“Bethany is a sweetheart and she adores you, Marisa. She can’t wait till you’re better, she misses you. My, but you did a good job teaching her to swim. She’s so darn proud of herself, she’s shown us every little thing you’ve taught her. Jerome loves the ranch and doesn’t understand why I’ve never taken him here before. He says he can’t believe I ever left this place and…”

Marisa listened with half an ear, submitting to Mary’s ministrations, but acting as a non-participant. It was as if there was no life in her, she couldn’t bring herself to feel anything. She felt numb. She actually wished the overwhelming pulsating pain in her head would return. She liked that pain, she wanted to grab hold of it and make it stay. She remembered a friend in high school who was so emotionally upset with her life that she cut herself. They were horrible, self-inflicted, long, deep, gashes on her thighs that she’d done with the jagged edge of a can lid. She’d told her once that the physical pain was much preferable to her emotional pain. For the first time, Marisa suddenly understood exactly what she’d meant by that. The thought made her shudder.

Mary helped her into clean pajamas. Maneuvering with crutches was difficult at best, but she managed. Constance had placed fresh, crisp sheets on her bed. It was nice to feel somewhat refreshed.

Now if she could just refresh her life, everything would be fine.

Later that evening, Mary and Josh insisted she come downstairs for a movie night. “Join us, Marisa. We’re fixin’ to watch a movie.”

Hillbilly,
Marisa thought bitingly.
Learn how to use proper English.
She used to think Josh’s manner of speech was cute. Not anymore.

“You need to get out of this room, Marisa,” Mary scolded.

Josh carried her down the stairs while Mary fretted over her, helping her to settle comfortably on the couch. Thank goodness for Mary’s presence. Otherwise the situation would be intolerable. To make matters worse, Jerome inadvertently chose the movie that Josh and Marisa had watched on the night they’d kissed throughout the feature, never coming up for air.

“Are you sure this is the one y–you’d like to watch?” Josh stumbled.

“It’s not very good,” Marisa blurted. “As a matter of fact, it’s really bad,” she said, unable to keep a bitter tone from her voice. The sudden flash of anger took her by complete surprise. It was then that she knew she was harboring pent-up resentment—maybe even rage.

Marisa knew the mature and gracious thing to do in this situation was to wish Josh well and tell him that she hoped he would find happiness in his life.

Frankly, she wanted him to feel as miserable as she did.

“Oh. I think it looks interesting,” Jerome said, sounding disappointed.

“Actually, I thought it was one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. I think it might even be my favorite movie,” Josh commented while Marisa wondered why he would say such a thing. Josh was a man who had not one single mean bone in his body, but the comment came across as thoughtless to her.

“I hated it,” she told him, knowing her comment was acerbic. Didn’t the stages of grief include anger? She was definitely there.

“I loved it,” he answered softly.

“Why?” she challenged.

“It was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before.”

Marisa capitulated. They couldn’t have this conversation in front of Mary and Jerome. And it was becoming obvious that they were speaking about something other than the movie.

“That’s okay,” Josh said. “If Marisa didn’t like it, perhaps we should watch something else.” He seemed upset, and Marisa didn’t understand his mood at all. Why would he want to be reminded of what they had shared? It hadn’t exactly turned out well.

Jerome settled on a different movie, a comedy. Laughter soon filled the room, fueling Marisa’s irritation. Josh sat only a foot away from her on the couch and every time he laughed, Marisa felt a knife dig deeper and deeper into her gut. How could he feel happiness when she felt nothing but abject misery? If he laughed one more time, she was going to explode…she was going to…

Marisa swallowed her irritation, knowing she was behaving badly. She didn’t want to give Josh a hard time about his decision. There was nothing to do but accept it. She was a grown woman and she needed to behave like one. Even though, deep inside, she had the urge to rage at him, she didn’t. It just wasn’t her style. But in her mind she imagined herself confronting him angrily. As a matter of fact, she had great fun coming up with vicious little thoughts she’d like to hurl at Joshua.

“It’s no wonder your wife left you, Joshua Kensington! You’re not capable of love!”

That was the best line. She could picture herself screaming it at the top of her lungs and devastating him with the nastiness of it all. Maybe it would make him hurt as much as she was hurting.

Or better yet, how about,
“You spend too much time with your cows, that’s why you kiss like one. It’s really rather disgusting.”

Yep, that would cut to the very bone.

Except, he was a really good kisser. Fantastic. She loved his lips on hers, his tongue exploring her softness. She’d be happy spending the rest of her life kissing him, or being kissed by him. Either one would do.

Of course, she’d never kissed anyone else. Maybe her lack of experience was a turn off. Maybe she was really bad at kissing. Maybe they don’t have a spark between them. After all, she’d never done these kinds of things with another man. It wasn’t as if she had anything to compare it to. But he must know. He must know all too well.

“I plan on remedying my lack of experience at the first opportunity, with as many men as are willing. Don’t worry about me, Joshua Kensington.”

It was the perfect comeback, designed to create massive amounts of jealousy. Except, then she’d have to make good on her words. This would put her in quite the quandary since she didn’t want to kiss anyone but him. No one compared. The thought of kissing someone else left her cold.

“This has got to be the ugliest place on earth. No wonder you’re not a happy man, you live in hell.”

He wouldn’t like that, no, not at all. Problem was, she loved his ranch. It was one of the most amazing places she’d ever seen. Living her life here would be a dream come true.

Do you always kiss women you’re not in love with, Joshua? Do you have commitment issues? Is this why you’re the ‘most eligible bachelor around these parts?’ Well, guess what? You always will be. I hope you’re happy when you die alone!

Oh, how she’d love to scream those sour words into his handsome little face. She felt bitter. Ridiculously so. Observing Josh turn white as a sheet, shocked beyond words at her caustic remarks would be priceless. She wanted to watch him tremble from the aftershock of her fury.

There was just one little problem. She was so enamored with him, she could hardly think straight.

She was hopelessly in love with him.

Therefore, she never said any of the spiteful little comments that rummaged around in her mind during the interminable amount of time she spent sitting next to him watching the movie. But every time he laughed, she felt a part of herself die just a little.

Instead of expressing her rage, she buried herself in her covers that night and cried herself to sleep.

It didn’t help.

“Hey, how about joining the family for dinner this evening? Josh asked the next day, entering her room nonchalantly. Why was he acting so cheerful? It was a little like a slap in the face, even if he didn’t mean it that way. But he was acting as though nothing was wrong, as if he hadn’t just broken her heart and caused her to do something foolish.

Marisa put a halt to that kind of thinking. It wasn’t his fault she’d behaved irrationally. Not at all.

Feeling depressed, she’d slept in till noon today. Then she’d announced that she was feeling unwell, and they’d left her alone to rest for most of the afternoon.