Joshua's Folly (13 page)

It dawned on him then, with absolute surety, that her feelings for him were just as strong as his feelings for her. It was written all over her face and he wondered how he hadn’t known all this time. It was so very obvious. Marisa was not a shrinking violet that was scared to voice her opinion. If she hadn’t liked his touch, he would’ve known. That was becoming more and more obvious to him. There was no guesswork involved here.

It was time to clear the air with Marisa. Time was ticking, and he didn’t want to waste another second of their time together.

Bethany took only minutes to fall asleep. The poor girl was dog-tired. But Marisa knew she’d had a fun afternoon and she was going to bed content. It pleased her to know Bethany was happy. It was the first time in her life that she understood putting someone else’s happiness before her own. Bethany loved the constant attention Marisa bestowed upon her and it showed in her demeanor.

She watched Bethany in a sound slumber for several minutes. She kissed her on the forehead in the exact spot where Josh always kissed her.
That’s the closest you’ll ever get to his lips touching yours
. Marisa sunk down onto the floor sadly, her back resting against the bed. Her knees curled up to her chest as she let a few tears fall. She kept it under control and didn’t let it all out. There’d be time enough for that later—the rest of her life as a matter of fact.

I’m such a fool, what was I thinking? His thoughts must’ve been so far removed from mine. Surely he must know how I feel. I haven’t exactly hidden my feelings. He probably feels sorry for me. Maybe he even told Leila that his cute little nanny fancies herself in love with him. Maybe they’d had a good laugh over it. Maybe that’s what was so funny. I should leave and go home. I can’t stay here anymore. I’m so humiliated. I let myself believe that…

“Marisa?”

It was Josh. He was checking on her. She quickly wiped away her tears and started putting away Bethany’s toys, as if that’s what she’d meant to be doing all along. “What is it, Josh?”

“Marisa.”

He was right behind her. He’d moved into the room without her realizing it. “Yes?” Her voice sounded amazingly normal.

“Are you okay?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” she whispered, trying not to let her voice crack.

“Look at me.”

She slowly turned and looked at him. He placed his hands on her shoulders. A strip of moonlight illuminated the room, crossing his face. His blue eyes searched her features. Neither of them said anything. Bethany turned in her bed restlessly as if sensing people were in her room. Josh ran his hand through his hair. “Come out in the hall. I need to talk to you, please.”

She followed him. “What did you want to talk about?” she asked trying to appear casual, as if nothing was wrong, as if her heart wasn’t breaking in two. Again, his eyes searched her face rather intently. She felt her fake demeanor slip.

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

“No, why would anything be…wrong?” Her face crumpled on the last word. Mortified, she turned away from him and a few tears escaped before she could stop them. She hastily wiped at her eyes. From behind, his arms wrapped around her.

“Marisa, talk to me.”

He’d caught her at an emotional time. Her defenses were down and she began to say things she never would’ve said under normal circumstances. “I’m sorry, I’m such a fool. It’s stupid, really…”

He gently turned her around to face him. Their eyes met and without really thinking she blurted out, “I thought that you…” she paused and thought about how blue his eyes were and how they always distracted her. She began again. “I thought that you…and I…” She faded off and another tear fell. His eyes widened and she turned away and broke free of his grasp. “It’s nothing, really. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that…” She began to walk away from him.

He caught up to her quickly, grabbed her arm, and spun her around to face him. Marisa gasped. For several seconds they simply stared at one another. “It’s not nothing. I thought it too,” Josh whispered.

Everything changed in that moment. Nothing would be the same between them now. “You did?” she said, wondering if she heard him correctly.

“Yes, every second of every day,” he said, his eyes burning into hers. Josh let out his breath and rested his forehead on hers. “We need to talk.”

She reached up and held his cheek in her hand, testing the waters. He closed his eyes and let out his breath as if he liked it, as if her touch did something to him. She could hardly wrap her mind around this turn of events. She liked the fact that she could reach out and touch him, and he liked it. He hugged her and they wrapped their arms around each other tightly.

“I thought you liked Leila, the hot UPS girl.”

Josh laughed aloud at her description and Marisa muffled it with her hand over his lips. They sobered quickly. Her fingers traced his lips and his eyes glittered, his breathing shallow. Marisa was wrong, dead wrong. He was definitely feeling the same emotions as her. Slowly, he ran his fingers through her hair.

“We’re friends, yes, but she’s married.”

“I don’t understand, you scheduled a date with her.”

“To help her with the business end of her small ranch, yes. Nothing more.”

“Oh.” Marisa smiled. “I feel stupid. I jumped to conclusions, I’m sorry.”

“No apology needed. It was a logical assumption. She is flirty and I’m never quite sure about her intentions. But I don’t make a habit of seein’ married women.”

They continued to stare into each other’s eyes, hardly able to pull themselves away.

Josh leaned back and swallowed. Hard. “Marisa, I don’t know exactly where this is going, but I want to find out. I want to give us a chance.”

She gazed up at him, knowing she could trust this man. “I want that too.”

“I find myself wanting to be with you every moment of every day. I can think of nothin’ but you.” His hand cradled her cheek. He brushed his thumb across her lips and she trembled, wondering if this was really happening. “I’m sorry about tonight. I was so unsure if you were feeling the same as me,” he admitted softly.

“Really?”

“Really,” he confirmed.

“I thought I was being so obvious. I was sure everyone knew, to include you. I’ve always had a crush on you, Josh. It didn’t take much for me to fall for you. I knew in my heart it would happen before I even arrived. At least, I wanted it to happen, I hoped it would happen.” Marisa stopped herself from saying more. It was too much, too soon.

Josh let out an unsteady breath, noticeably overwhelmed by her words. He hugged her to him, holding his cheek to hers. He turned and kissed her on the cheek several times coming very close to her lips, but not quite making that connection. “I worried that you looked upon me as family. I wasn’t exactly sure how to proceed.”

Oh, if he only knew.
“No, that’s definitely not how I look upon you.”

“How do you think Mary will react to this?” he asked.

“I’m not really sure. Are you worried about it?”

“I’d like for her to approve of us, that’s all.”

“And if she doesn’t?”

He thought for a moment. “I can’t see that happening. She’s very protective of the people she loves, and she loves both of us.”

“Honestly, I think she’ll be thrilled. She adores you—she’ll be happy to know that I do too.”

Josh smiled. “Let’s not worry over it anymore.”

“A summertime romance. Sounds romantic, eh?” she whispered.

“It does, doesn’t it?”

Marisa knew he was going to kiss her. He took a step closer, intent on his objective. There was no longer any hesitation on his part. She understood his vacillation as he’d clearly wondered where they stood in relation to each other and she was glad they’d cleared the air over the matter. But now his passion was about to be unleashed. On her. Her heart thumped in her chest at the thought. His breath was hot on her face as he took her into his arms. They walked a step backwards till she was against the wall.

“I’ve wanted to do this for the longest time,” he breathed, his lips only an inch from hers.

Suddenly a scream rent the air. “Daddy! Daddy!”

It was Bethany, sounding horribly frightened, making both of them jump. They sprinted into her room to find Bethany sitting up in bed with tears running down her face. She’d already clicked her bedside lamp on.

“Bethany, what is it?” Josh asked as he hugged her to his chest.

“I don’t feel good. My stomach hurts.” Bethany always slept soundly. Awakening in the night was such a rare occurrence for her that Marisa knew she must feel very ill.

Marisa bolted downstairs to get Bethany a small glass of soda. She sipped from it gingerly, then curled up in bed while Josh pulled the covers up to her chin. “We’ll stay with you till you fall asleep, sweetheart,” Josh said as he brushed the hair from her forehead.

Josh lay on one side of Bethany, and Marisa, the other. Their hands clasped together over Bethany’s sleeping form, their fingers lacing together naturally, comfortably. Just over Bethany’s head, they could see each other as they rested on her pillow. They shared a slow smile. “To be continued,” Josh whispered.

Marisa awoke in the middle of the night to find that Josh had retired to his bedroom. Her shoes had been removed and a light blanket covered her, making her smile. Bethany was sleeping soundly, so she decided to sleep the rest of the night in her own bed, cursing herself for falling asleep and missing out on her first kiss with Josh. At the same time, she knew it was coming and that tomorrow was going to be a good day indeed.

In spite of her happiness, her childhood nightmare reared its ugly head that night. The loss of her parents at the tender age of eleven had left her completely alone in the world. An only child, the loss was all the more terrifying. Not only that, the accident had been a bad one, not just a simple fender bender, but a grisly scene. She’d had no one till Mary graciously took her into her home. Regardless, a recurring nightmare had haunted her, one where she was lost in a crowd of people, yelling her parents’ names and desperately searching for them. The sea of faces looked upon her blankly, offering no help whatsoever. Over the years, the only way she’d been able to cope was to picture Josh in that crowd, arms outstretched, beckoning to her. She would run to him and fall into his embrace, feeling safe and warm.

However, Josh was always a silent presence, he never spoke. He was just there, saving her, comforting her.

But now that she knew him in the flesh, not only did he hold her, he also whispered tender endearments, kissed her, ran his fingers over her face, and gently smoothed her hair. He was real now, not just a cardboard character who represented safety. Instead of waking up scared to death, she awoke with a smile on her face, sheltered in the arms of Josh’s love. She had the love of the man of her dreams. It was exhilarating.

–9–

Marisa’s heart skipped a beat as she and Josh set off for their ride the next afternoon. She knew what this time alone would mean for them. It was about time too.

At Josh’s suggestion, they rode double on Carson. No persuasion needed, she loved being so close to him. She wrapped her arms around him as they rode off into the sunset. Happily ever after, she thought to herself. This was it. But, of course, this wasn’t the end, it was the beginning. And the best part was yet to come. Josh took her to a huge old oak tree, buried deep within his property. It was the biggest tree she’d seen in the area. He helped her off Carson and held her to him tenderly for several moments before they hiked over to the tree.

“I discovered this tree when I was about eight years old. See here, I carved my name on the trunk one day when I was mad at the world and it seemed like the thing to do. I was making my presence known, I guess.”

Marisa traced his name with her finger. He stood close behind her, his body touching hers. It was a hot day, but the wind blew making it feel perfect. The distant sound of cattle lowing met their ears, a constant reminder to Marisa of exactly where she was. She closed her eyes for a second, knowing what was about to happen and willing her heart to stop racing.

“I used to come here whenever I wanted to be alone. No one ever found me. I love this spot.”

She turned around and slowly lifted up her head until she could look into his eyes. Her heart felt as though it would beat right out of her chest as his hands slowly cradled her face.

“Marisa, I want it to be me you’re thinking of, I want it to be me you’re dreaming of. I want to be your first thought when you rise in the morning.” His hands tenderly caressed her face and his fingers traced her lips.

Marisa nodded. She probably shouldn’t say it had been that way since she was eleven. She didn’t want to scare him away. Especially not now.

“If you don’t want this to happen, say so now,” he whispered.

She closed her mouth, not letting a word escape. His thumbs gently parted her lips and then ever so slowly his lips descended onto hers, whisper soft, barely touching, softly caressing. She closed her eyes and thought of nothing but the feel of his lips on hers. The kiss was so tender, so soft, so sweet, it left her completely breathless. He kissed her as if she was the most precious thing he’d ever beheld, as if he was scared she might break if he kissed her in any way other than this, as if she was fragile. He let out a ragged breath and as her hands ran up his chest, she could feel that his heartbeat matched her own.