Joshua Healy (Mitchell Healy Book 10) (14 page)

“Don’t cry. Some things aren’t meant to be.” I try to convince her. Liv falls into my chest, and I have no choice but to let her cry. She’s sniffling, then breaks down again. All my life I’ve waited for this type of response from her and she shows up when my heart belongs to someone else. This is bullshit.

“Why are you here, Liv?”

She shrugs and backs away. “I came to visit.” She corrects herself quickly. “Fine. Cammie told me you were involved with Tamsyn. She showed me pictures of the two of you when I didn’t believe her. Tell me she’s like the others. Say it’s not true. You’re using her like you do everyone else, right? Don’t you want to take me in that room and have your way with me like old times.”

“No. I don’t.” I shake my head. “I’m not using her. I love her. I’m in love with her, Liv.” It comes out easily this time.

“No.” Her head is shaking and she’s pacing around me. “No. You love me. You’ve always loved me.”

“I thought I did. Things change.”

She pushes me hard. “No! Bullshit! It’s always been me and you. You promised.”

“Damn it, Liv. Listen to yourself. You’re the one with the broken promises. You’re sick in the head. I’m done being your puppet. I’ve moved on. I’m happy. Besides, you’re getting married. Why the hell are you even here? What did you think would happen when you got me alone? Did you figure you could show up and have your way with me again after all the time that’s past? You’re a fucking joke.”

“You can’t blame me for trying.” She shrugs. “It’s always worked before.”

“Not this time. Not with her. You won’t screw this up for me. She’s different. I’m not fucking it up. You need to back off.”

“Before what? You fall victim to your old ways? You can’t change the cowboy, right Josh? Isn’t that your old line?” She’s laughing. “You’re pathetic, you know that? You always have been.” She steps close again. “Let me tell you something about your sweet little girlfriend.”

I put my hand over her mouth. “I’m going to stop you right there, Liv. Whatever happened in the past stays there. Desperate doesn’t look good on you. Now, take your fake crying somewhere else. Call your fiancé and whine to him. We’re done here.”

I close the door but remain standing on the other side of it. It’s hard. All of it. Everything. She’s my past. She used to be my everything; my little secret love I swore I’d end up with. Seeing her again, being able to reach out and touch her, brings back a ton of pent up emotions I’ve tried to bury. The problem is that they’re unresolved. I may have given it to her straight as far as Tamsyn goes, but I haven’t touched the surface of how she ruined me. She told me to wait for her, only to run off and start a life without me. I can’t forgive that. I’ll never be able to get over it, not completely. Because of her, I turned to drugs and alcohol, not to mention the sex I sought out to get from random strangers. I wanted to feel something without having to care. I never wanted to experience the pain again. She destroyed me, piece by piece until Tamsyn came along and showed me what real love was.

Chapter 16

Olivia

I've been away for a while now working on my career as an artist. I never expected to have a relationship with my curator. Countless hours working together made it easy to fall for him. For a while I thought I could be happy. I've made my bed. I know this is my fault, but it doesn't hurt any less. I left my fiancé to come home to the one man I'll never be able to get over, only to discover he's done a pretty fine job getting over me. When I say I left my fiancé, what I mean is that I caught him screwing his assistant the day after my very first showcase. Devastated and unable to face him, or the fact that I’ve been naïve, I got in my car and didn’t look back. My heart ached for the only man I knew wouldn’t let me down; the one I figured would drop everything to save me from myself.

But I was wrong, so very wrong.

The news rocked me like a vicious hurricane wreaking havoc on a small coastal town. I'm utterly gutted. In one swift blow he's taken me down and destroyed me, and then I came home to this; my one true hope at happiness taken by another I once cared about.

I thought I was past this. I walked away because it was the right thing to do. Joshua Healy was my first. I love him, but I knew he had the potential to hold me back from everything I've ever wanted for myself, so I let him go. I told him lies and acted like he meant nothing to me. It was the only way. He had to hate me enough to let me go or else one phone call and I'd come running back to him.

It worked. It worked so damn good that I tricked myself into believing I was over him – until I wasn’t, until I needed a love I knew only he could give me.

I guess I always thought we'd somehow find our way back to one another. It's pointless to assume someone like him would stay single and wait for me, but a girl can dream.

Josh hadn't called or tried to reach me. I felt bad, but knew moving on was the right decision.

Everything would have been fine if he'd just found someone other than Tamsyn to be with. The moment I heard they were an item, I thought it was a sick joke. I was sure he'd figured out we were friends and was using her for one final attempt to get to me.

Now I've made a fool of myself, not just once but twice.

Josh doesn't want me anymore. I'm a mess. It's not fair. How could he love her of all people? How could he refuse me? Why?

Now I’m desperate, willing to go to extremes to prove he still has feelings for me. He may say one thing, but he’s fighting it. I can tell. I always could.

Now I just have to figure out how to make it happen, because throwing myself at him isn’t working anymore.

Chapter 17

Joshua

That next morning, after making sure my sister and Wes are home, I haul ass out of there, leaving Liv asleep on the couch. I still can’t believe she showed up and tried to get with me. She was jealous. It’s insane.

Back at the ranch, I’m riddled with emotions. I heard her crying throughout the night, and wonder if I’m going to hear from my sister about it. We’ve kept them out of the loop. They know we’ve been together, but nothing else. They don’t know how she tortured me for years, making promises and giving me false hope.

I was in shock when I saw her, unprepared with what to say. I don’t regret telling her the truth, but a part of me hated hurting her.

I’m so broken up about the ordeal that I remain in my room for half of the day. Tamsyn calls, and I consider letting it go to voicemail, but change my mind before I’m able to make that kind of mistake. “Hey, beautiful. Are you having a good time?”

“We’re about to go snorkeling. I didn’t sleep good. The beds suck. They’re hard.”

“You make me hard. I know how the poor mattress feels,” I tease.

The sound of her laughing cheers me up. “I miss you, darlin’.”

“You sound like an old man when you call me that. I miss you too, grandpa.”

“Listen, I don’t want to make you upset on your trip, but there’s something you need to know.” I open my mouth to say it and the words won’t come. Why ruin her trip and cause her to worry when nothing happened?

“Josh, you still there?”

“Yeah.”

“What were you going to say?”

I think of something to replace the idiot move I was about to make. “I wish you were here.”

“You’re sweet. I’ll call you tonight before bed, okay?”

“Yeah, that sounds nice.”

“Cheer up.”
“I’m good.” It’s the truth.

“Should we say it?” She cute to ask.

“I don’t know. Is it supposed to happen after every conversation? Is it weird if we start doing it all the time?”

“Are there actually rules?” She’s giggling like she gets a kick out of my question. “It’s fine. You’re right it’s weird. Maybe we’ll do it every other time.”

A knock distracts me. It’s my mom. She opens the door further to show me Olivia Parrish is standing beside her. I roll my eyes, but ignore the both of them to finish my conversation with Tamsyn. “I love you.” I say it loud enough where Liv can hear. Her face cringes the moment it happens. After seeing it, I turn my attention back to my call, looking in another direction as if I couldn’t be bothered with my visitor.

“Okay. Didn’t we just agree to not say it?”

I cackle. “It’s all good. Have fun in the water today. Don’t forget sunscreen. I don’t need that smooth skin red and scaly when you get home. Send me a pic of the tan lines this afternoon.”

“You’re crazy. Bye, babe.”

“Later.”

It’s not until I make sure the call has ended that I turn my attention back to Liv. My mom is gone. I double check before giving her a piece of my mind. “Why the hell are you here?”

“Jeffrey and I broke up. I’m not getting married.”

“You didn’t seem too broken up about it last night when you were begging me to fuck you.”

“I wasn’t begging. I don’t beg.”

“Whatever.” I pick up a paddle and start playing a video game. “You know where the door is when you’re done staring.”

“I’m not leaving. You never answered me last night.”

“I thought I made it pretty damn clear where I stand.”

“You said you loved her, but that doesn’t mean you stopped loving me, Josh.”

“Jesus Christ, take a fucking hint.”

She’s crying again. The heartless bitch that ruined my life is sobbing in front of me, because of me. I run my hands through my hair and try to rationalize with what’s going on. “I’m sorry. I never expected this.”

“It was time, Liv. Tamsyn is good to me. I won’t screw it up, regardless of our history.”

“What if I said I dropped everything to come back to you?”

“I’d say you’re a few months too late.”

“Just like that? Your feelings for me, that you’ve had your whole life, are gone?”

“I’m not talking about it.”

“Because I’m right.”

“We’re not kids anymore, Liv.”

I hear shuffling, but choose to ignore her to play my game, up until she’s standing in front of the screen in nothing but a pair of lace panties. No clothes. No bra. Just the skimpiest of panties. “Look at me, Josh.”

I throw the paddle down, but refuse to give her my attention. First off I’m pissed. Secondly, I’m scared. This is the type of shit only I could somehow get myself into. I’m trying my hardest to hate her, to hide the residual feelings that will probably never go away. I know right from wrong. She doesn’t belong here. I never asked for this.

“Please look at me,” she says as her hands come up and force me to do it. I stare into her eyes instead of looking at her body I memorized years ago.

“Don’t do this to me. Please go away. I don’t want to hurt Tamsyn. I promised.”

“My sweet Joshua, she never has to know.” Her hands run through my hair, while her breasts lean up against my face. I can feel a sting in my eyes, and know exactly what it implies. This is tearing me apart. For years I’ve wanted this. I’ve waited patiently. I’ve done everything in order to be free when she came to her senses, up until a month or so ago. Now my life is headed in another direction. I don’t want to look back. I can’t let this happen.

I close my eyes and pray she gets the hint. “If you feel nothing for me, why won’t you look at me?”

“Because you’re naked and I have a girlfriend.”

“There isn’t a ring on your finger, so you don’t belong to anyone.”

I stand, pushing her back until she’s almost falling on her ass. “My heart does.” I rush out of the room, and make it halfway to my uncle’s house before stopping.

This hurts.

It’s like daggers shoved into my heart. I’d rather have my dick chopped off then look at either of them and break their hearts, yet I’m doing it, and I feel disgusted over it.

I’m agitated when I come upon my cousin Jax. He’s unhooking a bucket from a tractor in order to attach another farm tool. He skids out and stands, brushing off the dust as I approach. “Hey, cuz. You look like you’re about to lose your shit.”

“How would you know that?”

“Cause I have the same expression when it happens to me. What’s up with you?”

“I love Tamsyn,” I announce out of the blue.

“Okay. We all figured it was serious. You don’t keep chicks around for this long.”

I shake my head. “Liv just came onto me.”

“Liv? Wes’ sister? That Liv? The one you swore up and down that there was nothing going on between you for years?”

“Yeah, that Liv.”

“So, did you hit it?”

“No!” I scrunch up my face. I’m aggravated he thinks I have.

“What’s the problem, dude?”

“This was a mistake. Never mind.”

Jax stops me before I make it halfway to the barn. “Hold up. I think I know what’s going on. I think most of us do. All these years. You’ve been holding out on us haven’t you?”

“She didn’t want anyone to know. Nothing personal.”

“Damn. Does Wes know?”

“Not really.”

“So she’s back and she wants you?”

“Apparently.”

“But you love Tamsyn?”

“That’s what I said.”

“And you still love Liv?”

“You’re fucking genius, Jax. Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Holy shit. I’m the last person to ask for advice. Jake’s more loyal. You should ask him.”

“Ask me what?” Jake peeks his head out from the barn. “I heard my name fuckers. Don’t hold out on me. What are you signing me up for?”

This is terrible. Now they’re both involved in my problems. I shake my head and let Jax give his twin the rundown. Then we’re all three standing around with our thumbs up our asses.

Jake comes up and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Tell that bitch to take a hike and stick with Tamsyn. You’ve got something good. Don’t fuck it up.”

Jax interjects. “Or he could hit it one more time to get her out of his system completely.”

“Like a goodbye fuck?” Jake adds.

I’m rolling my eyes. I should have gone to my dad before talking to these two fools. “Can you two be serious? This is my life.”

“Look,” Jake begins. “You’re in a committed relationship with Tamsyn and you love her. Either move on and have a life with her, or end it and go back to Liv. You can’t have both. I mean, you probably can for a time, but it won’t end well.”

“I told Liv to leave me alone.”

“Then you’re good.”

“She was naked in my room when I left. She’s probably still there.”

“Well shit on a stick. Naked?”

“Yeah. She’s more desperate than I’ve ever seen. For the first time in our lives I feel like she’s being genuine.”

“Tamsyn’s out of the country right?” Jax asks.

Jake stops his brother. “Imagine it’s Amber. Would you cheat?”

“She’s my wife. We’re talking about our single cousin.”

“Tamsyn is in Mexico with her parents for five more days.”

“Then you have four days to make a decision. If I were you, I’d think about the future. A goodbye fuck could ruin everything you have with Tamsyn. If she ever found out, well we all know what good girls do when us men fuck up and screw around,” Jake explains, while Jax pretends to cut his throat to add.

“I’m going to tell Liv she has to leave me alone. I refuse to stoop to her level. It’s over between us.”

“Good choice.” Jax says.

When I return to my house, eager to get my point across, Liv is gone. I sigh with relief. It’s quiet, and for once I feel like I’ve made the right choice. I went with my heart.

I find my mom in the kitchen. She and Dad are playing a serious game of cards. They have real money in between them, both of their faces focused on their hands. “Am I interrupting?”

They stop when they hear me. “No, sweetie. Did Olivia leave?” Mom asks.

“Don’t know. Don’t care.”

“That’s not very nice, Josh.”

I lean on the counter and finally get the courage to explain. “Long story short, Liv came her to see if I’d sleep with her for old times sake. It’s about time everyone knows the truth. I’ve been in love with that girl since we were kids. She broke my heart, and now she’s back because she knows I’m happy. I’m not having it. If she comes here again, don’t let her in. I don’t care if she’s with Wes.”

Dad is quiet. He’s shaking his head with his arms folded across his chest.

Mom looks upset, as if she’s responsible for Liv being a part of every summer. I feel the need to reassure her she’s not at fault. “Don’t look at me like that, Mom. I’m fine.”

“I let her in your room. I was nice to her, because I thought it was a friendly visit.”

“I took care of it, just like I did last night when she tried to get to me.”

“Does Wes know?” Dad asks.

“No. To be honest, I’ve kept the truth from everyone. She asked me to.”

“Son, he’s your best friend.”

“And she’s his little sister.”

My dad nods. He gets it. “Your mother and I like Tamsyn. She’s a good girl. I hope you continue to make the right choice. It would be a shame to see her go.”

This is his way of warning me not to screw things up. He’s giving me that look, the one that says he doubts I can withstand temptation. It’s no secret my mom was married to another man when they got together. Regardless of the circumstances, I’m more inclined to go elsewhere for advice. “I care about Tamsyn. She’s my best friend. No, that’s not all she is.” I correct myself. “I love her.”

My mom smiles at me, and it’s like everything stops hurting for a few seconds. “We’ll make sure Olivia doesn’t come for a visit anymore.”