Joshua Healy (Mitchell Healy Book 10) (11 page)

He motions to me with his fork. “I like that you have a plan. If only my son could take some pointers. He’s going to be living under my roof until the day I die.”

“Dad, come on. Not at breakfast. At least wait until dinner.”

Josh’s mom begins to laugh. “Don’t mind them. This is an every day conversation.”

I feel comfortable with them, and I can see that Josh knows it. He winks at me as we continue enjoying our meal.

I help with dishes, even though I’m told it’s no need. Once we’re finished, Josh pulls me up into his room, closes the door and then plants the biggest kiss on me. As he pulls away I can’t contain my emotions. “Breakfast was nice.”

“Lunch will be better.”

“What do you have in mind?”

He checks me out for a second. “You’re going to need to change your clothes, and then you’ll find out. Let’s just say it has to do with hills, and mud, and possibly a late afternoon dip in the family pond, clothing optional of course.”

“Optional?”

“When are you going to learn to trust me?”

I take him by the collar of his shirt and pull him into another maple-flavored kiss. “I’m working on it.”

This is terrible. I don’t want to like him this much.

But I do.

I’m crazy about him; like I want to throw caution to the wind and go for it without fear.

Chapter 13

Joshua

She’s the ultimate distraction from everything negative I have going on with my life. I’m starting to wonder if all the negative could have been left behind a long time ago, especially when I’m having this much fun.

Tamsyn has this way about her. When she walks into the room it does something to me, and for the few days we spent apart it felt like something was missing. I'm pissed at myself for never letting another woman into my life, but also glad because the one I'm getting to know now is the best of them all.

I have a full day planned. Ever since learning she's into dirt bikes and mudding, I'm determined to get us into some serious trails. I offer her one of my old long sleeved shirts, and manage to borrow a pair of pants from my mom that will fit her better than mine. She ties her hair back, but I offer a hat to pull it through anyway. She looks so damn cute I almost don't want her to get dirty -until I do.

We walk together toward the pole building where we keep the four wheelers. It's obvious  she's a bit nervous about meeting my whole family. It's not like I asked if she wanted to. Since I'm used to getting what I want, I hadn't considered it would be difficult for her. This is one of my issues. I’m always in control, except now I can’t be. It’s tough. I’m walking on eggshells, afraid to say the wrong thing. I’m not used to dating a nice girl. The ones I’ve brought home know their purpose and oblige accordingly.

Now I’ve met someone who challenges my beliefs. She puts me in line by simply implying I could hurt her.

My family has an agreement about the equipment we all share. We’ve got to keep up with their maintenance, and always gas and clean them when we’re done. Figuring I have time to replenish, I toss her a set of keys, while I hold onto the other. “You ready?”

“I was born ready for this. Don’t pout when I leave you in my dust.”

Some of the things she says gets me worked up. Video game dominance and being awesome at motor sports. I mean, what guy wouldn’t want a girl version of themselves, just much prettier?

“I’m up for the challenge, but if I were you I’d let me lead. Some of the turns are tricky and come up out of nowhere. I’d hate for you to get hurt on my watch.”

“I’m going to hold you to that statement, Josh.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Helmets?” She asks.

“How rough are you planning on riding?”

She smirks. “Oh, I like it rough.”

We both get a kick out of it.

“I bet you do.”

We take the helmets along, just in case we start to get adventurous. For the most part I want to ride out to the hole, the family pond, and bask in a day of quiet. It’s been raining at night, so we’re bound to kick up a ton of mud. A refreshing dip will clean us off, and hopefully get me an afternoon delight.

I take her all through the trails in the backwoods, some of them created before I came along. While she follows behind me, my mind travels to the last time I brought a female back in these parts.

Liv.

My memories of her refuse to fade. I’ve compared her to every single female I’ve ever been involved with. She’s untouchable for me. She’s the one thing in this world I can’t have, and even though I feel as if I’m moving forward, I know a part of me will always wonder
what if
. It’s not like Tamsyn is a consolation. She’s everything Liv isn’t. We’re friends, which is a lot more than I can say for Olivia Parrish.

She taught me the meaning of a fuck buddy, and I loved every minute of it.

My family says that when the right person came into my life I’d know it almost immediately, like I’d be able to sense that it’s just different than the others. I’m beginning to wonder if that’s what I’m experiencing with Tamsyn, and if it is, I want to do everything I can to be the man she needs, even if I have to change my ways, clean my room, and learn to put her first.

By the time we make it to the hole, we’re covered from head to toe in muck. We both take off our hats and sit them on the dirty vehicles. “That was fun! I thought you were going to get stuck in that one low area.”

“I can hold my own, thank you very much.”

She’s trying to wipe the filth off her cheeks, so I offer a hand. “Let me help with that.”

As I’m doing it, she peers into my eyes. “I shouldn’t want this with you, Joshua Healy. My gut tells me to run before it’s too late.”

“Is that what you want?” I hate asking, but I get why she’s scared, and why this conversation always seems to come up.

“Everything I’ve ever heard about you is different than the man I’m standing in front of. I don’t know what to believe. I’m scared shitless. Shaun hurt me. I’m still reeling over his betrayal, but this, whatever this is, I want it. You make my three year relationship with him seem like it was a waste of time. I know it’s only been about a week, but tell me I’m not going crazy. I’m certainly not some stalker girlfriend obsessed with falling hopelessly in love. You’re my first guy friend. I feel like I can tell you anything, and it makes no sense.”

I feel like I’ve been slapped, but in a good way. “Yeah, I get it. Trust me, I do. I’m a little confused myself. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve brought women home to meet my family, or more less annoy them. I’ve even hung out with some more than once, but it was for the sole purpose of sex. We never talked. I’m a selfish asshole, and I’ve been okay with it up until you’re ass climbed into my truck. Now I’m cleaning my room and doing everything I can to prove I can be right for you, if you’ll just let me try.”

“I don’t date, Josh. Sure, I go on dates, but what I mean is that I’m not interested in other people. I’m a one guy kind of girl. That’s how it is. You won’t change my mind. I don’t share. I hate being lied to, and I’m not interested in booty calls, contrary to what happened the first night we were together. I was tipsy and distraught and you were there, saving me, so damn hot and wanting me. It just happened.”

I trace my thumb over her lips. “I’m sure glad it did.”

“I’m afraid I could fall for you, and it scares the hell out of me, because I know you’re not the type of man who wants that kind of relationship.” She backs away. “Maybe we should be friends for now. Just hang out like this. I like seeing you. We have fun.”

“I can’t be your friend anymore, Tamsyn.” My jaw clenches. “You can’t take away what you’ve already given me.”

“What are you saying?” She looks at me with worried eyes. “Because I want a real monogamous relationship or just to be friends, you don’t want either?”

“I told you I’m selfish.”

She backs further away and looks out at the water instead of me. She’s upset, but I’m struggling to make sense in all of this. “I have to stop this before I won’t be able to. I’m just getting out of a relationship. I’m already emotional, Josh. I don’t like feeling helpless. I get that you don’t understand it, but I’m not a rag doll. I’m not over resilient. I can’t pretend this distraction will amount to something real between us, even if I think I want it to.”

I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around the front of her body, resting my chin on her shoulder. “What if it’s what I want too? What if I’m ready to see where we can take this?”

“We have so much in common, except the most important thing. I’m a one of a kind type of girl, and you enjoy freedom and selection.”

“Maybe I’m tired of it.” I adjust and take her hand, leading her onto the pier. She follows my lead as I sit on the edge with my feet dangling. “I’m going to talk to you about something I’ve never told anyone, because I’m hoping it makes sense.”

I think she can tell this is hard for me. She takes my hand and holds it tight, while waiting for me to start.

“When I was around eleven years old, Wes started coming back to town to visit his grandfather, which really meant we could hang out again. I’d gotten my best friend back, and that first summer he actually moved into the mansion so he was able to come to the ranch every day. There was only one problem with our plan. His kid sister had to tag along. Liv was no trouble, because she got along with Callie, so we pretty much ignored her. The next summer they showed up and I was no longer looking at that same flat chested little nuisance. She’d blossomed into a young lady, and from that moment on I was determined to make her mine. Granted we were children, but puberty got the best of me. We kissed after everyone fell asleep one night when we were camping in tents. We’d secretly made plans to meet in the woods. From that night on, we snuck around to make out as much as possible without our families finding out about us. It became our little secret. When she visited we’d mess around, each time going a little further than before. Then the summer ended and I thought I’d have to wait until the next year to see her.”

“You didn’t?”

“No. We’d been in touch through text messages and she’d talked about some party she was going to with her friends. You were probably there. It was the first time she ever told me she was interested in another boy. I freaked out. I got my friends to drive me two hours away to that party so I could see it for myself.” I pause for a second as my memories take me back to that exact time and place. “That was the first night we slept together. To this day Wes doesn’t know. He’s my best friend in the world, but I couldn’t tell him I slept with his younger sister.”

“She told me when she lost her virginity. My parents didn’t allow me to go to co-ed parties, so I’m afraid I wasn’t there that night.”

“From that night on, whenever either of us talked about seeing someone else, we’d find a way to hook up. Each time we’d promise that we were saving ourselves for each other, until one day she just stopped. The older we got, the more she made it clear I was her toy and nothing more. I let that bitch walk all over me and she knew it. I’d kept the relationship a secret for far too long, so I did what I thought would bring her back to me.”

Tamsyn finally gets it. “You hooked up with anyone you could to get her attention?”

“It worked for a while until she moved to New York.”

“Livvy was your first love.” I hate hearing her say it, which tells me more than I was bargaining for.

“Yeah. She’s my first everything, Tamsyn.” I squeeze her hand to remind her Liv isn’t with us. “She’s the reason I’ve never settled down.”

“God, that’s awful.”

“I never minded it until I met someone I genuinely enjoy spending time with.”

She shyly smiles at me. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“Are you telling me this so I understand why you can’t be with just one person?”

“No. I’m telling you this so you understand why I’m ready to change. It’s not about you, not directly. It’s about me waking up and seeing I’ve been a terrible person for far too long. That part of my life is over. I can’t promise what will happen between us, but I can assure you that you’re the only woman I want to spend my time with.”

She leans her head on my shoulder and I kiss it immediately. “We’re a mess, and I mean that both ways. We’re filthy and a disaster waiting to happen.”

“We can rectify at least one of those predicaments.” I take her by the arm and pull her into the freezing cold pond water with me.

She comes up and wipes her hair away, her arms wrapping around my neck. “What if I couldn’t swim?”

“Then I’d be the hero and save you.”

“You already have.” It’s quiet. Her words are powerful. She’s counting on me to pick up the pieces of her last failed relationship, and for some reason I want to do it.

Our first kiss is intense. I pull away and take her in for a second. “Are you cold?”

Tamsyn shakes her head with an ornery grimace. “Not at all.”

“I think we should rid you of these heavy clothes.” She backs away from me and goes under the water, coming up with the shirt she was wearing in her lifted hand.

She tosses it on the pier. “Your turn.”

I go under, managing to take off my pants and shirt before needing air. I rise near the wooden deck and plop my dirty, wet clothing near hers. When I turn around she’s tossing her pants in the same area, then using her finger to motion for me to come back.

God, I’m in awe. Any other chick would be freaking out to fall into an old pond in the fall at that, but not this girl. She’s awesome.

I wait until she’s back in my arms to speak. “Is it weird that I think you’re as cool as a dude?”