Joe Bruzzese (13 page)

If your budget will allow for the additional expense of a one-on-one tutoring experience, don't hesitate to take this route. Rather than tacking on unnecessary driving time to a tutoring center, look for a tutor who will come to your home for a one-hour session. Working individually with a tutor gives a child the opportunity to ask in-depth questions, practice new skills, and receive immediate feedback about his progress. Learning in a familiar study space gives your child access to his regular set of supplies and allows for a more focused use of his learning time.

It's fine to start by calling a friend for a recommendation; however, resist the temptation to move forward with a referral before you've made a personal review of the tutor's qualifications.

Teaching experience.
Look for an adult with a history of teaching or tutoring experience. Students learn in a variety of ways. Understanding learning styles and how to present information that accommodates for learning differences is critical to comprehending challenging content.

Subject-specific expertise.
Tutoring for advanced math, science, and English classes may require the experience of a subject matter expert. College students majoring in a specific field can be great tutors if they can explain the concepts in kid-friendly vocabulary.

Reliability and consistency.
Ask for a few references from past clients. Inquire about the tutor's reliability in maintaining a consistent schedule for tutoring sessions. You may find it hard to reschedule a missed session within a busy after-school schedule.

What do tutors charge? The range is wide; you could pay anywhere from $20 to $100 per hour for a one-on-one tutoring session. College students tend to fall on the lower end of the pay scale, whereas teachers with advanced degrees will expect payment on the higher end. Remember, tutoring should remain a short-term endeavor, so think twice before trading experience for affordability.

In the coming chapter we leave academics to examine a realm of great interest for many middle schoolers: extracurricular activities. Athletic teams, volunteer events, and school clubs are a few of the many options that middle schoolers can add to their schedule. Our goal will be to create a sustainable plan for both you and your middle schooler that balances extracurricular goals with academic aspirations.

HAVING EXPLORED
the academic challenges facing your child, we now turn our focus to another equally challenging, but highly engaging area of middle school life—extracurricular activities. Kids enter middle school from various points along the extracurricular spectrum. For some children, middle school may be the first time they have engaged in an after-school pursuit; for others, the addition of another activity to an already full schedule could tip the balance from enjoyment to stress. Athletes and kids with a long-standing commitment to the arts often struggle to maintain balance in their academic and extracurricular lives. Learning how to explore new interests while managing the ongoing demands of middle school academics takes time and patience. Many adults still wrestle with maintaining balance in their personal and professional lives, so imagine the challenge our kids face while trying to do the same. Yet whether your child is new to the idea of after-school activities or a seasoned veteran, participating in something new can open fresh opportunities to explore interests and build friendships. Again, the key is finding the right balance.

Planning a balanced schedule is not that difficult; with the help of a few guidelines, you can coach your child as she creates an appropriate blend of activities and academic courses. That's the easy part. It's the actual implementation of what you have planned that takes effort, consistency, and persistence. Participating in a variety of school activities while striving to achieve in class can leave kids feeling stretched. It's important to remember that each child is unique with respect to the number of activities and expectations that he or she can commit to without becoming overextended. Creating a plan in advance of the school year can limit the number of conflicting extracurricular events while still enabling your child to explore new opportunities.

The planning process is one that parents and kids can work through together. All too often kids and parents plan separately; this leaves them at odds when it comes to fulfilling the chosen commitments. If you give children complete autonomy in the decision-making process, you run the risk that they may opt to take on either too much or nothing at all. Kids with an appetite for activity may want to try more than they can really handle; those who are more introverted may want to steer clear of any social commitments outside school hours. Parents, on the other hand, tend to err on the side of overcommitting their child to a schedule of activities, without accurately gauging the child's level of interest or ability to take on more responsibility. The result in either scenario can be an awkward mismatch of activities that leaves both kids and parents frustrated.

During the elementary years your unsolicited attempts at scheduling may have met little resistance from your child. Soccer kept kids busy through the fall. Basketball, hockey, or dance classes were staples during the winter months. Baseball opened the spring season. But middle school kids want more control over the scheduling process, particularly when it means dedicating more time and effort out of an already busy day. At this age, children are also keenly aware of the need for social time with friends. Assuming that last year's routine is still agreeable without consulting your child is a mistake.

An intermediate step on the way to relinquishing full responsibility for scheduling your child's after-school life is to work together toward building a balanced schedule. Coaching your child through the scheduling process allows you to encourage and suggest ideas while acknowledging the interests and activities your child would genuinely like to pursue. Many parents learn a lot about their child during this process. And at a time when kids generally are not very talkative, this extra insight may be a godsend. Although your child may prefer complete autonomy as she sorts through the planning process, she still needs your guidance.

Does your child's current schedule inspire enthusiasm and excitement or does the weekly calendar leave her feeling exhausted and short-tempered by week's end? Kids depend on parents to accurately gauge their ability to meet the academic demands of middle school while leaving them time to pursue new and interesting extracurricular interests. Kids don't like struggling through week after week trying to fulfill an endless slate of responsibilities. The burden on parents can also become tiring after a few weeks of shuttling their kids back and forth to after-school commitments while battling with nightly homework assignments. But choosing to opt out of all activities in favor of sitting in front of the TV every night has equally negative consequences. Opt instead for a “win-win” plan whereby both you and your child feel excited, but not overwhelmed, about the year ahead.

The first step in building a balanced schedule is to create an accurate picture of your child's current commitments. This gives you a baseline for the planning process. Find a time when you can share ten to twenty uninterrupted minutes with your child. Together, create a list of activities or commitments that currently occupy the after-school hours. Include sports practices, art classes, volunteering, or hobbies that occur on a regular basis.
Your goal is to create an accurate picture of how busy your child is today so that you can anticipate a manageable level of activity tomorrow.

With an accurate picture of the current commitment load, take a moment to check in with your child. Staring at a lengthy list or full calendar of activities can be disheartening for kids, particularly when you are headed into a discussion about adding more to their plate. If your child responds to the current tally of commitments with a look of bewilderment or an exhausted sigh, consider prioritizing the activities on your list. You could replace the lowest-priority with something new to try in the coming year; this will likely be a welcome relief for the child who has been caught in the doldrums of a routinely rigorous schedule.

Some families experience the exact opposite of an over-planned schedule—nothing appears on the calendar. What do
you do if your list is empty? Your child's nonschool hours may be devoid of scheduled activity, and that can be OK. Organized sports and specialized activities require a significant investment of time and money that many families cannot afford. Yet it can be an intimidating challenge (for some kids as well as parents) to stir yourself from a habit of chronic inactivity to explore a more active lifestyle. Consider local community service organizations or volunteer opportunities that appreciate an extra hand from time to time. Having the flexibility to drop in may eventually expand your child's interest into a regular commitment.

Having made an accurate accounting of your child's current commitments, turn your attention to the gamut of extracurricular choices middle school has to offer. A list of common, school-sponsored activities appears in the next section. Review your school handbook or website for a specific list of activities. Typically, these resources will also have a basic description of the activities, including the duration of the commitment that kids are expected to fulfill. As you and your child scan the list of potential offerings, consider looking for a few activities that may coincide with your child's current interests but not be directly related to them. For example, chess club members are often avid computer fans. Engaging in a one-on-one competition with someone while learning basic strategies is similar to the attraction kids experience while playing games online. The yearbook or news club can be a likely outlet for enthusiastic writers and photographers to
exercise their passion. At this point in the planning process every activity should be open to discussion and further exploration. Aim to create a list of three to five school-sponsored activities that your child would like to learn more about in the weeks prior to the school year.